I couldnt do it again. Its gotten so bad i would pay for somone to kill me if i could. I dont want to live… But i dont want to die. P.Y is the only person stoping me and im losing her. Theres nothing for me anymore. I just want you back. I love you.
– Connor
So this is probably the only time I’m gonna use this, account. I just needed it to get out. To vent. Anyways.. here it is.
I think I’m starting to accept the fact that there’s something wrong with me, and that I’m a terrible person. I feel “empty,” don’t know exactly what that means except, you feel I dunno dead inside? None of my emotions feel real. I’m beginning to think I’m not normal, crazy even. One of these days, not today, nor tommorow I will end it. I just don’t belong here, I shouldn’t be here, I don’t know what’s wrong with me, my mind […]
…that’s what my sister would have wanted.
If she was alive today.. she’d be the strongest and smartest in my family. She is truly the missing link in our world, and what it’s become.
There for i remain strong.
Nothing will stop me from being happy and at peace with this life.
I do this for you, Angel. I know mom still misses you very much.
I know you are watching over me..over all of us.
And I will never give up
Hi, I’m new to this…..and I’m crying right now. I started getting depressed in the 9th grade and that was when my doctor prescribed me anti-depressants. And that was when I wanted to die so I took 5 of those pills but nothing happened. Through time I got better and better until a couple of months ago I started having suicide thoughts and actually cut myself. I’m a religious person and so after that I prayed and promised I would never try it again. I told my mom I was having suicide thoughts and she comforted me and told me it was okay […]
“I close my eyes only for a moment, and the moment’s gone
All my dreams pass before my eyes, a curiosity
Dust in the wind, all they are is dust in the wind
Same old song, just a drop of water in an endless sea
All we do crumbles to the ground, though we refuse to see
Dust in the wind, all we are is dust in the wind
Now, don’t hang on, nothing lasts forever but the earth and sky
It slips away, and all your money won’t another minute buy
Dust in the wind, all we are is dust in the wind
Dust in the wind, everything is […]
It’s been a long time since my last post here. I like to think of that as positive improvement, yet for some reason, during my breakdown today, coming here was the only thing that made the tears stop flowing.
I’ve been feeling a great deal of pressure lately. My sister has been struggling with anxiety and depression for a while now. The past 2 years to my knowledge. This year it got really bad. She stopped going to choral practice and missed a lot of her senior year. She simply stopped doing anything that used to matter to her. So I convinced my parents to send […]
I just want to die. Like wouldn’t it be easier? My image of death is black. Like nothing. The end. No more, nothing more. I don’t know. I don’t like this. Life isn’t a choice. Primarily atleast. People make you. Your parents. But death can also be a choice. So why is it taboo? Like wtf is the point of life even..? There are things I love. But if i fade to black none of it would matter anymore.
Idk. I have a lot on my mind and I’m half drunk, I’m sorry. Just some thoughts/diarrhea of the mouth.
I had the most beautiful dream – in it, I sat somewhere.. under a tree or on a bench – I’m not sure
A man sat next to me – I don’t think I knew him, or maybe I did – he slowly leaned over and kissed me ever so gently on the lips. The feeling that came over me was absolute love… there were no expectations, no sexual innuendos, nothing but pure, unconditional love. When I awoke – that kiss fresh on my lips – and found that it was a dream, my heart shattered into a thousand pieces. It was only a dream […]
But it’s the only place I can say what’s really on my mind.
I’ve lost so much.. more like thrown my life away.
Giving myself fake reasons to keep going. Faking every step forward, but what I’ve really been doing is setting myself up to end my life. Subconsciously tying loose ends so that I may relieve myself from this pain. So that there’s nothing left to hold on to.
I use to come here at a time when I should have been happy..but the fact is that I came here cause I’m most certainly not happy. Things have only gotten worse, and now I try […]
I want to lie to my therapist/ I already did, it’s just that she would worry. I just wish I’d die so i could not have to do any of this. I feel like nothing is inside. I feel like I can’t even die correctly. I feel like ice is just not new me. I feel like there are no words to this game i’m playing I feel like nothing matters and i hate it all. I feel like love is not enough. I feel like everything is wrong and there is no way to fix it.
So, I just started a new job… I took it for several reasons:
a) I earn 300 euro more compared to before and could depending on my performance boost this with another 60% of my total salary… But this is just money. I hate it.
b) Maybe it is the same as the above as I am currently in dept more or less… because of the drugs. I actually took the job (partly) so that I could support this lifestyle, while thinking I would be able to make my life more stable with a 9 till 5 job rather then one in which my hours […]
No one Will ever love me. Why am I wasting my time living for nothing. Without love I have no reason to exist.
I’m choking on the familiar cold in the air.. My lungs are beginning to shrink with every new breath I take.. I feel the tingling of the frost beginning in my fingers.. And I’m afraid.. Something I know so much of.., yet not enough knowledge could jump start my mind into the painful realization that I’m drowning.. Drowning in the sea and sun.. The water is suffocating but I see nothing but ice above me.. Preventing me from taking another fresh breath of a beautiful nothing called air.. And at that moment I begin to sink.. But I know the sun will melt the ice […]
Why does no one want me? Why do my friends always leave me? Why does no females like me? Am I doomed to live my life completely alone? What am I doing wrong? Is it me? Or are people ignorant assholes? I’m not perfect, no one is. I have flaws such as every other human does, but not so much that no one should like me…what is so wrong with me? It’s been like this my whole twenty years of existence and it just keeps getting worse every day. I don’t want to live a lonely loveless life, I want joy. I want to experience […]
Everything just feels awful, nothing has a point, nothing feels real, I have not seen the point in 99.99% of the things in my life.
For months, I have been questioning the point of life. I have had anxiety for four years now. Acute anxiety that affects my every day life. Recently, I became extremely depressed to the point where never cleaned my room (was absolutely disgusting and unlivable) cried before going to class, had to leave multiple times because of breaking down in class. I hated walking anywhere, I hated taking care of myself, I stopped talking to friends. I started abusing drugs and alcohol. I chain smoked for months. I was so sad for no reason, and felt so worthless. Now, I have moved back home with my […]
I’ve just realised how vague my previous post was, which may delay the process in receiving some form of helpful reply.
Ill try to put into words this feeling.
I can’t do anything right. No matter what I say or do or how I look. The phrase “no-once cares unless you’re pretty or dying” comes to mind. Of which only one applies to me, and I can certainly say that my appearance has had no positive impact on my life. I feel empty but at the same time I feel nothing, so really the question is – do I really feel anything at all? Am I forcing […]
On one of the spectrum, I am a depressive martyr, thinking thoughts of suicide 60% of the time. Hoping that a small fragment of happiness will bless my broken life. I still have hope that maybe one day it will change. I have found out that if you sit and wait for good things to happen, it usually never does, but I have also discovered when I try to make good things happen to me, it blows up in my face and I’m worse off than before. I don’t know why I came back here, did I thought it was going to make me feel […]
Blame xirzio for this shot. Sorry guys.
I feel sort of spent tonight. I’m making progress, but it never seems to be enough. Nothing can make me forget. These things that are running through my head nonstop.. They’re eating me alive. Before long, I’ll be a skeleton on the floor of the mansion that I used to call my life. When did it go so wrong? There has to be more to life than this […]
I was here years ago ranting about how worthless my life was and how much I wanted it over. My life never got better it’s worse now. I’m looked down upon by everyone, I have no friends, I cry myself to sleep every night. I can’t get a girlfriend at all. I want love, happiness and joy but yet it has still avoided me. Nothing in my life has ever gone right, it feels like on the rare occasion I have a happy day, the next day is a completely depressing day. My car I just bought is broke down, several best friends abandoned me, […]
Please log in to report posts