I am sad. It feels like the ocean waves rolled over and hit me on and on again, leaving me to sting all over. The pain pricks through the deepest parts of my soul. Angela, you spoke as if you were to die soon. You spoke as if what’s left of your life is very short and you want to spend it with your loved ones… You sounded so broken. And it hurts me. This pain, which has been existing for the past seven years, today resurfaced and hit me hard. Really hard. It wasn’t supposed to be this way. Where is the young ambition? […]
Tag:
pain
It was the day when I became fed up of everything. It was my mom who pushed me to it. I’ve been depressed a lot before I did it. I had my suicide note ready and talked to a friend whom I’d be leaving everything to. She was shocked somehow since it was really out of the blue, I didn’t plan on hanging myself that night but I was just tired of everything. Same old routine, same old pain. Let’s face it, whenever we tell people we’re numb by it, we aren’t actually numb. We can still the very same pain we did the first […]
I really haven’t got the strength to carry on my life has fell apart I’m depressed and so anxious I don’t really leave the house and to make things even worst I’m puting on weight because I’m comfort eating I really don’t know what to do I should have just killed myself last year iv just pro longed my pain and suffering
Physically trapped, I mean. In many ways I still feel trapped, but I digress.
I took time out of work for my urethritis pain. I couldn’t take it anymore, and I told my higher up everything, from chlamydia back in the start of 2014, to now just having this pain. She was very understanding, and suggested I go to Doctors Express. I did.
From there, I again told this doctor everything, but perhaps unsurprisingly she wasnt being all that helpful. Id pee in a cup again, I’d hear Im all clear, I know the drill. I began feeling frusterated, disparaging my eurologists office, and how it’s so […]
I don’t know if this site is helping don’t get me wrong I like it here I no I should have killed my self last year iv just pro longed my pain and suffering really but is the site just pro longing the Inevitable ? I think that the more I talk about dying and suicide but not acting on it is a bit silly if you know what I mean can anyone relate to what I mean ?
I’m crashing…
I knew this would happen. The whole week I’ve been too busy, my mind too preoccupied with school work to dwell on the pain. Now, it’s the weekend and I have all the time in the world to feel the pain. I feel like the walls are caving in on me. I hate this feeling. I thought I was starting to get over it, but I’m far from being cured from this. This is who I am. An empty shell. An empty void. I’m just empty. Nothing. I feel absolutely nothing. There is no need for pretense when I’m alone. There is no need […]
I believe I am apart of a minority of people. I suffer depression and anxiety, but I am far too caring to kill myself. I couldn’t do that to my family. I’ve tried antidepressants, they did nothing. Someone I know from school recently went into a Mental Hospital and I am angry. She is in there because 3 months ago, her friend killed himself. She knows the reason as to why she feels so bad. I have no idea why I feel like this. My life is good, better than many. I am not ungrateful nor am I selfish, but I hate being alive. I […]
I’ve had a long life full of pain. It wears you down. I’ve tried for so long, only to fail over and over. I just don’t know how much longer I can keep doing this. I don’t see the point anymore.
Why can’t life be simple why do we have to go though so much pain and suffering why is the world such a horrible place what is our purpose for being here I didn’t ask to be born so why must I ask to leave with out feeling guilty
i envy the people born into a happy homes loving family money etc I think they get the best chance of life wile the rest start from the ground up but how can you start building if u haven’t even got a fucking dream or no were to start ?
but that’s just me how’s everyone
I want to disappear
I don’t want to kill myself, and I also don’t want to bring any pain to myself.
I just want to be nonexistent. Just pass on by and nobody notices a thing.
Sometimes I wish I wasn’t born. Maybe I’m just weird. I feel like I’m not supposed to be here. I don’t belong here.
Everyone else knows that I don’t belong, so why can’t I just fall into the void.
I do wonder were il be in the next 5 to 10 years or what il be doing and then on the other hand I wonder if il make it that far shit my life has fell apart and still not to sure why I’m hanging around for ? Isit that question WHAT IF ? Yeah maybe or do we just fear the unknown what good can come from emotional pain apart from self harming and suffering and heart break ? I look at my scars and think why didnt I push more deeper and just bleed out months ago or swollow a bunch of […]
I am looking for a place I cannot be found
The trouble is I cannot find that place myself
I hear all the voices telling me it will be okay
It never is okay there is only one way
That peaceful place is eternal sleep
Why can I not have one one wish
Just leave me alone and let me rot
Give me peace please I beg you
You are always there in my mind
Can you not just stop and leave me
You cause me pain all day and night
I have just about had enough of this. I am so tired of feeling like I want to take my own life, telling myself that it will pass, feeling a little better, just to be slammed with the same damn feeling all over again. There are times when I realize that maybe I dont really want to die that I just want these feelings and emotions to stop. But its been going on for so long now I really dont think it will ever happen. Im so sick of feeling this way and maybe the only way out is to finally just do it.
Ugh, […]
I’m really bad at taking emotional pain, not that people think about that when they give me a reason to be emotionally hurt. It’s really funny honestly, how all of it plays out. I had let a friend of mine close, like really close… We have only really been together a couple weeks, but I’ve had the crush on him and he on me for the LONGEST time… So, ask me, what did I receive somewhere between Psychology 1101 and Accounting 1100 tonight? The “I think we rushed it, we should just be friends” message!
It shouldn’t hurt this bad, but fuck y’know? He promised me, […]
Sometimes I just stare at my wrists when I get like this and wonder what it would be like to plunge a knife through my artery and veins. When the pain eats away at me and crying doesn’t even help. Crying used to help. I felt ashamed the other night when I just cried myself to sleep and woke up and realized that I didn’t take my dog out, that I left my kitchen a mess, that I slept in my clothes. I never do that. I have never cried myself to sleep either.
This starts from where I left off, I will try to be brief. I especially don’t like to dwell on this, though I often don’t have much of a choice.
I got chlamydia from a guy. I tried to be safe, but I won’t go into those details.
I suffer from urethritis, which isn’t contagious. It just means I still experience irritation daily, but not all the time.
I don’t know how much of this is his fault. I didn’t hear this from him, but I was told by his ex that he was sexually abused as a child. Then he got kicked out during the […]
Today, I talked with my mother. I tried to tell her how I feel, that I’ve been holding pain for too long. And she didn’t understand, even if I can’t expect her too.
My mind is just killing me all the time now, and I’m just not able to bear it anymore. I don’t understand it, and I’m just soo tired of suffering for no reason.
I think the last time I self harmed was last Saturday or Monday I didn’t use a razor this time i used my knife haven’t used it in months it’s a different feeling then using a razor with the knife I’m calm relaxed hands steady but with a razor I’m nervous and hand Shanks but it’s really weird they both give of different pain and feelings of release what other way can u deal with emotional pain ? But in a way I like it I feel I deserve it
I am so tired of people continuously waking out of my life, only being there when it will make them feel better. I posted yesterday about the hell that I went through as far as being abused. It is the effects of the abuse that I have worked six hard years on getting past that keeps people walking out of my life like some kind of fucking revolving door.
I have worked so hard to get past every muscle in my body stiffing up and feel like I want to crawl out of my skin every time I am touched. Now days I can give someone […]
Wished I ended it that first night I joined. Life doesn’t get better, it’s just a lie. Funny how people say suicide is selfish, what is selfish is them expecting someone to continue living a life of pain because they want them to. You say family, friends, community get hurt… Fuck them they don’t give a shit about me. No matter how hard I try, it is not good enough in their eyes. We live in a fucked up society and world, fake people smiling…. They are the ones who need real help. I’m done….. I’m done living this fucked up life in this fucked […]