Actually I have a lot of big problems. But the one that has been bothering me a lot lately is being alone. I moved states and I live by myself. I don’t have my parents or my siblings around or anything. My next roommate doesn’t move in for a few months. My boyfriend will stay the night with me most nights but he won’t come until around 9 or 10 pm. And I’m not doing anything. So I sit around all day and do nothing. I just wait for him to get here and I hate it. I don’t make friends very well so it’s […]
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Parents
I’m so ugly. So fat. I can’t help but feel naked without my make up on. I feel ashamed to go out in public. Like people will laugh at me and call me names. I feel bad for people who have to look at me all the time, I’m sorry. I’m 5’4 and 173 pounds, I’m huge. I need to stop eating my feelings. Why does everyone have to be so mean though? I’m so nice to everyone else and all I get in return is getting called emo, slut, whore, fatass, ****… like what the fuck man? And then my friends parents accuse me […]
I can’t do this.
With every new experience, everything I do, I just get broken down more by how stupid the world is.
I always thought I got out of my parents’ house, faced my fears, I’d be ok. That everything would get better. But now I’m moved out and everything still sucks.
Boyfriend is away for two and a half weeks. It hasn’t even been one and I’m meh and depressed and mad. He said we’d talk “lots.” Lots for us is constantly. We’ve barely talked at all. I’ve talked to his older brother more than to him. And mostly I’m just mad at his parents for […]
Broken People, by Scott Hildreth a book that provides hope from a survivor
written by Scott Hildreth
Hello, I am Scott Hildreth, the Author of Broken People. At the age of thirteen, my uncle committed suicide. I hated him for it. At the age of twenty one, my girlfriend committed suicide. I spent a lifetime carrying a poem that she left me in my wallet. Additionally, I carried guilt. Crushing guilt. I felt awful, guilty, and no longer trusted people.
A few years ago, a close friend committed suicide. Then, I decided it was my turn.
I didn’t succeed.
This year, I met a girl who needed help. A suicidal bulimic teen.
I wrote a very uplifting and deep book that has touched the hearts of […]
Not Exactly Sure How To Start These. I’m Just Gonna Wing It.
From The Time I Was In Kindergarden I Was Bullied. Pushed Around, Bothered. No One Really Ever Left Me Alone. It Wasn’t Until 4th Grade It Started Getting Bad. I Started Getting In Trouble In School, I Owed 6,000 Hours Of Community Service By The Time I Had Finished 5th Grade. The Beginning Of 6th My Life Started Going Downhill Fast, My Parents Got Divorced, Week To Week With Mom And Dad. I Was Severely Unwanted At My Dad’s House. My Aunt Lived Next Door And My Uncle Lived Across The Street, I Couldn’t […]
what is it with parents/ loved ones and guilt trips..
they always cut me so deep..
I feel like such a piece of shit afterwards..
I realize I screwed up, but..
after one guilt trip, especially from my mother..
I just want to disappear forever..
death.. is fine, don’t care..
then I get angry.. but that gets me nowhere..
guilt trips, so cheap and piercing..
simple words that destroy my day..
suicidal thoughts flood my soul..
and the fight in my mind continues once more..
and so, in the end, the person who so adamantly doesn’t want me to kill myself..
is the very same […]
I m so lost.
I relapsed.
there is now a cut on my hipbone and I cant stop touching it. feeling the upraised skin and the heat. I haven’t felt this felling for almost four and a half months. now its back and I really just need someone to talk to. a few people know I used to cut, but they have no idea about the daily struggle to actually keep going with life.
to not use the pills or the blade and smile.
its so hard.
my failed attempt just keeps haunting me and I want to do it right. Its getting harder and harder to block out the […]
This is my story, I would kindly like to ask you to not put rude comments. When I was a child I was mostly forgotten about. My sister had all the attention. My parents were both alcoholics, that forced my sister and I to be our own parents. I was probably about 1-3 I couldn’t take care of myself so my sister had to. My mom was a horrible drinker. She decided to pick us up from school one day drunk. As we drove back home my sister, she looked at me. Her face full of fear and turned around that’s when we heard the […]
I want to die, i hate my life my family is terrible my brother is crazy ,a thief and a horrible person, his purpose in life is to annoy people, and my sister makes me feel bad about everything you come home happy she opens her mouth you want to kill yourself, school is awful, the only reason i am going is because my parents abuse me and i can’t say no to them also my father won’t give me a dime so i have to go to sell people answers to tests, homework and exams so i can get enough change to combine into […]
I just can’t do this anymore. My “life” is nothing but pain after pain. Please give me physical pain. Anything but this burtal self pity/ emotional bull crap i’m feeling right now! I hate this. I hate myself for feeling this!
I have come to a point where i just don’t know what’s left for me anymore. I’ve experienced things, that humans want to. I’ve loved  both mentally and physically and i’ve been brought up in one of the world’s greatest and most beautiful cities but … Why do i still feel like this? There’s only one conclusion and that is; i’m fucking selfish as hell!
As […]
I have a story, just like everyone else. It’s complicated, just like everyone’s, but I’m still different. I won’t explain it all, I won’t tell you all the sappy shit that goes on, because what good will that do? I was always told that the past doesn’t define you, so you should grow up. Right now I don’t feel like growing up, not just yet. Right now I want to live in a moment where I am the person that I have always wanted to be and that my parents will actually be proud of me and not try to change me to their standards. […]
I feel so desperate having no where else to vent to but lately I’ve been so alone. My friend and I had a shopping trip and I jokingly say we should have a sisterhood for a sweater and she says “I might be able to fit into your clothes but our other friend definitely  won’t ” and she may not realize it but that was her calling me fat. I hate when she always hints indirectly that I am the fat friend. And I’ve been on my way loosing weight. I’ve lost 15 so far and plan on another 30 but I just don’t think […]
I have always struggled with anxiety and depression.
It started when I was 10, I had just started middle school.
I was Bullied. Badly.
Everyday after school I would rush out of the school and try SPRINT home so that the bullies wouldn’t catch me.
They usually did, And I usually went home physically and mentally abused.
I was depressed… but I NEVER thought about committing suicide.
It took a while but my parents finally noticed how depressed I was.
I went to counseling.
It helped, but It didn’t stop the bullies.
That February we moved cities to get me away.
My new school was much better.
I made friends, True Friends. I had my first […]
It’s been a long time… I’m just so ready for it to just…end.
I’ve reached a new low. A low, where the first time in my life, the cutting isn’t enough. The distractions, the stories… even my art has become dull and lifeless. Leaving the house is painful. Seeing so much happiness. It hurts, so much. And the stares, the rumors. I pretend they don’t bother me, but when I’m alone, their words are sharper than any of my knives. I found this movie, stumbled on it, really… And it seems so stupid. Â So fake- but I love it. The idea of finding a world….a place […]
Everyday it’s the same torture. I wake up not wanting to get out of bed. I leave my room to get on the scale seeing a number that makes me cry. I won’t eat but 100 cals a day. I weigh 99 pounds but my body looks like it’s 160 pounds. My parents worry. I clench my teeth trying not to cry all day. I ask myself why I let it get this far. I hate myself for who I am and the things I do. I start to believe I deserve all of this. I miss my boyfriend so much, he can’t be here […]
I’m so positive, always smiling, laughing, telling people what they want to hear, trying to make them happy but sometimes when I’m alone, I just can’t control myself. I fight myself, knowing I will loose. I just, I don’t know, I don’t know how to explain. People out there, having fun, couples, or friend groups, going out everyday, their parents let them go out. But they are always wanting for more, i don’t understand. Is it fair? I love living and life but sometimes it’s seems so dark I can’t even find the light switch. Â Ofcourse I feel so blessed for all of these, so […]
Imagine this if you will. You’re transgender. You grew up in a poor, abusive household where you lived in constant terror and stress. Your parent-captors told you if you didn’t tell CPS they would pay for you to go to school, but they meant the terrible community college in the neighborhood. You are disabled mentally and physically. You have chronic pain from fibromyalgia and a back injury, and migraines constantly. You’re completely broke because no one wants to hire a young transsexual much less one that’s disabled and doesn’t even have a degree yet because you were homeschooled by incompetent idiots and completely fail at […]
Letter to family… So I can move on with my life without most of them
by MichelleJ
written by MichelleJ
To Mum and Dad,
Both of you are fucking horrible people to hang around. Dad, I disowned you early last year, and Mum, I disowned you at the end of last year. You and dad are alcoholic ugly people who gave me life with no regards to what your actions would do to me and my two brothers. We made choices, but you also helped us make the wrong choices. I hope you both fall off a cliff tomorrow. Kill yourselves so I and many others do not have to think about you anymore. You are not my parents, even though you are biologically. You are […]
Well, I’m the girl everyone thinks is happy. They all come to me with their problems. No one would suspect that I’ve dealt with depression and suicidal thoughts as long as I can remember…
I know the first time I remember wanting to die was when I was 7 years old. When I voiced this thought to my mother, she said she would hit me if I ever said that again.
I remember I was about 12 or 13 when I first started cutting and starving myself. No one thought anything of my rapid weight loss; kids go through stages where they suddenly lose […]
This is my story and i hope it gives all of you out there some hope.
I was always a good girl. I had friends not many but yea. First everything was good. I wasn’t the thinnest but I was happy with who I am. But when I came to 5th grade, all my friends were away. All of them were on another school. I thought it couldn’t be that hard to make new friends but it was. No one in my new class liked me. They called me names like fattie. Everyday I got home I went in my room and cried. I just cried, […]