So now stuff was going amazing was working out found the right people and now.. I’m not living at home a few hours away living in a basement parents don’t want me back stuff was pretty shit befor I was arrested in my bedroom about 2 weeks now going to be going in to foster care if I’m not accepted in to some program and I would be there for a year then idk were I think back home but my bestfriend it feels like he s replacing me. I’ve been failing school and this was suppose to be the turn around year and none […]
Tag:
Parents
I have often indulged in a bit of suicidal thinking if things in my life go sour. I think of it constantly during the day – and I never really thought it to be odd until my Therapist specifically made a point of asking me if “I thought of it everyday.”
In my  most painful moments, my mind staggers towards a bloody, morbid mess of images, as if to soothe me. They are unusually sharp and vivid, unlike when I am not experiencing emotional pain.  And pain – it seems that I have almost come to depend upon it to tell me what’s real. I  keep […]
I know there are so many things to be grateful for. We are not poor, I have a relatively high paying job, a college education, I have friends, my parents are okay, I have food everyday, I am not abused, I have talents, I do not have any major problems that could be the stuff of movies or tv shows, at times I am even considered to be physically attractive by some. On the outside, I am just normal, who have NO RIGHT TO BE DEPRESSED.
But deep inside I feel dysfunctional, I cannot stop myself from dumping negative feelings in my social media accounts, and […]
For about a year now I’ve yearned for suicide and I’ve dealt with my mental insanity, by myself.
But now I’ve met someone with my same problems! We talk about suicide like its not a bad thing, we talk about our hallucinations like everyone has them, we talk about our anorexia like our parents would be proud, and we talk about running away from home like it’s a normal thing to do.
Sometimes I can’t help but feel like she’s bringing me farther off the cliff, other times I think I couldn’t live life without her. She’s convinced me to set a date for us to run […]
Everything I do fails. Everything. Something really good will happen to me, and then I basically get slapped across the face. I feel like nothing is worth effort anymore because something inevitably goes wrong for me.
I feel like there is no meaning for anything in my life anymore. I feel like I’m just in the universe to be taken advantage of. The people I care about don’t care about me. And when I try, people don’t see it.
I’ve noticed people only want to be around me if I’m giving. If I’m selfless. If I ever do something for myself or want something for myself I […]
I have so many thoughts in my head right now that I can feel the weight of them pushing me down. There is so much going on at one time in my life right now that I don’t know how to sort it all out or how to even begin to deal with it. First there is all my friends leaving; I knew this was coming but for some reason in my sick and twisted world I had made myself believe that I had so much time to say goodbye and that summer was just going to last forever and no one was really going […]
Writing helps calm me down.
I don’t know why, but it does.
I’m writing right now, because I’m under severe stress.
They’re still fighting as I’m writing this lol
Well guys, let me tell you my story :v
I mean if you bother even to read it haha
Well, my Dad’s a gambler. he lost all the money in the household and now we’re broke. Like BA-ROKE.
My mom’s suicidal. She always tells me how she just wants to stop living and attempted suicide multiples of times infront of me, and my siblings.
Well, me, I’m just a kid going through highschool
I have a little brother […]
the constant thoughts of suicide cross my mind. they never leave i dont feel they ever will. nobody really listens or quite understands my pain, the losses ive dealt with and the constant reminders of those losses. from being thrown in many hospitals screaming behind the lies my parents set before everyone to see really fucking killed me. nobody cared to hear my side and to this day still dont. they dont listen they dont care. i feel as if im better locked away with no worries. or a matter of fact just dead. nobody would miss me anyway i have nobody , they took […]
Has anyone ever kept years worth of emotion bottled up to the point where you’re afraid to release it anymore? to the point that you feel every ounce of rage you can muster suddenly flare whenever the slightest thing irritates you?
This is my third post. It’s been a couple weeks since my last and I’ve gotten a bit better; my first two posts would’ve persuaded any psychiatrist I was ready and willing to commit suicide. I’ve gotten better. Things have started looking up a bit. But that pain still lingers. And with it, an anger I can’t even begin to describe. All my life I’ve […]
I have been clean for 10 weeks, which is a tremendous achievement for me, as I’ve never gone for this long.
The only thing that comes with this, however, is the overwhelming urges, especially at this time, when emotional release is important right now. I struggle to find any other forms of emotional release, I really struggle.
I am receiving my exam result in a few days, and if I fail it will affect me hugely, I would’ve let down my parents, who have held me a high standard I have enjoyed working towards, but the pressure is immense now.
I am also caught in […]
I’m writing this because i want to get my story out.
I don’t want anyone’s sympathy or help, I want my story out so if something ever happens to me, at least my story is public and people know why I did it.
As a first thing I’d like to make note of the fact that I do NOT want to kill myself! It just seems like the only way out of my misery. And it’s been that way for quite a while already.
At first i laughed at myself for having a quickly fading suicide moment. (wich smart and sane person wouldn’t?) but after a few years, […]
People say it’s life, and that whatever life throws at you, take it with ease. But then, they freak out when things do not go their way. I’m refering to my mum here, and others I have known, do the exact same thing, and it bothers me to no end. I mean, I’m not perfect, not perfect at all, but when life throws me curve balls, I try to take it. I won’t always say that I do well, but I try.
Another thing I’d like to mention is love and relationships here. I have seen the way my mum and dad treat each other. […]
The title sums this up very well “Fucked UP” that is how I see my self and how my family and others view me a lot of the time, but we will get to that later. So im new to the site and just out of luck today before I made my final choice I decided to post a small post on here. For both advice and to see what others think. Im a 17 year old male who is: failing school (for two main reasons: one im lazy and two I view myself as stupid or dumb) I also have no job, no car, […]
Strength. Courage. Love. Happiness.
I thought I was strong, but these past few days have shown me otherwise. I’ve slowly been changing each and every day…and not for the better.
A few years ago, I used to be suicidal. I would only wake up in the mornings to think about death, cutting, and hatred. I hated the world around me and it hated me back. I had accepted that. I got no support from friends or family surrounding me so I had learned to depend on only myself. It took a few years, but I was able to get past all this. I had finally believed that I […]
” what you going to do with your life ” shut up its my life like you said mom so there for I do what I want, when I want & how I want it. How dare you try to take away the things you didn’t help me get, take the dignity, the accomplishments etc you didn’t help me with shit & father whose that I fucking hate seeing your face every day. Ya both make me sick and feel like shit so I hope the pain you cause me eats you alive and leaves you there like a helpless child like how I did […]
Is it weird that I cut myself with a guitar pick rather than a knife or razor? A guitar pick isn’t sharp at all but I can still manage to dig it into my skin just enough to make it bleed. The mark that’s left behind heals really quickly and is practically gone within 6 hours or so. I like doing this so I can cut myself at school and the mark will be gone by the time I get home so my parents don’t find out… I miss using knives and razors but I’m getting kind of use to this alternative.
Today was the first day of my senior year. It went okay better then what  i expected. I don’t have  many friends nor anyone  i can trust. So here i go to another pointless year. About a year ago my ex boyfriend left the school because i broke up with him because he had cheated on me. I mean it was the right thing to do ? He got all depressed and tried to commit suicide. He got badly injured and ended up getting  hospitalized for about three weeks.  By that time everyone had known at school and i  got blamed for it. i got […]
I have been living with the thought of suicide almost four years.I can’t be fixed,my past and my present can’t be fixed.Since kindergarten i wasn’t normal!The kids hated me because i didn’t speak ..i think.I was bullied in school,but i don’t want to talk about that.I think i have extreme social anxiety disorder.When i was little i didn’t understand how different i was.I was thinking that i deserve to treat me like less of human.Now i am going to be 12 grade and i think it’s time to go. I don’t want my parent’s to spent money for lessons for someone who have no future.Now […]
I can’t do anything right. It seems like I’m just an illusion to everyone. I told my friends that I cut, and now I don’t have friends. The one person that remains knows that I want to commit suicide on January 1st. But he doesn’t care. It’s not like he’ll even notice I’m gone. I mean, I’m dead already! I hate myself. I’m stupid, fat and have nothing to offer the future. People say that it gets better, but it doesn’t. I’m still waiting for a fix! I can’t even do therapy because I started to lie to her them! The fucking damned shrinks. They […]
Bottle of wine, TV noise background, inactivity on Facebook, Zoloft & HIV antiretroviral meds, GB & purp, living with parents unemployed, degree-less as a college drop-out, making impulsive decisions I cannot fight that will land me in PRISON, all at I-95’s biggest pothole on a Saturday night the weekend before turning 28 wasting my time talking with people who want to chat and string me along instead of actually taking action and meeting…this is real life?
Sure, I got this…… #steadymobbin