This is my first time on this site. In an effort to do something about my isolation I have volunteered to be a stage hand for a play being produced at a local theatre festival in August. I am meeting the director today and feel so nervous to commit to this. On the one hand I think committing and following through with something would be a real accomplishment – not to mention the social opportunities. But I am SO afraid I will let them down by not showing up on a need-to-stay-in-bed day or an I-feel-paralyzed day or whatever. I really want to challenge myself […]
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People
I am not the only one. There are others, multiple hordes, some of whom are people I know, people I even see regularly. Though I am slowly emerging into admitting my illness, they must do so too. Until this happens we are all alone here and we are dead.
There are no similes and there are no metaphors; everything can only be explained and delineated in exact terms. There are continual pressures applied from other people, wherever I turn. I try to escape, yet someone inevitably & invariably lurks around the next mental vista. There is truly nowhere to go when the thoughts inside your head […]
Whenever I read about suicide, including on this site, there is usually a page that tries to talk others out of suicide. Of course, I understand that suicide can be really traumatic for the deceased person’s loved ones. But that argument assumes that a person has close relations with family and friends. If you do not (and some of us don’t) then your passing won’t be deeply felt by anyone.
Secondly, if you have family and friends and you are suffering and you reach out to them and they do nothing, then you’ve done your job. You’ve made others aware of how you feel and they […]
Sick of being controlled by my boyfriend, I just want to do what I want to do sometimes, without being judged or questioned or told not to. Fuck.
I come from a pretty good family. My father is dead but it seems normal to me. I have a car, I’m in college, I will always have a place to stay and enough money to make it through school comfortably. I’ve cut myself before, it was when I was in Iraq. I wasn’t happy, it wasn’t the whole “war” bothering me, it was the people. I don’t like being a girl. I feel out of place. The Army doesn’t care. It was a hard year for me. I’m 24 and I’m staying with my mom until I finish college. She’s nice. Buys me what […]
out of all fucking people, why did i have to fall inlove with my best friend?! we used to have a “thing” she used to like me. but she said she doesnt wanna lose our friendship because im her best friend. everyone i know can just tell im in love with her. and i hate admitting. i told her once when i went out of the city for a week and i told her i said that cos i missed her so much. i always look her in the eyes and say im not in love with her, but in realaty i think she is […]
And I can’t fucking wait. I borrowed a car for tonight, which is a key part to implementing my plan. Which I’m sticking to this time btw. I’m not risking failure again. For those of you who have stayed up night after night with me, fighting the dark, it truly meant alot to me… I want you to find whatever it is you are looking for. If I haven’t lost everything i loved, I will anyway. I have to shut this shit up my mind is split in half again, fighting itself. I would rather be completely fucking stupid than have an overactive mind that […]
I can’t do it anymore. I’m just fucking tired. I’m tired of having to wake up everymorning and pretend that everything is okay. People say that in not alone, then why do I feel like I am alone? I just hate everything. People judge me and they don’t even know a thing about me or half the things I’ve been through. I just want to get away from everything…just away from the world. Months past and I still feel the same way. They say everything will get better soon, years has past and it’s gotten worse. The pain has gotten worse. I try putting a […]
Hi.. you know my other posts, yeah, them…. well they are  not true, i lie. I do this because i have a sick twisted demented little mind for a bi-sexaul 11 year old boy. Yes, you did read it right, I am 100% Bi-sexual, don’t like it?? Yeah well neither do I. I hate my sexuality. You know deathbug, well it’s funny really because we are so alike, we made sick twisted lying stories that made you fall bad for us, so i would again like to say sorry to all of the people on this site, especially U.N Owen and Holly. I don’t know […]
I can count it even 3 if the flat tire would not have happen. Today was the most serious attempt of them all, before i just attached the rope on the tree and put the knot over my neck, but today i jumped and stroke the ground. 2 of the branches broke and i was up on my toes with failed attempt. Then i tried to put the rope higher and i failed again because some mother f***er drove on the road with his dirt bike and i had to came down and drive away because i think he had called me cops or something. […]
Its hard to put into words how much I truly hate every second of living on this earth. For reasons and forces unknown I wasn’t ever meant to be anything of value. my parents admit i was a mistake, not aborting me was an even bigger one. now im paying for their mistakes.
From kindergarten to highschool, I was always outcast. I was the kid that didn’t even get bullied because he was of lower social stature. which made no sense, I was nice. I always helped out and always tried to be a good friend. In all it was everybody’s fetish to use me for […]
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If you ever decide to cut just remember.. Once you cut you get addicted. Your life will revolve around cutting.. In your life it will be all about cutting.. Will I cut today.? Will anyone become suspicious about the long sleeves today.? You may think you can keep it undercontrol but your wrong. It will become all you can think about. You will crave it during the day.. You will loose you ability to open up to people. You will think to yourself.. “I need to hide my cuts.. I need to hide my scars.. I need to cut again and hide them all […]
I just read a definition for suicide calling it a cry for help. It really annoyed me, because in my opinion it’s the exact opposite. Suicide happens when we feel there is no help to be given whatsoever, suicide is when we can’t help ourselves and can’t be helped by anyone else. Suicide is deciding that we’ve had enough of this fucking world and don’t want any help staying in it. The only way suicide could possibly be a cry for help would be if it was a purposely messy and obvious attempt, or if the person told a shitload of people their plans, or […]
im so sick of people thinking they know me,
how can anyone know me if i dont really know myself?cause im not the main sorce of information for my own life?soon wen you let every body in, and they all hurt you, this mask doesnt do know good, it becomes to late, it can protect me from other people, but it cant protect me from myself,.has anyone ever felt like they wanna die,or even more wen you thiink of certain people?and its hard not to wen thats all u have,i try to be strong for 21 years, and the only thing iv accomplished is […]
As a teen girl life is and will be hard, not just for girls, boys aswell. I was one of the many that gave into temptation. temptation with drugs, alcohol, sex, relationships. At 14 years old i had been beaten or hit by ex boyfriends and my father, ran away from home three times, each over two weeks long, Been sexually abused 3 times. I have continued to cut and it’s turned from four or five at a time to a couple hundred at a time, i was bulemic. i started to hear and see things, voices and this man. i could feel him, […]
I’m not suicidal, even though I have been in the past, but I want every one reading this to know they matter and that there are people around you who care and love you.
I lost one of my best friends just a week ago to suicide. He was depressed and under extreme pressure in his academic and social life. He didn’t believe that the girl he had been in love with for four years had any interest in him and that he was too dependent on her. She didn’t tell him while he was alive, but she loves him and thought that he deserved more […]
Why is that people ask you not to compare your life with others at times and then take a complete U-Turn and ask to look at others life at other times? World always tries to find a way to influence your life, your decisions, they always want you to live your life as it best suits them. The reason for my decision is not my hatred of this world, or hatred for life – on the contrary its quite opposite – I love this world, I love life. But unfortunately, I don’t enjoy it anymore, I live everyday as its a burden – with a […]
hi, i’m only new on this site and this is my first post, i am a teenager and i often feel depressed and i cut myself i planned out my suicide and the note i would leave for my family but i never actually decided to go ahead with it. i get really depressed and everything seems 2 bring me down even when i’m happy i’m down i hope some people can relate 2 this and understand it. its like when i cut myself i can release emotions and i know i sound crazy but i don’t know who to talk to i hide my marks from […]
I’m useless in this “real world”….I’m such a fucking impractical, too imaginative person.. thus, I don’t belong here in this mundane, dull, boring real world..!
by niki
written by niki
I’m useless in this “real world”….I’m such a fucking impractical, too imaginative person…
thus, I don’t belong here in this mundane, dull, boring real world..!
I often feel like I belong to another planet, universe, or perhaps another ‘spiritual’ plane, dimension,..something like that.
my super-vivid imagination’s world / universe is often a HUNDRED times much more lively, interesting, exciting, thrilling, and challenging than this apparently “Law and Order, all about money/profits and status” shallow, mundane, meaningless real world !
it’s my curse.
fuck my life..
get the hell me out of this fucking Matrix , please , somebody!
there should be an OPTION to get the fuck […]
it will always be the person you least expect,nomatter how many times you dye your hair, or change your appearence,your still you and your nothing special, not like everyone els,life is overrated,so whats so special about making the best outa having nothing, having noone,being used consinly, every time you stick your face out the front door, you fail to make it any futher,everytime you stick your face out the front door, someone says there your freind, but they aint,they either use you, or call you once and find you worthless enough to never answer or call you again,the only person that has ever made me […]