Tag:

remember

I’m imploding

by Alan Ominous 3/18/2016

written by Alan Ominous

So, I’ve made it clear I’m leaving. I’ve been attacked from every angle. It’s relentless. I’m holding my ground. I won’t back down. I’ll burn this fucking world to the ground.
Where’s this strength coming from? I’m not sure. I will use it as long as it last.
I theorize I’ve never been more serious about suicide. I don’t want to die. So human-drive.
Here’s a poem I wrote through my sons eyes:

Watching out the windows,
Looking out of doors,
Scanning the horizon,
Gaze up to the stars.
Searching for that something,
That has gone so far away,
I don’t remember why I’m waiting,

3/18/2016 27 comments

Its so hard

by Jon1700 3/18/2016

written by Jon1700

Im so alone i have no friends at all not even online friends, ive had some online friends but that was a while ago. I cant remember the last time ive connected to anyone irl. I dont have very good social skills irl and im fucking shy as hell. Ive been in school since oct and have not made a single friend. I miss those 1 to 1 human interactions its so hard to go on everyday

3/18/2016 1 comment

I Remember

by DexQuietlyBreaking 3/17/2016

written by DexQuietlyBreaking

I remember their voices as I lay there in the hospital bed.

Asking over and over why I did it. Why I took those pills. Why I wanted it all to end.

I remember laying there and for a split second I didn’t know. Here’s these people standing over me, tears in their eyes, and broken hearts beating in their chest.

Whether I were their kid, friend or brother, they all had a sign in their eyes that a piece of them almost died with me.

This is what I think about when suicide comes to mind.

Even if you want to die, you have to take a second to realize […]

3/17/2016 3 comments

Im new

by drowningforever 3/13/2016

written by drowningforever

This last week has been a blur.. I dont know what to think, cant seem to identify how i feel. When i think about leaving i seem to think of my kids less lately. And more about the end of feeling. Telling myself shell find someone to step in and in a few months itll be asif i had never even been here. Mom wont care, shell still be focused on success and work after a few weeks again. Dad wants to kill himself to so whats the difference. Im glad my boys are young they wouldnt remember. But i wonder would i be free? […]

3/13/2016 8 comments

question

by 4beyondhelp 3/5/2016

written by 4beyondhelp

is anyone else fascinated by death? I know it’s odd but I’ve never really been afraid of death. I mean, if someone swung a club at my head I’d duck on instinct, but when I think about death I’m just really curious. I would want to avoid pain and obviously there would be consequences, but I’m still fascinated. I’d love to see if I could make a good plan and carry it out effectively, I’d love to experience how it happens, I’d love to know if there’s an afterlife and what it’s like, or if there’s just nothing and I stop existing (not that I’d […]

3/5/2016 9 comments

Why am I still here?

by kismet 3/2/2016

written by kismet

If I really think about this question, it comes down to basically two things. The people in my life who would be affected and the fact that I’m scared of something going wrong with my attempt. Another odd thought came into my mind. I DON’T WANT TO LEAVE A BODY!! I don’t want somebody to have to come across me – lying there dead. I’ve always had a problem with blood (not that my method involves it) but, you know, just general messiness. I just want to disappear. I don’t even care if nobody remembers me. I just don’t want a fuss. In fact, it […]

3/2/2016 12 comments

Tired

by JiminyCrispies 2/29/2016

written by JiminyCrispies

I didn’t sleep last night. It turns out, I spent the night writing. I don’t remember doing it. But I wrote a lot, and what I wrote somewhat makes sense, but I’m not so sure if it would to others. No one else seems to have my thinking pattern. At least, I think it’s mine. I’m not so sure. Basically, I’m confused as hell this morning. I’m shaking and ill, everything is blurring and I’m exhausted. I don’t know if I overdosed. I found chunks of hair in my bed. I remember ‘waking up’ (except i wasn’t. Sort of like waking up from a day […]

2/29/2016 7 comments

The Sound Of Silence

by Cordless 2/28/2016

written by Cordless

I can’t remember if anyone’s posted this here yet, but I love listening to it over and over again.

It starts out disturbingly calm, and then gradually explodes into sound.

2/28/2016 4 comments

I don’t remember.

by unbrokenangel 2/25/2016

written by unbrokenangel

Do I remember everything from that night?

It scares me to think I don’t

What if more had happened?

It’s all just a blur

I lied about where he had his hand

It wasn’t on my hip…

But what if it went lower?

What if I don’t remember?

I was upset

I made a mistake

He offered me alcohol

And I got drunk

He was in his thirties

I was fifteen

And I don’t remember

All he did

C.K.

2/25/2016 1 comment

Cutting, The Sweet Release

by unlucky101 2/24/2016

written by unlucky101

How can one even want to cut? A lot of my friends ask me this and i explain to them in such detailed and dedicated way how freeing it is for me.

Cutting may not be the same for everyone, but i can still remember my first time. You know that feeling in your chest when you’re sooo upset you can’t breath. I had that but to such an extreme i was hyperventilating on my bed. The first cut was such a new and exotic feeling. It hurt but not compared to the broken heart in my chest.

The second cut got a little more exciting and […]

2/24/2016 3 comments

Hanging not working, thinking about helium

by chalk 2/23/2016

written by chalk

Failed with short drop/hanging. I think I nearly succeed after several attempts.

I lost conscious for maybe a few minutes (cannot remember what exactly happened) until I started to feel very uncomfortable (choking perhaps). I also had a feeling that I was self-rotating at a high speed. Then I suddenly remembered I can loosen the knot. Someone knocked on my bedroom door which is locked and turned out it was my sister who woke up because of the noise I made. I was unable to think that I quickly hid the rope and told her I was fine. My face went pale when I looked at […]

2/23/2016 7 comments

I Don’t Deserve To Be Happy

by such catcat 2/16/2016

written by such catcat

The more I think about it the more I realize I’m just not a nice person. I can’t remember the last time I made someone happy. I’m just too selfish and lazy to care about too many people and I hate myself for this. Sometimes I just wish I stopped feeling the small amount of happiness I do feel so that I could do nothing but try and make people happy. But I can’t, and that’s why I’m just a waste of living flesh that doesn’t deserve to live. The only reason I’m still alive is because I’m scared to take my own life. Whenever […]

2/16/2016 18 comments

Oh well

by hallowy 2/14/2016

written by hallowy

I’ ve written here once before how I was going to kill myself by train. http://suicideproject.org/2015/12/suicidal-but-not-depressed-2/ Surprise, surprise I survived going in front of the train. Don’t know how it is possible, but here I am. They must build weird trains here.

I first became concsiously aware of myself in the mental hospital and I don’t remember going to suicide nor being in the hospital/half of mental hospital. I had head trauma and broken coral bone and that’s it. I wish I had died and don’t know what to do now.

I still don’t want to live but I am short […]

2/14/2016 8 comments

No Title

by Alan Ominous 2/10/2016

written by Alan Ominous

Some song lyrics I wrote awhile back, without music I guess it’s a poem. Only sharing because I think some of you will enjoy it.

Part 1:

My shadows gone, today.

My own reflection, just looks away.

I’ve lost something, somewhere,

Down the road.

But it’s hard to remember,

what you didn’t know. . .

Part 2:

Sitting beside myself,

We didn’t recognize us.

So we parted ways,

Left myself in the dust.

Searching for answers,

No questions at hand.

Been looking so long ,

Forgot where I am

Part 3:

So I pour out a shot,

But I drink from the bottle.

And I figured it out ,

Somewhere near the bottom.

But when I woke up,

I’d forgot it all again…

2/10/2016 3 comments

Family support

by Moneypenny 1/30/2016

written by Moneypenny

So I decided this time I was going to talk to my family about my being down the hill. I can’t remember why, it sounds selfish, but then no one may say I didn’t try it all…

My family is a mess. I grew up watching my mother crying in desperation almost every day because of her feeling lonely and impotent and not knowing how she was going to make it with so many kids (4). But we weren’t supposed to acknowledge knowing she was crying. I don’t remember what I though about it, but I remember it felt really bad. I remember that by then […]

1/30/2016 6 comments

What is normal, anyhow?

by rivets 1/27/2016

written by rivets

I want to live in a world where I don’t have to talk, don’t have to explain, don’t have to figure out topics of conversation or be up-to-date on the latest bit of gossip at work or the latest media tidbit everybody’s talking about. I want to live in a world where I can do my own thing on my own time, for myself, and not worry about how strange it looks to any onlookers. I want to live in a world where professional sports, politics and religion don’t even have words to describe them. I want to live in a world where I don’t […]

1/27/2016 10 comments

Ugh

by HatedGirl 1/26/2016

written by HatedGirl

Hey all hope all is well im mad at.myself i woke up late n had a docs app i needed it but i slept in so goin to rescedual im scared of takin new meds n hope i dont get more depressed or more anxity i worrie to much ugh so iv been keepin busy like watching shows chicago fire now on to.chicgo pd i love these shows any good shows out there? Hope all of you are doing good n always remember to.do something fun or watch a funny movie or get in to a really good show

1/26/2016 2 comments

My faith

by teresa45 1/25/2016

written by teresa45

I tried to kill myself last Tuesday. I don’t remember anything except waking up in the hospital. This was my third attempt. How do I keep surviving? I pray so much that my prayers are me actually begging God to help me. Still no answers. Am I here to be punished? People speak of a hell after we die. Does it really exist or is this really hell and there is nothing after this. I want to believe so bad there is something good after this hell i’m in on this earth.

1/25/2016 12 comments

Hoping everyone has had a safe weekend

by kbking6 1/10/2016

written by kbking6

hey guys, would just like to say I hope everyone has had a safe weekend. I understand life may be difficult now, but as humans we are capable of great things. Remeber that you are never alone, you will always have someone to talk to on here; this is just a stage. You are the star player in your life, if you don’t like the way things are, try and change them, if you can’t, work to change things for the best. I know that feeling you have when first thing you do in the morning when you open eyes, is question your existence on […]

1/10/2016 8 comments

My suicide attempts

by depressednerd 1/9/2016

written by depressednerd

hi my name is Santos and this is going to be about my suicide attempts .

My first suicide attempt was August 3rd I rememberthat threw that time I was going threw major depression I would always cut myself and I would always hear how my parents thought I was worthless and my dad just that day slapped me and I got really sad and went online and read threw my ask. Fm comments and most of them were really bad some would say u have now friends u dumb fuck or others would say u look like a pig so I […]

1/9/2016 1 comment

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