It’s the one thing that i’ve always wanted to be. Pretty and perfect. When i was a little girl, i was pretty and happy. No one every told me that i’m ugly or did anything to make me sad. But now, I’ve turned into some ogre just wanting to burst out. Every time i see someone pretty, i get really jealous and just wanting to hide away. All of my friends are really pretty and it’s hard to know that you’re the odd one out, the only one that’s ugly. On those 2 days of the week, when i have P.E (sport days), i get […]
Tag:
Sad
Zoloft a drug prescribed in so many western societies to deal with a range of health issues particularly depression and anxiety. Zoloft for me is not what I expected. I thought I’d feel happier, I do in a way but I don’t feel any less sad or miserable. I know I should kill myself but I can’t Zoloft has taken that from me. So now I’m stuck in a mood where nothing truly matters, I should give up. So tired…..
My story is a long one, one I don’t have time to write about completely…
About a year and a half ago, I decided to kill myself. I had a mean, selfish, manipulative girlfriend who always accused me of cheating, cheated on me, called me a “disappointment,” threatened to leave me if I ever told a friend or family member about what she was doing, and finally dumped me via a text message. I had a “friend” who tried to take advantage of her cheating to make her break up with me so he could date her instead. He in turn had a friend laughing at […]
Maybe it’s the way I look or the fact that I have a stutter that turns people off. Combined with having low self-esteem and poor social skills, who’d really want to talk to me, let alone be my friend? Every experience throughout my life has been nothing but miserable, and whenever I reminisce, I’m reminded of how much of a loser I was and still am. What’s even worse is watching my younger sister experience everything I missed out on.
High school was a complete nightmare trying to cope with my stutter, and bullying, along with having friends who did nothing but laugh at my disability, […]
I’m from California, 20 years old, female, depressed and just need a friend. does anyone want to talk?
As part of my behavior intervention plan it was decided that i shouldnt come on here as often.My plan for death after the family trip is still in motion.Im aware that i could die but its to late to stop cause everything has all been planned out.And for me i dont stop when ive decided to do something.Theres no turning back.Its sad cause my mom said today that ive changed and grown a lot.I agree with her in all ways except one and that is im still sad.Just this general doom and gloom about everything.I cant even call my friend from the hospital cause im […]
In both cases, I have many secrets. Many told and twisted, others kept in shame. I could make this post very long and quite wordy; however, I will leave out as much shame as necessary. First off, everything in my life seems perfect. Too perfect. I have a great husband, great dogs, house paid off, little debt, and all of the other “blessings” we all find in this world. We live a quite normal life, as much as we can anyways. But, I am still sad..all of the time. Over and over, I think about how much I should not be sad, should know my […]
Its come to my conclusion that i am going to try and off myself again.Im scared to death cause its a past method im using one that almost killed me.Im scared to death of doing this.But that little short lived happy time is over.Its left me and its always going to come and then not be there and i cant stand that.I am filth thats all i am while im alive.
The method will be successful this time.I would check myself into a mental hospital but there all crappy except the one i recently came from.That is to far away to go to.
I dont […]
it hurts so much knowing the person i need the most has to be far away…even more so when thats a permenent fact and can never be changed….thank god for technology but it still makes me sad that my bestest friend ever cant be right next to me:(
I can no longer count the number of friends and family that have committed suicide on one hand.
The pain in knowing i’ll never see these people again is the biggest emotional hurt. I can no longer see their beautiful smiles or hear their voices. I’d like to share one particular suicide which I learned a lot from.
I was 15 at the time. Only 15. We stayed over at a friends house after a party along with many other people. I woke up in the morning to find one of my gorgeous, lovely and amazing friends having hung herself off the deck. To this day the […]
Tonight is another one of those nights that I just really want to end my pain. It doesn’t help that it is gross outside… like gray and cold and shit. I am always affected by the weather… probably have that SAD Seasonal Affective Disorder thing.
I tried pulling myself out, by attempting to pretend that i am taking care of myself. I even bought groceries today, and I am chronic meal skipper. I got a haircut too, and I still feel the same. It is like I am trying to force myself to feel better, convince myself I am not a screw-up. Even though I know […]
This Is My Life . Nobody Really Knows Me , If You Ask Anyone They Would Tell You That I’m The Happiest Person Ever . But They Don’t Know The Real Me . I Suffer A LOT But People Don’t Know That . I Hate My Life ; No One Can Understand Me At All , Not Even My Parents ! I Act Like I’m Fine Because I Hate People That Worry About Me , But One Day I Decided To Start Thinking . I Went To The Bathroom And Started Cutting Myself , I Felt Like Relieved In A Way . And No One […]
Quit Worrying About How You Look, it’s About Whats On The Inside!
i don’t care who you are. your beautiful and amazing in your own unique and special way, please don’t let what he/she says make you stop believing that. the people who hurt you most are the ones who usually are the closest to you…but don’t beat yourself up, and depress yourself with it, because they may have called you ugly. stupid. fat. etc..but only you can believe them..only you can take it to heart. only you can take it as far as it gets. You, are Your Biggest Enemy. free yourself from mental slavery, […]
Stay awake you’ll be supprised.
At the beauty of the butterflies
They fly so high oh they have soared,
they know the pain you’ve endured,
they will never leave your plight,
scarlet wings look so bright,
leave back the nights of flooded tears,
and wake up without that frown.
The moonlight shines away your fears,
as the butterflies wipe away your tears,
so tonight when you start to cry,
remember the cutters lullaby:
hushabye baby you won’t be dead,
you have a pulse though your pillow is red.
your family hates you though your friends wont let you bleed,
just throw away that knife,
that’s all you need to do.
rockabye baby broken and scared,
 you know life won’t always be this hard,
time […]
I’m sick of being everyone’s second choice – everyone’s shoulder to cry on.
You can’t use me when it’s convenient for you.
I feel like I was born and bred to be a shoulder to cry on… And I spend almost all my time alone trying to comfort myself.
If anyone needs a shoulder to cry on, I guess I’m here… Here to be convenient for you. I know you won’t appreciate it, but you’re welcome.
You know I’m going to be here, even when I don’t want to be. Because I’m predictable.
🙂
I want to die, but of course I can’t. First I’m scared of dying but I’m sick and tired of trying to live happy. My parents stalk the hell out of me whenever I try to talk to a boy and my dad and mom beat me. What am I supposed to do? My friends tell me I look weird when I don’t smile because I smile all the time. Why do I smile? Why am I completely at peace when I’m at school, but at home I dread it and want to die
I’m tired of living. I’m tired of crying. I’m tired of doing […]
My mom and I have a horrible relationship. We are always fighting! No lie. Its not like I want to. But I really can help it. Before February she physical abuse.  But I had had enough of the abuse and called the police. She would pull my hair and throw things at me. She punched me and kicked me. One time he threw a phone at me and sprang my arm. After the police she didn’t do that to me as much. Now its more so Verbally. I only have 4 years left at my house. But with all the names she calls me I’m not sure how I’ll do […]
Just a shitty day… or a couple.
A day like today where I wake up feeling okay, and then I start thinking about all the things I’ve ever done wrong. And then I start thinking about how I’m a shitty person. And then, on top of that, I feel like I have zero things to offer. I try so fucking hard to be good at things, at art, at programming… I’m in college, getting decent grades and busting my ass… But I hate everything I’ve ever done. I’ve never accomplished anything and I feel worthless. I’m a huge sagging disappointment to myself. I feel ugly; I […]
Mostly, I can deal with the day to day bullshit of this world, and for the most part I manage to stay positive, which is almost impossible in this fucked up world we live in. I HATE IT HERE! Believe it or not, one of my major roles in life, is encouraging people…and Im damned good at it. I do what I do because I have a deep love for humanity, I feel your pain, and I HATE IT HERE…so if I must be here, let me do all I can to help and encourage others. It hurts my heart to see good people suffering […]
I just keep thinking about suicide. I don’t explicitly have a plan yet, but I have a general idea of what to do. I know we aren’t allowed to talk about this on the board, but even if we were, I’m not sure if I want my mind changed and I don’t want to be stopped. I told myself I’d give myself until I turned 30, but that seems overly generous now. I don’t know when, but I can’t see myself carrying on for that long. I’m not a human being. If I were, I’d feel loved and worthwhile. There would be a point to […]