reading all the painful stories here on SP. The things that have happened to us (or currently going through). Life shouldn’t be this way. Life shouldn’t be this painful and sad and hard. I wish I had a magic wand to make all of it go away. For everyone.
There should be more love and kindness in this world. (Also less illnesses and diseases).
I don’t want to be a part of this cruel, cold world. But the only option is to kill oneself, an option that isn’t exactly an “option.”
Whatever it is. ….. I can’t …..
I feel like… I’m not depressed enough. Does that make any sense? Like, I’m not suicidal enough to be here. I don’t fit in.
I’m not numb. I feel. I feel a lot. I can’t describe it though. Sad, yes but not that sad. Angry, a little. I guess, well… I feel like a radio stuck between 2 stations. 2 different songs alternating, making no sense and a shit load of static.
The fuck is emotional static?
Do you ever feel like you want to be left alone like no one ever talks to you ever? That’s how I always feel, I always want to be alone. People just piss me off, sooner or later, they will piss me off. I just want to stay alone like the introvert i am. When i stay alone i love the darkness, it makes it easier to look myself in the face. But it is still hard to do. It’s easier to stay sad and not be judged in a dark and empty room. When I go to school, I mask my pain with humor […]
This month, I was a victim of abuse. Twice. No, not “use (something) to bad effect or for a bad purpose; misuse”, it’s “treat with cruelty or violence, especially regularly or repeatedly”. I’ve been abused many times now, but I think this month is the worst.
Abuse story 1:
So, one day I was in class, didn’t finish my work, so I was supposed to stay back for recess, but I didn’t want to. The teacher dragged my collar (I was about 3-5 meters away from the class when this happened) all the way to the classroom door, and threw me. I hit something, so I got […]
For some reason, these past few days, I’ve been really sad, but I don’t know why. My life’s been pretty ok these past few weeks. I mean I had a meltdown on Monday because I had to go apply to college and I don’t want to do college. But I have to because I can’t move out because I don’t have a car and I don’t make enough money to support myself which I learned last semester. And the only reason why I moved back in with my parents was because I hated it more at the last college I was at. But anyways, I […]
I feel Sad, lonely, helpless and I am in so much pain … I’m just going to cry my self to sleep … I hope I die in my sleep …
it hurts me that my family didn’t work out the way I wanted- I wanted to have a happy family and I wanted my kids to have everything. I always thought I’d be a great mom and ever since my first pregnancy life has been absolute hell. I have three kids now and their father passed away a little more than a year ago. I was ok at first but honestly the longer I go without him the more I want to die. I have no home or car. I stay with my kids all day to take care of them because that’s what I […]
I need to write a letter to myself, so I can read whenever I start shaking, sobbing and attacking myself.
I was doing fine. This just makes me feel worst. Oh, dear brain how I wish you were calmer.
All of those rage moments make me bleed, break stuff, beat the shit of my face, and sleep doesn’t solve anything.
I need rest.
And I am sorry for my behaviour.
I am so sorry.
I always get blind from my rage.
I need to grown up.
Feeling twice as guilty, I’ve told my boyfriend I’ve scratched and cut myself, and he told me that he made a […]
Well, here I go. I quit my job of 15yrs back in May, withdrew what I had in my retirement account. I have been living off of that the last 6months. I can survive another 19 months or so without finding a job. I have found jobs here and there but quit if I just did not like it. My background is in customer service and my last job was working for the local government. I was a supervisor and did not want that responsibility anymore. Most prospective employers pass me by because of my experience and think I would not take the pay cut. I […]
I’m just physically, emotionally, and mentally exhausted almost 24/7. I barely have any motivation to do anything, not even to move around. It’s getting worse and worse, and I’m falling so fast it’s scary. It’s a struggle to get through each day. I don’t know what to do. I’m in therapy, I have resources, I have support, but…? I don’t know, it doesn’t help. Even now, typing this, my eyes hurt so much and I know I need to sleep but I’m too sad to move. There’s also the problem where I’m paranoid that there’s something watching me when I’m in my room at night […]
I’m 25 years old and I’m gay. It was hard coming out to my folks and close friends last year. I have never been on a date nor did dating apps helped me. I just cry myself to sleep, feeling lonely. I have got nice friends to hang out with but I still am empty and sad on the inside, just hoping I could come home to someone. It’s annoying when my friends are either in a relationship or married, and them asking about my non-existent dating life. I have hardly been happy since my sisters’ birth. I reckon that this is my destiny to […]
I know that isn’t really a word. My daughter struggles with depression, scratching (not really deep cuts) and suicidal thoughts. I do, too. I have told her that before that I know where she is coming from. I even told her that I had thoughts of wanting to die. In typical 13 year old fashion, she must have never really heard me. We don’t like her psychiatrist, so yesterday I told her that I was going to start therapy and seeing a psychiatrist again because my thoughts of wanting to die were increasing. She started crying and was depressed the whole day stating she never […]
How hard the world is to me on some days. You tell me you are having a bad day and you say goodnight. You leave me alone to my thoughts and even though I want to beg you to stay, please, please, PLEASE! I say “Okay.” Because I can’t do that to you. Not when you finally think I’m getting better. Not when you have more important things to deal with. It gets kind of hard to breathe when all you want to do is etch another mark, just one, just one, just one. But no. He will see. He always does. He doesn’t react. […]
You know, my self worth is measured in scars. It’s measured daily with how much it hurts when someone hugs me. My worth is in the pain. How much does it hurt? Because I never do enough. I never make myself hurt enough that someone notices. The blood rushing down my skin from another scratch etched by my own fingers is a high you would never get enough of. But then I start to think that if I don’t scratch hard enough, if I don’t show how much I hurt, if I don’t make myself into a picture of living hell, then nobody will care. […]
The time has come for this worthless trash to go….this might be one hell of a lame post considering my skills at writting ( at everything in fact ).
Anyway, how should I even start ? By the truth maybe, I’m a 21 years old loser who disagree with the meaning of his life. I always lived a loser’s life as far as I recall, but childhood innocence (I guess ) prevented me from realizing it, ignorance is bliss after all, starting as an hyperactive, but outgoing kid able to make friends, to a slowly (but surely) shying away teenager, and adult too for that matter, […]
There is a boy,
inside he is sad,
he keeps it bottled in,
and this makes him mad.
Why cant the world see,
the pain that makes him be,
no one to understand him,
he wants to be set free.
The world is not right,
and his mind just collides,
theres no disfinct reason,
for why he burns inside.
Nothing to him is clear,
he sheds but a single tear,
it trickles down hs face,
over his cheek a moderate pace.
It falls through nothingness,
the nothingness he feels,
to hit the ground,thud,
with that tear, he disappeared.
Another night. I’m by myself in my room and my mind is racing, a million different thoughts going through my head. My boyfriend won’t answer don’t have many friends it’s just me myself and not I but my thoughts. They haunt me at 1 in the morning they are the reason I can’t sleep. I’m scared of being cheated on being left. Sometimes I’m just so scared. But then when I’m by myself I just feel empty. Like there is no one there in the end. My thoughts are my enemy. I hate being alone. I just want someone who is there when I need […]
I’m feeling like really blank right now. Like when your not happy not sad, your mood is just blah. Idk. Anyone else feel like this…?
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