I didn’t leave him, my husband that is uts been so long since my last post and I’m still here. Same stupid crap same relationship. When I told him I was leaving he promised things would change and they did. He started treating me right and being more loving and supportive towards me. All the lies I held came to light and he swept them under the rug. I rely thought I was going to be happy, I really thought things would have changed but maybe I can’t change, maybe I’m not allowed to be happy. I really just want to die now more then […]
Tag:
Scared
These days I don’t feel anything. Things that I used to care about seem uninteresting.
I feel like I have been on a road to self destruction. I see myself doing things that I know will only hurt me, but I can’t bring myself to care. I can’t bring myself to care about anything anymore and that scares me.
My grades are slipping, my relationship with my parents is straining.
I know that I should try to fix everything while I still can, but I don’t want to do it. I don’t want to do anything anymore.
The thought of dying have been on […]
I’m starting to permanently make up my mind when it comes to suicide. I’ve had suicide attempts before and I’ve bounced back from depression at times, but this time it’s different. This time I can feel something pulling me towards death. It’s as if the world wants to take me back or as if death has fallen for me and it wants to take me home. I’m scared of shooting myself, I’m scared of waking up in a place full of pain and suffering despite the fact that I want to die in order to escape the daily pain I feel.
I have no idea what […]
Just feeling very broken. I just had a good weekend around friends, but I feel like all of the emotional energy may have triggered something sad or dark. Idk if it happens that way for others? I’m trying but I’ve already cried a few times today.
Anxiety is fucking awful, you probably all know that. It’s constantly consuming me and forcing me to stress over every tiny thing, but I’m not motivated enough to actually act on any of these fears. “Worrying about work due in the next day that you haven’t done yet? Never mind, it’ll only make you more miserable.” I can’t go on like this- it’s killing me.
Every second, every minute, every day, my guts twist and ache inside me, even when there isn’t anything wrong. There’s an endless, nagging terror of:
“If things seem to be going well, then something’s got to go wrong soon.”
And so I wait, […]
I’m scared.
I feel like im sinking. I tried to talk about it with a friend. I want to. But i just couldn’t. I couldn’t explain what i was going through. I couldn’t express it. It’s too much. And i… I felt worse. Now, everything seems too much to handle. Everything’s heavy. And i’m scared. I’m scared because i realized, i’ve been through this same feeling last 2015. And i promised myself i won’t go back to this state because there’s no reason to go back and i don’t think i can handle it. So i’m scared. Very scared. I don’t know what […]
People may view me as outgoing, kind, obnoxious, bitchy, annoying, funny, weird, loud, extrovert, smart or stupid. That how I am in public. In reality i’m lonely, broken, hurt, scared, shy and quiet. No one knows how I truly feel. I don’t trust anyone because I’m always betrayed. I am broken and won’t ask for help.
No, the pain of not getting to go out when you wanted to is not as bad as the pain of losing someone you love. No, you don’t have the right to act as if these small things you call “first world problems” are as bad as it gets. There is a fine line between inconvenience and pain. Between a small glitch in a normal to semi good day and having to refrain from the extreme urge to kill yourself. I’m so young, but I could swear I’ve felt the slits of the blood sea’s razor and have checked into hell too many times to […]
on the outside I look
Strong
Confident
Smart
Cool
But on the inside I’m
weak
shy
dumb
stupid
scared
hurting
Last year I had lost my virginity to a guy I loved for a year. I am quite young as well. But anyway I lost it and he left me saying. “Good luck *****.” Then blocked me leaving me there crying. My whole family learned about the situation soon after and ever since then they haven’t treated me the same. My grandma asking me why I can’t be more like my cousin who stole my boyfriend 3x letting him cheat on me with her. And soon after I started to have a crush on this guy and she also told my best friend who through […]
I hope this isn’t breaking the rules… I’m a 48 year old man. Been kind of a rough and tough guy all my life. Never done drugs, though. Drank alot, smoked a little weed years and years ago… those were the days…. anyway, my whole world has come tumbling down. I know, you’ve never heard that before, but it has! I was married for 15 years and hated most every minute of it. Finally grew the balls to get out in 2010. Soon after I met the most beautiful angel! And, of course, immediately fell in love! It was wonderful! We were together for a […]
Just when my head started to get quieter for the first time today (the voices have been constant), my stepdad came home with his friend after drinking for a couple hours. When they got here, my mum left to go out. Two hours ago my aunt and uncle and their kids came round. So now the house is full of four screaming kids and drunk adults. My anxiety is horrible, the voices are horrible, the figures are horrible. I’ve been crying upstairs for the last hour. I need to get away from everyone. They all keep opening the front door. They’re going to let the […]
So this last month has been ok. I’ve been doing decently well. I haven’t cut, though I’ve had the urge a few times. I lost myself in a book series so that helped get out of my own head for a while. And right now I’m dealing with normal problems like trying to get a guy to ask me out and not failing my classes. But the thoughts never go away, I doubt they ever will. The thoughts that help me spiral down. The ones that make me hate myself and want to kill myself. I still have my ultimatum for the end of the […]
My boyfriend physically hurt me during a fight a couple days ago and ever since I don’t feel safe around him. I’m 8 months pregnant and I’m thinking at this point the best option for us both is for me to just do it. I’m planning on doing it Monday I just keep getting sad about how my dad will take it and my therapist… I thought I had finally found a reason to live and to be happy I survived my first attempt 8 years ago… Only to have it shattered. I am going to write my goodbye letters this weekend. I wish I […]
There is no excerpt because this is a protected post.
Since I was not able to meet my therapist yesterday, (thank you, freeroma, for killing time with me.) I was thinking of going today.
BUT I have this professor, who is aware of my condition just recently, that I think is waiting for me to take the last quiz that I failed to attend to yesterday.
And I don’t want to fail her expectations on me coming. So, I’ll try to get up and suck it up. I mustn’t run away.
Hi.. I am MrSilent. There is not much to know of me so I won’t bother with the details. I will give a very broad background of why I have chosen this name..
For years and counting, I have been silent. Silent of my emotion, silent of my thoughts and silent of my life and it’s duration. Recently, I’ve stumbled upon this community. I thought it would be quite interesting to be able to speak through text.. I have much to say but I will save most for later if I am still living. There is not a doubt that I am slowly collapsing, so, […]
I am scared. Scared that I will not be enough. That something bad will happen to the ones I love. Scared that cant protect them. That I am a fraud. That I will never be enough.
Scared that I will never be what I want to be, because I am too scared to embrace it.
I have everything I have every wanted, and I am so afraid that the world will take it from me, that I cannot enjoy it.
Fear is ruining my life.
… too Scared of life, to carry on,
… too Useless for everyone, they all want me gone,
…too Impossible to love, too impossible to care,
… too Confused in this broken land, for me there’s no one there,
… too Invisible for everyone, they think I’m bore,
… too Damaged at heart which they tore,
… too Emotional, I can’t live anymore…
Newer Posts