https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QF05EX_fnrw
Space is just a word make up by somebody who is afraid of being close.
A lot has happen these few days. A confession,breaking from friends,sexual tension,sinful nature is torturing my mind.
p.s sorry for spamming
This is Ylem the Masochist speaking. And no… Not in a sexual way…
I want to strangle myself until I’m blue. Deprive myself of oxygen. That is just the beginning.
I need a whip. Scourge myself to the brink of dead. See flesh peeling off and blood pouring. Beat myself up like a fucking animal that I am.
I want to cut open my veins and watch the blood pour out. Feel dizzy and drained from all the blood loss.
I’m not done.
Bang myself against the wall until I have a concussion and collapse.
To top it all of. Plunge a knife in my gut and hold my intestines in […]
i have had the day from hell. sexual abuse, alone, no family, saw my mother, her denial of what my father did to me, i ended the day with loud music in my earbuds and finished off the brandy. it helped. it numbed. im not a drinker but sometimes i do. what csa has done to me is not pretty, i am always suffering, i want to find a painless way to say goodbye wont think of god, wont serve the devil, either, cant see her anymore, life so painful, nobody knows, every day, ive had enough of being so alone, nobody knows, no, nobody
At this point in my life, I feel like I’m just overwhelmed with sadness. It’s genuinely at a point where I feel like I’m going to cry all the time because I’m just so intensely sad. All the joy of life has been beaten out of me inch by inch over my 41 years.
But it’s hit me really hard recently. My best friend was just dumped by her husband of 10 years for a younger woman, so I’ve been doing what a friend does and being there as much as possible for her. But part of her initial and possibly unhealthy reaction to this has […]
Hello again,
This post is different from what I usually see on here but I am hoping that it can help me to share it with you guys. I’m baring my soul here: This is a diary entry from a few weeks ago, I am quoting straight from my diary because after hearing opposing opinions on the story, I do not know what to believe anymore and I wrote this right after it happened so this is exactly how I remember it.
“Friday I drank way too much. Puked 3 times? I wanted to go somewhere to chill, last year I always went to the guys’ dorm to hang, […]
I lost someone who I thought loved me. I took on this new way of thinking & living & he left. No more sexual pleasures for God wants me to wait on my husband is what I told him. I guess that sex is all he cared about. I don’t know how to feel. Part of me thinks that him leaving was the best thing for me but most of me is sad & hurt. Should I just give it to him or should I be obedient? Why is this even a question. Putting a man before God. What is wrong with me?
Why?? Well it’s simply a douche-y thing to do. Don’t get me wrong carrying a pocket knife can be a very useful tool, let me clarify, I am specifically referring to a combat knife of some sort. Playing with a knife, sure it’s something to do with your hands, and you can get lost in it for a moment, but I find that people who collect, play, and display their knife sets to be a particular type of douche. I know, I know, it’s what makes a person happy that’s important, and seriously I am all for that, but I have a difficult time understanding […]
Society’s obsession with good looks and sexual attractiveness is absurd. Watching all these “cute” Celebs makes feel so insignificant and plummets my self esteem. Makes me think about my worthlessness and how mentally fucked up and ugly I really am.
I am a weird guy. I have weird preferences when it comes to entertainment, all the ideologies I embrace are contrarian, weird sexual tastes ( I am attracted to female hands), fucked up persona, socially inept. I feel like an outcast and I just don’t fit into society as a functional being.
ahh just wanted to vent my insecurities … sigh
….. and I think I am touch deprived … I need to touch shoulders with someone 🙁
24 years old female. My life has two parts: Happy with obstacles for 14 years and been miserable for the other ten years.
Before you read, please don’t forget that my experiences that I’m going to write, happened when I was a child and in my teens. So evaluate them according to my age that time.
Happy with obstacles happenings:
* At the age 4, my parents divorced. I’m with my mom since then..
* My father was away in another city but we adored each other so much and he was proud with all the qualities I have. We spent the summer holiday and semesters together. […]
I was 21 years old when I visited a local Doctor who was well known as the guy to see if you wanted anabolic steroids. I explained to him how I had been training and trying to change my body as I had no confidence in the way I looked. I explained how I was not confident enough to ever have a relationship or go on a date. He asked lots of questions and I admitted to having panic attacks when I would go out to clubs with friends on a Friday or Saturday night. I felt […]
I’m afraid I’ve gone bad again. Well let’s be honest… I was never fine.
I’ve quite my job where I had to handle all the sexual harassment from my boss.
My “friends” don’t really reach out to me. I kind of don’t care yet it hurts .. does that make sense?
Still planning on my second attempt.
I did buy an anxiety toy so I can at least deal with that somehow.
But to be honest. The day for me to go seems closer and closer. Slowly.
yall know who she is. My friend seen her in cam and showed me a screenshot, than when I seen her pics they were totally different. When confronted, she said I fell for everything. Shes really 25, don’t have Chrons, lives on her own YADA YADA YADA. Then said oh I want your dick! Than started bs again. SHE IS A PSYCHOPATH WHO IS NOT TO BE TRUSTED. I was right all along. I’m smart. I can see right though fucking people. She also said SP is full of crap and spread lies. Laughing, than talking sexual again. Well lights out. I had enough of […]
I don’t come on this site often, only when I feel shitty. Please try to comment if you can so I can get as much advice as possible. I was given a load of shit when I was born and honestly, not one single thing has changed. I have a sister that has mood swings and has some form of autism, my mom wants me to be her slave, among other things. I mentioned in my last post about my mom being in a wheelchair and I don’t mind helping her, but she does nothing else for me. My dad lets me do stuff with him […]
for the first time last night I tried to commit suicide. I was drunk and on valium, my lover who had just finished fucking me left to go home to his girlfriend. A month ago I had a boyfriend and on a saturday night would I too would have someones arms to sleep in. I was angry and felt used, nostalgia overwhelmed me so I downed 10 pain pills and the remainder of my alcohol before throwing the bottle at the wall. I picked up a glass shard and ran it down my arm. I ran outside my apartment and hysterically cried whilst I smoked […]
I am 20. It’s been 4 years now. Everyday I say to myself “I want to die”. You know the little games we play in our mind. Mine is – saying to myself “I want to die”.
It started off due to academic pressure, then bullies, then other tensions. Eventually I am now a failure everywhere. If we meet someday, you wouldn’t be able to tell that I am suicidal. I wish you could. No way can sense how unhappy I am. I am just another introvert in front of society. Inside I am a tired guy screaming in tears – “I WANT TO DIE”.
I am […]
I had the most beautiful dream – in it, I sat somewhere.. under a tree or on a bench – I’m not sure
A man sat next to me – I don’t think I knew him, or maybe I did – he slowly leaned over and kissed me ever so gently on the lips. The feeling that came over me was absolute love… there were no expectations, no sexual innuendos, nothing but pure, unconditional love. When I awoke – that kiss fresh on my lips – and found that it was a dream, my heart shattered into a thousand pieces. It was only a dream […]
At school i only have three friends which we all have different sexuality. I’m a bisexual, one of them is Pan-sexual (which if any you don’t know means doesn’t care what they are boy,girl, trans) another Asexual (no sexual attraction to anyone) and the Heterosexual (straight) and this stupid fuck up group of people keep on bullying us about it. I don’t even know how they found out! It pisses everyone off but we can’t do anything because we’re quiet shy about it so we don’t say it much. And that just makes it worst how so how they know! Also we mixed classes recently […]
With my besties. So proud of my friend who’s graduating from college.
But I feel like I don’t belong here. like I shouldn’t be here. Like I’m not really a bestie, like I’m just here because of some nuanced sense of whats right or honor.
My friends said that I was not polite, mostly related to lude jokes and statements about moms being sexual beings. I guess I relate to my mom differently. I wish she would go out and have a life and love and fuck for god’s sake. She’s not dead. She’s a human. I don’t want to treat her as if she is this […]
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