Has anyone increased their dosage of citalopram? If so, did the increase make you feel worse before you felt better? Cause I’ve been pretty much suicidal for the last 4 days, I can’t sleep now cause all I can think about is ending it. If I had helium here I’d be gone already, but I only have a knife so keep sitting pressing it into my skin to see if I can cut… I can’t, too scared of the pain, but I just really, really, REALLY don’t want to wake up tomorrow. I don’t know what to do with myself. I’d hook my car up […]
Sleep
Anyone out there having trouble living your life also?
Fuck, I just want to give up everything and die.
I’m tired of explaining everything to everyone about why I have erratic moods, why I need help, why I’m not as normal as everybody fucking thinks. I’m so miserable living my life. I basically lay down in bed, thinking of all things I have to do, shouldn’t forget to do… but I just can’t get up. I wake up so late in the afternoon that my day is halfway gone. I eat, use the bathroom, then go back to my room. In my room, I’m on my laptop, on […]
Who was I, before I entered this maze,
Is not something that I will remember.
As I entered the war-maze,
There was only the life-threatening
Closeness between the enemy and me.
Even this, I will not realize.
After getting out of the maze
Even if I earn my freedom,
The maze by itself, will not change. Unaltered.
To die or to kill,
To be killed, or to take someone’s life,
Even this will not be decided.
As a man wakes from his sleep,
And starts to walk, he can never
Again, see the world of […]
My life drags on.. Day by day.. Night by night. The easiest I can make it is sleeping, dreaming, only the dreams sometimes brings nightmares. Can life really be this difficult? Is it really possible that souls can be so.. Broken, that the only way out is taking ones life? Was it necessary to even put the broken souls on earth to just suffer in silence? To cry themselves to sleep? To be so needy of death to save them..? Are tears even worth it? I can put ink on paper and still have nightmares about waking up. Life is displeasing. What if I left? […]
So it is Sunday today, slept on the couch in the place I am now living.
The roomy kept coming out in the middle of the night to see if I was
going to go to my room to sleep, which I had no intention of doing ‘cuz
it is lonely in there and I prefered the distraction of the television.
I need to make it to Tuesday for the appointment to get my life back
on track. Then I will set another goal to buy myself a few more days of life.
Why do I need to “buy” or set a target to […]
My best friend saw that I was upset. She asked if I was okay as she was walking out of the room to go and sleep.
I told her I was okay, then she asked a few more times, to make sure. So I then told her that I was not okay, and she did nothing about it. She just looked confused and obviously had no idea what to do. So she just said good night and went to sleep.
Isn’t she the best?
-A.C
Every single day I’m in so much pain.. It doesn’t get any easier. I’ve waited for a few years now and it’s only gotten worse. What’s the point of suffering through this when it would be easier to just sleep?
Fifteen days ago was the last time I cut.
Fifteen days ago was when I almost committed suicide.
Thirty days or so ago was when I told my two best friends I cut. Well I didn’t exactly tell them, they already thought I did because they saw my wrist. But one day in gym class, one of my best friends made a reference to another one of our friends who cuts and I added, “So do I.” She, of course, freaked out and repeatedly asked me why I did it and all the other normal questions someone who doesn’t understand would ask. For some reason though, I couldn’t […]
I wrote this in response to someone who just posted, and thought I’d share it with whoever needs to see it right now.
I have lived with Chronic illness and Pain for most of my life. I’ve been suicidal many times, have attemped many times, and am today…choosing to live for today. That’s all I can do.
If you’re thinking you can kill yourself, please read this first.
I lived through taking enough narcotics (over 100) and alcohol. I woke up in a psych hospital a week later. Apparently I was found too late to do anything for me other than see if I woke up. I don’t […]
I don’t have a tragic life story. I don’t have an awful past. If anything I’ve been spoilt and I’m lucky.
But that still doesn’t stop me from feeling so worthless, useless, pathetic. I’ve got everything I could ever want, and it’s still not enough. I still cry myself to sleep, I still self-harm on occasion. I still look in the mirror every morning and feel physically sick at what I see. I still think about how it would be to just end it all. To just leave everything behind.
For six years I was bullied, day in day out. I was called fat, ugly, pathetic, worthless, […]
I’m not in a good mood today. It was a P.E day. We had to dance with boy partners and most of all of them i had was wanting to switch partners, meaning, i’m an unenthusiastic, worthless creep. I was depressed all day over one little thing. i’m so ridiculous. I wanted to cut myself all day, it was so painful to be me. These things, negative comments, just triggered me to want to kill myself. Anyway, i have a plan to. I don’t mean to give people ideas, but i just wanna know if it’ll work. One idea was to take an overdose of […]
Never know what to say when starting a new topic, so I suppose I typing this just to clear my own head.
All I seem to do is yoyo back an forth, one miniute I wanna save the world. Truly believe I can do it. Failing isn’t an option, by failing it would mean iv lied to myself for so long, about everything I believe. Peole tend to think that a small group of people can’t change the world, when it fact there the only people that ever have. And I believe that with every cell in my body.
Then in the next cold shallow […]
Well, after contemplating for a couple hours, I finally decided to post something. The main reason is because I mean who the hell wants to listen to some teenager going on about how depressed he is when there is no reason as to why he would be? I have a roof to sleep under and food to eat every night. I don’t get bullied. I don’t hate myself or think I’m ugly or stupid. I have no good reason to want to die. Â But yet there’s something inside me that is tearing me apart. I have no emotions any more. I just want to die. […]
Finally the physical is matching the way I feel within. My car broke down shortly after a spinal injury followed by my computer breaking down so its hard to even be here. I’m dying whether by my own hand or just my will. It’s coming I can feel it deep in my bones its time to go all I have to do now is sleep and let the death take me. Good bye to all who loved me to all whom I love. Everything dies its just my time now. I’m dieing farewell.
I love you, and i would die for you because… please tick
a) You’re the most kindest person ever
b) You’re so inspiring
c) Your beauty is incomparable to anything or anyone
d) Your presence gives me pins and needles in my neck
e) My heart speeds up when i see you
f) My mouth loses the ability to swallow or produce interesting sentences when I’m around you, yet you still put up with me
g) You always seem like you’re looking up at people and you show respect to people even though you’re far more superior than anyone in the whole world
h) Your wacky and weird in a wonderful way
k) […]
Does anyone else feel pathetic posting here? I do, every time I do.
Well, I’m past due. Way past my date of expiry. I have it set up that if I don’t reply to a text by the end of the day, the cops are going to come busting through my door. And the cops have done that already twice this year, it’d be too embarrassing if I were alive to greet them. Last time they came by, I had three of them stomping around in my room, snooping, while I stared at the traces of vomit that had dried up on the hardwood floor, hoping […]
Don’t know what the hell I be on about, But from here and there, I belong nowhere….
I don’t want to come back. Chat room is mentally destroying me.. And I don’t even come here much anymore. The Suicide Project is dying out.. And me? Well, I was just one of the many members. If you have taken the time to read this, Thank you. You are probably one of the very few left trying to keep the Suicide Project torch burning. Good luck… People need this place.
But me? Well, People always say.. There is no such thing as a happy ending. I guess this is the end of my story.. :'( It’s been Interesting though, I guess. Met some amazing people..
Orangish, For one. […]
I don’t cry when I sleep….. I just woke up…… the tears remind me that I’m alive here in this world…… awake…… I just want something big to change…… I don’t think I can sleep forever…… or can I? I’ve spent my life trying to end it…… and funny enough I spent it helping others find happiness and reasons to keep living…… I’m going back to bed soon….. maybe….. I just cry uncontrollably these days, and the only thing that stops the endless flow…… sleep…… I wish I could remember my dreams…… I used to remember them well, but now not so much….. I do […]
I’m so tired of trying. Every day is the same. This endless depressing cycle keeps repeating itself. I press on, fail, and end up in the same place I started. I’ve tried so hard for the past 9 years. But everyone just see my failures, not what I’ve achieved or how hard it is for me to survive another day. I feel worthless. Empty, defeated, and alone. Everyone is always wanting me to change, to be doing something else, to be somewhere else, to be someone else. It’s frustrating, I’ve changed so many times, I have no idea who I am anymore. And what good […]
Dad: well outa anger he once hit me cuz apparently my voice when i sing is shitty?? but he keeps my sister away from me and he trusts me so im allowed to a lot more compared to being with my mom
Mom: works/goes clubbing/or goes outa the house
Sister: beats me/ does no chores/ hangs with her friends/ bitches and complains cuz no one will do her stuff for her
me: at my moms i do house work/ protect my sister/ cook/ do homework/ help my sister do her homework/ play with my sister/ and then go to sleep when she figures out how […]