If you saw me , met me, got to know me, the last impression you would get from me would be of suicidal tendacies and an evergrowing dependency on otc drugs for helping me sleep or feel good through through the day. Basically I am well mannerred well behaived outwoodly happy like socialble enough to make you believe im basically — ok..    However, I dont remember the last time I was happy. Infact I dont remember even if I ever was happy. I no how to pretend to appear happy. Thats not happy though. I have had friends. Good friends with families that have helped […]
Tag:
Sleep
I don’t know why but everytime something happens in my house it’s my fault. It’s never thanks you found it or hey do you know where this thing is I can’t find it. It’s always where is it you moved it you better find. If you don’t find I’m going to beat your ass. You can’t go to sleep or school till you find it. If I ever find out it’s your fault next time I’ll beat your ass till you bleed. How can you say that person loves you. That’s the point you can’t because it’s always hatered towards you. I’m so sick and […]
I don’t know how to live the “right” type of life. To me, living hurts. Dying is simple. To die, all you have to do is stop. To live, you have to do everything. Somebody told me that every breath you take is a choice. If that’s the case, I’m going to stop breathing. That’s my choice. To be or not to be? I choose to not. I’m tired of living. I have chosen how I want to go; I just need a place and a time. I’m waiting but we’ll see. I know that nobody should want to die, but I do. That’s what […]
I imagine myself as the boy stumbling out of the bar at 3AM alone and walking home. I don’t know what “home” is anymore, but I’m going to walk there, drunk and abandoned. And at some point, I’ll start singing a few songs that remind me of him.
I wish I could say I’m so sorry. I wish I could say I love him to him. I wish he felt the slightest bit of remorse for every time he said I meant less than nothing to him. I wish I could wake up tomorrow and find his car parked outside my house, knocking on the door, […]
Took about 20 iron pills around 11:00pm yesterday from all the crap my parents put me through. I thought I would die in my sleep. Until I found out today I will die a slow death when I woke up today and researched it . I’m transitioning from stage one to 2 soon. It would take me about 3 days to die give or take if I’m not in a coma. Well it could take a week that I could die from an overdose. I told my mom after I woke up. She made me puke up everything several times after drinking loads of water. Though that […]
I am a 39 year old female, who has worked hard my whole life and up till a few years ago could not have been prouder of where I was, and how far I had came. I have never been in trouble with the law, and have been with my husband for over 20 years, and could never think of life any other way. Till 3 years ago. I had a siezure. I had not had any health problems at all before that, but after that first one, I had 3 more within 2 months. After many, many different doctors, we never found out why. […]
ugh, i’m sick and tired of being sick and tired. I am a 21 year old male that just can’t do anything right. In college, i just continually messup in class because I am too depressed to get up of of bed and go to class. I just don’t want to do anything… i just want to lay in bed and just wait for everything to pass over. Besides having a long history of depression and going to counciling, I am on probation for a DUI. I know i fucked up and i beat myself up for knowing that i shouldn’t have done that. the […]
Last week my husband came to see me so that we could talk. Well he came back the next day and then stayed the nite on friday nite. He had told me we were sole mates and would be together for the rest of our lives. I had to work on saturday so he went to help his mother with yard work. He sent me a text message staing he would be to my house after i got off work at 6. He then sent another text message about two hours later that asked me if i would be upset if he didnt come over […]
so it 12:00 in the morning and I can’t sleep, why I have’nt been able to sleep for ages.
as I was was lying awake in my bed I thought about my life and why its worth living, I thought should I just go into my kitchen and take all the pills, or go to my dresser and pull out the razor?
I lyed there and thought why why should I live, when no one seems to care, the only thing I live for are broken promisses, lies and pain.
When I go to school there’s only mean glances and people judeing your every move.
when I get home […]
When I think of myself more often then not I just want to puke. I used to be so happy and free spirited and I feel high school and just recent events in my life is ruining me. I am more cynical, I dont get along with parents, I dont have a 4.0, I feel fat and ugly…i am a let down to my amazing little sister and my life is just one big treadmill. Its like ive climbed on and cant get off. I just have to keep running because I cant stop or I will get flung off and I dont know how to […]
I’ve been depressed for as long as I can remember. I don’t really know why. I just don’t like to be alive. Nothing has ever happened to me, and I think for most of my life, it hasn’t been a horrible life. I just don’t like living it anymore. It’s getting harder to deal with.
I’m 28, separated from my husband for a year now and have an unplanned pregnancy with someone who I wish would die. I’m not that lucky though. I miss being with husband, I love him more than anything and would do anything for him. We have 2 beautiful girls. I wish […]
My life was perfectly fine until things started in the 5th grade. I was your normal self-centered, bratty, know-it-all, drama queen, annoying, 10-year-old, until my mom decided she was leaving my dad. That day broke my heart, and tears are now splattering on my keyboard just thinking about it. When she told me the news, an unnatural shriek escaped my mouth, and she was surprisingly laughing at me, though I was standing in a pile of tears. Later that day my dad attempted talking to me about it, but for the first time in my whole life he put his head in his hands and cried right […]
I’ve never been the type to ask for help. I am a very independent person, who likes to do everything on my own.
I cry out for help in my own way. But no one is lisenting. My brother usualy hears the crys but he’s been working a lot lately. My mom just seems to ignore them. She just seems to care more about her friends then her own daughter.
I know she can’t be stupid. I’m falling back into my same ruotine. I never eat. And when I do I get sick right after. I sleep A LOT. I don’t only sleep cuz I’m coming down […]
I’m mildly obsessed with the idea of taking my life.
Almost any way possible if I can do it semi-passively. It’s almost ironic that I’m no longer afraid of heights because I’d like to fall from them. Right now, I’d like to go back downstairs and take the knife and start writing in my skin with blood. Conquer my fear of pain as well.
And I’d jut cut and cut and cut.
And if I accidentally let too much blood flow out? All the better.
Lately I’ve been trying to deal with food. I’ve been forgetting to eat every now and then and eating things with barely any calories […]
First of all, i’m beyond grateful for this site, it has seriously shown me how many people are going through the same stuff I am. Obviously you don’t have to read this, but, i need to write it. I may never go on this site again or check it, but i need to let my soul just spill. I grew up in a Christian home my whole life. My father was a missionary and my mother is/was a seriously strong christian. Recently, i’ve been going through serious depression. I don’t know what’s wrong with me, I’ve just been a zombie. I’ll come home from school […]
Older Posts