I’ve been pretty unlucky in life. When I was a child I was raped. Then my sister and father left me and my mother. She started crying and drinking all the time and saying/doing fucked up stuff (like trying to stab me). A bunch of other stuff happened with religion and drugs and stuff that fucked me even more. Eventually I ended up with psychological problems including social anxiety, psychogenic pain and schizophrenia. In college I found a therapy that was very effective at treating these problems: schema therapy. It involved going back to childhood and fixing the problems at the source. As part of this therapy I wrote out some things that happened in childhood, negative beliefs that came from them and positive beliefs that could replace them (called flash cards). When I was drunk at the birthday of someone in my class I accidentally dropped aÂ flash card and people in my class found them (I didn’t know they were in my pocket). On the 60 minute bus journey back they revealed what they found and constantly harassed me about all the stuff that happened and all problems/negative beliefs I had. TheyÂ systematically reinforced all the negative beliefs I had. I think they gave me post traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) because I can’t stop thinking about it and it’s making me really angry and anxious. It’s preventing me from making any progress with the therapy so I’m back to being fucked. I was making rapid progress and I was on my way to a full recovery but now I’m just fucked and planning on suicide. I didn’t tell anyone for ages because I thought they wouldn’t understand. I think deep down I thought I deserved it but now I realise I didn’t, and I feel more comfortable talking about it. Â They knew that I was raped when I was a child, they knew what happened with my mother (plus a lot of the other stuff), and they wanted to hurt me more. They had no significant reason for doing it, they just enjoy making people suffer. People are sick.
So I made quite a long post earlier “tl;dr” and since then Ive been reading through some posts and Ive realised I need to ask for help. Ive studied a bit of psychology and im sure im a manic depressive with social anxiety and mild eating disorders. I need to and want to ask for help but I dont know who or where to turn. Im reluctant to go to friends and family as I dont want them to see me differently, I wear a great mask have for years, they dont suspect much I dont think and I swear to god the slightest bit of sympathy or pity will send me totally down the wrong path. How do I get around that someone whose been through it?
So i decided to share my suicide story with you. Â I am 26 year old male from Europe. I had on-off strong suicide thoughts since my early teenage years. I hate myself a lot. i don’t think i should live on.
The reason for that is that i always end up in some really bad, shitty situations. Mostly due myself and my own stupidity, Â laziness or my weak character. I mostly live from one emotional disaster to an other, some shit always happens to me, and i freak out and can’t take it easy. And i effect people around me, a lot of people got disappointed in me. I got i lot of problems with myself, i actually can not think of any good things about me or my personality. Â I got the worst body type – skinny fat, no muscles, i am not tall, more on the short side. I am not so smart and have really bad memory. I have very bad social skills, actually a have social anxiety and no confidence. Â I also have some mental problems, have been tested that i am mentally unstable, i also think that i have ADD, but have never been tested.
I come from a poor family. I was not planned, mother gave birth to me when she was 19. Parents split when i was 4 or 5. Â They were also poor all their life, not really smart people, no real education. Â My childhood was not so good. Mother met her new boyfriend when i was 7 and he never left, she still lives with him. He is a very rude, stupid macho ass alpha male. He beat her, sometimes due my mistakes. Mother was very afraid of him. He totally dominated her with fear, and myself also. I had to be very quiet at home, was even afraid to sneeze or something. Â Never saw love at home. My father is a total loser also, i never could look up to him. Had shitty jobs, dated only some low class stupid women.
I got some few positive moments in my life, but always got dragged bad in this ”shitty reality”. I feel like i got no hope, things always end up badly. Â I am already 26, but i haven’t Â accomplished much in my life. I got no education, no job, could not hold on a job for long. Had only one relationship with a girl for a year when i was 22, and she ended up cheating on me twice, so i duped her. Â Had no girlfriend after that, haven’t even talked to many girls. Basically got disappointed in women. Before her i had few girls, some casual dating, but nothing serious. I actually lost my virginity when i was 19, nobody knows that. Some girls did got attracted to me, but as soon as they got to know me closer, they did not like me anymore.
One of few positive things in my life were my best friends, i could not get along with most people, only with my best friend, like they understood me. Had only 4 friends i my life. But by now lost contact with most of them, they live in a different country now. Â Other positive thing is my hobby, cars, only place where i am confident is in the drivers seat. To bad i have no finance to support that passion.
Two years ago i moved to a different country, basically i tried to escape from my financial and emotional problems. Â But things got worse. Due language barrier and my shy personality i made no friends, got isolated. Didn’t find a job, live from social benefits. Only people i talk to are my parents or my only best friend, they still live in my home country. So i am all alone here, surrounded by happy conservative people who speak a different language. I have never been more depressed. Tried to search for help by doctors, but with no results.
I have been thinking a lot. I don’t see any option but suicide, or winning the lottery, so i had no financial problems and just could build cars by myself for my happiness, but that’s not really possible. I have tried to explore my passion, to make things better, to move on, but no matter what i do, i always fuck things up in the end. I have never succeeded in anything.
I just lost all hope, i should free myself and people around me from my misery and just commit suicide. I wish it was so easy, if i got a gun i would just shoot myself, but can’t get any guns here. I can’t cut myself, i am disgusted by veins, can’t even touch them. All other options i can think of Â do notÂ guarantee to kill me, but might end up hurt or paralyzed which is far worse than death.
Maybe you can suggest me some effective suicide methods, or what should i do with my life.
Thank you for taking time and reading my whole story, please comment, i need your advice.
Sorry for my bad English grammar.
My boyfriend doesn’t understand my depression and social anxiety. Â He thinks its a phase and that I will grow out of it. Â My depression gets worse everyday and I want him to realise the seriousness of this before it is too late. Â What should I do?
I am speaking directly to people that suffer from severe depression and social anxiety. Â To people that know that they have been diagnosed with severe depression or social anxiety; please know that there are people out there just like you. Â Just like me. Â For five years I have been suffering from severe depression. Â I was diagnosed when I was 15 years old. Â Everyday is a struggle for me whether it is visible to the people around me or not. Â I don’t have anyone left to turn to. Â All of the people that are in my close circle of friends and family just ignore my call. Â They don’t understand how serious this is. Â I have an addiction to self-harm and have since I was 15. Â It started off with just once a month with a razor under my pillow in the early hours of the morning trying to be as quiet as possible. Â Then it came to every single day where I couldn’t withstand the temptation. Â I gave in every time. Â Now I am 20 years old and still can’t withstand that temptation. Â The people that I live with; my boyfriend and his best friend don’t know what I am going through. Â I got let go from my last job because I couldn’t handle my emotions and I would have numerous breakdowns during my shifts. Â So now I choose not to work. Â I am too scared to face reality. Â My boyfriend supports me by giving me a place to live, putting food on the table and giving me love. Â Only one person in my life cares to do that for me. Â I feel very grateful for it too. Â His room-mate doesn’t understand why I reside in my bedroom all the time and he also doesn’t know why I am so quiet and keep to myself. Â If only he knew. Â He always wonders why I don’t work. Â But you can’t just say to someone, I don’t work, because I have depression and anxiety. Â I hate going out in public, I hate being around people and I hate doing things wrong. Â That is a doorway for me to punish myself if I do something wrong. Â I’m trying to take things one step at a time, and I’m starting off with being on support payments, doing my study, cooking meals and cleaning the apartment. Â Is that honestly lazy? Â Some people think yes, some people think maybe, some people think no. Â I don’t mind what you think of what I do. Â That is just an overview of what I want to do to slowly heal so I know I am ready to face reality and not be stepped all over and treated like shit. Â I don’t want to still have depression when I get my next job. Â I want to be healthy and ready to face reality. Â Is that lazy? Â People cope in their own ways. Â Any comments are always fine, Â just please, I ask you not to judge me or ridicule me, I am just here to tell my story. Â And to find a friend. Â Someone I can talk to. Â Someone who they can talk to. Â Two people who can help each other through the good and bad times. Â My email is email@example.com if you would like to talk.
I had a whole long thing written here about how being an introvert sucks and havingÂ what I guess you could callÂ social anxiety has turned me into a social pariah, but it didn’t exactly flow well because I just sort of dumped all of my thoughts onto the page, so I deleted it. Anyway, looks like I wasted another half hour and I still have a lot of homework to finish for tomorrow. Well, technically it’s now due later today. I guess I won’t be getting much, if any, sleep tonight. Life is a *****.
I just wanted to share with you guys why even though I think life is pointless I still chose to live on
Why live? Is Iâ€™m going to die anyway, if there is nothing after this, if my life has only been eating disorders, social anxiety, depression, ADDâ€¦ Why live if I have already given up on ever having a romantic relationship, let alone a family, because only thinking about it exhaust meâ€¦ Why live if I donâ€™t want to achieve anything?
After all, for a nihilist life is pointless, why all these people keep procreating and suffering? Why not just give up on existence?
Whatâ€™s the point of life?
A question I do not have an answer for; but even if I did or even if I took my life away it wouldn’tÂ change a single but crucial fact: Everything might be a Lie but Pain and Suffering are NOT.
Even if I die people and other living creatures will suffer.
Pigs and chicken will have to live sad existences inside crowded cages. Cows will be cruelly slaughtered without being stunned before.
Kids will be abducted and forced into prostitution, hardÂ laborÂ and war.
Humans will keep hurting and killing other humans.
The pain everyone of this beings experience right now is real, never mind there is a point in existing or not.
If I die now itâ€™d be pretty much the same as if I die in 20 yearsâ€™ time with a degree, material wealth, fame and familyâ€¦.. But if I choose to live on I can put all my efforts into helping one of those existences to stop the suffering, I can help spread that work, maybe that will help to stop the suffering of another 2-3 or even 1000 beings?
And what do I do meanwhile? Enjoy of a beautiful rainbow or eat a tasty red apple or go swimming at the beach with no pressures to be pretty, slim, have a career , money or family or achieve anything I donâ€™t feel like achievingâ€¦. Because after all
Existence is meaningless the pain some people and animals are experiencing right now is real and if something can be done then Iâ€™ll do all I can to change an existence for better.
I’m Lily, I’m 15- I have social anxiety and I have no friends- well I have fake ones 🙁
Every day I go to school I feel alone and awkward when my friends are with their friends. I’m just standing there, I wish I was confident enough to make other friends but I’m not. My closest “friend” does her best to make me feel out of place by ignoring me and leaving me out of things. I’ve tried to tell them how I feel twice but they must think I am just trying to get attention or something. In a way I am trying to get attention, I’m trying to get my friends to actually care about my feelings- but obviously that isn’t possible. Every day after school I come home so depressed and I cry a lot and I just really need someone to talk to 🙁
I mean if my friends are treating me like this then they obviously aren’t that good.
I really need at least one true friend, but I don’t know how to talk to people or make friends.
I want to die, but I don’t want to kill myself
I feel so alone and horrible- I’ve been thinking about calling a suicide hotline but that isn’t possible because I live in a country that doesn’t actually have one.
I don’t know what to do
I was at the age of 12 when the bullying started. It was a group of my now former best friends, who would taunt and ridicule me-leaving the young me to feel loneliness and depression. I thought about suicide a lot at 12.
I went on to middle school, where I became a stereotypical nerd. I had very little friends and would often find myself picked last in gym class (yes, things like this actually happened to nerds lol). In my last year of middle school I made it a mission to stay as invisible as possible-I had several friends, never spoke up in class-and almost nobody remembers me. I thought it was better than being picked on as a nerd again. I also faced a lot of social anxiety, like being afraid to participate in a class discussion or be in a large group. I would get panicked and feel terrified.
No one ever knew of my social anxieties.
It was in my first year of high school that I took online courses. For the next two years, I had no friends aside from relatives and very little social interaction. I was unmotivated. I fell behind in school work. I started feeling symptoms of depression again.
After a year of being a vegetarian-an ethical decision that no one supported me in-I found myself back to eating like everyone else. Â I stopped exercising and eating healthy, because I no longer felt motivated to like I did when I was a vegetarian. It was around that time I developed symptoms of bulimia. I purged more and more in an effort to control my weight. All it did was make me feel worse about myself. 🙁
I’ve had a lot of issues with family members, especially my mom. When I opened up to her about my symptoms of depression, she laughed in my face and told me I was going through a phase.
I wasn’t. It was so much more than that.
With no emotional support my mood keptÂ spiralingÂ down. I always smiled and told everyone I was okay, even when I wasn’t.
And then one day I just had this impulsive feeling. I wasn’t emotional, or angry, or anything really. I was just numb. So I overdosed on a bottle of pills. My sister found out and my mom started crying. She was upset and kept asking me why I did it. They wanted to take me to a hospital but I convinced them that nothing was going to happen to me and they were convinced not to get me medical treatment. I really had a talent for convincing people I was fine. At one point my mom just got mad and yelled at me. She asked me why I had told someone that I overdosed if it didn’t have any effect on me and I just got everyone worried for nothing.
I won’t forget that.
I won’t forget all those times I tried to get help, only to be told that I needed to pray more, or go to church more, or read the Bible more.
Religion never saved me.
I say this because I am lost in a world of religious connections-a church that I attend, a religious family, and religious friends. I am 17. I am still a minor. I can’t get up and leave the things that hurt me the most when I want to.
One day I will get out of this. I will stop forcing myself to stay in a religion that kills me inside. I will find people I can really depend on.
For now, though, I still struggle with not hating myself too much.
i suffer from:
- social anxiety
- self harm
- severe self loathing
- daily (hourly) suicidal thoughts
and i’d say all of these have been keeping me from living my life the way i want to, they cause me to hurt others emotionally, and they’ve all been getting worse. i don’t know if i consider what i’m doingÂ living,Â but rather merely staying alive; always wishing to drop dead any second.
I wish everyone saw themselves as beautiful. The world would be a better place. I wouldn’t beÂ anorexic.. I probably would not have social anxiety and depression I know my depression is not just because I think I’m fat and ugly but I think I would have gotten a lot better by now if I did not destroy myself with my own thoughts every day. Why does even matter to me so much. I hate when people give me attention I hate stares so why do I want to be beautiful and thin.
Okay, this will be long winded. I’m sorry.
I’m 22 years old. For the past ten years, I’ve been dealing with depression and anxiety. I’ve been officially diagnosed with severe depression, severe anxiety, severe social anxiety and borderline post traumatic stress disorder.
I’ve been through a lot in my life, but I’ll make it short. As a kid, my mom was a pot head and she slept all day while my dad worked two jobs, only seeing him for about 15 minutes a day. Thus, I was left alone a lot as a kid with my brother. My parents eventually split up and my siblings and I went with our dad to live with our aunt.
At 12, my brother molested and raped me multiple times for about six months until I was able to be courageous enough to tell my dad and aunt. This caused an investigation with social services. They ended up ruling out the case, and my dad said it was my fault anything happened cause I was asking for it and wanted it.
My brother tried to trick me into stuff again, but I wouldn’t let it happen. So instead he became mad and would beat me and would get kids at school to beat me up and bully me and isolate me. At the same time, my dad remarried and my new stepmom forced me to cook for her and her kids, clean the whole house including her and the kid’s rooms, and would mentally and verbally abuse me, and cut me off from any interaction with people outside of school. She would control what I wore and how I looked and what I did and forced me to be her servant basically. I also dealt with verbal abuse from her kids because they thought it was okay. Meanwhile, my dad started treating me worse and worse and being verbally abusive to me as well cause I looked and acted more and more like my birth mom.
Things have happened over years. Dad left that stepmom and remarried someone that’s too absorbed in her own life. He treated me so poorly that I had to move out of the house and cope for a period of time. I tried going to college and was doing decently but my depression got so bad that I never left my room and failed my semester. I have to pay back over $2,000 to be able to get my transcript to return to school, so that is a struggle in itself.
I’ve been dealing with so much stress and trauma and bullying and isolation and tons and tons of things that I could go on for days.
I rather keep it to the point.
Despite receiving medication and going to counseling [which in all honesty was going to two sessions before the therapist quit and I never heard anything from the counseling center since], my depression and anxiety have gotten worse and worse. I’m too scared to talk to people or talk on the phone or ask people for favors or deal with any type of confrontation. However, Â I really need social interaction because I’m horribly lonely all the time. My family ignores me and my friends are busy all the time, so I sit by myself all the time. I become really really lonely and I just sit here depressed because I’m alone and I can’t even do anything for myself. I’m too scared to drive, I feel like I’ll never be able to get back in college. I’m overweight and have medical conditions [Poly Cystic Ovary Syndrome and Insulin Resistance] that keep people from wanting to talk to me because all they see is someone that’s fat.
I hate myself, I hate my body, I hate how I am going no where in life. I cry all the time and I feel like it’s a struggle to get through anything. I self harm by scratching myself so I can hide the marks easier. People aren’t suspicious of scratches. However, it’s getting bad enough where I think about killing myself every day. I take medication for my insulin resistance, and I found out someone once overdosed on it in a suicide attempt and succeeded. Though they took twice as much medication than I get in one bottle refill, I’ve felt that with all my metformin along with other meds I take, it should give enough effect to end it all.
I’m honestly just so tired. I’m so tired of constantly being hurt and let down and being alone and feeling like I’m never going to get on stable ground or do anything with my life.
I’m just so tired.
I feel like maybe I can actually do something for the good. I try to make everyone happy but at the end of the day I’m not. I feel bad for getting angry with myself for stuff I can’t control. Maybe I will wake up tomorrow with a smile on my face and feel better. I can only hope. I hope everyone is doing good tonight.
I don’t know what to do with myself. I’m an 18 (almostÂ 19) year old college drop out, and I just feel so lost. I have been suicidal ever since I was 12, and I never imagined that I would make it this far in life. I had only gone to college so I could get away from my parents, but due to my social anxiety I was forced to come back. I feel stuck; forced to live with my father who raped and hit me as a child, and my mother who has never tried to protect me from him (andÂ furtherÂ claims that the rape was just my imagination). I am forced to be civil and respectful to him, to pretend that he is the perfect father. My therapist has tried to help with my anxiety, but it’s no use; how can anyone try to heal while still living with their abuser? My “friends” don’t keep in contact, but that doesn’t bother me much; they are moving forwards with their lives, not to mention all of my friendships are superficial.
I have a job as a paraprofessional educator, but I don’t make nearly enough to be able to support myself. What little I make goes to helping with the bills, so I will never be able to save up enough to leave. I feel so hopeless. Even if I were to magically obtain the funds to support myself, I have no idea what to do with my life. I have no career goals, because I don’t have the foggiest idea what myÂ interestsÂ are.
I’m just so overwhelmed by my emotions: fear and hatred towards my father, disgust and anger towards my mother, self -loathing towardsÂ myselfÂ as well as a plethora of other emotions that make it crippling to leave the slight comfort my bed provides. I’m terrified and wish there was someone that could help me, yet I’m equally terrified of trusting someone enough to give them the power to hurt me (contradictory, I know). I have been trying for so long to keep persevering, but what’s the point? I’m so tired or torturing myself like this, yet here I am…it’s so frustrating.
While one day falls into another, I only hope that this is a dream.
I’m too old for these feelings. I’m in university, doing an incredibly difficult course which I spent my whole schooling trying to get into. I chose this. I am crippled by social anxiety, so I chose to live alone. I am simultaneously envious of people who can be themselves, surrounded by friends. I chose to be like this, every decision pushing me further inside my head. I am painfully crammed inside my own skull.
Surely I’ll wake up, a happy, normal, real version of myself. Surely I’ll be able to think beyond myself.
I have seen two psychiatrists and have been prescribed antidepressants. These experiences have just been like facts to me, they have made me leap to conclusions – I have seen a psychiatrist, I am better now. I am taking medicine, I am better now. Yet, I am still unable to sleep. I wake up every morning, like a false awakening, a dream within a dream. Yet, I still can’t form the right sentences. I still can’t have the strength to accept my choices.
My dad found out about my antidepressants and that I want to change degrees. He calls me weak. He yells, disgusted. How could I be so weak? Why do I always take the easy way? Why did I even need medication? He tells me to harder up. He tells me I am a fuck up. He tells me I am weak. He tells me to harden up. Why don’t I just harden up? Weak. Weak. Weak. He tells me no. No, I should stop taking the pills, they make me even more boring. No, I cannot change degrees. I made those decisions, so therefore no. No. No.
This a dream, this is my own body. This is my own body? These are my own decisions?
I cut myself when I am 14. I have horrible dreams about scratching my skin until it breaks and I bleed. I drink and cry when I am 16. I shut off when I am 17. I don’t talk to anyone anymore when I am 18. I move when I am 19, and break down. I constantly think about how to end this spiralling dream. Jump off a cliff. Jump in front of a train. Jump off of my apartment building. Have the strength to push the blade down hard enough.
I have tried many times, but am never brave enough. Would if it doesn’t work? I’d be left to go to an institution. My whole family would know, they wouldn’t know what to say or what to do.
I have spent my whole life trying so hard for something. I don’t know what it is and am losing faith again. There isn’t anything left for me. I can’t contribute or give to anything. I am an enemy to myself, I can’t change myself.
The only thing that will have any effect on this never ending cycle is death. Death is the answer to waking up from this dream, this nightmare. As death won’t come to me, I’ll have to come to it.
I miss being a little kid the world was so pretty and I loved life. Now things are not what I expected to be like. I often wonder if I could of fixed it. My life just shattered. MyÂ counselorÂ thinks my depression is caused by my past. Maybe it was I’m not sure but I just I want to feel good again not feel so disconnected all the time. I have really bad social anxiety I have no friends I’m alone. I think I like being alone I pushed all of Â them away. Yet sometimes I wish I had someone who just understand me. I am weird. a lot of people think I am bipolar, borderline personality disorder,Â schizophrenia. I don’t believe them I think people judge me to fast. I’m very quite I have days were I am to tired to get out of bed and then there are days when I go do all of my homework and sleeping little and feeling fine. My life’s changed. I really do feel like I’m going crazy. I feel like people are watching me and I hear stuff and see things that are not there. It might just be stress but I’m still alive and I don’t feel to great about that.
im from a little country in the caribbean. my whole life ive lived with terrible social anxiety. i shut down when i try to be around anyone. its prevented me from growing up and becoming anything. im 24 now.
when i was younger i got the chance to live in england w my aunt. she saw i had no life here with deadbeat family. i had dropped out of school and slept through the day.
years were difficult in england. my problems eventually got me sent back home.
i live now w my parents and every day is the same. i never go out and i dont have any friends. ive tried to go to school here several times but my anxiety always beat me. i spend pretty much my whole day in my room.
but none of this really matters. in fact i learned pretty well to say fuck it to alot of things. accepted my fate on the shit end of the universe. what hurts the most is that for all of those years i had one significant friend online. and now he is gone. a very beautiful kind person from indiana who showed me support and love. we spent every day together. watching movies. tv. everything.
he was terminally ill. with muscular dystrophy. he had a sciency mind but was perceptive about ppl. a lover of everything smart and artful. for all those years we chatted pretty much every day and we meant everything to each other.
just before christmas he passed away. i was devastated. since then ive wanted to finally end my life. i would of done it before, but life was somehow alittle more bearable with him alive too. to have his understanding and his words. i knew he would die eventually. his health was failing. i used to tell myself ill kill myself when he is gone. he never complained about his misery. he just loved me rly strongly. i cry so much when i think about him and his cruel illness and how he never complained and gave me so much love.
i cant believe it is february. i wanted so much to die in january. ive wanted to die since i was on the plane back home here. i told myself that i just wanted a few years of peace at home. because england was so difficult and it hurt me. then i would die. i cant believe ive been living this sad life for so long.
im glad i outlived u nonfish. it would of hurt you too much to see me succumb to it all. there were times i thought i needed to leave you. but you were always the best thing in my life. i miss your love. i miss ur interests. i miss ur amorousness. ive rly wanted to write a letter to your family. but i dont know what to say. i dont know how to thank them for your life. how much you meant to me. im sorry you had to see so much loneliness and depression eat away at me. im sorry i couldnt be at ur funeral. missing u will give me the strength to do this final thing.
i want to make sure i do it right. i plan to use ********. i found a company that will sell me a 55cf tank and a regulator. my plan is to do it at a hotel. i cant do this at home because i dont want my parents to find my body. i keep having these ups and downs that make it hard to focus on my plan. somedays i cant do anymore about it. somedays im only interested in starcraft. today i am utterly miserable and angry at myself for losing focus. for procrastinating. if anyone truly wanted to be a friend to me they would help me perform this plan correctly. but theres no one i can talk to. a mistake that leaves me brain damaged is my worst fear.
My depression is getting bad again and I want to die. I have severe social anxiety so i have no one to talk to. I can’t go to school because I am so depressed. I literally cannot even leave my bed. When I miss a week of school none of my classmates notice that i was ever gone. No one acknowledges my existance now, but i can almost guarentee that if i killed myself, the people at my school would act like its so tragic and “i was such a beautiful person.” i hate society, i hate people and i want to die. Today my own father told me that Â i need to go to a mental institution because i’m fucked up in the head apparently. I think he’s right, but at least people would care for me and help me at a mental hospital, unlike this hellhole i’m living in. I’m about to take a bunch of pills because i dont think i can put up with life anymore
You know what I’ve realised? I don’t want a relationship for the sake of having a relationship.
I want one that means something, that’s something I’ve never had.
Whether it’s with a guy or a girl I don’t care, if they mean something to me then that’s all that matters. I want someone that makes me happy and that I can make happy, someone to love and protect but most of all someone that feels the same way about me. I’ve never had a real relationship because I suffer from social anxiety which often holds me back, but for the right person I’m willing to overcome that.
is.it ‘lying’ if i tell my guy friend that im in school when im actually not? i want to tell him the truth but i fear i will be judge and ashamed that ill look pathetic how i still havent graduated high school due to the embaressing social.anxiety reason. i honeslty feel awkward just letting t out on this site to random people i dont know. i fear he wont understand and even if he does ill feel awkward. these feeling dont go away ino matter wht i tel myself. i dont want to go on ‘lying’ to him mich further. what should i do.