I’ve never really had any sense of direction with my life. I think about the future quite often, but I don’t see myself in it. I never have. I don’t see myself doing any job or having children or getting married or living anywhere. I just don’t see it. I’m 23 and that’s still young, but most people have an idea of what they want to do with their life… I just don’t. I think I am destined to commit suicide. I feel like that’s my purpose in life. Does anyone else feel this way or think this could be my purpose ?
I just discovered this website, so I’m not really familiar with how it works, but here I am. I’m so alone, and right now all I want is just to feel like I’m not alone, to be around other people who understand what I’m going through. I’ve been going through depression for the past few years, but this past month it has really been hitting me hard and getting worse. Why am I struggling? The answer is one word, and one word that we all are just too familiar with. And that word is alone. I couldn’t feel anymore distance from my family, it’s like […]
Last week I went on vacation with my siblings, and there were some fun parts definitely. But overall it just made me realize once again how high the tensions between me and the rest of my family are. My brother thinks I’m weird and (possibly) a freak, but he usually doesn’t show it intentionally. My one sister tries to be as nice as possible towards me, cause she is a kind soul. My other sister was annoyed the whole trip for some reason, and when she’s like that she usually lets her anger out on other people, i.e. me. It’s basically just because she’s mad, […]
I remember when I first started posting here, I was lost, very depressed, and lonely. I always thought, “I am not going anywhere in life. I just want to turn 20, live on my own, and kill myself!” After being on here for a while I started to feel a bit happier, soon after I began therapy and started to fell more happy, more confident, less lonely, I started being more hopeful about the future and had plans for what I want to do. But here I am again, a few months later and I am back to being depressed, I have isolated myself and […]
I found this site the other night and from reading many of the posts and responses I can honestly say that I’ve never before been so moved as I have by the overwhelming level of support and consideration that the members of this community repeatedly give to one another.
The personal stories on here are some of the most heartbreaking things that I have ever read and it amazes me how people can open their heart to others even in the midst of personal crisis and turmoil.
I spent time in hospital with some of the most incredible human beings that I’ve ever had the chance to […]
You were the only one I could really talk to. The only one I could tell when I wasn’t feeling alright. Only you don’t know that, you probably think it’s the opposite, that I don’t want to talk to you.
And now, you tell me you think I don’t even want to get better. Well, I don’t. Not really. I’m not cut out for it.
I would go right now but you’d probably find me.
I’ll do it tomorrow morning, when you’re out.
Don’t think it doesn’t mean I don’t love you. I do, unconditionally. But this is how it’s meant to be.
I had 2 dreams last night. The […]
Hi,
I have been dealing with depression since 8th grade. Ive been in college since 2008 working to get a bachelor’s. I’ve withdrawn from 9 semesters (8 for depression and 1 for another health-related matter). I am trying to becone an actuary currently. I cannot seem to catch a break.
I have tried many medications, ECT, and therapy. The newest medixation, Brintellix was working fine. However, in my third week of the semester, my depression just came back. I missed class 3/4 days last week. Every day I worked myself out of feeling bad, ending each day on a high. Still, I would wake up in […]
I’ve fought my depression alone for eight years. It was a struggle I was losing most of the time. My depression is a black cloud that covers me and strangles and poisons everything in my life. My depression has defined everything about me as a person, a few of these things being my motivation, self-confidence and social life. I hate the person I see in the mirror with such intensity it scares me. I would numb myself from the world by seeking out any distractions I can find, be it books or video games (with diminishing results, I can’t pick up a book anymore and I […]
I don’t understand where the surety of my identity went to.
To lose my husband of 37 years to a car crash that changed the lives of so many is not as consuming and confusing as the loss of my adored, trusted, loving little brother to abandonment. I have loved and been devoted to my brother for all of his 56 years. I trusted his love and devotion to me without question. He is the person I would trust with the lives of myself, my children and grand children. He is the executor of my will and was so for my late husband (in case I died at the […]
How do you have everything going for you and yet still find yourself just going to screw itup for reasons that aren’t entirely valid right now?
I made up with my best friend, I have my first ever guy friend, and things seem okay.but my fear of the future is causing me to want to end my life.my younger sister has my same fear ironically enough shes afraid of turning eighteen this year cause my parents will divorce forcing us to have to choose who we want to go with mom or dad.i don’t want to choose id rather choose suicide shed rather leave to […]
Hey again. So most of you guys said to try to talk to my parents and possibly change schools or go to a counselor. Good advice but what I left out was I would talk to my parents, and they really would try to help me as much as possible, but they are the kind of parents who would be super concerned and constantly on my case. They are like that even when I’m just sick. I know some of you might say they might be calmer or understand, but they just don’t know when to let it go. I feel like telling anyone will make […]
Hi there,
I spent the past 3 or 4 months feeling suicidal, I attempted 3 times, the last time being a month ago. I had to have my heart restarted and spent days in the hospital and days after that being seen by specialists. The thing is I was so certain I wanted to die and that if I didn’t succeed somehow I would try it again. I even put in my note that I would try it again and again until I succeeded. But something has changed, I can’t explain it, I don’t have suicidal urges anymore. I don’t even think about suicide… at least […]
Hello, I am death. Aren’t I beautiful? I will cure all your problems in one quick move.
All you need to do is look and see. I am dazzling. Nothing compares to me. Have you tried talking to family, friends? Have you tried medication? Therapists? Have you tried getting your life in order? Have you done all you can but all still fails and you are left with grave regrets. Does your past haunt you? Is it impossible to move on? Is there no hope for the future?
When life is endless pain, and it seems there is no […]
I already have a time, place, and means ready to go. I told myself I didn’t want to make any irreversible decisions without thinking long and hard about them, so I set up a two month moratorium which ends in less than 24 hours. This is it. This post will be my last attempt to gather contrary opinions: convince me not to go through with it, if you think it is more rational for me to stay alive.
I had a decent childhood and I was doing well in school. I was happily married. Then, one day about three years ago, I developed a migraine. It […]
Have you ever had the feeling that you’ve been putting something off for so long that the moment you remember, you feel like you have to do it RIGHT NOW before it’s too late? Before the feeling passes and you’re left indifferent once again, you have to do something. Put it in motion. Write it in your calendar.
Well, that’s how I feel about suicide. And that’s why I guess the feeling is so intense when it comes across. Do it or face the consequences. It doesn’t matter if yesterday I felt like all my problems could be solved. It doesn’t matter if I felt like […]
ASL: 17, Male, German
I always used to be the person that had a hand in “saving” all my suicidal friends. Not to try and boast about it, in fact, I have no idea how I did it, but according to those friends, they wouldn’t be here today if I hadn’t listened to them and helped them back then. I used to be strong and have a lot of friends that appreciated me a lot for what I did for them.
Skip forward a year or two and here I am, today, wondering how I’m going to get over my fear of death so I can finally […]
I was once a very active user on this sight, It was here I came when I was at my lowest point. I came here, like i believe many others did, in search of a good, solid method and also a partner. In my worst moments this sight was there for me, when nothing else was, when there was no one to talk to in my life this place offered a sympathetic ear that both understood my thoughts and offered no judgment, only advice, support and love. I have met some of the best people on the world here. Learned more about life and myself from them […]
What is life when u dont know its meaning..
i cant look for the future when my present is trembling..
Trembling with fear of not knowing..
This fear just keeps on growing.
Every hope life gave me was misleading..
Every happy start led to a sad ending..
All I ended up knowing was the bad in life I just sat around waiting for it to happen over and over again. Never loved myself or cared to live my life, which is a very precious gift that I have taken for granted. I never went out looking for new opportunities or experiences and I never answered the door when it came knocking. I realized that not all people are selfish that they aren’t all liars, cheaters, that they don’t all want to hurt me. I was in a really bad relationship and when it ended it was for good and it changed everything. […]
This is long, if you don’t mind, but I’m sad and I tend to get all blabbery when that happens.
Lately it’s been very apparent that people don’t cut me the same slack that they would virtually anyone else (literally, from douche bags to decent people and everywhere in between–this has been tested). And because this seems to be a repeating phenomenon; where I’m given not even a second chance, I can’t help but wonder: am I really so unsavory of both character and appearance that I warrant indecency? But even that doesn’t make sense to me. People have told me I’m “hot.” People have told me that I’m “really sweet.” People […]