Today has been one of the most emotional day of my life. I have never felt so useless..and alone. I realize everybody comes in my life when they need something. I want to die. I want to die. I already feel mental pain. Physical pain is what i need. Something to say you’re in control…stop…go…deeper. I HATE MY LIFE. There’s nothing that make me want to fight to live. I’m sorry.
Tag:
to die
So in short my ex chose weed over me. Abused me. Made me feel me feel worthless, I got diagnosed with Depression, Anxiety, Social Anxiety and anorexia. I’ve been in and out of hospital 7 times in the last 6 months because of 2 suicide attempts and the rest for not eating. I’m scared of living so I want to die. I just haven’t succeeded yet. I don’t see my life going anywhere but down. I’ve been on anti depressants for 3 months and recently came off them. I drink to forget who I am and wake up not knowing where I am. I’m a […]
Today, for some reason, I could not stop thinking of her. I thought about her throughout the day as always, but when I got home, I napped and dreamed about her. After my nap the thought only got stronger. All I know is, I am never going to have her again the way we used to be… I’ll never forget when she told me, “…things aren’t going to be the way they used to be…” As much as I knew that was true, I didn’t want it to be. I wanted things to be the way they used to be but I ruined it. I […]
Most suicidal people want to die because they are suffering and want to escape the pain. I feel like I’ve overcome my depression, but I still want to die because I think I am not worthy of living. I used to be in an extremely dark place, but now I can feel happiness, but the problem is I don’t deserve it.
So I am socially retarded, diagnosed with Asperger’s. My face and body language barely show any emotion. It’s hard for me to say something as simple as “Hello” or “Goodbye”. I can’t hold or start a conversation, when people ask me questions I literally can’t […]
My life is going as best as it ever have….and yet i want to die even more now. I don’t understand. Why am i always thinking of ways to end it? Why am i always hoping simeone else could carry this pain in their heart? I feel so hurt…but numb to any more hurt. The most painful things are my memories, that play over and over in my head. I think that…?????
I just think that if God were real and loved me he would help me. Help me feel normal..help me control the thought but sadly he doesn’t. Nobody loves me ?
Nobody cares
maybe I have to die
I feel so numb. I feel like nothing around me is real. I should have told my pdoc that I attempted suicide when I had my appointment, but I guess I assumed the hospital told her since they asked for her name and I provided it. But nobody told her and I told her that nothing changed and I was still depressed and she just refilled the medicine I oded on and off I went.
My pdoc is a revolving door of pills. I don’t know if I’m having a mental break or if it’s a side effect of all these meds. Right now it’s keppra, […]
So I’ve been stepped up to “Home treatment” team. Which is laughable because the situation I’m in at the moment means no one can actually visit me at home, because it would actually cause more stress and end in too many questions (can’t really explain more than that).
They’ve basically said I can meet with the home team once they call me (should be tonight or tmro) and I’ll have access to the crisis house in my city if they feel it’s needed.
I just want to die. Its getting worse.
I’ve been honest with my partner they know I’m suicidal, they’ve said I should find something to […]
I’ve been feeling suicidal for the best part of 3 months now, but the last couple of weeks have been extremely difficult.
I feel like the thoughts are controlling me rather than me being in control of them.
Before, I was thinking, oh i’ll do THIS and THIS is when i’ll do it etc etc.
But recently I’ve been struck by impulsive thoughts where I feel if I drift off for that second too long that I’ll jump in front of a car. I parked my car at work yesterday morning, then found myself stood against the wall of the car park leaning over wondering if I jumped […]
how does one ask for help? how do i tell the people that love me that theyre killing me? all i want to do is scream for help but my mouth is sewed shut with embarrassment. other people have problems to, why burden them with mine? keeping it all in is whats been letting me survive but now i feel like im going to explode. saying that i want to die is an understatement.
I want to die. I just dont know how ! I cant live anymore, my father passed away and now my only sister is dying of cancer I have no family left. How can I possibly end my life in the easier most painless way possible ?
Im tired of life, being a big failure on everything. Not being accepted by anyone. Bullied because of my phisic(i’m not english and i can’t spell right, sorry) well, i’m not here to tell my story. I wanted to ask everyone if pills overdose(OD) is a painless way to die? And if so, how much pills do i take and what type?.
I live in a pretty rural area I guess you’d call it. In the last few months 4 people around here have committed suicide. I knew one of them vaguely from school long ago. I feel like this is a sign telling me it’s ok if I go too. One of them killed himself on my planned death day, the day after my birthday. I wasn’t able to go through with it because my dad had decided to stay home. I know that might be a sign too. The thing is, I could go on, maybe. I don’t think it’d be worth it and I […]
I’m a loving husband and father. After taking an a antidepressant and subsequently stopping it a matter of weeks later I developed a rare physical condition for which prognosis is dubious and treatment is extremely painful. It has interfered with EVERY aspect of my life and is debilitating both physically and mentally.
I was negligently put on a benzodiazepine which I’m trying to taper off and is proving difficult, it’s destroyed my health. I have fought this for over a year via physical therapy and various different forms of medication. I look and feel awful, I have had to move in with my parents and can […]
Hi.. I just wanted to tell my story… So i suddenly one day find myself completly emotionless… This feeling continued for about some days. Then I started to cry without any reason. I just became sad because of… really nothing. So Things were bad but not like I wanted to self harm or end my life, yet. Then this boy came into my life… Ofcourse I fell in love With him… He showed me that he liked me to, told me I was beautiful, skinny, smart and more… We talked 24/7 and went out together… Then suddenly he tells me that what we are doing […]
is to watch a loved one slip away inching closer to death. Sunday night I watched as someone I loved struggled to breath due to respiratory issues. I watched their eyes roll back and their body stiffen and their lips pale from lack of oxygen. I jumped up the first second I noticed it and immediately called 911. I then carried them and placed them on the floor and did CPR trying with all my might to save them from death. I put an oxygen mask on their face and continued CPR until the paramedics arrived. They are alive but in critical condition and I […]
i tried again today, but i still didnt cut deep enough. one day ill get it done i just have to keep working up the courage. i cant live like this anymore and no one will help me, people just want to make it worse. nothing else is really on my mind just plans to commit suicide. i have three, 2 i can work on while im here. one i have till the end of the month, then i wont have a choice (like i ever did). i cant go back to that place i have to die, because i know i cant stay here. i […]
I am so disgusting. I hate the way I look. I will never be happy. I’ve never been happy. I just want to die. It’s not even about me escaping my pain. It’s more about saving other people from having to tolerate me being around. Friends abandon me, relationships fail. My family are oblivious. I mean nothing in this world, so why can’t I just die? I’ve tried so many many times to end it, and it never works. I don’t want help. I just want to go.
but i dont know how.
cant bring myself to figure it out.
my total lack of motivation knows no bounds.
sit here. sit here. sit here.
insomnia has 4 syllables, 4 vowels, 4 consonants…it’s 4 in the morning. I take enough sleeping pills to down a bus full of toddlers, I’ve taken 37 tonight….this is beginning to be an average number…not in a desparate attempt to die, but to sleeeeeeppppppp sleep sleep sleep sleeeeep…I cannot sleep. for 3 hours I tried…tv off lights off dark. silence. eyes closed, as if I laid completely still for long enough I could trick myself to sleep…..insomnia is crazy. there have been nights that I’ve just fuckin broke and wept, wept for sleep…a few days in and i’m thinking maybe I am actually asleep but […]