just enjoying the fasch of the first cigarette of the day. I don’t do it last night, finally the valium once. Got a date for netflix and chill tonight. Idk if i want it, it’s not the women i love.
Please don’t think of yourself like someone who’s in a worse mental state than everyone else. Don’t just say you don’t understand what i’m going through. We are all the same, we are all on a endless sinking ship called life. And for the ones who really don’t know what your going thro but say so, just appreciate that their trying to understand you. I might leave the ship tonight, so i just want to leave something that might help the others who are still on it. Just a small tip, that might help someone to get to the shore and survive it all. And […]
I’m breaking down tonight. Feeling alone through this all makes everything harder .
Found out a couple days ago that if I commit myself to get help my roommate and mother will convince them I’m faking for attention and to have my released. They they would kick me out so I’m homeless, get rid of my dog, and destroy my computer. How awesome is that? Last night I disolved a large quantity of different drugs in a glass of water to drink. Tonight it’s still in my bathroom. Only reason I didn’t was that a friend of mine was falling apart, and I didn’t want to cause him more issues until he’s better. Now it’s so unbearable that […]
It’s been a very long time since I have visited here. It’s been at least two months since I wrote anything here and since I felt this lost. Tonight however, was the first time in what feels like an eternity that I felt completely lost, alone, helpless, and like no one was ever going to be able to be trusted again.
You see, to understand you would have to know what it felt like to be living a type of Quintin Terentino movie that felt all too much like a dream but one that you could never wake up from. Add to that a movie […]
Your words eased my pain in my time of need. I missed visitation with my son again today. Partly because of my reactions and anger.
Sorry to my parents that I’m angry. My family was taken from me and you’d rather judge me for my faults than be happy that I toughed out this loneliness as long as I did. I miss my son, and I miss my pug.
Sorry, I guess I’m just a coward, but I give up. I hope you’re all proud of what you’ve done.
Loaded Sig Sauer P250, hollow point 9mm Luger round, aiming for the roof of my mouth/tonsils, wish me luck. […]
I haven’t posted in a while, but last time I did I was contemplating on ending my existence. At the time I did not have a reliable method and decided to delay the process. I recently bought an illegal handgun and plan on taking my life tonight with one of the most lethal methods possible. If I do survive then I know I’m going to be suffering severe injuries and may end up worse than I am now, but I’m willing to take that risk. Everybody knows that guns and suicidal individuals don’t mix very well, but it’s only a matter of time before I […]
I’ve never used a website like this before, i have been struggling with my emotions for as long as i remember. Tonight was the first time i have cut in four years. I currently do not want to leave my bed. But i probably will leave it and lay on thr floor. All of this i have done as a punishment to myself for hurting someone that I love. I deserve this emotional turmoil I feel. I deserve the tears in my skin and the empty feeling in my chest… I will not eat tomorrow. I don’t deserve to be comfortable. Why am I punishing […]
Hope everyone had a wonderful christmas Happy new year 2016 to each one of you may your year be great tonight ill be celbrating drinking and enjoy ur day and new years all Happy new year 2016 🙂
This year has been the worst year of my life . This year I changed my ways , started reflecting on my self & thinking differently , and saw the world differently than I used to . I changed to be a better person but it really had an impact on me. I used to hang out with the wrong crowd and get into trouble. I took my self away from all that madness . And I realized I wasted all my teenage years with the crappiest people . So this year was a reflective year on my self . And it was a hard […]
I am so bored …
I can’t stand it .
My friend invited me to come to a gay bar with him tonight with some other people for his birthday but I don’t know if I’m feelin it . I wish I had the excitement to go out.
And I am even more bored because we are in winter break at my school. There’s literally nothing to do . I watched all the lost seasons and now I’m sad and pissed that it’s over.
God dammit .
Plus being this bored makes me feel so shitty about my self .
Ugh
I’ve been diagnosed with bipolar disorder since I was 16, so 16 years now. I accepted I would have good times and bad times. I accepted I would be dependant on drugs to be okay.
What I didn’t accept was that I would get sick two years ago, to the point where it was either take drugs for my illness, and not for my bipolar disorder, or the reverse. I didn’t think I would be this sick for this long. 7 months ago, I got out of a nasty 2 year relationship. He was awful. But I tried to kill myself because if he couldn’t love […]
So I thought I could hold my stuff together long enough to visit family without some sort of break down. I was wrong. About an hour into it, my step grandmother tried to take my picture. I just wasn’t in the mood or spirit as I’ve been really depressed lately. After begging her not to, she did anyways. And I’m very self conscious and I know I’m not good looking. I struggle with this a lot. How I perceive myself and how others see and view me. Needless to say all these feelings of emptiness and sadness rushed to the surface in the form of […]
I was over the edge and ready to jump — and you took my hand in yours. The past few days have been really nice, but especially tonight. Thank you for making an otherwise unbearable Christmas Eve more than okay. I hope you will stay.
Love, Eva
So I moved back home today. And I’m laying here, crying, because I really don’t want to be here. All I do is hide here. I don’t talk here and I can’t be myself here. And tonight, I went to my old high schools band holiday party and the one person I can talk to was suppose to be there. And I was suppose to see them and they were suppose to tell me it is going to be ok. But he’s not in the state. And no one told me. And I’ve been looking forward to seeing him all week. And I can’t do […]
i dont really care what we watch just pick something and ill make it happen i just want something to do we can watch it at https://rabb.it/hiitsme0819
It hurts. It really does.
It’s becoming harder and harder to stick to the plan. But I know I have to. I also know that I need help. I need some attention. I need them to realise that I’m suffering.
I can’t fake it anymore. I can’t hide what I’m feeling anymore. I need someone to notice.
I’m not good at talking and letting out what I feel. I just freeze whenever I have to divulge my feelings.
It fucking hurts. They just will never understand.
I know what I’ve been thinking is wrong. I’m contemplating an attempt in the next few days, or tonight […]
Seriously the days are getting so hard :(. I don’t want to do this anymore. I am so sick of pretending to be happy and doing what I am supposed to. I know my life isn’t going to change. Tonight it took almost everything I had to not just run away and hide and start over alone. Seriously I have like no friends. No one to talk to and I am so sick of being alone and having no one when I need them. Â The only voices I hear are on tv. :(. I don’t know how long I can live in this sucluded life.
I said i wasnt gonna come on here but i dont know what the fuck im doing because im going to a dance with a nice boy tonight but im almost crying right now because i think i look fucking stupid and i dont even wanna go to the dance and i have to meet his parents before it so his mom can take pictures and if they analyze me they’ll probably notice my wrists and i dont want them to and this boy deserves someone better who isnt anxious like i am
Hazy, remember when you said I should die my hair pink?? Well this happened tonight and I LOVE it. It’s not pink but it is so me! I actually feel really good! Thank you for being such a good person 🙂 you really do make a difference. Now I am sitting back and waiting on the backlash.