I’ve been waiting on doing this for quite a while now. For some reason, whenever I’ve been swimming around in my fantasies of (emotional) suicide, I’ve always managed to stumble upon this site. It never helped, but then again, it isn’t supposed to.
I think the fact that I was raped and nobody (friends) believe me or support me is what’s going to make me pull the trigger. I told one of my close friends about it yesterday but I made it seem like it was a friend who got raped and not me. And he said “well was she flirting with him.” That pissed me off. Then I said does it matter, she said no and kept trying to push him off. Then he continues to say “Well I know how guys think. He probably thought she was playing hard to get.” “maybe in her mind […]
I have this habit whenever I’m down of the cycle, I tend to purposely piss off people around me. I want them to hate me because apparently my hate for myself is not enough to pull the trigger. I want them to hate me so they would feel less bad about my death.
But then again, someone special told me that making them hate me doesn’t change the fact that they care for me.
But then again, my stupid excuse is habit. Or maybe I’m just accumulating this giant ball of hate to swallow.
I want to break up with my lover for this stupid reason. But I […]
I have a question for everyone on here. I’ve been dealing with suicidal thoughts and depression and anxiety shit for about a year now. Whenever I have a good day (though those are extremely rare), I find myself missing the mental state I am comfortable in–the state where thoughts of suicide and self harm control me. Does that happen to anyone else? Does anyone else purposefully trigger themselves to be in a depressive state when they are in a “normal,” good, happy mood? Or is that just me? I don’t know why I do it…but I do. Sometimes I am mad at myself for doing. Other […]
The pain is still here. I can drown it out. I can muffle it. But I’m just a shell of a person wandering around. Withdrawn to where it feels more than awkward to be out and around people when it wasn’t so before. Opening back up on command isn’t as easy as shutting down anymore. Desire to end things lingers as well and always has. Thoughts of such are being provoked more often than not now. What do you do when you feel that you have more reason to leave than to stay? Given life more than a chance just existing for the past 2 […]
Want to make me happy? Put a gun to my head and pull the fucking trigger.
So I have this dream on average 5 times a week. Sometimes more, sometimes less. I don’t know if it is a message of some kind or just a dream.
At the beginning of the dream I am six years old. That is how old I was after my dad took his life. I walk into a dark room. I stop and am standing there. All of a sudden a hand grabs my hand. I look up and it is my dad. No words are spoken.
We walk forward until we come to a chair that has a light hanging over it. The only light in the […]
How can I go on when so many things that remind of all the negatives. My life is just a mess of associations of things I face to hurtful thoughts.
Just want this rough ride to be over. If someone is reading a book and even by a quarter in they arent enjoying it, wouldnt they just put it down?
I’ve been having more suicidal thoughts than usual lately, and I’ve actually been thinking of ways I would want to go if I ever decide to off myself. Cutting isn’t an option; I’m too scared to harm myself, plus that would be extremely painful and messy. Hanging myself is off the table too, since I’d probably never work up enough nerve. My thoughts have been drifting towards drowning more often than not. I think that would be the best way to go for me. Although, I am terrified of the ocean/any body of water, I think I could make an exception. It would be easier […]
Losing touch of reality is now my doom
I cannot see anything, not even the moon
For no one can feel the pain I now consume
Everything that I am will all be gone soon.
Sometimes I wonder if I should just pull the trigger
Understand me when I say that I can no longer linger
Counting endless sleep until I fall into slumber
Kiss me softly before I have my last supper
Soon enough no one will even bother.
From this moment on I am now a goner
Oxygen […]
I cant shake this feeling of patheticness that lives within in me, its like a cancer that has grown to occupy and associate itself with so much of my thoughts. I cant look at something simple and not have it trigger these self defeating and narcissistic thoughts.
Everything feeds it and makes it grow, stronger and stronger. It has gotten to the point where it effects everything I do, every conversation I have, every task that I have to go through to live my life.
Is someone had a disease that the doctor could see in a scanner and see that it has spread so much, they […]
The curtain rises and the group enters the second area; the graveyard…
Nicole: It’s spooky, you can see graves with our names on it, too. The full moon is pretty, though.
HDS: It’s so cold, though. I can even see my breath!
Rocketman: The last one was a circus-themed maze so what is this one?
Zetsumei picks up a light gun shaped like a revolver and a katana then says, “This looks like a shooting area. Everyone pick your weapons.”
The others pick various bladed weapons and firearms. Although, Rocketman picks up a light gun shaped like a rocket launcher…
Zetsumei: Really?
Rocketman: What? It looks cool. Besides, you’re one to talk […]
I haven’t posted in a while, but last time I did I was contemplating on ending my existence. At the time I did not have a reliable method and decided to delay the process. I recently bought an illegal handgun and plan on taking my life tonight with one of the most lethal methods possible. If I do survive then I know I’m going to be suffering severe injuries and may end up worse than I am now, but I’m willing to take that risk. Everybody knows that guns and suicidal individuals don’t mix very well, but it’s only a matter of time before I […]
I am going to end it these days. I want you to know that no matter what problem you have in your lives it will always be a brighter way. The thing is that in the world are losers and winners. I am a loser, even if have / will have everything this darkness that is inside of me won’t go away. Btw, you are always in control. No matter what happened to you, you are always in control. Don’t be a fucking depressed guy like me and go and live your life at your fullest. Do whatever makes you happy. I am sure that […]
I’ve wanted to die for as long as j can remember. I’m 29 and can remember wanting to. I’ve had so many opportunities but am too much of a ***** to pull he trigger, jump, take the pills, ect. And believe me, I want to do it. I just can’t. Hopefully the exit bag will help. Just gotta make it. (I just found this site which lead me to the discovery of the bag)
This pulsating pain in my right shoulder, does it mean I’m awake? No… No, I’m obviously still dreaming. I know I should just keep dreaming but with all of the bs in the world, what’s the point? America’s considering voting for a stupid version of Hitler for President, a terrorist group thinks their plan makes sense when it really doesn’t and the world is one itchy, trigger finger away from World War 3! Hah, isn’t the human race wonderful! World peace will be achieved soon! “…And I thought my jokers were bad…” It’s a shame the answer is simple but humans are too fundamentally selfish […]
Something triggered again.
The world is a scary place, huh?
Just an update my car is uncomfortable it does not have good lumbar support lol I’m sleeping in a Parking garage I’m hungry my neck hurts I have no money and I have a continuous headache I took a shower at my gym because I have not yet lost my membership I spend my day going to different subways until they kick me the fuck out so I can use the wifi to look for shit jobs because my data is very low. I’m […]
Been a while since I posted here… I bought a gun I put it in my mouth and I wanted to pull the trigger but I couldn’t. Anyway at that point I started to see the lighter side of things and now I’m back to the dark and I’ve hit deep space black hole dark. I got a loan for 2500 a month and a half ago and my intention was to go see a woman in Canada that I used to mess around with… You know because we both still have feelings for each other. Well I blew that money at a strip club. […]
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