I really fucked myself up this time. I cut my thumb really deep trying to cut up the block of cocoa butter on the bed since I don’t have my own kitchen to work in like a normal person. It’s only maybe a half an inch long so if I went to the ER they wouldn’t do anything. I’ve had 2 inch deep bite wounds and been turned away untreated. It wouldn’t stop bleeding and it is deep. I put liquid bandage on it which hurt like hell. But it’s too short to get stitched. 1. I hate that I’m such a failure and can’t […]
Tag:
trying
I think I found an edible version of gauze… It’s a special Valentine’s version of that marshmallow and caramel candy. The marshmallow is really tough and the caramel is extremely sticky… Also, it doesn’t dissolve in the mouth. One piece alone is about the size of a child’s fist, give or take some width. Ironically, I don’t think trying to choke on candy could be considered suicide… That still won’t stop me from seeing how many I can fit in my mouth at one time.
I’ve been trying to cry for more than a month but somehow I can’t. I’ve had the idea that crying could possibly make me feel a little better, but I can’t, I can only let off some tears but that’s it.
I never got anything I really want. When I do anything, have excellent results, I am the best, the unattainable… But when I do something I really want, no matter how small it is, all I gain is a miserable failure to remember for a long time. And isn’t a normal failure, is the most painful of all: the frustration, when you can 99 when need 100, when you see the finish line and falls in the race.
Know, I like drawing, but I can’t even draw a face… and I’ve been trying to learn 6 years ago. I like music, but I know even […]
I live with parents trying to support the, by both my money and my attention. But they not only do not appreciate it but also do bad things to me. I do this because I think it’s a good thing and because of my religious beliefs. But God also seems to not appreciate it.
I work every day and the cycle continues again and again. I dream of living like a pirate – of doing what he want whenever he want. I am 31 years old.
Also recently I meet a woman who sad that she loved me, but she only was with me because of money. […]
Despite all my efforts to keep myself from over thinking things and trying to live life, I feel really low and alone today. This mood has just come out of no where and it’s dragging me right down.. Suicidal thoughts slowly creeping in the back of my mind again. I have no one to talk to
i’m probably on the edge of a breakup and i’m really scared. i’m trying so hard to be unselfish – no cutting and no starving myself. i’m taking care of myself for the sake of others, if not for myself.
some bad stuff happened and my girlfriend and i hadn’t talked in several days (we’re long distance), but i was still trying to be positive about our relationship. then yesterday i got some really angry messages. last night i ordered some of her favorite kind of chips, which have been discontinued, for $36. i keep wondering whether she will still be my girlfriend by the time […]
I can’t just run away from my problems. I want to.. I was looking for an easy out.. A friend’s, a relative’s, maybe even trying to leave on my own and try to make it. But I can’t, I have to do this.. life, the hard way. I have to struggle, I have to fight, but I’m so tired, exhausted. I want to quit, I want more than anything to just leave everything behind, get to things and just go. But I can’t. I’m not stuck, I could do those things and run.. But I can’t. I have to work, claw, crawl, probably cry along […]
It’s all my fault. My horrible relatioship with my dad, the reason my mom cries, the reason our house hold is so fucked up. It’s just all fucked up and I can’t fucking fix it because it’s all my goddamn fucking fault. You know what hurts the most? Is knowing that this is so fucking true. All I can do is sit here like a dumb fuck and listen to Nickleback blaring in my ears trying to drown every shitty bit of my self in the angry rythum og the music and a sea of self hatred. I want to drown in my own hatred- […]
Please don’t think of yourself like someone who’s in a worse mental state than everyone else. Don’t just say you don’t understand what i’m going through. We are all the same, we are all on a endless sinking ship called life. And for the ones who really don’t know what your going thro but say so, just appreciate that their trying to understand you. I might leave the ship tonight, so i just want to leave something that might help the others who are still on it. Just a small tip, that might help someone to get to the shore and survive it all. And […]
I’m twisting and turning in bed, hardly any sleep. Just thoughts of her constantly flowing in and out of my head, what we could of been, what I should of done – what i shouldn’t of done. I don’t know if anyone here has ever been through this … But I basically replace, she led me into believing we still had a chance, and god I was trying my best, but she planned it so perfectly just to hurt me. After 3 years and a half.. Those memories of us just so meaningless to her , that she can just go and sleep […]
I was so done after this veteran was full of crap when I dated him. I even went out of my way to get transportation to see him. That’s how much I cared. He told me he was in love with me and other sweet things. I get too caught up in words. They mean nothing. After seeing him and not hearing from him, I went on the dating site and told him off. I told him I hope someone breaks his heart. He said he couldn’t find my number, but he could have easily found me on the dating site like I found him. […]
I havent been in here in what seem like ages. I used to use this sight to escape my reality and let out all my anger and sadness. Since i last was on my world has turned upside down and I truly didnt know what true sadness was until a few months ago when my mom passed away. She is my EVERYTHING my life, my soul, mt breath and for a long time she was my reason to live. NOw I struggle everyday with finding a purpose for staying here on this earth. The thing that keeps me going is trying to live my life […]
I have been trying to push through but some days it gets too hard. I am not who I wish I were and I cannot have the impact that I wish I could have. I feel like I am useless and can’t help anyone. I feel like I’m stupid to try. Feel like I can’t help myself. Feel like there is no point living. feel like things are always tumbling but that sometimes i close my eyes and I can’t tell that they are. It feels like every time i open my eyes things are still melting away but I try to hide these feelings […]
There is no excerpt because this is a protected post.
I hate being an old ugly loser on my mom’s couch. Im such a ***** i can’t jump to my death even though its 10 minutes away. I hate being alive and stupid and lazy and suicidal for 3 decades. There is nothing to keep going for. I hate being consistently rejected and pointless. I cant keep trying. There is a reason i eat all the damn time. Its the only joy i can get from life. I don’t even have access to weed anymore. Im a fucking moron.
Edit: I keep thinking about how hopeless and pointless i am. I keep thinking how unnecessary i […]
I am trying to keep it together and not express anything that would show how angry and sad I am all the time. I feel like I have terrible thoughts and urges but Im trying to keep it all inside because I dont want to hurt anyone. Today during dinner my roomates were having a conversation and I was thinking I wish I could participate better. I wish I could have a proper conversation and be engaged like normal people are. Instead I was just playing with my napkin. I eventually started ripping and tearing it. They pointed out, you know psychopaths do that, then […]
I feel alone, really alone sometimes but it’s mostly my own choices that lead me to being alone. It’s not a painful type of alone it doesn’t torment me I can’t necessarily say its a loneliness. I feel sad about being alone I want someone to love but I think that will probably take awhile. Not sure if anyone keeps up with any of my posts on here or not so guess I’ll touch base on things. I was in a 4 year relationship with a guy I was best friends with for 6 years. I had known him 10 years, he was my first […]
Hi. I found this website a few days ago, and I decided to post my story. When I was 16, my parents took me to a psyc for the first time because I was having minor anxiety and attention issues. 1 year later, the side effects had me depressed as hell. I was 18 when I tried to slit my wrists. I failed, obviously. 3 years later I started cutting. If I’m lucky enough to get anyone here before they start, don’t start!!! I was 22 when I tried to overdose on psyc meds. Now, I’m trying to stop cutting but failing. I want to […]
I swear that even the fucking teachers here are trying to make my life miserable on purpose. The one time I actually find a place where I can sit at lunch where no one can mess with me I’m of fucking course not allowed to be there.