You know I always try to move on with my life I swear but the two guys i’ve ever had a relationship with turned out to be wrong for me. The first guy I eventually gave up and let go like I should have way before then. The moment I did that is when he came back into my life. Wanting me back trying to be there and being somewhat of a decent human being for once. I stupidly allowed him back into my life and that lasted for five months until I began to realize it was a mistake for both of us. I […]
Tag:
trying
There won’t be anyone home besides myself. Friends and loved ones have been pushed away. I’ve been trying to use this time to think about ways to get better. Ways to change but something inside puts a halt to those thoughts…
I don’t want to get better. Things just need to cease going on. Whether it’s the world or just my world. Because the colors been drained, there is no more energy to care. Taking something hot or sharp to soft skin is all I really put effort into. If not that then other ways to wind up hurt. Brusies and scrapes, nicks and cuts…never have […]
hiohneh is an user of this board and I can’t talk to her, I am unable to send an e-mail because it seems to have got deleted by her and the blogspot she used to write is down!
I was really trying to help this person but it seems that it wasn’t enough and I am really worried about her and I don’t have another way to contact her I don’t know what to do!?!
I fear that she gave up and I will really miss this person.
I thought that she just wanted more time to chill off, but it seems that it was my fault because I […]
From being young to many problems or a problem.
Each step was tough or maybe it still tough cause nothing has changed.
No one gets my state,maybe I should be the one getting to change my state in my own way by taking my own life.
Lies I have told,hidden in the dark in clear day light
Sharing my story is a waste of time cause it all end the same way, it passes by like nothing ever been told.
So ugly thoughts come up,should I take my self down?
I’m nothing than another day tomorrow suffering.
Having those ones who care is playing […]
I hate myself and I hate my life.
Yes, I know my life could be worse and I have so much to be thankful for. I just wish someone understood how I feel. I just wish I had someone to talk to that didn’t look at me as a whiny ungrateful young woman.
While I have a long list of unfortunate events in my life, the most bothersome is “The Other Woman.” Her name is Natalie, she was a friend of mine who was in my life for a short amount of time that has branded and mutilated my mind forever. This woman is an awful person. I […]
It’s cold and lonely out there… I wish I was as warm as one of the beautifully blended paintings I’m gazing at right now, maybe one day. These blankets and pillows trying to replicate the warmth of another human’s flesh is pathetic. I’m pathetic. All I want is to be embraced with fervor, where are you? Uncertainty is so horrid, I hate it. I hope to death that these four walls around me don’t become my prison. I want to astral project myself into another dimension, please just take me away from here.
-Immurement
Sad that I have nowhere else to vent, because no one listens to me. Hell, I hardly get a response here.
Anyway, I told a little white lie to get out of work early yesterday and hang out with the dreamboat that will never be mine. But I guess I’m lucky I can get to take out a guy like that even if it’s not exactly a date and he’ll never see me that way. -sigh- But it has its perks. I get to be out with a gorgeous guy and he gets to “feel spoiled for once.” It’s nice that we can talk openly at […]
I hate business !
I hate money !
I hate capitalism / capitalist !
The main reason is because business kills creativity & ideas . money kills creativity & ideas . capitalism / capitalist kills creativity & ideas !
There are a LOT of good ideas , creativity , imaginations , inspirations , dreams , & even good deeds that business / money kills ! simply because of a petty, shallow reason “it doesn’t make a lot of money or profits ! ”
money makes the world unfair ! business makes the world unfair ! capitalism makes the world unfair !
plus , the world becomes a boring […]
This is a long story, so bear with me.
From the beginning: I’m a female, live in a pretty rural setting, was 20 years old when things got really bad. I’ve experienced complex trauma and was pretty angry, violent, self-destructive, depressed etc. all through childhood and adolescence. I moved to a new town in my late teens, got a job at a local social services agency, and moved into an apartment, which after about 9 months my partner moved into also. Mid December — right before finals week at college, actually — my partner and I ended things and she moved out. We had been together the […]
Im tired of all this fucking shit. all these people. I hate this world. I hate being stupid and trying so hard to catch up and create opportunities for myself. I hate my home. it’s tense most of the time. I can’t do shit. i want to go back to college but then i find myself struggling and being sad for not being able to make friends. I come from a tough background and these white rich kids have been given everything to them. it sucks. i hate my life. i want to end it. i haven’t cut in about a month and […]
Fuck sake. First this is my fault. Do you remember P.Y from most my other posts. She was my girlfriend. The last thing keeping me a part of this world and i fucked her up with being suicidal. Now we broke up and she has a new boyfriend but has still been having sex with me. I know i fucked up there to but it gets worse. I told a few people trying to figure out what to do and im sure one of them will tell her that i told them. She would never even want to see me again if that happend. Its […]
You know you’re fucked when the razor you’re trying to use is too fucking dull to cut fml
Do you guys know?
Do you guys understand?
I think so, your’e all so nice. I love you all but it’s my time. I just had a very scary episode. My family is downstairs and they’re all going to try to kill me. This doesn’t even make sense, but I guess it proves that I am truly insane. I put my lucky dice near the door to stop them from coming in and it’s working. I have voices in my head, they tell me to kill people (mainly myself), they are Shirley and Danny. They’re so nice to me sometimes, everyone else is trying hurt […]
Lately I’ve been losing my cool with people more and more.
Past few days has been nothing but conflict with people I know as well as strangers. I lost my job back in February because I simply have no patience with anyone. Starting to think I’ve reached that point where I might not be able to work well with others at all.
People just make me so mad.. and i can’t seem to hold back my anger.
I’m currently trying to get free medical insurance so that I can see a doctor, get a cat scan and blood tests as well as seek behavioral therapy […]
Man can life be depressing or what? Sometimes I sit here and wonder how the fuck I managed to let myself live this long. I honestly don’t know why I continue moving forward when there is nothing better in store for my future. I feel like I’m on auto pilot or something because I just keep going. I don’t wanna say I’m numb because I do feel things. It’s just when I get disappointed or sad I instantly shake it off and I feel like it’s irrelevant. I haven’t gone out because I was trying to finish paying tuition which I haven’t been able to […]
I’m such a sad girl that no one knows how I feel. Every single day I cry in my room wanting to end it all but to afraid. I’ve lost a lot of my best friends from this mental illness. Whenever I go somewhere I have sooo much anxiety it’s unbearable. All the medication I take and nothing works. I will never be fixed. I’m the only person in my family that’s broken. I’m just a waste of time and space. I’m socially awkward no matter where I am. I can’t tell anyone how I feel because they will think I’m doing for attention. Or […]
It all started with an urge to play the ouija board.So three days ago I started reading stories about playing with the board & that’s when It started.It started off with a scary dream but that’s It till today.I was smoking some fake weed & then I started choking on my tongue piercing.This happens often but this time It felt different.An hour later me & my friend are driving & smoking.Suddenly I started to trip out.I promise you Its not cause of the fake weed.It felt like someone,something was trying to possess me.Its like I was there but then It felt like I left my […]
Why do we pick days for suicide? I have been trying to plan mine for a fucking year, maneuvering the date around birthdays or special occasions. But then I realized, it doesn’t matter what day it is. It doesnt matter if we leave a note expressing our apologies to loved ones or telling them how much we love them. It is never going to take the pain away. Suicide is selfish and I’m not going to bullshit myself anymore. It just is. But people make selfish decisions all the time, not revolving around death. I’m choosing this for me. For once in my life, I’m […]
I tried to save myself from me I tried to find ways to find peace I try to find happy bcuz happy won’t find me.
Every reason why I shouldn’t be here has arisen.
Depression has crashed down like icicles.
I will continue to cut all over my body as a signature of All the pain I have and can endure.
In the meantime I promise not to hurt those that hurt me in a way that they would hate themselves to face this too.. I just want peace for myself.
Waking up and Breathing is the hardest. It takes that peace away from me. […]
I used to think that I would always be happy… Well that was until my dad died last year in August. Since then I haven’t felt there was a purpose in life, like there is just nothing left anymore… I started doing things that even I felt was not right like planing my death with millions of different ways, but I wasn’t even realising I was doing it… Which really thrightened me, I though I was going mental. I booked an appointment with the doctors as I was so scared of what I would do to myself, they gave me some medication which really helped […]