Im never writing to myself, its always been a letter to the universe, if They could hear my thoughts. to you? which you may never receive ,if only by cause. or my final notice,which I never really know what I would say. But I know now understanding is never really quite enough, sure they understand,does this mean I’m not alone then why is it so cold in this heart, I call home. if it’s worth trying. ?I know it’s not enough which I why I should stop writing to you. It’s hopeless, Im hopeless. I don’t wanna be the reason, I don’t wanna cry. cause […]
Tag:
trying
hi I’m a 27 year old person that has been caring compassionate and loving. I have a wonderful family that I would love to repay for everything they have done for me. Lately my depression has been so heavy it hurts. I met a gir. l I’m absolutely nuts over and my mood and things chased her away. I’m so tired of being alive. My body hurts my mind hurts. 27 years old with no girlfriend behind in my education and with no way out. Surely there is a better place for someone like me. I’ve never hurt anyone, I live my life trying to […]
No matter how I try to ignore this feeling it keeps coming back…it feels like its a part of myself and it’s wrong for me not to feel the pain or trying to distract myself from the monster inside me…3 days ago I threw away all my razor blades thinking that if I don’t cling to the thing that makes me feel that way it will slowly fade away…I was never so wrong in my life….for 3 days I thought I was invincible then boom!! My ex whom I still love so much found someone else…she has been ignoring me for weeks..at first I thought […]
So my ex dumped me about two weeks tomorrow and I have to say I fucked up all of those two weeks, the first week I went to my grandmas and I went to a cherokee bonfire with a couple of friends from there and I met on of my ex boyfriend from second grade, he got me drunk like hardcore drunk but that’s because what I told him about my situation with my current ex boyfriend, later that night he toke me to my uncles cause I was beyond drunk and we fucked. I feel bad because I’m in love with my ex and […]
I am the girl waiting patiently for her turn at the throne. I’m the girl that’s tired of feeling alone. I’m the girl who sits on the corner at parties, watching everyone as they go by. I feel like I’m already gone. Helping others as they go along. But then there’s another part of me. This girl is caged, waiting to be set free. She is tormented and controlled. Her body is shaky and cold. She screams but no one can hear. She is left in a room of despair. She takes to the needle like a baby with a bottle, the past ten years […]
This is your captain speaking. jk its actually “londi” a.k.a. the bestie of “Freeman”
umm i hacked into this website cuz i caught her looking at this nd i was like … dafuq ? then she tried to trick me with the password shit but i caught her ass. well i just wanted to let all of you ppl commenting that I’m thankful that you guys take the time to respond back to all of this stuff she posts. I hope you guys can understand what some ppl are going thru and Im glad that you are trying to help ppl get through this tough shit.
I’m the last person you’d think to be on here. I have a lot of friends, a boyfriend, and I’m super involed at school. On the surface I’m everything I want to be, but underneath I’m a mess. I have family issues and issues with peers. I have to keep telling myelf three more years than I’m free, but everytime a glimmer of hope appers it gets covered up by a dark cloud. The worst part is I need help, but I’ve given up on finding it because when I reach out people usually turn the other way. I’m just tired or trying, tired of […]
Hey .. I have spent a long time on this site and its pretty cool .. a lot of warm, nice people that care for each other even though we have never seen each other in real life.. It’s really nice to see that.. I am pretty good to make people feel better but I have my downfalls too.. but here is my story: it may not be as bad as some out here but its to much for me to deal with.. : I feel alone. I look around always and I see groups of friends laughing having fun enjoying themselves or […]
so much shit has been going on this the first time in a while that I had a chance to breathe and just let the tears flow because after this little moment its back to reality ik I need to leave this place my therapist said it was not a safe place and I never knew what she meant but now i know.. That place is eating me alive there’s no love or comfort I need to get away in trying to come up with the money to buy a bus ticket and get the fuck away from here I just need to survive until […]
im 17 and my parents started the process of divorce my brother is already past 18 and doesnt have the choices to make of who to live with, my boyfriend for a little longer than a year and i broke up because his sister kept saying he could do better and that i was pathetic, i feel like i have no friends they dont invite me anywhere to do anything with them, i have depression and have been wanting to cut really deep lately but my parents locked up all the knives and i could just go to walmart and buy a new one but […]
So anyway, the last year or so has really sucked. My wife made up lies to the police to get me arrested and got a protection order against me to get me removed from my house. Never spoke with her for the next year, except through our lawyers since she served me with divorce papers. Now that the protection order is expired she has been talking to me sweet as can be when I go over there to pick up our son. Of course the divorce is still going forward, it should be final any day now. She’s supposedly a Christian now and she says […]
Man, I feel like I for once was right about something. This website is already proving amazing. My previous vent helped me through the day, and upon logging on again and seeing a couple encouraging comments, I feel I can fully breathe again. Well, at least for today.
Tomorrow is a different story, but we’ll talk about and deal with that when we get there. Seriously though, this website is my new go-to place. I’ve kept diaries in the past, but my older sister snoops through them and at times would have the nerve to leave comments she believed encouraging. On the contrary, they were quite […]
Let’s see.
No more daily emotional pain that is excruciating – more than any physical pain I have felt.
No more feeling like I want to scratch off my own skin just to take away the feeling of emotional pain
No more trying to face people and smile
No more worrying about jobs/cars/bills
No more worrying about will I find a partner.
No more worrying about my health and which diseases I have because I get a headache.
No more worrying about losing my looks as I get older.
No more worrying about anything anymore.
Just peace and calm and NOTHING. I have just 10 days […]
Depression is not Lana Del Rey songs with tears streaming down your face. Its not a blood stained tub with blades all over the floor. Its not a boy rocking you back and forth as he whispers “I love you” a million times in your ear. Depression is disgusting. A low feeling. Not something that is beautiful and poetic. It is a dirty feeling. It is you sitting in a tub with scolding hot water trying to burn the feeling away. It is the stale smell of the clothes in your room because you have no energy to clean it. It is laying awake at […]
I feel like everythingis just on its way out. I had to move in with family because my hours got cut, im on the verge of an ending relationship, because my girlfriend and i are both in debt and i feel like im the only one trying to get out of this hole.
I cant even have an enjoyable conversation with anyone because im just not interested in the simple things that most are. Im a techy, a nerd, a gamer, whatever you want to call it, and theres no one really around here that i can have intilectual conversations with, about the things i […]
Anxiety, you’re an asshole. You don’t give me comfort and I’d rather see you go but you don’t. You’re trying to find happiness clinging to me? We’ll you can’t have it, it’s mine now and I refuse to hand it over. Who are you? To alter my life like it’s your own. We’ll I’ve had it, I’m about to let go of everything you’ve ever known. Why? Cause I don’t need you anymore anxiety, you’re tragic. Everywhere you go, you go bringing havoc. I’m done anxiety, trying to see while you blind me in the night with your fears. I won’t shed no more tears […]
I guess I could keep trying to be poetic but fuck it
I just want someone to save me really
I loved him. It was two long years with him. I cared. I gave 100% everyday I was with him. And the fact that he wants nothing to do with me is the worst feeling ever.
So I heard he was cheating on me. Which turned out to be a lie. He breaks up with me. I go take him his clothes. I get there and he won’t even acknowledge me. I run after him. Trying to get some kind of closure. He won’t give me any attention. That’s when I snap. [being ignored is my biggest pet peeve and what triggers my depression is […]
today is a dangerous day for me. my husband is currently out of the state. my therapists and shrink don’t work on fridays. not that i would reach out to them anyway. i am alone with my thoughts and my gun. today is not the day i had originally chosen, but what is the difference? it is not going to change things if i wait a few more days. my “funky” way of thinking is not going to be changed. i have tried to explain how this go around has been different than the others. but i don’t have the words. all i can say […]
I had just returned from a job interview. It was the first interview I have had in over a year. Since losing my job in Nov 2011…. I was trying all sorts of job opportunities… but with the same result. So much so that I lost hope and had been living out of my savings and later? with my parents? until this job interview came up. It seemed like a job offer on a platter – they desperately need to fill in the post in a weeks time -but I‘d not kept myself updated in the recent past – and couldnt answer the simplest questions. […]