Tomorrow I have an appointment in the hospital about suicide stuff after I was admitted two weeks ago.
I plan on killing myself on April 6th.
They brought up youth protection services a few times, and let me be real, I am not in accordance to that.
I can’t let them admit me and keep me in. I have to get myself out the mess that well, it feels, they created.
What do I tell them? What lies?
I gotta figure out something.
Urgh.
So I haven’t been on in a while because of school testing. But I’m glad that is over now and I think I did horrible on my physics but pretty good in my Psychology and English courses. So a lot of stress had lifted off my shoulders but now that I’m on holiday break I have to be around my family for about two weeks. I do not look forward to… I haven’t really been talking to people much either the past week and I’m okay with that. Makes me less tense I think and I haven’t cried in a few days either so I […]
Despite nearly trying to end my own life again last week (without even posting on here, I might add, my head was a little too swimmy to form sentences) I feel strangely alive today.
Maybe it’s just because I finally mustered up the willpower to wash my hair for the first time in two weeks, because I am a disgusting human being. I just found it difficult to do much, so I didn’t wash my hair. But I did it today, and I feel strangely good. More like a person now, rather than something that lay there doing nothing.
Maybe it’s just because I’m not […]
Please don’t lead me on by saying I’m a nice girl. Please don’t lead me on by texting me for ten hours straight then not texting me for two weeks. Please don’t act like we had something. Because we obviously didn’t. I tried to be the one for you- and yet you left. Just like they all do. I thought you were different. Now I sit on my bed in my room with my knife in my hand, and I had thought I was different to. My friends told me you were the super shy, sweet guy who just had a horrible break up. I’ve […]
I have been passively suicidal all my life. I know, some say there is no way, but I remember wanting to die at 7. I was not abused overly much. My dad a little to harsh with corporal punishment. My mom never said I was stupid, but she always gave me a look or used a tone that said I was stupid. I guess she had no patience. idk. I was always depressed. Borderline personality I was told once, but never stuck with therapy. I have had more jobs and sexual encounters than I can remember. I just can’t stick with anything. Then get all […]
Recently I started working in a call center, I have worked there for two weeks. As someone who is severely depressed and has been suicidal for a long time, I just can’t handle it. I repeat the exact same thing on the phone for 10 hours a day. I have worked plenty before and it wasn’t my favorite thing to do but I could handle it. This job is just so mindless and depressing and repetitive that I can’t stand to be there anymore. When I’m there all I think of is killing myself and how much I hate it and mind-numblingly awful it is. […]
unfortunatly I don’t gave the money to get a cab or pay for it. My aunt is gonna allow me to get drinks on Friday. At least I’m lucky in that reguard. This is the last two weeks of my life, I wanna get drunk and pop pills ya know. I wanna be freed up to do what ever the heck I wanna do until the time comes. Don’t know how I’m gonna sneak vodka into the house. Guess I’d have to put it in my underwear as silly as that sounds as long as the bottle can fit. Guess for now I’ll stick to popping […]
Part of my ongoing journey includes long periods of insomnia. Since the last prolonged period, a couple of weeks ago, I am finding a bit more rest, or have been able to find a deeper sleep for a few hours at a time.
Mom died in April 2013. For those who don’t know, following all of my heart related trauma and becoming disabled, I had been her companion/caregiver for the last 2.5 years of her life. The two of us lived alone in the foothills of the Sierra Nevada, halfway between Sacramento and Lake Tahoe, as her dementia worsened.
I miss her so much. I often joke […]
The guy I love has his life and a ton of friends. I can see how we’re not as close already. I have no one and he doesn’t understand. He honestly thinks he’s been rejected more than I have but I call bullshit because I’m rejected from every damn thing for my looks even for a place to stay! I’ve been told I don’t look human and shouldn’t be allowed outside. I literally am homeless because I’m too ugly for anyone to accept my money as payment for rent. I’m laying on the floor at work for fuck’s sake and it’s the first time I’ve […]
I had this dream about two weeks ago. I was on a boat going down these really peculiar canals. the river was narrow and everything was really low. There were platforms either side of the river, then tall walls along each side. But it didn’t make you feel enclosed. At the top of the walls you could see the blue sky, the walls were all pastel colours and had origami trees next to them. It had me so relaxed.
I wish I had that dream again.
So my ex dumped me about two weeks tomorrow and I have to say I fucked up all of those two weeks, the first week I went to my grandmas and I went to a cherokee bonfire with a couple of friends from there and I met on of my ex boyfriend from second grade, he got me drunk like hardcore drunk but that’s because what I told him about my situation with my current ex boyfriend, later that night he toke me to my uncles cause I was beyond drunk and we fucked. I feel bad because I’m in love with my ex and […]
I’m already dead inside.
I screwed my life beyond repair, and all of it for no valid reasons. All because of anxiety that got me and the depression that came after. I gave up my life and I cannot take it back. I cannot live in the “what’s left of my life” while facing everyday the “how bright my life would have been if I didn’t screwed it all up”. It’s just too painful and it drains my motivation away. I don’t like myself anymore and I think it doesn’t worth to live like this.
I didn’t commit suicide yet because I am afraid of the consequences […]
After two attempts at my life in the matter of two weeks me and my husband went to the doctors go more medicine and some new ones he’s holding on to them because it’s easy to overdose on them I’m mad but I understand I guess he loves me and I love him I don’t know why I’m so addiment about killing myself
Not hurting my mum is starting to not be enough to keep me living.
I’m scared. Maybe being scared is a good thing, but suicide has stopped being an idea to become a real possibility.
Two weeks and I’ll be 25. Or not.
I have wanted to die for the past 9 years.
I have been cutting for the past 5 years.
Every single days for those past 9 years I have thought about disappearing , running away or just giving up and ending it all. I spent those days thinking how amazing it would be if i could fall asleep a night and never wake up the next morning.
I’ll be turning 21 in two weeks.
Every year for the past 5 years, when i blew out the candles i wished for my life to stop.
Nothing has changed. It’s like life has just been at a standstill.
I still want to die.
I have two ex-wives that I am current with all my child support and medical support. I try to have visitation with my children and would be declined and never got any help from the courts. They have made false allegations numerous times that has cost me to have financial problems at $25,000 a pop it quickly drained everything I had. I can’t see my kids false allegations have me in court and if I lose I go to prison. I was told if I get sent to prison I would be raped and murdered within two weeks and my children would get nothing. If […]
Well I had some medical issues that had been occurring over the past two weeks. I noticed some symptoms and panicked and got a full blood std test last friday. I was flipping out in so much pain and couldn’t wait till tuesday for the blood results. So I saw a Doctor on Monday and was given a clinical diagnoses and told I had genital herpes. I was devastated and cried but I accepted it, I was going to wait for my blood test to confirm what I had already been told before I spoke to the person I was currently seeing. I get my […]
This is just a quick note to wish everyone on SP well during the holidays. I realize this is one of the most difficult periods for many people here and it can be Hell having everyone else’s happiness and enjoyment thrown in your face for the better part of two weeks. Personally, I’m not too crazy about this time of year myself (even though things in my life are a little better than in previous years), but I suppose it is what it is.
Anyway, I hope everyone is able to make the best that they can out of the holidays.
L4Y
(L4Y@cogeco.ca)
Its been around two weeks since i started starvation, this is definetely not a way to go if you want to go peacefully, my body weight is at an all time low, my body is weak and any physical task is hell. Keeping composure at work and acting normal is the hardest of task. Im not sure if im hallucinating due to it, theres always something there edging me on to just finish myself off faster. I often find myself speaking to it or myself, my memories are a bit faded and does not feel like my own. The depression and anxiety remains strong. I […]
I went to the hospital for my self-harm issues(the only reason I ever found this site) along with PTSD, major anxiety and other mental health problems. I was in a two-week program at McLeans adolescent residential treatment program(or ART.) well about my seventh day there, a boy shows up. His name is Alex. It was nothing new, there was new people coming and going there all the time. We did our introductions, and when he explained his, I realized what an amazing voice he has. Yes, sadly I kinda had a crush on him from the first thing he said. But, he was only there […]
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