I haven’t cried in years, but I cry often now.
I cried today because a teacher sent me a letter. I’ll probably fail that class. The message was from a month ago, but I was too scared to open my inbox until now.
I cried the other day because my sister ate a plate of spaghetti that my mum made for me, it was left in the fridge for when I got back home. I’d only eaten a few biscuits in two days, I was hungry. But I was too tired to cook anything now that I had no pasta, so I didn’t eat this […]
I have no idea. If I live and dig deep, I don’t know what I will find, but I know it can’t get worse. I don’t even know if I’m gonna live until 8am tomorrow. I wish I did.
I’ve been messing with this damn thing all weekend until this song came on and I erased everything I was doing all wrong and just had at it. Just let go and had at it.
I hope it fits the bill.
Love yourself.
Be kind.
HDS
I just got out of an abusive relationship. I will not say in what profession, because I don’t want to give out too much information, but it was in a profession of pressure, where you’re expected to be hazed and belittled. This relationship was not a boyfriend or a husband, it was mentor-to-apprentice. Most of the time, when you hear of abusive relationships, it is a significant other, and I just want to say that, sometimes, it’s a boss or a friend.
This man had incredible talents, and I had the opportunity to become highly skilled in my craft from learning under this man. He […]
Thank you for the beautiful drawing from D.A. Feel free to share this on the artist page if you like. A homage to beauty. I see a sunrise where the artist sees shades of grey. Either is beauty.
I have been up until now working in realism, but really fantasy is my comfort zone some nights.
This is “the blush of dawn”.
Love yourself, be kind.
HDS
I drift away, because at some point it becomes too hard to send the message or make the phone call. Just like it’s become too hard to get out of bed or make dinner or drive my car. But you don’t expect them to let you drift. In your fairytale fantasies, they pull you closer. They knock down your door if it’s too heavy for you to pull. Your arms push, but they force the embrace until you believe that it’s actually the best and safest place to be. That isn’t what happens though. They don’t mind that you get further and smaller and fainter. […]
It’s hard for me to sleep. It’s 1:04 AM here and I am still awake. My sleep patterns are getting weird. And I am sure I won’t sleep until 5:00 Am. I just lay awake at night, losing myself in thought and contemplating my doom and misfortune. I think I need to get myself on sleeping pills. Any suggestions?!!??
I’m sitting here on my bedroom floor, blood dripping from my fingers, trying to convince myself to just end it all. It could all be over so quick. How can that not be tempting. I’ve often thought I’d wanna go painlessly, up until recently. My life has shattered around me, the people I cared about most have up and left. I decided that I didn’t give a fuck anymore. I decided “fuck love” and “fuck right and wrong. Nothing in my life has ever been right.” I’ve been wasting myself, losing myself. I hate myself for the things I’ve done, but I don’t care enough […]
(Maybe this is an official “I’m back” post? We’ll see if my mind can keep on track. Good luck following my thoughts.)
I thought I was set for life because I had it planned out until retirement. Graduate high school, go to college and get my degree in accounting, get a job and earn promotions for the next 40 years of my life, retire and move to someplace beautiful and expensive, then wait to die. And I thought no more about it other than just a basic, simple, normal life. That was when I was in 9th grade when I made that plan. I have gone through […]
I am the fading light in the dawn of day after the beauty of colors has played.
I am the forever lost, the infinity darkness, the forgotten and misunderstood.
I will never be your dawn. I will be here until.
Hello. Lately I’ve been feeling ok. My depression comes in waves I guess. I went to bed feeling ok, but woke up feeling like shit. I don’t know why this happens. I’ve got a feeling something bad is coming. I’m going to screw up some how and everyone is going to be mad. Do you know that feeling? It’s that gut feeling that the momentary peace you feel isn’t going to last very long. There’s not really much to say. I’ve got a few more weeks until testing. I realize I’m way behind since my depression kind of came back. I don’t really see myself […]
Not really sure why I’m doing this, I stumbled across this site to let family and friends know if something was to happen. Coming here I’ve read a lot of people’s personal struggles, and my heart goes out to you all, and to you FUCKS out there with your perfect lives, well you can chew on this, cause if anyone can go through what I have and not think about putting a fuckin hole through the back of your head, well you’re definitely a better man than me, so here it goes. Not gonna bother with my miserable childhood, I’ll just say my pops isn’t […]
Today someone was talking about suicide and he said no matter how bad it was it would get better. He then offered an anecdote of how he had a friend who had a friend who wanted to kill herself, and when she called up the friend and told him she wanted to kill herself and listed all the reasons why, he told her she was right but that she should wait a year, and then she did, and within a year her life had turned around, she was happy, etc. I want to know, where do people even come up with this bullsh*t?? do they just assume […]
Hello, I’m Ruana. Just felt I should at least give that for a short introduction since I’m a new ‘un. Hello, I hope to learn something about myself, help others (my greatest hope for however long I stay), and perhaps get a little better myself. A week or two ago I started crying when I texted a friend of mine, “I’ll get better, okay?” I want to add that I felt my words weren’t good enough to be here or right enough or something enough, but well, here I am. Nice to meet you.
Now to the topic of my title, or well the more intriguing […]
I think, my mind is ready. I have been constantly thinking about suicide for, I can’t remember how long. And I tried to get better but only got steadily worse. Now instead of dreams where I am killed by other people, for the last 5 days it is myself that is throwing themselves into the void over and over again.
I have an outdated suicide note in my nightstand. Written a couple of weeks ago… not sure if I should revise it last minute or tear it up completely.
I feel no words could explain why I want to off myself. I failed to convey it to them […]
I can’t stop crying and I can’t sleep.
Strangely, I’m scared that I may have a panic attack. I read somewhere about the low-grade ones where your heart races and you’re scared and your mind turns blank… but now I can’t seem to find information about this.
I’m at such a loss. I don’t know what to do. I feel so scared.
I took a lot of sleep aids again tonight, even though I told myself I wouldn’t. I can’t stop hurting myself.
I think this is probably withdrawal, but looking at the way things have been going so far this year, I’m almost positive that these pills aren’t […]
Of a lenghty e-mail reply. And the Wi-Fi connection to the lap top here decided to shit out. I’ve spent 3 hours trying to type. I’m unable to reset the internet until everyone is done using it. It’s just the lap top is having troubles troubleshooting.
I haven’t showered today. I ate however. Enjoying a beer, listening to clasical piano. My mother has been screaming and yelling all night. I told her something simple and she bit my head off pretty much. And has continued to bite my head of. Jesus woman calm down before I bite your head off. I would have so much to […]
Before you close your eyes, think of everything that made you smile and laugh today. Even down to the littlest giggle.
Pull it in. Fill your mind with it all. Close your eyes and hold onto those thoughts until you’re opening your eyes the next morning.
Stay strong tonight, friends.
I had a pretty good day today. I felt somewhat happy all day. It was a nice cloudy day and I’ve been happily enjoying my body and the lack of anxiety and depression that it feels today. However, I ran into an old friend at a restaurant and we chatted for a few minutes. I really hate talking to old friends because we have to summarize the last amount of years in a few sentences. I felt unaccomplished and having to tell him that I have basically done nothing with my life in the past years makes me feel annoyed and my anxiety crept back […]
Sometimes when I close my eyes
I can hear a demon telling me lies
I know his words are not true
His words are only lies about you
Before he finishes what he wants to say
I ignore and order him to go away
He laughs and says his goodbyes
But I know those are also lies
No matter how many lies he weaves
I ignore them until he leaves
But one day I heard the closing of a door
Since then I could not hear him anymore
Finally the demon has given up
Finally the demon’s lies has stopped
But where and why did he go
That’s an answer I do wish to know
I do not see any reason […]
Newer Posts