I want to do it tonight, but it’s harder on a weekday because of work. I don’t think I can bear this pain until the weekend. I’m miserable. I’m ready to go. I wrote instructions on my leg. I’ll write more on my arm later. It’s a matter of principal. I’ve always said this, the longer I’m alive, the longer people will treat me like shit and feel they have every fucking right to. I will leave my name here as soon before the event as possible. I also have to apologize to my work by email and basically tell off the guy I loved.
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until
1. What’s your age? I am 19
2. Are you religious at all? I used to be more than I am now. Illnesses will wake you up to reality and you start believing what’s really true. What’s your stance? Atheist.
3. What’s your first memory as a child, the earliest you can remember? My step dad yelling at my mother and being scared in my room, crying my eyes out. I was 3 years old.
4. What’s the best memory you have in your whole life up until now? Being with my great grandpa in an old WWII museum as he told me stories of […]
Life for me it just a reset. Nothing is What it seems happiness is a temporary lie so why indulge.?? Because you want it so bad.. But once you get a taste its taken away from you and your left more broken than before. You just find ways to cope with life until it kills you or you end the suffering and do it yourself
Life is like a wonderful toy. You give this wonderful toy to a toddler who loves playing with it until one day you take this wonderful toy away to the dismay of the toddler. It was the plan right from the start.
Why the flying fuck would you give the toddler the toy in the first place if your plan was just to take it away?
An adventure in a really strange land full of happy towns and dark valleys. Once you get off your village there is no way back and you must keep walking and walking until you have your feet in blood. If you get lost, oh dear, that is your end. The demons that live in the darkest valleys will follow you day after day, night after night, and at the most small sign of weakness they will eat you alive. You can truly believe that they are not real and they are not following you, but they are. They are so real like you. And once […]
If you give me pounds of money, the first thing I’ll do is jump from a building, high enough to break my bones. Hospitalized. Then I’ll do it again and again until the money runs out.
Ive always wondered if life was genuinely worth all the pain and anxiety. It seems like in order for me to live peacefully I need to inflict pain on myself and is that really a way to live? Is it worth feeling this everyday until eventually one day I die? If it’s going to happen at some point anyway then I’d hope for it to happen sooner rather than later to be honest.
do we lose people in order to teach ourselves to be stronger because the people we lost were the ones we were maybe too close with? Unhealthily relied on people? To teach ourselves you can’t become this dangerously close with someone? Or do we lose people because the human race is selfish and one person is always giving more than they’re getting until ultimately the other person won’t give anything back at all?
How can I
Wind
Pluto had better chance
Waiting for it to grow
I’m worst than a skeleton
Away from existence
Can I go
Then, until other
The only place that I can
Is, lose
Of singing
Traditional of my origin
I go
A light year ago
Just seconds after my last post, I see him with some girl. Mr Nobody Likes Me. Yeah right. He’s gorgeous enough to have them lined up and on a wait list until 2045. I can understand that he’d never no chance in hell go for me but what I can’t understand is totally ignoring and writing someone off who would do anything for you. Must be that he convinced himself that my love can’t be real since I’m so ugly it must be that I’m jus desperate or crazy. If somebody wanted time with me I wouldn’t ignore them or write them off. He damn […]
Once there was a girl, a happy girl, full of life and love. She would look on ahead at the future she would experience with joy and excitement. Nothing could touch her.
She went on, loving each day more than the last. Until a darkness touched her. She no longer looked in the mirror to see that smiling young girl looking back at her. Instead she saw death. These days continued, the death growing stronger in her eyes, consuming her will to live. It suffocated her, drowned her in a way that no one could see. She turned away from her friends, thinking all she […]
I saw my best friend today for the first time in about a few months and seeing her was the best and being able to hug her again was the most amazing feeling but i promised her i would never leave until i at least saw her once then i would most likely leave. Now i’m having second thoughts but i really want to leave. I have no clue what to do….
So I guess on this post ill tell you about something that has been wrong me for years. I was diagnosed with cancer at age 7, for about two years I was on radiation and it was hell. I puked alot, I stunted my growth, made me really skinny, and I’m small in body size and it stopped me from doing things I wanted to do. I got picked on for having cancer through my life up until now (18yrs)
Each time I think of it an how it affected me makes me cry so much because I wish I was normal. It’s even hard […]
It’s always late at night that i realize how lonely i am, It’s always at those moments when I want to talk to someone and tell them all about my problems and ask for advice that I realize that i’m alone, really alone. I mean i have what you can call “Friends” they’re amazing i love them and whenever i’m with them i’m always having a good time…But i’m not with them all the time and those times i always past them over thinking. About Love Life Sex Alcohol Depression Death-Lot’s of death.
I reach this spot where i can’t hold it in i want to […]
Well looks like I’m back, you can never truly escape depression. Its just a horrible thing. It clings onto you and hides until it feels like striking sometimes it never goes away. I guess mine never went away. It’s amazing. I’m 15 now. Been a while since I’ve been on here. Ha.
One point of time in life I wasn’t always depressed, I sit here and I think how things got this way but until this day I still don’t understand . It’s like now I don’t see the point of living anymore… To wake up and do the same stuff everyday, see the same people and places . It’s tiring ! And th e one time everything made sense was when I was with him… My savior, he made me so happy but now he’s gone ???? got stabbed to death. It’s like now will I ever feel the same? When I had him here I […]
I’m looking at suicide methods again for the first time again after a while of being good. Over the last 5 years I tried to kill myself over a dozen times, climaxing last fall when I drove my car into a telephone pole going 70 mph, which left me completely unscathed. At that point I felt like I had exhausted all suicide methods I was willing to try, and was then trapped in the living world.
I guess I still feel that way. I don’t have the nerve to do something that could result in prolonged pain or a life of suffering after failure. Can’t hang, […]
He said he cared, he said he would never leave. When I tried to push him away he wouldn’t let me. Until he got drunk and his friends saw he had a message from me. Now I lost him. And I don’t know how to cope. He says he needs to work through his things. So i guess I have to hope he comes back once he does. It hasn’t even been a week but it’s been torture. What do I do. Do I try to talk to him? Or do I forget him.
Im back to where I started this time in front of my parents I bit myself as hard as I could in front of them. They said I need help but my whole family does. I just got in a relationship with a girl I have been dying to be with. And now my mother treats our relationship like its her messed up marriage saying I give her too much attention and soon she will get tired of me and not love me anymore. She even had the audacity to go to my girlfriend and tell her “Dont distract him from what he needs to […]
Starting in January, I began experiencing what I call “sinking spells.” What happens is I suddenly loose all energy, like a tire going flat or a balloon suddenly deflating. I have to lay down and sometimes sleep for a couple of hours. I’ve checked my blood pressure when these attacks occur and it’s a bit low. When I awaken, it’s good. My cardiologist has suggested having a defibrillator implanted in case my heart suddenly stops. That’s just NOT gonna happen.
Yesterday evening, around 11pm, it happened again. I wasn’t sleepy when this happened…..insomnia…..well I quickly passed out in bed (not the same thing as drifting off […]