I want to be able to give you the stars to pick them from the dark empty misty sky as they shine for you but I fear you’ll only use them as stepping stones to get further away from me. the moon longs to be appreciated shining into your life but you only use it to light your way. the wind moves and whispers your name on a frosty deadly night yet you ignore it as you strive for your goal. though I could give you the world, my world. you only use it to get higher and higher. always wanting more. never taking in […]
Most of my life its been assumed that i would be the first one, and probably the only one, of my siblings to have a child. i mean, i love kids, everytime i see a baby, i have to hold them because theyre so cute and tiny. i’ve sort of wanted children too, to be able to raise a kid. but i know i cant do it. i cant do that. i cant because i know i will screw that child over. i am not fit to be a parent. its funny though, because my sister, who has disliked children her whole life, is pregnant. […]
I don’t think i can do this any more, i feel as if I’m just annoying everyone and that no one needs me any more which is true my father don’t even want to spend time with me any more. His started speaking in French so I don’t understand him when his talking to other family members but i understand what he says. Maybe leaving this wretched world will give everyone peace especially me. I can’t take the pain from being the mistake in the family, i mean i know i am the mistake it’s everyday i get told i am. I didn’t ask to […]
Tonight is the night. I told myself I’d wait a month… if I still desired closure by then, I’ll know I waited things out till I couldn’t anymore. I’m tired of hurting. I’m tired of being tired. I’m tired of getting lost in my suicidal thoughts and wishing one day they’d come true.
I’m finally letting go. I’ll finally be at peace. I’ll finally get to sleep through the night.
It’s quite empowering having what is needed floating around in my backpack, just waiting for the day it’s finally used.
I’ll give it till tonight to confirm my decision. I don’t know why I felt like posting here. […]
That’s all I’ve ever wanted. To be happy. But it seems further out of my reach with every day I exist. I suppose everyone wants to be happy really…
It just seems like everything is so far out of my reach. This book I’ve been reading, prescribed by a friend that said it would help me, hasn’t been helping me at all to accept societies heinous actions.
My dreams get worse and worse by the day… it just seems like life is trying to break me again. Like its trying its hardest to drive me mad.
I can’t do anything. I’m a waste of space and a burden. No one cares and I’m always ignored. I hate how everyday I just get worse and worse and no one sees. But then again, apart of me doesn’t want anyone to know. I hate how I always contradict myself everytime. I want to be happy but then I feel like I don’t deserve it. I want to be more open with people, get help but then I don’t. I just can’t do anything. I’ve gotten to the point in my life where I almost can’t find happiness in anything and all I want […]
It won’t leave my head. Maybe writing it on here will give me a bit of a rest.
Before my neighbours eventually managed to finally kill my brother, they had been trying for a few year.
In 2013, after yet another harassment from them when I was coming back from school, my mother told my brother about it. Of course, it pissed him off. He decided to confront them and ask them exactly what they wanted from me.
I was not home that day. When I got back, things were upside down, and there was so much blood. My parents were not at home. They had taken my […]
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This week has been completely terrible for me but then again everyday is kinda bad for me. I’ll always be able to find something to make me more upset than i already am. I’ve been thinking more than i usually do on a daily basis. I’m 16 right now and a sophomore in high school. everyone’s is telling me that i need to make a decision about what Im going to do in the future. What classes I should take to benefit my future, what college i need to go to. what career I am interested in and etc. there’s only one profession I’m interested […]
Hello, I can’t keep taking life from no success and all failures. They say you should try and keep trying but all i have been doing is stopping and stopping. I keep telling myself will i get better if i keep my vision on the right track. But when i think about it.. What do i really envision about myself? I’m 24 and male. my life has been a huge lack on interaction with people. it’s so hard to be myself with new people because the real me is a trans-gender. I always had more guy friends then girls.. I wanted to have more friends […]
We are not the only ones who feel how we feel. Hes someone i watched growing up and he died how i wanted to die 3 hours away from where i now live its crazy to think.
May you find the peace in death you couldnt find in life. If heaven exists im sure there is a halfpipe.
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Idk if i miss you. Or rather idk if i miss the person i stopped talking to. You weren’t the same person I fell in love with. You had such a major impact on my life that no matter what i do I’ll always know it wouldn’t have happened without you. But you went from lovingly warm to ice cold. I didn’t waiver. You went from open and honest to distant and duplicitous. You pushed me away but […]
My entire life I have suffered with depression. Iv never not known to be depressed. Both of my parents are hard-core alchoholics. They have been my entire life. I never had many friends growing up. I was a very ugly teenager. I had a big nose and severe acne. Now Im left with severe acne scars. I am a hideous human being. I look like a dam ogre. On top of that, I also have a chronic debalitiating disease. That has no cure. It leaves me in chronic pain. There is literally no hope for me. I give up. Im just scared to actually do […]
Nothing big. But I thought it was kind of nice and serene, and wanted to share it. Maybe somebody will get something positive out of it.
Edit: Realized that is was very small. So here it is zoomed it, if that helps.
I always wanted to die laughing.. like the ending of of mice and men. Best case scenario for anyone.
I can’t remember a time I didn’t want to die. I remember being so happy that I should kill myself cause things couldn’t get any better… I’m a pretty happy guy in general, I find positives in negatives, I make people laugh it’s one of my favourite things to do is make people happy.
I don’t know where all the pain comes from. But the pain the sadness is all secondary to the fact of how pointless I feel life is. It’s like everything else I just want […]
Am i perfect not at all. I wish i had more exciting imperfections besides bitterness and anger but it is what it is. If there was such thing as a sure suicide method I’d probably do it. Hanging doesn’t work well and the dam near me doesnt have a convenient way to the drop. Also its survivable imo. I had a gun once. I was scared of vegitating myself so i didn’t do it. I would have fucked up the shot. You get nervous with a gun. I’m mad i was ever born still. But do i always see a hopeless loser in the mirror? […]
i fucked up my arm last night. it still feels tingly and weird (and painful), and i think it’s still bleeding… i’m so fucked if i need stitches. i just wanted to see the blood drip. i didn’t want to mess my arm up like this.
in other news, i haven’t seen or spoken to my family in a week, and even though it was my choice to isolate myself, i still feel like crap. hearing them laugh and get along just fine without me, no concern whether i’m dead or not in this tiny room… i mean, this is what i wanted. i don’t want […]
HEAVEN and HELL. Are they real? Does GOD exist? I was raised a Christian so all of this should be real to me with no doubt. I do believe in God. I do believe in heaven and hell. And maybe that’s why I’m so afraid? So afraid to like what I like, do what I want to do, dress how I want to dress, and be who I want to be. So much so that I’m ready to just end it all. However, being Church of Christ, if someone commits suicide the consequence is eternity in hell. So what is my way out? I have none. Other than to pretend that I like to […]
I drafted this awhile ago but then started feeling better. But my depression has re-triggered and it’s stronger than ever. The anxiety pills and antidepressants don’t work. Drinking doesn’t dull the pain, it now only intensifies it. My therapist and doctors try so hard but I see the worry in their eyes because they know they can’t reach me anymore. I’ve run out of ideas and energy, and my life feels empty and done. It’s time to post this just in case. I need MC to somehow discover the truth. If it’s meant to be, he’ll find this someday. He’ll know it’s him. He and my therapist know the story, but […]