So this feeling is so, not painfull, not happy, no wanting 2 die, yet cant live…iv gotten on my feet the best i could only to get knocked down multiple times id like 2 drink, or do some h. Smoke myself to bliss. Its not drugs that is doin this 2 me thats just how i cope. Searching for a god who speaks through a book i try very hard 2 understand. Cant give up, but cant go passed this. Was i born like this? Did u do this to me?…….tried so hard but did i try the right way. Nah i couldnt have. Is […]
Tag:
wanting
Does anyone else remember when they were about three years old and you would say “no, I don’t need that, I’m a big girl/boy”? I do. What made being “a big girl/boy” so desirable? It’s kind of weird thinking about myself as a child, how innocent and pure I was back then. I never would’ve guessed myself to be nearing the end of my teenage years and already wanting to end it, which doesn’t really surprise me to be honest, I hardly ever finish anything I start. It’s just so crazy to think, when I was a child I wanted to grow up, be a […]
Despair is repressed, only for a short-while, It cannot be hidden for too long. People start seeing it. It eagerly reveals its existence, like a child wanting to reveal his talents, in a school- play. Just like a play, despair is viewed as “fictitious”; in they’re mind, it’s only in your mind. Some believe it’s the lack of gratitude and love you show towards ’em; some, simply, enjoy your despair, it makes them feel better. In either case, their ego is the window in which, they view your despair. All this happens, as if they’ve never felt sad; as if they suddenly developed a relative […]
….the end. Hopefully soon.
cut myself for the first time in 4 years yesterday.Spend most days drunk on alcohol/valium or both yet still going to work but it’s getting harder. The fact I get a train doesn’t help, it would be easy to jump in front of one cause I get plenty of option to but hey, I don’t wanna fuck up their lives by hitting me.
wanting to throw myself downstairs daily is so frustrating, other people seem to be happy! What the fuck is that?
Im glad they are but i’m just wondering how that feels!
I wanted a gun, but in the UK it’s pretty difficult. […]
But I’m so messed up I can’t even let people help me. It’s times like these when I’m sat in my room alone crying and wanting to scream and just get out of this horrible mind of mine when I actually start thinking I need help. I need someone to tell me what’s happening, what’s wrong, and how to make this stop. But I can’t. Nearly a year ago I had a counsellor at school for 5 months. For 5 months I didn’t say anything. I felt trapped. When she would ask me questions I’d sit there like an idiot staring at the desk. I […]
I already have a time, place, and means ready to go. I told myself I didn’t want to make any irreversible decisions without thinking long and hard about them, so I set up a two month moratorium which ends in less than 24 hours. This is it. This post will be my last attempt to gather contrary opinions: convince me not to go through with it, if you think it is more rational for me to stay alive.
I had a decent childhood and I was doing well in school. I was happily married. Then, one day about three years ago, I developed a migraine. It […]
Has anybody seen the movie Winter’s Tale? I just watched it last night and I’m halfway through watching it again right now. For some reason, watching that movie makes me stop wanting to die and all of my desires disappear until the only thing I really want is true love, fairytale style.
Sappy, I know, especially for a 16 year old guy, but I can’t help what I hope for. And for once, I actually don’t mind hoping for love.
I am so drained and tired of wanting to die…I’m sick and tired of being sick and tired
I will be 50 not long from now. I have lived an outwardly full and rich life. People look up to me apparently and i am somehow respected. The truth is i have drifted through life with much luck and relative ease. I have been loved many times but have never loved until recently. And my immaturity in that caused it to fail anyway. The bottom line is that i see little point in going on. This world and this life just has no relevance to me, it is pointless. A few weeks ago I made an attempt to end it by downing a bunch […]
I want to kill myself and once I’m in the act of doing so, I freeze and I cant? Why can’t I be one of the people that get hit and runned and shot by being in the wrong place at the wrong time. Why can’t I own a gun and place the cold metal barrel to the side of my head and with a slight movement…end it all; for once and for all. Do I pity my mom and feel sorry that all her children bring her disappointed and frustration is that it and ending myself make it hit rock bottom? Im tired and […]
So, it seems like if one wants to lay it all out there this is the place.
Ok, I hate life. I don’t enjoy things like most people seem to. I am a SWM, 42, and I can’t dance because I feel like a fool, and really feeling like a fool is essentially my basic state of mind most of the time. I also have trouble eating, which has a very long childhood story to it. I have a very hard time trying new foods, cant just eat it anyway to be polite, and often cant even eat foods I normally like if they are prepared […]
I don’t hate the ones in my life; I love them very much. That’s why I want to end my life, so I don’t mess up their lives any more. I know what a disappointment I am to them- really, their expectations are low, and I still can’t meet them. Not for wanting or trying, just lack of ability, I guess. Anyway, when I’m gone, something I look forward to probably 30 times a day, they can have fuller, better lives without me dragging them down. I’m not really needed, other than a paycheck, so not a lot to miss. I know this sounds like […]
Well.. I’m starting to think it’s my time to go.I can feel so tragic but yet so calm about saying I want to die.I want to do things like Christmas but if I share and show im upset now I’ll be in the hospital for Christmas. I don’t want that. There’s nothing to like about me.I don’t even like myself and I never will.Im trying to figure out a time when to end it but I can’t find it and my suicide note isn’t even that good.Im messing my life up. Making people worried, wanting to kill myself,think everyone hates me out of the blue.I […]
I guess it all started when I was a little kid. My parents fighting all the time and me being present when they did, it made me feel kind of sad, why did they fight? Was it because of me? And the answer was yes, or at least to me it was and it still is. I don’t blame them though, because that’s how they dealt with their problem (me) and now I deal mine with self-harm.
First time I cut was when I as about 11 years old and I did it because my dad had been yelling at me for a lot of things. […]
“What now?” The first thought in mind was the last thing I thought about while waiting to die. I woke up and it was cold, dark, and dirty from not cleaning the house while in my state of misery. I got up, stumbled to get to the bathroom, and sat on the pot. I didn’t use it, just as a chair. I examined myself thoroughly through the mirror and found that my eyes were bloodshot, hair was a slight grey, and my lips were cracked. I’m an average looking guy on most days and look younger than my age presents. I’m 21 and already the […]
morning folks, here we go again. the overwhelming urge to end it has passed, finally. and im back to sort of functioning again.still have all the problems though. no job, facing eviction, no food. why kill myself quickly and comfortably when all i have to do is wait and slowly die of malnutrition and hypothermia? oh well, guess meathod dont matter if the results are the same. i have learned some things this past week that i didnt know before. #1- this website- wow, wish i had found this long ago. reading the posts is like reading my story. #2-feelings- surprise, surprise. who knew. i […]
I should probably start this post out by admitting to one thing- I am not suicidal. I am not suicidal but I am looking for help and to understand. My best friend and life partner is looking to kill himself and he has been wanting to talk about it with me, more and more, lately. These conversations end with him yelling because I don’t understand this very big part of him and me crying because the idea is just to painful for me to take in- being without my best friend. His habits of self-inflicted injury are becoming daily and I am at a loss […]
So I have done everything I can to try and turn my life around and it just seems all I do is make it worse. I am now homeless, and jobless. My own family is basically not wanting to help me anymore – and I barely have any friends.
I will die by the end of the year and I am researching how to do it – I hate this world. People keep saying God has a plan for you – Well my name isn’t Job okay – I just feel I must have done something really horrible in my life to have my life be […]
Hello. This is no a cry for help or pity or advise. It is just me … me on my own isolated wanting to end it all. My son lives abroad … I was due to spend xmas with him and his other family. Today the news came I am not welcome. Devestated. I have no one else around me. My mum died 2 montths ago. I think of dying every morning every night and even when I sleep. I hate pain so need a painless exit. The pain I feel in my life is real and strong. I am crippled by my emotions and […]
Why do we celebrate thanksgiving when its really a time of mass murder? Why do we celebrate Christmas and buy all sorts of junk when so many are starving? Why are priests molesting the kids? Why did people boot stomp babies, and pull them apart in fours called quartering? Why were Jews killed by the millions? Why were Africans killed by the millions? why does it seem like a cycle that will never end? I dont blame any race , color, creed or nationality for any of this.All that most of us have become and learned has been around and handed down from generation […]