It’s been a while since I’ve been on. I didn’t blow my brain out as soon as I was planning. Which turns out to be one of the worst mistakes of my life. I met a girl, and as hard as I tried to not let my guard down, she got past it and actually tricked me into trusting her. Then, after a few dates and saying that she wanted us to be a couple, she basically said, “Nevermind,” on the day of what would have been our fourth date. I fucking hate life, there’s no fucking justification for all of this bullshit.
Tag:
worst
“Hope is the worst of evils, for it prolongs the torment of man” – Friedrich Nietzsche
There are so many misconceptions about what it feels like to be compulsive. The most common being that people who are compulsive are obsessively cleanly and a perfectionist, that’s not always the case. Like with me, I’m compulsive in a way where when I remember something unpleasant, or I’m just triggered I have an “episode.” Let me explain what these episodes are, they’re when I remember something and I go through… I don’t have words to describe it. Imagine the worst you’ve ever felt in your entire life, then compress that into maybe one or two seconds. That’s what happens when I have my episodes, […]
If I wrote a book about the various house-hold chemicals you can use to kill yourself, I’d be a best selling author. I’ve lost count of the number of times I’ve researched this method. But I stopped those plans and I am now taking medicine and going for counselling. My therapist shows me techniques on how to deal with pressure and it really helps. A little bit of positivity is starting to creep back in and the dark cloak on my mind is slowly being unfurled. But I gotta admit, I do have some dark days but I always find ways of controlling my thoughts. Something that […]
The last few days have been the worst in a while. He doesn’t like my scars and said its a deal breaker if I cut again. he doesn’t like me smoking or drinking. he hates that suicide crosses my mind every day. ive been so depressed, and I am forbidden from using my coping strategies. I tied myself a noose last night, just in case. I held the blade against my skin and managed to resist slicing. I beat myself with a belt tonight to try and feel something again. He doesn’t like how skinny I am, even though ive put on 5lb for him […]
Which one hurts more? Being rejected or them not answering and ignoring you?
For me it’s not answering. With rejection you at least have an answer. You know they are not interested. But when they don’t answer what the hell does that mean? Are they repulsed by you? Do they not know? Did you scare them away? You have no clue what happened and you are thinking the worst. What did you do wrong? Are you not worth an answer? It’s a simple yes or a no… I don’t know is even better then not answering…What the fuck did I do to deserve no answer..?
The guy I like asked me to be his.
I said yes.
I don’t know what I’ve gotten myself into though.
What if hes like most other guys? If he doesn’t really like me and just wants a fling?
Ill just end up hurt in the end, but for now hes making me smile even when I’m in the worst of moods.
I was with him yesterday. I saw scars on his arms. I wasn’t going to mention it to him, that would be insensitive of me, but maybe if he sees my scars he will understand? I’m not openly going to show him though, I don’t know if I […]
… pathetic what I hold myself up to. That meaningless standard that society holds true. It’s pretty funny how this fleshy substance known as our skin plays such a critical role in life. God, if you are there, you are a fucking idiot. What am I going to become in Heaven? A mindless drone doomed to worship your entity. Fuck you. I hate you God. You are non-existent, you are a fable that contorts the minds of the weak. You call me sacrilegious, and I thank you for that, I am self-aware. We will see who has the last laugh when the time comes. You […]
So i have or i guess had a best friend who i considered like a sister but i feel like she didn’t feel the same. We have been best friends for three years. I think that the worst part about losing your friend is not losing them but feeling like you are losing them. I feel less important when she talks to other people. I know that i can be easily replaced. She is sooooo pretty and smart. I just already hate myself and i thought since we were in similar sitiation we would have EACH other back. But i guess not. I can not […]
Imagine you didn’t have your iphone no more and all electronic equipment stopped operating after some cataclysmic disaster ( Maybe spillage from a colossal nuclear tank arsenal , will leave you to imagine the worst case scenario).
This means no internet, mechanised farming is no more and therefore we have to forage for food in the wild. The money system has crashed and you cannot borrow a dollar from a neighbour because they are in the same condition as you.
There’s chaos in the streets, killing and pillaging. Fighting over food specks and there’s scarcity of clean water and the air is of course unbearably rancid. Imagine that […]
Hey guys, sorry, this is kind of my first post. Just I felt I needed to share some things that were on my mind. Don’t really feel comfortable talking about these things but it’s been weighing on me pretty heavily.
I’ve… well I mean there’s no easy way to say it… But I’ve contemplated suicide before. Never was able to do anything about it, but the thought goes through my head a lot more than I care to admit. I’ve just been having so much stress compiled on me, and so many things going through my head it’s just killing me.
The thing is I’m the last […]
I thought I hit rock bottom this weekend. I could barely get out of bed, and I didn’t do ANYTHING I had to do, no work, just staying in bed and watching movies I really didn’t care about. I tried to reach out for friends, but literally none of them wanted to go out, and it made me feel worse. Rejected. I was on the edge, thoughts about suicide invading my mind and I couldn’t control my crying.
I woke up today feeling completely different. I’m not that sad anymore, just numb, as if everything I’ve been feeling for the past three days is something really distant. […]
Well I really didn’t want to go for help but then I found this website so I decide to post something to try and reach out to anyone. I might as well say I’m sorry for not trying to handle my own problem and instead go on this website to try and get a little hope for still living, because the only thing I feel every day is mental abuse and physical abuse. Now I’ll start off by saying that I’m 17 and I am the worst person ever. Ever since I was 13 all I wanted to do was die, especially when I was […]
The beast that we know as Paranoia, that’s always tugging at my mind, always forcing my mind into a state of wonder, into a thought pattern, like a cobweb,of catastrophic thoughts of what will happen if I’m not obedient.
But the worst of all, the beast that I fear the most, is myself. Tell me, please, is it my fault or is it just bad luck that I, of all people, was cursed with all this?
You tend to forget how sadness and depression can have various different aspects to it. Just different types. Here I go, for another round, and I know that I’m not ready for this and honestly, I know there is never a good time, but this has got to be the worst time. This old life was actually starting to get a bit of flare and things were all good for once, despite the massive fuck ups. Its been such a shit year and for a few months things were appearing to be very pleasant. Just going through day by day, not having to worry, just being […]
One of my current first world peeves includes the sent, delivered, and received indicators on messaging applications for smart phones. The two big ones in particular are whatsapp and kik, I find myself in a perpetual struggle to direct my attention away from them. They add an agonizing level of suspense to every conversation, and when on the receiving end they add an overwhelming obligation to reply to every message a friend gifts you. I feel as though I’ve been robbed of my anonymity, and the sanctity of a lie has been turned to rubbish. I can no longer say, “I was away from […]
Starving myself all day (I don’t have a natural appetite so it happens whether I want it to or not)
and then getting stoned at the end of the day and gorging on Mcdonalds and candy. I finished eating the other night and was laying in bed watching the absolute worst movie, Deep Blue Sea. I used to love it when I was a teen, but now that I’m older, the plot holes are a lot more apparent. Well anyway, I was watching this stinker, and I didn’t really want to be, but I was in such a state of zen and relaxation after eating so […]
what a horrible year it’s been – the worst year of my life. Just like last year, the leaves will soon turn, than fall off there trees. The snow will come and then the first flowers will rebloom next spring just before the scorching heat of summer….than September 2016 will arrive.
I wonder how 2016 will be for me. Seems like ever year is a cycle that keeps repeating itself as I sit and watch the world go by.
I question myself everyday and wonder why I’m still here. I struggle with depression. Went from a really bad relationship to an even worst one. I feel lonely in this world and I can’t seem to find myself. At times I feel like I’m completely alone in this world. I feel betrayed by the ones I love the most. I question why is it that those people hurt us the most and don’t seem to care. I think I’m just going insane to the point were I want to commit suicide.
so I told the guy who likes me about my depression and that I cut and u want to kill myself so he told me he’s suicidal and cuts he also said that he’s psychopath because he’s though of running away from home and being a serial killer he said he has anger problems so his problems are worst then mine he’s been through a lot of things and I feel selfish for feeling like this I want to help him but how and can you guys give me some advice about all this