i am, by all accounts, a survivor, an old school member of this place, and it gets better it gets so much better that i drink, just co i can fall asleep, that my writing talent, the book im going to write, is used up here and on members via email. my way out is a book i can never write, but hay, it gets better,it always gets better…
I had to write an essay for one of my teachers and I don’t know what I was thinking when I wrote about my suicide thoughts and my scars. And so now my whole family knows and they are giving me all of the attention, and now I have to go to a therapist. I hate all of the attention, and I hate that now I have a therapist. I hate talking about how I’m feeling to someone face to face. That’s why I talk here, I can talk to all of you and you won’t know who I am what I look like, and […]
http://suicideproject.org/wp-content/uploads/2016/04/Singularity.mp3
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Next new piece, which is outside my comfort zone for a few reasons:
1. I’m not comfortable writing for guitar, so I tend to avoid it. But here it is.
2. Lately I’ve tended to avoid wide-open pieces with simple instrumentation. But this has just three instruments: Acoustic guitar, Electric bass, and Piano.
3. It has almost a country/western feel, which is definitely NOT my favorite genre.
4. It’s peaceful and calm, which is an odd thing for me to write these days. Lately I’d gravitated more toward things which reflected angst and panic.
It’s called “Singularity”.
I was inspired to write a piano solo that captured a manic upswing filled with barely-containable energy.
I picture eyeballs darting everywhere, hardly able to focus for more than a few seconds at a time… and yet still trying.
I’m dedicating this one to Hazy.
I call it “Hyper Haze”.
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http://suicideproject.org/wp-content/uploads/2016/04/Hyper-Haze2.mp3
There is no excerpt because this is a protected post.
Writing music helps me deal with depression.
Saturday night I got a music composition challenge from darkwillow, which you can read HERE.
I had to write something which included all 12 tones of the chromatic scale. Grace notes didn’t count. It couldn’t be more than three minutes long.
Because of the 12 notes, I called it “Unsettling Dozen”.
Instrumentation:
2 Trumpet, 1 French Horn, 1 Trombone, 1 Tuba, Piano
Here is the file, and below are some screencaps of some pieces of the score.
One has color coding so you can see that all 12 notes have been represented.
http://suicideproject.org/wp-content/uploads/2016/04/Unsettling-Dozen.mp3
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You did the 1 hour challenge…
Can i ask you to write a song, that includes all 12 notes?? 😀  There’s a 24 hour time limit on this one..
Rules:
-Grace notes don’t count as using a tone.
-Must be no longer than 3 minutes long.
Suggestions:
-some kind of visual? Even if its exported as a midi and played in synthesia? It would be really nice, to see what you’re playing.
Hope you accept 🙂
Hey you, you know who you are.
I just wanted to write you a little something personal. And no, I am not blaming others entirely for my short comings like you think I do. And I know you say “you don’t have to be like your siblings” but I know that’s just kind of pretend.
Because I know you have done the same shit with them. For some reason they worked out better then I did. But, you told me you’re disappointed in all of us for individual reasons anyway.
Oh and I am sorry for that your dream of becoming rich and beautiful has not worked out because you […]
Greetings and Salutations!
First order of business… Fuck me. I’m still walking in damn circles. Blah blah, whoa is me.
Next, I got a letter from the publishing company wanting a new original poem by May. All I been writing is dark material. Now I can’t write at all.
Derp Derpinson here.
And again, fuck me.
My mind is blank I want to write but can’t I’m  physically here but mentally gone
think I really did die last year but my soul just not accepting to leave the body
Last week someone said I’m here for a reason what reason that what’s my purpose ?
I’m having a really good day.Today is my birthday and for the first time in forever, I feel a lot of love for myself. I’m not anxious today and I just feel content and pleased. But I was thinking about you guys here and I just wanted to let everyone know that I care about you guys and I love you guys. I write here when I’m the most sad, the most depressed, the most vulnerable. But I also want to write here when I’m happy. Thanks everyone for still being here – and for all the support here. <3
Hey first time posting up here, never had the gutts to make a page. But that all changed today during second block in school. Don’t really no what to write, I guess inspiration needs to strike
I dont even know what to write here, im so lonely, i dont know where home is. Im so embarrassed about how i get when im upset. Im weird and it feels like nobdoy could possibly love me. Its 4:43am and im always awake at this time, i dread the sun coming up so badly every morning. I sleep all day and that helps but at the same time i think it’s not doing me any good. I haven’t worked in like a year. I just dont feel alive, all i crave is to be held but girls dont even like me, im not ugly […]
I heard this site was a perfect place for a person like me. A perfect place to write down thoughts, express feelings, as well as support others. I never thought my life would turn this direction, or if i would ever have to resort to a place like this. Its scary, thinking thoughts like this..Taking these steps.. Baby steps.. It seems like its the only solution.. To a permanent problem.. My future is damned.. I’m not sure what i want to do… I’m pretty sure i’ll be back tomorrow to post, this feels nice.. Sorry if this is a shitty post by the way, like […]
I deleted the song fucking because….
Commence meltdown in 3…2…1
FUCK! I won’t kill myself… I fucking know it. So even mentioning it is a waste of perfectly good oxygen. I won’t fucking alter my life. I won’t ever accept reality. Just gonna sit here and wallow in self pity.
You guys keep posting neat music stuff you’ve done….
It’s made me want to compose something too.
I ordered some composition software for the laptop so I can write stuff during the days/nights when I’m stuck in bed and can hardly move. It will be good therapy for me, because it will remind me that even though my body is falling apart, my mind still (sort of) works.
I ordered the same software I’ve used previously for composing symphony stuff, but for some reason I’m in the mood to write a piano solo now.
Possibly piano plus cello.
Stay tuned.
(Ha! See what I did there? Music? Tuned?)
More bad things happened today, things I’d rather not talk about. But now the only thing I have to live for is my little sister, and as much as I do love her, I just don’t want to exist anymore. So I have come up with a plan, a checklist of what I need to do in my last few hours, whenever I decide when those hours are. I’ll probably do it in the summer, so that I can save up for a bag of charcoal. The first thing I’m gonna do is write my note. I don’t need to explain anything in it, my […]
Had to write haikus for class, thought I’d share.
Glow-in-the-dark stars
Plastered on your room’s ceiling
We camp out on your floor
Tiny parasites
Feasting on flesh and blood
Pink polka-dot scars
Bundles of firewood
Tucked under thieving arms
Warmth at dawn
Not sure what to write…..so I am just gonna write. No editing, no revisions.
Didn’t think it possible that it would hurt this bad.
I hung everything on the line, sacrificed it all….and have nothing to show for it….
I guess the one thing I always really wanted was a woman to save me. Save me from myself…..
Now here I am where I started, and in worse shape. I would give everything to go back in time and do it all over again…..to relive the happy moments. To change the way things ended up
But that can’t happen. Life does not work like that….
I […]
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