Stories of Loss

For those who have passed on.

23

It Hurts

August 22nd, 2016by Justnoonemuch

It hurts. Iv delt with it for a long time. Not always for the best. I OD on a couple hundred asprin a few years back. I woke up feeling like i would have a heart attack. If i moved a single muscle, arm, leg, neck, i would throw up. My body did not want to die. After hours of convulsing in my bed i became terrified. I did not want to die. But i did. I was torn between my bodies terror and my minds willingness to go. I met a girl. I told her everything. She was my other half. My only friend, …

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4

Why.

August 20th, 2016by mememachine

If this ever crops up on my social media I’m sorry. It means that I’ve truly become nothing but a failure, that I’ve totally failed to keep myself alive for another day.

I’m sorry. I shouldn’t do this. My life isn’t terrible, it never really was. Compared to the thousands of suffering humans who drag themselves awake each day and somehow smile all the while, my life is great. I just,  can’t anymore. I can’t seek help, it’s too late, I failed. I couldn’t help myself, so who could.

My life started out great, my mother was a well earning nurse, I had friends, a dog, and …

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1

Malaise

August 20th, 2016by anothernoone

First time posting here.

I’ve been, I guess you could say “actively suicidal” in the past.  Perhaps not currently.  But, on some level, I’m always thinking about it.

I feel tired.  old.  most of all, worthless.

I’m not who I set out to be.  I was reading someone else’s post on here about how it could take just one big thing to fuck up your life forever.  and yeah.  but, breaking it down, it’s probably not one thing or one event, but a whole series of things over a whole series of years.  or you hit so many setbacks, fallen off the proverbial horse so many times, you …

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2

Scared to Live, Not to Die

August 19th, 2016by FlaminJoy

Ever since I was a little girl, living was an issue. I’ve wanted to die since I was 8 yrs old. My mother was/is evil and doesn’t have feelings like most people do. Common traits of a Sociopath; she would have a lot of sex with a lot of people just so she could feel something… Or at least I tell myself that’s the reason why. She married my dad while she was still married and had 2 sons with someone else. My dad didn’t know, but her first husband soon found out and divorced her. My dad in turn raised my two older brothers …

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5

I held on…

August 17th, 2016by whenallthestarsfall

I held on…through everything over the last year……I held on…being turned inside out….  I held on… giving it one last try as I hung on to nothing….I held on…while grasping for anything as I fell through nothing but open space….  I held on…as time keeps marching on, as it forgets me in it’s wake….

I held on…..because I know what it is like to be alone….I held on…. because I know what it’s like to have people turn their back on you…  I held on…. as I cried alone…. I held on as my heart finished breaking as I held my infant son one last time….I

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5

Why they don’t notice it?

August 17th, 2016by closedworld

I hate it. I fucking hate it how everybody act like everything is just peachy!!! Everything is like fucking nightmare.  They don’t notice it. They don’t notice how I am not eating my food. How I am dying. They don’t notice that the smile that I show is fake. Even my parents don’t notice that I am  just acting like everything is perfect. I mean they are my parents right? They should know when I am lying  they should know when I am putting act.

But they don’t. They don’t notice that I am acting.  Every night when I go to my bed I don’t sleep. …

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8

I must die

August 16th, 2016by Nowhere88

I met someone on the Internet. I got depression, and she was so kind and perfect to me. She understood me like no one else. She loved me like no one else has ever done.
We loved the same hobbies. We loved the talking. We loved each other so much.

But she had BP (Borderline Personality). And we talked for months and she wouldn’t get too close.
She had this constant feeling that I would abandon her. She said she trusted me, but only had to go slow… because those are the feelings she said she always had about everyone. That people will end up disapointing her, and …

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2

Unfair Situation

August 11th, 2016by GerbzBaby

So today me and my friend were supposed to hang out.. But we didn’t because the time, the place everything was messed up. I got very upset because it seemed like he didn’t care at all.. And I was really hoping to since home sucks (it also seemed like he didn’t want to hang out because we weren’t going to hang out at my house) and I lost a good friend (my Therpaist whom didn’t die! She just moved buildings and I wasn’t able to go with her to continue seeing her)..So I just ignored my friends snaps. It helped to calm me down somewhat. …

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2

There is nothing more for me, need the end to set me free. Trapped in myself, body my holding cell.

August 10th, 2016by .fadetoblack.

I met you in my junior year of high school. its been almost 7 years since then, and exactly one month now since I last saw you. From the moment we met I knew there was something special in you, it didn’t take me more than a week to confess my love to you. From the very start I knew you were the one I wanted to spend the rest of my life with, you were just different than everyone else. Even after you moved away for school, I was always there when you needed me. I was in a dark place when you moved …

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6

I can’t grasp reality…help

August 10th, 2016by nonexistingsoul

I have this feeling that everything that I’m seeing is not real. It’s like everything is just an imagination, like it’s only in my head. It’s like I can’t see what’s true or what’s not anymore. I’m losing contact with reality. can someone answer this. I don’t know why I’m feeling like this. It’s making me go crazy. It’s killing me inside

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7

Remembering the past

August 9th, 2016by usedcanvas

I’m starting to remember something from my past. It’s weird i can be having a regular conversation with someone and they say a word and i get a flash back of something. I’ve never told anyone the full story of what happened. That might be because i don’t even know the full story myself. I guess I’ve never told anyone about it is because i don’t know what their response will be. Will they have nothing to say at all or say something like “wow”, “i can’t believe that “, “im sorry”, or “are you okay?” I don’t know how to respond to any of …

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1

This is how it ends…..

August 8th, 2016by whenallthestarsfall

I find myself running in circles more often than not.  I find myself giving myself away, again and again and again….always to the wrong people.  I find I care too much because I am always trying to live for someone else.  I find myself alone, even when, I am in a room full of people.

There is no action that I can make that will equal an opposite reaction; for all my actions only end up one way….heartbreak.  

I’ve given all I can, I have tried all I dare to try any longer.  I am not wanted, I am not …

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3

I failed

August 5th, 2016by kamidaka

I’m so sorry guys, you wished me luck and I failed. I’m so so sorry, I’m a disaster.

They sent me an e-mail that said I failed, they didn’t even put the scores I got, just this monotonous “You have not passed”.

What irks me the most is that they told me the test contents, and I studied a lot those. But in the test they didn’t ask a single question of all of that. Nothing!! Just a lot of number theory that (of course) I couldn’t do because I’m so stupid.

What was I thinking? Someone like me, finally getting something good. To be finally free from …

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2

Paige.

August 4th, 2016by NineTheTimesBluer

I mentioned in a previous post that I lost my closest friend to suicide.

Her name was Paige. She was a beautiful, 15-year-old girl, and I spent most of my time with her. We were like twins.

Paige…she didn’t seem to have any mental illnesses, but I guess that’s because it’s so easy to hide it. She was like a light;she always knew what to say, or what to do. Her life was a beautiful one-she had it good, but mental illnesses don’t care about your quality of life.

I never noticed anything wrong, or out of the ordinary.

It came as a complete shock to me when her …

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2

The ultimate betrayal…….

August 1st, 2016by noneedforaname

I found something out yesterday that completely ripped my heart out. My wife divorced me a year and a half ago and i didnt know why until now. It seems my ( best friend lol ) was going to talk to and check on my wife and family while i was out of town for work without me knowing. This guy had a successful trucking business, a wife, kids, plus come to find out, a girlfriend and kids with her. So why interfere with my life. I lost everything because of this. My home, my vehicles, my Harley, but most importantly …

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6

Who knew?

July 24th, 2016by snader

I sure as hell didn’t.

That’s the tragedy about stories like mine: nobody saw it coming. Nobody saw how deeply and utterly lost and saddened my brother really was, how lonely and abandoned he felt, how angry he was at the world for leaving him and disappointing him.
Not his teachers, who saw him in school every day. They saw how he hated being there, how he was disgusted by how they treated the kids because the “teacher is always right”. How the principle was so unfair to everyone, the only way was their way. But they didn’t think much of it, because that’s just …

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“I’ll Always Be Here”

July 22nd, 2016by Fantajin

I remember those words all over again. 

Lost in an analog fantasy, I count every tear in my dreams and delete them.

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0

a part of my autobiography that I submitted to my professor

July 21st, 2016by nonexistingsoul

“I’m suffering from a mental illness and I don’t know when and how I got this but I can tell you what it feels like having this monster inside me. If ever a normal person would have a chance to feel and experienced what it’s like to be someone like me, I think they’ll go insane. I wish I was born normal like anybody else but unfortunately, I’m not. Everything I see and feel is different from a normal person. The shadows of nightfall seemed more somber and my mornings were less buoyant. I always feel like I can’t do anything right and I feel …

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2

Long time no post here…

July 20th, 2016by pikwangchu

Tell me…

Am I useful to this world?

I mean, from what I see, i’m useless.

So I’m here to rant about myself.

I’m unaccepted, i was never able to be super comfortable in a group of friends.

I’m troublesome, i’ve always caused my parents a lot of trouble. It’s to the point where i blame myself about my father’s heart attack about one and a half year from now.

I’m an accident, my parents never planned me out. i almost killed my mother when i was born. i’ve been called ‘adopted’ a million of times throughout my short time of living.

I’m mentally suicidal, if that made any sense at all, …

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1

Feeling depressed and not worth living? Then you have been lied to… (Part 1)

July 16th, 2016by beyourself

Let me first tell you a bit of my story and how I found this website – I was searching for methods to commit suicide. Why? I do not feel suicidal at all and I do not want to die at all. However, I may not have any other option. The reason for this is that there are some criminal people treating to do horrible things to me and my family, presumably because I was the cause for their significant financial losses (we are talking millions “supposedly”). While I can accept being killed I do not want my family to be affected. Therefore, my only …

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