July 22nd, 2016by Fantajin
I remember those words all over again.
Lost in an analog fantasy, I count every tear in my dreams and delete them.
For those who have passed on.
“I’m suffering from a mental illness and I don’t know when and how I got this but I can tell you what it feels like having this monster inside me. If ever a normal person would have a chance to feel and experienced what it’s like to be someone like me, I think they’ll go insane. I wish I was born normal like anybody else but unfortunately, I’m not. Everything I see and feel is different from a normal person. The shadows of nightfall seemed more somber and my mornings were less buoyant. I always feel like I can’t do anything right and I feel …
3 days ago • Stories of Loss
Am I useful to this world?
I mean, from what I see, i’m useless.
So I’m here to rant about myself.
I’m unaccepted, i was never able to be super comfortable in a group of friends.
I’m troublesome, i’ve always caused my parents a lot of trouble. It’s to the point where i blame myself about my father’s heart attack about one and a half year from now.
I’m an accident, my parents never planned me out. i almost killed my mother when i was born. i’ve been called ‘adopted’ a million of times throughout my short time of living.
I’m mentally suicidal, if that made any sense at all, …
Let me first tell you a bit of my story and how I found this website – I was searching for methods to commit suicide. Why? I do not feel suicidal at all and I do not want to die at all. However, I may not have any other option. The reason for this is that there are some criminal people treating to do horrible things to me and my family, presumably because I was the cause for their significant financial losses (we are talking millions “supposedly”). While I can accept being killed I do not want my family to be affected. Therefore, my only …
Can you believe it?
One year without you.
One year since you left us.
since you left me.
One year since your eyes were on the world.
One year since anyone has heard your laugh.
One year since the sun hasn’t shined as bright.
One year since you have been kissed by those you love.
One year that your baby brother has woken up screaming your name every night.
Once year since he found you laying in your bed.
One year since your mother had to bury you.
flag and all.
One year of pain in my heart.
god damn how it hurts.
One year since I have felt your touch.
oh, how i miss your touch.
I feel tired. And it’s no loner a lethargic exhaustion. It is no longer a physical over exhertion due to the lack of calories. I just am tired of everything. I am tired of being the wierdo in my family, friends, at work, and everywhere I go. I am tired of trying to make everyone laugh and happy, and then being called annoying and a fag. I am tired of doing things for people that have and will never be retured. I am tired of people hating me, for being slower than them. I am tired of not being able to unlock my full potential …
So, I used to be a lowkey, small time drug dealer in the biggest city on the east coast. I’ve lived in the hood all my life and who I am is simply a product of my environment. One of my first drug deals was to some tall white kid who wanted a dub of weed. I could tell he didn’t do this often, he used as much slang as he could and even tried to sound “black”. The problem was that this kid wanted to meet at a train station and i didn’t have my metrocard. I hopped the turnstile to get to him. …
Everyone around me, who calls themselves my friend never feels like they are being true. I always doubt the verity of such a word and thus i save them for those who truly earn it. I always fear the people who smile at you face and stab you in the back. I do not believe that someone who is that easily persuaded against my will regardless of how petty this may be, someone who will insult me and side easily with someone who I JUST literally JUST like five seconds ago introduced them to. Or the most painful recent experience. Some fucktard whose name was …
when i was in the 4th grade my parents decide to get a divorce. everyone who has been through one probably has a similar picture with the same line “we both love you very much”. but after that my dad was gone a lot. so here i am growing up with only my mother who is depressed herself and stressed to take care of 3 kids. we would fight a lot! but one day we got into a huge argument and she locked me in my room. i remember scream crying all day hungry thirsty for water, maybe at one point i got my phone …
( Inspired by the beautiful animated films by Miyazaki. I present a drawing of Totoro and Catbus! Enjoy<3)
I’ve been happy or.. At least carefree for a while even though I barely had any communication with anyone for the past months.. I started to feel strong, like I could do anything and honestly not give a sh*t about what people think.. But all of a sudden i feel my depression creeping back up on me. I’m scared. I don’t want to feel depressed anymore. I WANT TO BE HAPPY. But how can I be happy when I have …
Sigh. Personal life is a smoking crater and now I’ve stopped caring about my job at all.
And behind on bills. Maybe something extra bad will happen this month and I’ll be homeless and just die on the streets.
Hello to old friends and new. As you can see im not dead or in prison which i guess is a good thing. ( depending who you ask ) i haven’t been on in awhile, trying to be strong for eveybody else lmao. Anyways i do pop in to read post now and then but had to post today. Like many people, this is my vent. I get a lot of good advice, kind words, and a whole lotta ” shit ” off my chest. Its been 4 years today that GOD took my oldest son. He was 21 …
In my last post I talked about my ex-fiancee (gay male) who committed suicide after we broke up four years ago, I think if he knew how much it would hurt those he loved and left behind he never would of done it, but then I also understand that the pain he was going through in his mind was intolerable to him and he just wanted the pain to end…
I didn’t know my ex was suicidal, we had been together for a couple of years, I know he had PTSD and Anxiety, but I never knew about the depression…. before we broke up he cheated …
Y’all can call me Tin if you’d like.
My story and why I’m here?
Well, I was a victim of a very violent form of abuse. My father, a drunk sadistic bastard, would beat my brothers and I. Though I was left without an escape my brothers could run to school, as I was only 4 through 8 at the time.
My mother was framed for abusing us when we were young. I was 3, and my brothers were 4 and 7. Our church were the ones who framed her, and lied to DCFS which led to our being taken away from her.
I suffer from a form of PTSD, sort …
So far in one week I heard of two 2 and half year old children dying in horrible ways . wondering how the families feel and my heart breaking for the loss.
At 6:39Am my father woke up the house shaken ….with Tragic news my cousin son as passed in his sleep 2 and half years old. My heart is shattered the hurt for my familie is unthinkable my cousin live in jersey my mom and dad left . I’m home falling in an out of crying and numbness trying not look like a tragedy just happen . because my sister in law just had to …
1 month ago • Stories of Loss
Well, I never thought I would post something like this and honestly its kind of weird but what the hell. As I type this my husband is sleeping next to me, and has no care in the world. Me on the other hand, I carry the weight of all of the care and pain. This is my story.
I am 24 years old, and I currently do not see even a glimpse of a promising happy future. It weird because I am in college and successful at it; I’m smart,have tons of motivation, and can light up a room. But, just as much as I can …
This is my story to tell and the story you should know.
Janaury of 2013, I was a suicidal trans male. I suffered depression almost 3 1/2 years. It’s very long time than you all expected. I was hurt, scared, tired, lost, abandoned, and many words I should describe myself of being sad. Every day during my middle school year and the year of my 7th grade, people treated me like an animal or a beast. I was beaten up by bunch of kids especially middle and high school boys. I was known as a freak, emo freak, tranny freak, or boy freak. I couldn’t stand …
So tomorrow I will get my jewelry back and the past five years of my life will be a waste .
I just don’t understand my ex could really do this to me like he has no feeling for me at all which I know is a lie because he did/dose ..but he just keeps listing to his evil mother .
Now I’m sitting looking like an ungrateful piece of shit who just wants to be up my mother and fathers ass when all I wanted was to be married and left alone . to wake up in PJ’s and drink coffee to live a …
Sooo a lot happened since I last posted first off I’m divorced……so yup.
But before that my family found out that I was suicidal and got very mad can’t blame them tho know if must hurt them. But in between that time I was aguring with them them I not staying home and to leave me alone .
Then I opened up to my husband tell him all the pain I feel and sadness. Then he told me he been turning down opportunities to come back home for the past three months . so for some reason I told him that I been cutting myself and were …