Stories of Loss

For those who have passed on.

3

My chance to love is destroyed

February 10th, 2016by Nowhere88

I’m not brand new to The forum… And I spoke here about my disgraceful life a couple times. I’ve been through depression since I can Remember… My father was a wife beater, alcoholic, and my brother and sister also abused me with violence when I was a kid.
I’ve been through almost everything a depressive person could. My teenage was also crap. And that’s how I entered my adult life too.
I started to take medication when I was 21. And I’m 30 now.
I spent The last decade switching between anti-depressant meds. taking breaks, starting again and so on…
I’ve been through sertralin, paroxetin, fluoxetin/Prozac(this one in particular …

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24

Tonight there is one less musician in the world.

February 9th, 2016by Cordless

Tonight at symphony rehearsal, the director had a sad announcement to make.

One of our trumpet players was found dead in his car.

He was maybe late 20’s or early 30’s, and I’ve known him for over 10 years. For as long as I’ve known him, he has had a lot of problems with drugs.

I remember sometimes after rehearsal, a small group of us used to go out for dinner, then we would sit around outside and chat for a few hours.  I remember he would freely admit that he was willing to try any drug he could afford, legal or not.  It helped him mentally escape …

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6

My Story (mothers suicide, mental disorders & much more)

February 8th, 2016by Magik

I’ve lived anything but a normal life & I just turned 20. My parents were both abused. My dad was physically beaten by his father. My mother was raped many times during her childhood by her step dad. My parents hooked up (drunk) at a party & 9 months later I was born. I am a bastard. My parents got married when I was 3. My mom was addicted to crack until I was in kindergarten. My dad physically & emotionally abused her until she left him (moved out) when I was in 7th grade. My mom stayed with him that long because she wanted …

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2

Back in the same spot.

February 5th, 2016by Dolphin

Been posting on here at least once every month, except for last month.

Haven’t been feeling good. Slowly slipping back into the state that I was in last year. It was around this time too. Not a coincidence.

I got into an argument recently. Rarely get into any sort of shitty drama, but someone had to come along and destroy that peace.

Must note this word that was used in the argument: complacent.

Complacent? Hah, that made me laugh. Dryly.

Not even close. The argument was silly, it came from a small misunderstanding which somehow made the person turn on me altogether. I was thinking that the person had suppressed …

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9

Soon it will be over penny

January 30th, 2016by Labrat007

Life was starting to be fine for me after a while. Then I meet you and feel in love. Life was really looking up.

Then we started having problems. Found out you were a paid escort. Slept with thousands of guys. Found out you had been in the mental ward. Had autism along with some other fine side effects such as depression, bi polar and other things.

I tried to work past all of that even knowing you had been married 5 times before. Sorry to say I did not leave and stay gone when I should have.

No I

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1

[possible ending] better_off_alone_Mkna_thme (day three)

January 29th, 2016by youwillneverknowme

before you read:
this is based off of my life and i feel sick about it. our friendship is dying anyways, so i don’t know if i’ll continue. read the other “Mkna_thme” stories if you want more.

expecting this to be just another day, i woke up fine.
i finished a piano piece i wrote for her, i titled it “alone with you”. the whole writing process took me around three weeks. just last night is when i decided to scrap the countless hours of work, and just turn the piano outro into the full song. i admit, it was a pretty bad melody, but the …

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16

I WILL DIE TONIGHT (AVISGONE)

January 28th, 2016by avisgone

Tonight, I am planning to kill myself. I have planned many times to but I have held back because of what seemed like people who cared or the sacredness of what people would think if I failed. Tonight, however, ends all of this. To if you were my friend or you call yourself a friend of mine, I am sorry, but you should have known this was coming. To my family aside from my adoptive mom, I am sorry. To my teachers and other adults, why could not have done something. I know you guys have seen my cuts and scars. Some of you have …

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14

A Social Anxiety day

January 27th, 2016by Slipknot83

I notice I start to get angry toughs whenever I have to go out, maybe it’s a reaction to prepare me to defend myself. Many times I give up leaving home, because I can’t handle people staring at me uncontrolably mad.

I tried to go anyway, everything happened as expected, couldn’t lift up my face to look at people. My eyes stuck the ground, I start sweating, and my face muscles become stiff, and i think, this never changes. Psychologists say you should keep insisting going out and facing your fears. But it never changes to me, it’s like the Murphy law “If something can go wrong …

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1

Love

January 25th, 2016by marz

You stopped the pain from carrying on

This is why I’m sitting here writing this song

You lied to me and ended it this way

Didn’t even have the guts to say it to my face

You’re just a coward a twit

All you do is is make my teeth grit

Fuck off back to your own life

I’ll just go back to my one true love the knife

 

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Protected: The little thing that I’m sad for.

January 23rd, 2016by mranony

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1

innocence_Mkna_thme

January 23rd, 2016by youwillneverknowme

under the stars, alone with you,
until now, i didn’t actually know you.
you provide something new,
you set aside something distant.

you know you’re detached,
i know you would relocate, and that’s okay.
it’s either your hopes or my dreams,
let’s not worry about it.

together we saw a shooting star,
it didn’t go far.
it suddenly stopped,
hours have passed within seconds.

your pupils are tiny,
and your eyes are so shiny.
i smiled when i looked into your eyes,
as you stated that you wished we could fly.

now here we are,
somewhere up here.
flying and soaring,
it’s not getting boring.

we’re like two shooting stars,
and when you leave, everything stops.
hours pass within seconds,
until i see you again.

– – – …

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4

Three suicides in my memory

January 23rd, 2016by Cordless

A long time ago, when I was still in high school, the English teacher’s son killed himself.

He hung himself from a tree in the back yard, using a dog leash.

There are two things that still stick in my memory all these years.

One, the teacher had trouble acknowledging the truth of what happened.  For a long time, she stayed in denial.  She insisted it must have been an “accident”, because she couldn’t accept the fact that he had been suffering enough to make this kind of choice.

Everyone else in the community knew the truth of it, and they were sad and shocked and confused (and whatever …

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2

Too much suffering, not even my own

January 22nd, 2016by lostginger

Just like much of my writing, this probably won’t be read much before it is eventually destroyed… Though unlike most of my writing, this is public… Just thoughts I guess..

I wanted to say.. I wish there was something… Of all the reasons to leave this world, mine is in essence.. I never found my place.. I never found my passion.. Where I fit.. That one spot that actually seems right..

I’m a great jack of all trades and I have passed tested rating me as a genius.. I’ve thought it all out to the point where I don’t have any questions left to ask..

Its just.. Day …

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8

I AM SORRY (AVISGONE)

January 21st, 2016by avisgone

I am sorry if you truly know me and you are reading this. If you know me, you might have known this would happen but within the next few days, I am planing to kill myself. Why? I can’t deal with whats going on in my head.

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3

Hey…

January 20th, 2016by nonexistingsoul

I miss those days when living means the world to me.

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4

I’m sorry for being like “me”

January 19th, 2016by nonexistingsoul

4 years of depression….. People tell me to get over it. Enjoy life. Enjoy time with my friends and family. Talk to god. Yeah. I’ll always do those things. But it’s never enough to say that “I’m better now” “I survived from this illness” “I’m okay now”. I’m sorry if I’m like this. I’m sorry if I can’t recover. Even myself can’t help me. I won’t ever be fixed, and I’m sorry for that. I think people are thinking that I’m weak because I’m not doing an effort to get better. And I’m sorry for that. I’m sorry for being a coward. For being pathetic. …

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3

Unbearable Loneliness

January 16th, 2016by GerbzBaby

Everyday is the same never f*cking ending routine. I get up, eat, go to work, come home and lay around until my body succumbs to drowsiness. I do nothing in my free time anymore. My passion for art is completely dead and my friends never invite me to do anything. They don’t text me or even come close to asking if they want to hang out with a loser like me. I feel alone. I feel uncared for. I feel unappreciated. I’m rotting from the inside out. Why the hell was i born if I was meant to suffer? If I was meant to hate …

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1

Who am I?

January 16th, 2016by nonexistingsoul

I’m lost. I don’t know who I am. I don’t know if this is me. I don’t even remember who I was back then when I still don’t have this fucking depression. I’m lost. I’m like a soul looking for a body. I’m frustrated. I cried. And I made another self harm scars. I was so frustrated. I always ask myself if this is me. Is this my personality? Is this how I really am? Or I’m just showing this kind of me because of other people? Who am I? What am I? I feel so lifeless. So empty. So hopeless and….lost.

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2

They say….

January 15th, 2016by nonexistingsoul

“Hang in there” they say. “It will be alright” they say. “be positive” they say. “Talk to god” they say. “Don’t be so over dramatic” they say. “You’ll get through this” they say.

“I’m through” I say. “Enough” I say. “I don’t want it anymore” I say. “I can’t take it anymore” I say. “I’m done” I say….

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2

Ruined..

January 15th, 2016by nonexistingsoul

You people ruined me… and I let myself be ruined….

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