For those who have passed on.
I feel nothing for anyone around me. Those that say they care, are more easily consumed by their own interests. I hate my life. I hate waking in the morning, the façade of a life I present to others, the happiness I show people daily, and, more so, not being able to sleep with my own thoughts at night. Why do I continue? […]
10 hours ago • General, Rants, Stories of Loss
Well, Annie owes me her bottom dollar…
I can’t take it anymore, I can’t. I’ve been taunted, teased, and emotionally tortured for way too long.
I break down at the simplest thing. I’ve lost every bit of my will to go on.
All that is left is a yearning for death and escape.
I don’t have school tomorrow, that gives me plenty of time to plan and act.
I have nothing keeping me here, so why stay?
I’m leaving.
Sadly, no one’s gonna miss me when I’m gone.
15 hours ago • Family & Friends Effects, General, Rants, Stories of Loss
I reached a point where all the reasons to leave this world are strongest that the ones to stay. Something brokes in me, I can’t feel anything but hate, and this hate is slowly killing me from the inside, so I’m starting to wonder why shouldn’t I end this myself.
I don’t know what to do. All I asked was love but in my life, I’ve just known the wrong side of it. I was the one who was loving, never the one loved. And a lot of time, I thought that it will be it, that the nightmares will finally end but only false hope …
23 hours ago • Rants, Stories of Loss
I was so close to admitting it. I nearly told my science teacher, who I don’t really don’t trust that much…
I didn’t pay a bit of attention in class, I just envisioned how it would go down.
I tried to tell her, but as the tears started to fill my vision, I choked. I swallowed the words and made up some lame excuse.
I’m lost, so very lost. And even when I spend 30 minutes preparing, I still can’t talk.
What do I do?
After I walked out of science class, I told myself that it’s already been 5 years, what’s another?
I know that I’ve reached the point where …
1 day ago • General, Rants, Stories of Loss
Not only is this a great song, but I’d imagine that these lyrics can be interpreted by everyone here on a much deeper level than even intended.
B
2 days ago • Fun & Interesting, General, I Will Survive, My Suicide Note, Poetry & Art, Stories of Hope, Stories of Loss
i’m fairly lost, and i have nowhere left to turn,
I’m not sure what i want anymore.. i had my goals i had everything set up and ready for me, then my walls were crushed by all the pressure bulldozing me down and i cannot take it anymore.
I think about suicide a lot, but i know i could probably never go through with the act, just because i feel like i cannot leave people behind, my sister suffers from depression and my mum does too, and there in a different country to me, but if i do kill myself they would be so broken and then …
2 days ago • General, Stories of Loss
A drug by any other name wouldn’t taste as sour as you do Pentobarbital. I’m so excited to press order and have you in my arms. In a world of inconsistencies and change you — pentobarbital are the only constant. That moment where I throw my head back and feel your bitter destiny wash down my throat will be a defining moment… Soon. Soon. Soon it shall finally be my end. Fuck you pento — I love you.
3 days ago • General, Stories of Loss
walls are closing in
absolve my walking sin
a smug smirk with a conceited grin
worship the inevitable
banish the incredible
walk on walk on walk on
to a land that knows no pain
a figment of reality all disdain
if you’re abel im cain
when im gone there’ll be nothing but a stain
life is no beauty its my bane
thinking of you tonight tropical flower
only you knew and saw through
your eyes welling with tears broke my power
a strong tower I am no more
beaten and battered to my core
walked all over your heart like a whore
take me to shore
capsize this boat the journey is over
lucks ran out I lost my four leaf clover
the …
6 days ago • Fun & Interesting, General, I Will Survive, Poetry & Art, Stories of Loss
August 9th 2013, 5:54pm. Devastion was on the rise. My father had died then from being in a coma from an overdose of drugs. Now almost 8 months later I am just done, I can’t be around any longer, I feel like when I’m in school everything we talk about is conected to my parents. My mom dosnt have that much money as an average person, we r not poor, but we do rent for like 700$ among the 4 of us and its a small space. My mom dosnt notice I’m depressed or strugle in school because I try my best for her. And …
6 days ago • Stories of Loss
Just two days ago, my dog had to be put to sleep. As I’m typing this, I should be getting some sleep myself. It’s 1:30am, and I don’t want to, nor can’t I, sleep.
The worst part? He was my only real friend. From the moment I owned him, even to this day, I had, and still have, a grand total of zero human friends.
All my schoolmates did was one of three things: say hello once a month, ignore me, or see how far they could push me, if they could make me snap.
It must have been their favourite game: Push The Freak Until He Breaks. …
6 days ago • Family & Friends Effects, Rants, Stories of Loss
1/16/15 This my first post on this profile. I had a previous one but could not log into it so this is my new one.
I had a shitty day Friday and it’s really hard when everyone says for me to “let it go” or “stop thinking about it, wait and see. Life will get better.” I’ve been told these things the past 7 years. I am almost 16, everything is boiling down to this one thing.
All my life I was abused, bullied and depressed. I don’t remember the last time I was ever fully happy. Every time I think about my past it just makes …
1 week ago • Family & Friends Effects, General, Rants, Stories of Loss
uhm hi everyone,im new here.so last summer i tried to kill myself with pills but i failed and ended up in hospital for 2 weeks.i was diagnosed with major depression.my whole family thinks this is some kind of joke,they think that theres no way i could be depressed bc im just a teen and its so disgustin and annoying.my parents are horrible.theyre calling me names and expect too much.i cry almost everynight because i cant get their words oyt of my head.my mom thinks “i’ve everything” but to her everything is money and material stuff.they never tried talking to me and always act like everything …
1 week ago • Family & Friends Effects, General, My Suicide Note, Stories of Hope, Stories of Loss, Suicidal Survivors
Hello,
Thanks for taking the time to read this post. I have been thinking about shame and guilt. What I’ve noticed so far that I have done some terrible things in my life as a result of shame. I have intense suicidal thoughts due to shame. Shame, meaning I am a bad person and guilt meaning I have bad behaviors.
At times, I think people use shame and guilt interchangeably, which is detrimental to someone who struggles with mental illness. I have a lot of shame. I am shameful of my ethnic background, I am shameful of my behaviors and people I’ve hurt. There’s several things wrong …
2 weeks ago • Family & Friends Effects, General, I Will Survive, Rants, Stories of Hope, Stories of Loss, Suicidal Survivors
Ever since the start of my life, I have wanted it to end, to die.
I was a baby [ idk how old] and I simply DIDN’T want to live, so I ate Christmas lights. I remember that day. I didn’t want to be there and its not THERE that I didn’t want to be. It was there as in alive. I was searching for things to kill myself with and found Christmas lights. I figured the light and glass would kill me, so I ate them.
2 years old I tried to run in front of a car.
3 years old I tried to stab …
2 weeks ago • General, My Suicide Note, Stories of Loss
I am mad! Mad at my depression that interrupted my life, caused heartache and hurts. Separated me from my family for my emotional safety. I am mad at the counseling I had that went no where because I didn’t understand my emotional state of mind, 20 years later!
Over the years I had counseling, but they said counseling wasn’t about dredging up your past, it’s about moving forward! But if the unresolved thoughts and feelings aren’t examined, it IS what I needed/need.
I tell you I am also mad about how many people are affected this way- family of origin does harm and leaves the child to heal …
2 weeks ago • Family & Friends Effects, General, I Will Survive, Poetry & Art, Rants, Stories of Hope, Stories of Loss
all i do is piss people off. even when i get remotely close to having a conversation, something happens; i fuck up and say the wrong things. i fucked up every relationship, friendship, i’ve had.
i have aspergers, i awkwardly walk in public, but perfectly fine when i’m alone. whenever i end a friendship with a woman by pissing them off, it’s usually because when we’re talking in public, i don’t elaborate on what she says, and so i respond with something along the lines of “yeah” “okay” and “err” (don’t ask, apparently i’m known for that). i think too much and don’t express myself …
3 weeks ago • Rants, Stories of Loss
A bit of a background is that I was bullied by my older brother to stop it happening to my little brother (us being around 4 when it started him being around 15/16) that continued until I was about 13. Fortunately I guess I remember none of it on the other hand i don’t remember anything that happened before i was 13. I feel very uncomfortable talking to people first, i don’t mind talking i mean i bloody love talking to people it makes me so happy but I’m too scared to message them first because i feel like I’m a burden and because of …
3 weeks ago • Family & Friends Effects, General, Stories of Loss
I can’t kill myself because it would destroy my family, but I don’t want to live. My mother died 6 weeks ago. It occurred to me then that I might be free to end my life, as I have thought about doing for a long time. She was the main reason I could not kill myself, because I believed that doing so might literally kill her as well. Now that she’s gone, though, I look at my sisters and see how much they depend on me and each other, and I still can’t do it. I have a good family. I can’t act on these …
3 weeks ago • Family & Friends Effects, General, Stories of Loss
You in my life will live eternally but a heartbreak lasts forever so I stand here alone holding my heart in pain…
3 weeks ago • Poetry & Art, Rants, Stories of Loss
Resist the squall that drags and yanks me to an alternate universe. Relinquish control to an imaginary figment of an objective reality locked in a servants watchful absolution. Abolish burdens that manipulate my every impulse. Wrest assured I shall wrench every heartache from your needy, elaborate grasp. Run, run to there, run to nowhere, run everywhere; run, run, run to me. No, run away. She sees my scattered thoughts fleetingly rushing past her discerning web of truth. Physical; handsome insides make for a handsome outside — beauty is only feels deep. Abolish. Allow. Permission to uncover and discover all you have to offer under your …
3 weeks ago • General, Poetry & Art, Stories of Hope, Stories of Loss