Hello children, I just wanted to shed some light on one of the worst times of my life, I was not always as well adjusted and happy as i am now, i was once in the gutter. Its difficult to talk about because its a time would like to forget, but those who do not remember there mistakes are doomed to repeat them.
It was 7 years ago, the first time attended college, After my GF died, i went off the rails completely, If im perfectly honest it was mostly just a blur of alcohol and self pity, hatred for a god i didnt believe in, But mostly i just hated myself, I have always managed my bipolar with selfcontrol, i had a great support group and a loving family as a child, but when she died i didnt care about anything anymore. My Parents went hysterical trying to find me because i was lost to the streets for about two months, The time i spent alone in dark alleys and shooting up still scar my dreams. Its hard for me to imagine that that was once my life but it was.
When i managed to pull my shit together some bit I went home, it was just a sting of failed part time jobs and more drugs, My family gave up on me because i gave up on myself, i hold no anger towards them for that, i put through alot of crap. It was soon after all this i first tried to kill myself. After three trips to ER now even my friends didnt care anymore, same reason as my family, if i didnt care why should they.
The day i got home from the ER after that third try, i googled the most effective suicide method, and it brought me here, and so i met a person here, a girl who didnt know me, who had no reason to care for me, but she did, she was relentless in here efforts to try and save me.
She convinced me to go to rehab and she forever changed my life.
This site used to mean something dear to me.
But i fear the old ones are all gone now, SP is not what it once was to me.
“Thats all i have to say about that”
Peace 🙂
2 comments
I’m really happy for you that you got better! 🙂 it’s really inspiring to read posts like this that are so encouraging and show that people can get better and overcome their circumstance. thanks for posting.:) i’m sorry your friend isn’t still posting here-I pray she is feeling better too. but we’re all here to talk to you if you want to talk k? maybe you could make a post asking if anyone has heard from her? maybe she does check back once in awhile.
Thankyou for sharing even though you don’t want to talk about it, it’s very much appreciated. You just keep getting deeper.
I like you because you don’t try to make other people’s problems about gratifying your own ego. You don’t pretend to be smarter/wiser/better than anyone else. You just do your thing.
I don’t know which ‘old ones’ specifically you’re talking about – but I hope they come back. This place needs them.
I think I sent you a gibberish email last night. Please ignore. I sent a few so you’re not the only one. Did you watch midnight in Paris?