I’ve always been lonely. It’s like I don’t belong at all( new to this site)

Hi,
I want you to know that you are not alone. I thought I was the only one who felt like you did but when you read the many posts on here you realise that suicidal feelings are quite common. I have suffered from depression since I was 11. It hasn’t always been unbearable to cope with, but recently i was finding it hard to cope and decided the only way out was to end my life. I left my job of 7 years, gave most of my stuff away and researched a way to do it. Like yourself, i felt huge feelings of selfishness and was trying to justify it to myself. In short, I desperatly didn’t want to hurt my family with my desperate act. The night before my final day i prayed to god and asked if there was any other way? Let me get one thing straight, personally i think that organised religion is bullshit, but still i believe there must be a higher power. Maybe just because i’m weak? That night I had a dream about my twin brother. I woke up knowing i simply couldn’t kill myself as it woul destroy my family. In that case i had to go on. I have tried since then to look at how i can change my life. Change is what we need. I got a new job and now feel a thousand times better. I can now see a future and a change has materialised in me. What i’m saying to you is that suicide is final. The mind lies to you and tells you it is absolutely hopless. Believe me, i know that as that’s how i’ve felt for the past month. If you are living at home i understand it must be hard. I have my independence which i’m grateful for. My advice to you is to write an honest letter of how you feel to your doctor. He might send you to a counsellor. You need to unburden yourself of your problems and seek another persons point of view. What have you got to lose? If you continue this game of life you will be stronger than most of the people around you. You can only grow while overcoming these huge struggles. With regards to your parents, I wa angry with mine until i reached my 30s and i realised that they were just like me, we all make mistakes and say things we don’t mean and half the time we don’t realise we are hurting eachother. No parents are perfect and one day you will have a place of your own and will decide if you want them to remain a part of your life. They are just human. I hope you take immediate action and start getting help to change your life. Please don’t end your life. I’m sure you have a lot to live for.