Hello everyone. I don’t understand my depression and often times I want to kill myself for being so goddamn fucking stupid and putting my boyfriend through hell. Me and my brother both have clinical depression. This isn’t something that can be fixed with just “positive thinking”. We need our anti-depressents. I hate to say the most cliche thing any depressed person could ever say but I really have always been a lonely person who never could hold a friendship. Kids wouldn’t tease me,They would belittle me. This isn’t what has made me depressed but this has shaped my lack of social skills. This world and almost all the people in this world scare me. I feel like I’m not going anywhere, I have no interests or skills that are applyable for a career. I don’t know how I managed to get my wonderful boyfriend but school for him is stressful and my depression doesn’t make it better. I’m trying so hard not to be but all I feel at the end of the day is that killing myself is my only option. I love him dearly. we have a “group” i guess you could say of “friends”. I’m afraid to talk to any of them one on one because I feel like I will annoy them. I was always called annoying in my childhood. especially from my mother. She would often yell ” fuck off you are so annoying you stupid ****” and still to this day does. My dad has quite the temper and refuses to reason or listen once his fuse goes off. I never got the support or help needed when I was younger from all the bullying. my mom would say its my fault and my dad wouldn’t do shit ! the only reason they stopped was because one girl found out I was gunna kill myself and then everyone knew. I feel no purpose. I hate how fucking selfish I am to feel the need to kill myself . My depression isnt justifiable. I KNOW THAT . I know there are people who have it far worse out there which makes my depression feel even worse cuz boo hoo so what if Im lonely and my parents dont care. some people are starving. what should I do with myself ?