Life to me is just unhappiness i dont like being here really… Nobody has done anything to make me feel this way i just dont see the point in a meaningless unhappy life full of anger and depression… Im 14 and most people just say to me that i will be fine its just school and its stressful but school isnt a problem at all. I have friends and family that care about me but i never seek help from them because i dont like contact with other people, i like being alone by myself so i lock myself away.
I constantly question myself about my own existance and i say that i have friends and family that care about me but i dont believe it it’s just lies to me. Thoughts of suicide, reccuring nightmares, sleepless nights and cutting my wrists and arms is literally driving me insane. I just want it to end i dont want to be here no more as a waste of space that i know i am who is constantly getting in the way, ive been researching and thinking of commiting suicide and train seems like it could work for me…
4 comments
Ever wonder how the hell humanity has existed for so long, people actually celebrating their 100th birthdays… weird, huh?
Oh, and dont take out your frustration with things by ruining the psyche of the locomotive engineer and the responders. They and theirs have lives to enjoy, alright?
You type you need help, yet refuse it from your peeps..? I think you need to reinvent yourself. At 14, that’s the best route to start taking. Define your true identity, and make this world better for yourself. Do not accept defeat.
Yeah! And congratulate yourself everyday for being able to feel in an unfeeling world. It sounds like airy-fairy bullsh*t when people talk about the future and the possibilities it holds for you, and really coming from most peope it IS airy-fairy BS, but despite how empty everything feels and looks (you sound like someone who doesn’t want to be stuffed into a neat little pigeon hole for the rest of your life), you CAN create your own possibilities out of the nothingness. Trust me, you can. You don’t have to fit in or go along or be anything or anyone other than yourself. Have you heard of Indigo children? When I was your age (I’m 29 now), this helped me a lot, so maybe it will help you, too: http://www.in5d.com/indigo-doreen-virtue-interview.html
I would like to reinvent myself because i dont like being the way i am i just want to be happy, but i dont know how to because im confused about what even caused my depression and hate of life so if i did reivnent myself what is to say it wont happen again. I know that i need help and like i said i refuse it because i dont like socializing and contact with other people yet i dont know why that is… Im just really confused.
It’s not necessarily a bad thing to dislike others’ company. Some of us are just natural “loners.” But you know, sometimes in order to get ahead or change our lives for the better, we have to do things that make us uncomfortable. If you reach out for help, you’ll have to deal with people, yes…but this might help you learn something about yourself? And what’s the alternative…you’re only going to get worse and worse. You can stew in your own juices and feel more isolated everyday, or you can get some help now and move forward. Also keep in mind that a lot of relationships you’ll have (probably most relationships you’ll have) with people will be superficial and unfulfilling, and you’ll suspect you’re a bit of a misanthrope. Just keep on the lookout for friendships with people you really connect with.