Even at the age of 21 I can’t find people who like me. I’m unlikeable and I guess I need to accept that. I’ve only found one person who understands me, understands my mental issues and I believe he hates me. I feel like I lost him after what I said. I had to tell him the truth so he wouldn’t get the wrong idea. I just ended up hurting him. I feel like I’ll never find someone like that who understands me again. Not even my closest friend does. But I believe he hates me as well. Oh well.. time to walk down the […]
When I finally think I found the person(s) in my life to help me through hardships and show me that I can trust others again, I’m let down. Again. And again. And again. It’s to the point we’re I’m completely numb to it. I tell myself “You know it’s coming, it’s only a matter of time.” Then, eventually it happens. I tried to tell him that what he thought wasn’t true. That I just want him to understand. That I did appreciate him, but I need time for myself. He keeps thinking I’m making excuses not to talk to him. “You just don’t want to […]
I felt so bad today for my friend. He came over to hang out with me and I hardly had anything to say. I hate being this way, my mind drawing a blank everytime I try to talk with someone. Now I’m crying and feel like shit about it. I always want to get away from situations like this but I can’t, I’m always stuck. In these moments, I look back on my nightmares knowing it will eventually come true. I will always and forever being alone. No one ever liked me anyways.. I guess I should embrace it if thats the way my life […]
No one cares about me or how I feel. My emotions and feelings are always pushed back in my family and friends minds. My sister hangs out with someone she knows I’m mad at for hurting me. Yet when she was mad at her ex I respected her wishes of not talking to him. If I’m suffering no one asks if I’m ok, if I need anything, no one talks to me. I’m so sick of this treatment. Everyone hates me when I react to my feelings of hurt or just don’t care. I don’t want to go home..
I have an issue were I go to say something, I forget and stutter or when I try to say something it’s awkward and I stutter.. I don’t know how the hell this seemed to develop in me..I seem to forget words.. I’m so embarrassed. My friend was over and I hardly had anything to say…I’m so bad at communicating and when I do try to communicate it’s like I’m speaking stupid. I don’t know how he gets through the day with me, let alone calling me.. I wish I was better.. I wish i wasn’t afraid to speak my mind or be me..
Last night was the most goddamn frightening experience I had ever lived through. I had an older man approach me at a gas station late at night near my friends house.
Before he approached me he was looking at me through my car front windshield which I thought was weird but I dismissed it because sometimes I’m guilty of doing that too on accident. At first I thought he was walking around to the other side of his car and at this time I was looking down at my phone trying to find my mothers contact to ask her a question. I glanced up for a […]
As I’m typing this I feel like having a meltdown at work. Every call, every person that I talk to gets me angry. I feel like taking my fist to a wall. I’ve become very moody and violent as of late because of family and friends. They don’t listen and my friends either replace me with someone else or obsess the fuck over my sister. I feel unwanted and I want to run from it. Hanging out with my shit ass friend didn’t help me becaus he just kept trying to get my sisters attention as I tried to make a conversation with him. Everyone […]
I’m irritated to say I’m writing about this particular “friend” again. I’m beyond angry with him. If you don’t know we and him have a history of “love” together. The last time I hung out with him he was kissing me on the cheek, cuddling with me, laying on my leg/ chest and jealously asking about my love life. Which to me seemed as thoughts still like me but boy was I fucking wrong.
Today I found out that he lead me on and fucked me over for my sister. At first he refused to tell me, saying I would be mad at him forever. Damn […]
So if you don’t know in one of my past post I talked about having dreams that make me cry in my sleep or dreams that make me upset or sad (although I’m sure no one read it at all). They are harmless dreams that just reminded me of my past which I was sad I couldn’t relive differently. But this dream I had last night was not like the others I had.
The dream starts with me and my family on a passenger airplane. All seems well until something happens and the plane spirals out of control. In the dream I saw we […]
Today I attempted to kill myself by overheating in the car. I drove to school, parked in the lot and didn’t get out. I was sitting in there for over an hour and a half. The only reason why I’m here now was because my best friend saved me. I texted him as I was sitting in the car telling him about how much I was sorry and how I appreciated him a lot for all he has done. I was practically telling him goodbye.. He got worried (I think as any other great friend would do in this situation) and asked me were I […]
I felt today didn’t start so good. I told my two friends I didn’t want to hang out because I was in a depressed mood (told them I didn’t feel well) and I had to clean. But they ended up showing up at my house anyways. I agreed to go but I told my sisters not to come even though my friends asked them to come (I get jealous and lonely when I, my sisters and my friends hang out together.. all they do is pay attention to them.. but that’s another story). The whole time I felt horrible. Horrible for not letting my sisters […]
Okay before I give you any details in what’s happening now, let me start by saying me and this person have had beef together in the past. And.. we both liked each other.. not to sure we both like each other anymore. If you want to know about some of the past issues I have had with him check a few posts from 2016.
Moving on…
So the other night on snapchat I saw him making very concerning posts. Stuff like “I wish I died before the ambulance arrived at my house,” “I already know I’m not wanted, don’t have to remind me,” so on an so […]
It has been a very long time since I’ve posted here! I miss coming back here and talking with everyone. I hope this drawing makes up for my absence 🙂
I haven’t posted here in what seems like a long time. My life was starting to improve little by little, but, as of recently it’s gone down hill. I’ve been having so much trouble with keeping myself happy. My physical as well as my mental health is rapidly deteriorating. I’m not eating correctly, I only eat at least one to two meals a day with very little consumption of water. When I do eat it’s junk food. My digestive system is all kinds of fucked up (going to the doctors soon to get it checked) and I really do fear for the worst.
My mental health […]
Lately I’ve realized I’ve been crying in my sleep. It happens at least once or twice a month. This is weird because it has never happened to me but suddenly this year it started up (about a few months back). I consciously know I’m doing it, but, I cannot stop myself or wake myself up. This may sound odd but it hurts when I cry in my sleep too. I can’t explain it but from what I can remember It hurts my head..
I really hope these won’t be frequent..
I don’t know if it was me today or my other friend but the conversation wasn’t like any others we had before. It was awkward, I was lost most of the time.. And I felt like he didn’t want me talking to him or wanted me to come visit him. It was horrible. I ended up crying and driving around for a half hour thinking about it, every detail, every feeling, every everything about it. It made me feel like shit. I didn’t want to drive home… If I drove away I would have never came back.. its like every time I talk with him, […]
After 4 days of pure hell on earth I quit taking my meds. Before you all freak out here’s what I have to say. I was only on the lowest dose of Effexor for only 4 days ( as I stated above) when I called it quits (which would be today). So it’s not like they bumped me up to the highest dosage possible and I just said “screw it I’m not going to take it.” (I know the risks of suddenly stopping when you take higher dosages of meds). I’m not taking it anymore because of a horrible side effect I got from it, nausea. […]
Recently my therapist proscribed me Effexer for my depression and anxiety but it seems like it made it a bit worse? I’ve been feeling extremely nauseous after taking the pill, my heart rate picks up for no reason (I’m wondering if it’s just me having some sort of anxiety attack or it’s the pill?), I’ve felt weak and I’m trembling randomly. Anyone else have those symptoms while on this medication??? I just started it two days ago so maybe my body’s adjusting?
Every time me and my friend meet up to talk after work someone he knows shows up. He leaves me, whether I’m right beside him, in his car, etc. He doesn’t come back until the ones working decide they need to go fearing they’d get introuble. I can’t talk to his friends. They give me an odd vibe, I’ve tried to talk with them but they don’t seem to like me. I’m an idiot when I talk so now I just shut myself up.
He comes back and apologizes, “are you mad at me because I left you?” Of fucking course I am.. But I didn’t […]
I can’t keep going on like this. I feel so unappreciated. I feel so lonely. I need help but no one doesn’t want to take time out of their day to help me.. All they do is worry about themselves. They care little for those like me who are suffering.. I thought I was getting better when in all actuality I’m just getting worse. I’m so sleep deprived. Working just makes everything worse. As I’m sitting here on my break all I can think about is suicide. I feel that will be the only way to release me from my suffering. I can’t […]
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