Wisp

I mostly really enjoy life with my boyfriend but it will inevitably only be temporary (we are in an LDR)… as in, we can only see each other in real life temporarily…

He’s rather intense and overwhelming. He’s very affectionate towards me… as I am with him. But I don’t want to sugar coat it. He already broke up with me once before…

The only Asian (I’m part white too) that he is actually close with is me. His other friends are pretty much a similar racial background to him, even if my boyfriend is more mixed. He told me about a girlfriend of one of his […]

not suicide related

Well what a weird experience it was being at my boyfriends PC (with his permission)! He showed me that he’s got loads of folders containing p orn (with all kinds of women, different body types, shapes). He never looks at it (p orn) when I am around in real life. I don’t really care if he’s got so much porn but wow was it an experience, I did not realize he was actually into everything. What a *bleep* eye opener. Cool, thanks for showing me??? Lol!

He also has alot of screenshots of himself from that video game. Well over 50% of screenshots […]

I got into canada today, was asked questions and then sent to secondary and interrogated…………………………………..
just sharing my experience here.

anyone else got a hyphenated surname? 😛

Until I leave…
For 1 month in that country…
I don’t look forward to flying nor any of the crap that goes with it (airports etc).
Oh well. Perhaps it’s time to shut my whiny butt up.

I kind of don’t want to go because of that. I’d want everything to go smoothly but that’s a pipe dream isn’t it???

Does anyone else get excessively worried when going overseas? i.e. dealing with customs, the airport, etc…?

I believe that I’m going to Canada in 8 days.
I hope I get in…
Singapore customs was a breeze to get through, seriously.
I get worried about reading how strict US customs is. It seems Canada customs can be this way too. Ugh!
It really worries me. I would absolutely hate to fly all that way just to be sent back…
Maybe I should just stop worrying. Perhaps all my worrying is needless and invalid. I don’t know…

In the meantime…

^if you […]

I wish I would stop lashing out at my boyfriend, well it’s never really going to get any better. I’ll probably end up driving him away in the end. Yeah imagine that, a fucked up person driving away another fucked up person. :O
I was mad because I wanted to meet 1st August but there’s only like 11 or 12 days away and he still hasn’t found accommodation. Not sure if he’s that BUSY with work, if I’m an asshole, or he’s just lazy. Or I didn’t give him enough notice. Or he doesn’t really want to meet me.
Now I’ll apologise yet again. Don’t […]

I can’t even relate with myself. What am I doing?
I’m starting to get scared… if I meet my boyfriend on Aug 1st, then that’s only like 12 days way… omg really.
That’s crazy… last time we met was May 2018, sooooooo much has happened between then. Dunno what adjective to use lol.
I don’t know how to feel.
I know there’s many who have got it alot worse than me. So I feel bad for even writing here. I always feel bad for writing here. I just like to vent about my stupid so called ‘life’.
I believe he’s the only one in the […]

(I’m complaining again…)
I seriously just hate life. And as I said, I shouldn’t hate life!!!! It’s pathetic! There’s no meaning, there’s nothing. Nothing at all. It’s horrible. My boyfriend is going to be my only hope now… I know this is pathetic too, I shouldn’t rely on him… I don’t know how he keeps going. At least he is smart. I’m not. I just wish I was. I should be sleeping its 12:37am at the time of writing this, but I’ve spent too much on a world of warcraft private server and I hate myself for it. I hate myself for wasting so much […]

I’m hiding my real self from my boyfriend more and more often. I don’t want him to know that I’ve been laying in bed alot again (barring the time I went overseas). I don’t want him to find out how boring and pathetic my life is. I know he wants to see myself occupying myself with things to do. Well, I should open my eyes. If I have to pretend, then I guess he isn’t really right for me and he doesn’t understand me. I mean, why else would I pretend?

I foresee this falling apart in the future. He’s judgemental and a hypocrite to […]

Anyone can be a ‘creep’, it doesn’t matter what their appearance is, yes even the ‘handsome’ guy can be a total creep too… its just that people are probably less likely to believe such a guy could be a creep (thank society and their stereotypes).

The ‘attractive’ woman can also be a creep.

But instead, we tend to solely deem ‘old men’ and ‘fat and ugly guys’ and ‘ugly guy with acne’ or a guy who just somehow ‘looks like a creep’… as creeps…

I’ve never really been sure as to how someone can just ‘look like a creep’… can you really, truly tell that someone is a […]

I’m so miserable… I shouldn’t be…
I don’t think I’ll ever be happy… what is that anyway?
Why am I so pathetic?
I make endless mistakes, I’m just hopeless. I know there’s something wrong with me and there always will be.
If I was a ‘fat and ugly’ guy I’d never have any kind of relationship, nobody would ever want me.
Guys, don’t go on holidays, they won’t make you feel better, and if I have to tell you, if it makes you feel better, its only temporary… you are better off finding something that will make you feel better in the long run….
Having […]

Great now my boyfriend wants to meet in real life again in a few months. Holy shit we’d better resolve this or I might as well just be done with him. This better not be code for ‘I don’t really want to meet you’

I know I’m overreacting, I don’t care really.

Didn’t want to come back to Australia, but stuff costs money. Fell into the meaningless illusion again. Now I’ll just be completely miserable again. Great. I hope I’m gone soon. Don’t want this.

This trip overseas had no substance or meaning, all I did was looked around and shopped.

In fact nothing has substance or meaning. Delusional to think otherwise

Careful of some (I said some) retailers offering skincare and beauty products. Some are extremely pushy. An example of what they might do: give you free samples, then take you by the hand and into their store and sit you down in a chair and try skincare products on you. Then they will tell you that you should buy these products now and you will get extra free items and discounts and that if you don’t buy them now you won’t get this ‘very special’ offer. They will make you feel bad if you decline to buy the items and act all sad and continue […]

I hate myself so much. I’m starting to think that I shouldn’t have reported the guy. I don’t even know anymore. Honestly apart from the creepy stuff… we talked for a while. I admit that was nice. I wish I had just firmly told him to stop kissing me and stuff. I’m an asshole. I was emotional and too afraid of him at the time. I’m not saying what he did was ok, it wasn’t. Alot of this is completely my fault. He was actually willing to just be my friend, and said we could go out back into the public area if I felt […]

Not really suicide related

I’m going to sound really whiny here… as if I should just shut up and be grateful and be glad I’m able to go overseas for a little while.

If I said I wasn’t enjoying it here, I’d be lying. Think about it though, spend a few fun days overseas and then come back to your miserable life again… is it worth it to you?

Also its easy to fall into an illusion, you somehow spend so much more $$$$ than what you originally planned to. Or maybe you suddenly think that everyone is wonderful.

Anyway, I guess this is food for thought. But […]

It appears that I haven’t died in a plane crash. So I’m still alive. Meh, I say.

Ok thanks for putting all of my comments in the trash, I see I’m not welcome here. Bye. Take care everyone…