xXBloodyRoseXx

So its been a bit over a year since i have written on this website. The last time i wrote here, I wanted my life to end. I wanted  to slit my throat and drain all the blood from my body. My father had just died, my family was broken and my relationship was abusive and horrible. I had been raped and beaten by almost every guy who came into my life and i couldn’t take it. The feeling of being a man’s sex toy. I felt myself losing all hope and sinking deeper into darkness.

But today, 10/9/12

I am now a college student working twords my dream […]

i dont need this website anymore. my mom and i are fine. i have a new boyfriend and my friends are taking me to icon for the anime fest. my mom n i are moving away so no one will piss us off. i might get a new dad. i got a new car. ive been excepted to 4 major art school. and i got a new puppy. hehe life has turned around for me. im happy now. and no longe worry abut suicide. =)

im free… finally free of the darkness. hehe i still miss my daddy but hes with me. hehe i can feel […]

nothing feels right anymore. happiness comes and goes. but at night.. i feel like im falling. i wish i could rip my heart out and lock it away so no one will ever hurt me. im in a state of depression that scares me. i cut up my leggs so my mom cant see my cute. ive carved “hopeless’, “worthles” “slut” and “no one loves you” into my leggs over the past month. the person i love doesnt love me. the family who said they would always be there for me never is.  my mom crys everynight. she doesnt smile anymore. my house is full […]

ok so im still hear on this stupid fucking earth. my mom and i are planing a month to get away from home. i cant say where were gonna go but its warm, with beautifull mountins and forists.

im ok right now. ive been drawing atleast 6 drawings a day.writing 4 poems. 2 stories and about….7 different songs. doing all this is making me very happy and calm.

my mom and me are laughing again. she still has no idea i almost killed myyself  the other day.

My friend Matt saved my life again. and my new friend Alvaro is helping me as well. matt ran to my […]

without my daddy i feel so lost….. i miss him so much…. all my mom does is cry and worry about us…. my life that was once a living hell has now becom a living nightmare… i wanna wake up… god someone wake me up from this nightmare and pull me out of this hell!.. the only think keeping me alive is music…. but even that wont keep me hear for long….. God just kill me…. i cant take this hell anymore! someone please kill me.. i dont want to live anymore.. i just want to die.. my dad looked so peacefull…. let me be […]

Where was God when I needed a friend? And where was God now that im coming to an end? Where was God when I lost my mind? Where was God Now that im wanting to die? Memories consume me it feels like there opening the wound’s that leave scars on me. This pain is picking me apart again. You all assume I’m safe here in my room and things will get better. but your wrong. The pain is trying to start again.I don’t know what’s worth fighting for or why I always have to scream.I don’t know how I got this way. I know it’s not alright. After school i run […]

My father has been sent back into the hospital about a week ago.. he could catch his breath at all. The day after he went into the hospital, his Dr called my mom and told us that we should go to the hospital and see him.. he said he wasnt doing to good. So we went. At first i didnt want to go. I didnt wanna see him like that. But i thought that this could be the last time i see my daddy.

So i went. And me and my mom stayed at the hospital for abotu 4 hours. It was tiering and depressing.. Each […]

sadly im still hear. this just makes me even more upset.. im to affraid to do anything. but i want to. i want peace. i want my heart to stop hurting. i want all the pain to dissapear. but im to scared it will hurt. id love to be able to die in my sleep. but im not old enough and my heart is in perfict health. i dont understand anything anymore.

the memories of being raped, molested, and beaten all rush back. i want to lie in bed and cry. i want to stay with my mom and live in the little happiness i have […]