I went through a lifeless 3-year relationship, and recently, I started feeling a spark with someone at work a guy I really admire in every way. I don’t even know why I like him so much, but I couldn’t keep it to myself and ended up confessing my feelings to him — the first time I’ve ever done that. He said I liked the wrong guy. Now I feel embarrassed and can’t act normal around him like before. He apologized, but seeing him every day still hurts. Watching him be so normal and friendly with other girls makes it even worse. I just feel like […]
Category:
Chronic Pain
i’ve been struggling a lot lately.
in the end, i did call my relationship quits. after all, it wasn’t fair for either of us. i’m surprisingly okay though, kinda weird. honestly i didn’t even feel bad about it being over. i feel a bit bad about it, but i guess it is what it is.
i don’t know what’s going on with me lately. i’ve kinda been retraumatizing myself a bit. if not a lot.
it feels like i’m stuck in the past. waaaay back in the past. it’s so annoying honestly. it doesn’t let me live my life currently. how am i 27, still […]
I know that many people would notice if I disappeared but thats because I am such a pain in the ass. Maybe it would be easier for everyone to not have to deal with me. I am only a burden to people. I care and love so much and I believe that its just too much and to overbearing for most people. I thought I was doing better. Even with everything I have been through, (abuse, ptsd, depression, etc) I thought I was gonna be okay. After my last attempt, I fully believed that I want to be here. Sometimes I really do […]
The More I Study People, the More Pessimistic and Cynical I Become
by fuglyGirl
written by fuglyGirl
Sometimes, I like to come here once in a while to just vent my dark thoughts. Take it or leave it.
When you’re unhappy, you search for the answers. I am always questioning why things are the way they are. Sometimes, I feel like I was born in the wrong universe. I have become obsessed with it. What is the best to search for then the internet, where people are free to expose their secrets. It’s believed that some people are so attention starved that they will tell on themselves or others. I was cursed to see this darkness in this world.
People […]
People will always think that I am stupid. No matter how many times I debunk it, they will always believe it. Maybe even get some cognitive dissonance.
Do you know how many times people have asked if someone drove me to a certain place? Why? Because they don’t believe that I’m capable of driving myself. I get so damn annoyed that I’m just going to play the ask a question, get a stupid answer game for now on. They already think I’m stupid, so why not?
At the church, me and my mom were visiting. Everyone there wanted me to join the Special […]
I used to post here when I was a teenager, and now I’m in my late twenties, so. The more things change, etc. Sorry if any of this is out of place. I haven’t gone reading around.
On the one hand, even just making a new account here made me remember the problems I used to be dealing with, and I’m at least doing much better than I was the last time I was around in, like, all of those old areas. On the other hand, it’s bleak and soul crushing in a way that I can’t put into words that instead of being able to […]
I haven’t officially completed my undergraduate degree yet. I’m in my final semester. I got the chance to start working early and took it, but I couldn’t keep up with everything. Over time, I’ve become increasingly disillusioned with people almost everyone. There are many things I genuinely enjoy, but I haven’t been able to fully pursue even one. I’m earning now, but there’s no real happiness in it. Life feels exhausting full of masks and meaningless routines.
Both my personal and work life feel completely messed up. I don’t know where to turn, what to say, or what to do. […]
All the years.
And another year I am depressed just before my birthday in February.
And last year and the year before and so on for so long it’s been the same. I think since I was 10? 13? 9, turning 10? I don’t know. I started watching porn when I was 9… just before I turned 10 years old.
Ah, my brother had a psychosis then. 7 years ago now, I think? Maybe a little less. I was 14 anyway. Ah, I turn 21 in a week. I didn’t watch porn or masturbate since September but on Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, and now today also I watched […]
I posted last week and I was angry. I’m feeling better. I have a question and I’m just if this is only happening to me, or if this is happening to other women? Men don’t seem to like me. My dad hates me and people try to tell me that he must love me somehow. It’s strange because my mom or brother can talk about how mean he is and they believe them. I believe my dad is narcissistic. He always want attention, he acts up over everything, wants to always control things. I can never do anything right in his eyes. He’s so petty […]
I’m so fxxking sick of this world. So tired of people staring at me like I’m a freak. They stare at me because they pity me. People know that I am an outcast. I’m am like this unpopular celebrity. People want nothing to do with me, but yet they’re fascinated with me. No one wants to hang out me, so I don’t have any friends.
I hate everyone especially men. Men make me want to throw up. I want to puke every organ out of my body because I hate them so much. How I can ever be attracted to them is beyond me. I don’t […]
I have decided after 36 years of living that 2025 is going to be the year i finally rid myself of the sadness that has plagued me my entire life.
I have in the past 10 years done EVERYTHING I can to make myself feel better and feel well. I will continue improving myself and my life for the next year also.
If this feeling does not stop and my sadness does not dissipate, I will end my life.
Death, my sweet melancholy friend,
Why have you hidden your face from me for so long?
I longed for you, but I could not find you.
As time went on, things only worsened in your absence.
Now, I can feel you are near.
Let me clear my schedule. Let me set the time aside for you.
You are the only one I can trust to hear my burdens as I lay in your cold embrace.
Reach out your hand, and invite me into your dark abode.
You and I both know life wasn’t meant for us.
I’m a final year student about to enter the job market, and my family’s well-being weighs heavily on me. While I appreciate everything my parents have done for me, their pressure to find a job immediately is causing a lot of stress.
Looking back, my academic performance wasn’t ideal due to personal struggles in high school. Now, many companies have strict eligibility criteria, making things even more challenging. Although I managed to do well in college and 12th grade, it feels like it’s not enough.
Hearing talks about being a burden to the family breaks my heart. I want to contribute and find a […]
I have a problem. A reocurring problem. I get depressed, and then I lead women on to me so that they give me attention, and then I become obsessed with them, and then I know that I have to detach myself from them, because I’m not looking for a relationship, I just want to ease the pain of my life somehow. And then I end up, not just causing more pain to myself, but hurting someone else too. This time it’s especially bad though. Because this girl is 14 years old. I thought she was older, maybe 17, and I should have stopped leading her […]
Sometimes I wish I could just die to see if anyone around me truly cared about my existence or travel to an alternate universe where I could see how those around me felt when I ended my life. To see if my life was even worth living, to see if anyone really did care about me in the end, or if I was just a burden as I have felt my entire life. Like, would my family care that was no longer living so they wouldn’t have to an extra body in the house, would my coworkers or my workplace care or would they just […]
Sometimes I wonder, what’s the point of going on. For a little background, I’m currently in a math class and not doing as well as I feel I should be and if I pass the 2 upcoming tests my grade will be pretty good, but I’m not confident at all and I while I had the first test postponed due to my poor mental health, I feel like a failure for having to do that. I’m not confident in myself at all, I feel like I should have been in grad school by now or that I should be doing better in this class. Sometimes […]
Why is it, that I get the urge to search up old friends and no one ever tried to find me? They know, where to find me but I’m not that special I guess..
I’m gonna give myself yet another gastric inflammation from all the mental effing stress. I have finally tried to do little attempts to talk to people besides my 2 friends again and yeah, surprise. For the millionth time, I am only an interesting person for a few days max. Most days, it didn’t even bother me but today hit really hard. It’s so bad I am feeling sick to my stomach.
I have […]
I cant take much more. I’ts like I’ve ruined all of my relationships and somehow my rock bottom became even deeper. I am constantly thinking about dying. But I know it would harm everyone in my family. But how much of a difference would it make because Im always selfish anyways. Ive tried to change and just when I thought I made some progress its like I go 10 steps backwards within a day. I don’t want to try anymore. I’m exhausted. I want and don’t want to die at the same time. I am constantly at war with myself and my emotions, all the […]
Today, I had to present on an article in class. In short, it was a disaster. The main problem was in that I did not explain the article from the perspective that the teacher expected it to be. It’s not the first time, I have focused on the wrong perspective. It could literally be a feature of my life. I just don’t understand why do I always see things so differently. Like how am I suppose to fit into society?
I think I have lot of complexities about my body and looks . I feel like I’m not the way I like to be . I really worry thinking of it everyday . I like a person …. but I feel like that person doesn’t deserve me …. I feel like I’m not a perfect match for that person …… I understand we must have self love for ourself and shit . But I feel I’m not beautiful in anyway ….. I don’t know what to do to overcome thissssss. I suffer a lot thinking about this ….. I don’t know what to do seriously […]
Newer Posts