nothing particularly bad happened today, so why am i feeling this way?
I doubt I sent the letter to him correctly, or that he will respond. Here’s my personal letter, hope it doesn’t bite me in the ass:
Dear Sandman,
As a female, I enjoy your videos. They really get my juices flowing when comes to understanding human nature. By human nature, I mean that your videos helps me to see both sides of the opposite sex. My only and biggest criticism, however is that sometimes when you explain a behavior you make it sound like only women do it. For example in your youtube video “Dating Fat Girls”, you and the writer stated that once women find […]
https://suicideproject.org/wp-content/uploads/2017/06/Black-Lung.mp3
Stomach’s been fuckin with me a lot here lately.
So I guess I’ll share a song off my first record.
*produced, arranged, composed and performed by Little Girl Lol
www.soundcloud.com/lola-co
these past few days have been weird, and i don’t know how to explain it.
i’ve been forgetting to eat, and sleep doesn’t come very easily; when it does come, it brings nightmares and i just keep waking up constantly. really aggressive headaches come and go without explanation. it feels weird.
for about 10 years i’ve had passive suicidal ideations, and active ones as well, but that’s not the point. anyways, they’ve been here for a while. basically, i won’t act up on anything, but i wouldn’t mind if something happened. even though i can’t even remember days where i didn’t feel like this, it seem like […]
I cannot tell the majority of my story here because if I did, I am sure the people I want to protect the most, will work out who posted this should they find it. I’ve even changed my writing style and the lot to post this, that’s how important it is that these people do not find out what I am intending to do. I DO NOT want ‘saving’ and I DO NOT want ‘help’ because there isn’t any.
A very long story cut short, I am an ‘addict’ who abused research chemical Benzodiazepines for a long period, and I stopped them last year after a […]
today is one of those days where breathing takes too much effort
I study a subject in the medical field. It’s a very tough university program in which one relies a lot on the professors and whether they like you or not.
You have to be there all the time. And I just can’t. I am scared of failing. But I am failing because I am scared. There are days I just can’t get out of the bed, even though I know the consequences.
So now I’m about to fail a very important course the second time. It started out great in the beginning, I worked faster and was motivated and tried to always smile and be extremely polite. It was utterly exhausting […]
I tried to kill myself last night and failed I tried to slit my wrist and did not cut deep enough and I was sent to the hospital for critical care. My family knows I’m alive. To those who think life can end with one shot, or twenty pills, it can’t God has a plan for all of us and that plan heaven or hell will come true with gods WILL. So don’t do it I was one of the lucky ones who lived and feels terrible for what I did. The hospital let me put this up with pain. They wounds where not deep […]
He is in the CCU and he tried to slit his wrist open and failed. He almost died he is in the hospital. Sorry for the death the hospital just called and said he is in critical condition.
loremaster82@gmail.com if any questions
I’m gonna do it from me to humanity hold on and don’t give up stay strong.
It will be rope this time
tonight when i arrived from work, i was welcomed by silence and lights out, which meant everyone was asleep. i was not surprised, considering i just got here and it’s 11:10 pm. even though i understand why they’re asleep, considering it’s a Tuesday night, i still know that deep down i wish they were waiting for me. but they don’t care that much, and i understand that. i’ve felt very anxious all day, and i don’t know why, considering last night i tried to get more sleep than usual. it’s weird. speaking of weird; today is the birthday of an old friend of mine. she […]
Misery loves company
I lack company. All my 16 years it seems I’ve ever only known misery. I spend my time faking my happiness and crying alone in my room. I’m tired of being lonely. I’m not even bold enough to end it. *sigh* I just wish I had someone around me who even slightly knew this pain.
i don’t know why, but i’ve been having a lot of trouble sleeping. on sunday i went to bed at 4 and woke up at 8. last night i didn’t sleep at all, but i took a nap at 10 because i had to work tonight. and today, here i am. it’s 2:45 and i’m about to go try and sleep. it’s really hard though. most people tell me to just go to bed earlier, but the thing is i just can’t seem to stay asleep for long. i constantly wake up, which makes me more tired. i even noticed how i feel more awake […]
In bed.
Dark room, 3:30 a.m.
Waiting for my headache to go away.
Ever had a handful of glass marbles, and you make a fist around them, hearing/feeling the piercing scrape of glass against glass?
That’s my head right now.
I keep hoping this means I’m being inundated with radioactive crap from outer space, and I will wake up tomorrow with superpowers.
Shhh. Let me dream.
If I end up being able to fly, it will save me a fortune in gas money.
i’m about to post things that have been going through my head for more than 10 years, but i’ve never shared with anyone. now, why am i saying it here? because no one can know. and here, everyone knows yet they don’t know; and i just need to get this things out, because i feel like it’ll maybe help somehow. last night i couldn’t sleep, and so i was sitting on the couch, watching the sunrise, when thoughts that haunt me decided to keep me company. this time, however, i wrote everything down. keep in mind i didn’t check what i wrote and don’t plan […]
you know those days where you wake up and decide you will definitely enjoy that day? you decide you’re going to do anything you can to feel happy and do everything you always put off. you feel determined and excited. today was supposed to be one of those days. since yesterday wasn’t the day off i would’ve liked it to be, i decided to try my best and have an acceptable day today. it didn’t particularly work, and i’m not surprised.
numbness is a very strange feeling. at first, you don’t understand it; but after a while, you forget how you felt before. what it […]
Life has been such a huge freaking struggle and I feel like I’m done. The chronic pain I suffer from, my sick family, my failure as a person, I’m sick of it. I’m tired of living…but, I’m not positive I want to die.
I’m kind of convincing myself not to off myself by challenging the concept of suicide. You see right now, when I think about suicide I ask myself how my corpse will look, or how others will react as well as the bliss of nothingness. If I was going to really commit suicide, I’d have to stop caring about superficial aspects of my postmortem […]
even though i had a day off, i wasn’t able to actually rest. i fell asleep at around 5am, and woke up at 9am.
i’ve been getting random headaches constantly for years now, i’m not sure why; but i’ve had one since around 4pm and it’s currently 1:19am.
even though it wasn’t a good day, i went to the movies so that was nice.
I posted here a few days ago while going through a bad pain attack, just stream of consciousness, whatever I could make my fingers cooperate enough to type. Got a few kind responses (which I’ve only just now read, want y’all to know I appreciate them) which was nice.
Funnily enough, the very next day was the best day I’ve had in years, at least physically, and a pretty great day emotionally as well. My boyfriend and I got to help my dad move some stuff – and even got paid decent enough. I was actually able to do a lot, my P.O.T.S. didn’t act […]
today i was expecting to get home and find everyone asleep again, but it wasn’t the case. for a second, i thought they were waiting for me, but as it turns out, they just lost track of time and were planning on going to bed at about 9pm. not surprising.
today my fingers hurt a lot, and me having to constantly wash dishes and such at work doesn’t help. I’ve always been clumsy and i use band aids very often, but I’ve never had 4 at the same time on my hands; it looks kinda funny, actually. i can’t type very well though, but meh.