The effects of suicide on family and friends.
As far as I know I have nothing left. My friends, my family don’t even care for me. Day after day, night after night I just lay in suffer age while my friends beat me down further. The friends whom I’ve considered family have used me until they come across someone to replace me. The ones I trusted now ignoring my cries. I have nothing to live for… I have no one to live for. I can’t feel any emotional love anymore..
The pain is still here. I can drown it out. I can muffle it. But I’m just a shell of a person wandering around. Withdrawn to where it feels more than awkward to be out and around people when it wasn’t so before. Opening back up on command isn’t as easy as shutting down anymore. Desire to end things lingers as well and always has. Thoughts of such are being provoked more often than not now. What do you do when you feel that you have more reason to leave than to stay? Given life more than a chance just existing for the past 2 […]
I can’t come up with a reason to go through the struggle again. I haven’t had an intimate relationship in more than 5 years.
I was married for 20 years, but she wanted to start over by herself.
I have a 20 year old daughter who only messages me when I send her money. She doesn’t answer her phone, and doesn’t reply to texts… Unless there was money involved.
I just got laid off from my job. I’m too old to start over. I’ve done it too many times. What for? To see who wins the election? That doesn’t matter… To see the next movie or show? What […]
I’m on the verge of crying. I feel depressed, I feel lonely and I feel heartbroken. When I really need them they aren’t here for me. The one who’s even been helping me isn’t even messaging me.. It makes me angry, It makes me frustrated to see he has time to communicate with my sisters but not with me. It makes me feel like I’m a total loser. It makes me feel regret for even liking him. He seems more interested in my sisters than he does of me. Seems he’s just keeping me company out of pity. It’s making me feel like killing myself. […]
Dear Anon( u kno who u are),
I hope you still get a spark in your eye when you think of me. I’ve went through all my journals and there was a lot of things that I wasn’t proud of writing so I ripped out the entries I’d written that were penned in anger and I’m summing up the rest here. The things that still stick in my mind had the longest entries. Like the time we first met and the time we first made love; those two moments bring tears to my eyes and make me forget any bad stuff for awhile. I also have […]
I feel kind of embarrassed for coming back here. It’s been at least two or three months since I wrote anything or even read other’s thoughts. I thought I was feeling better and didn’t need to come back here and I was going to delete this account and act as if I never belonged here. I’m glad I didn’t delete it. For the past few months things have been going fine. I finished a few online classes and been more social. Thing is, I still feel lonely. In the beginning of March my grade went on a trip and I bunked with three other friends. […]
Many old timers here will be more familiar with the back story of Dawg … newer folks, feel free to peruse my past posts that date back to 2011.
The cliff notes:
I suffer from chronic back pain … make life difficult and saps my strength and will … often to the brink. And in years passed I was faced with homelessness through foreclosure … at which point I was confident I could implement my “Exit Strategy” and wash my hands of the whole mess. During this whole time … about the only reason I did not end my pain and cut short the inevitable march […]
I feel that friendship is more fragile and more important compared to a relationship. I don’t know, but it’s like whenever my friends suddenly act cold, it hurts so fucking bad I just add a few more cuts just to be able to feel. Fucking hell it makes no sense.
Honestly, it really fucking terrifies my how much of a hold this person has over me. All she has to do is say a word, and I think I’ll just fucking crumble. She’s not even the person I’m in a relationship with. But I’d rather lose him than her. It’s really difficult and just tiring to […]
You would think it doesn’t hurt anymore. When people come in my life, gain my trust and friendship, then rip away a piece of me as they walk away like I never meant anything to them. But the truth is, it hurts so much more each time it happens. It hurts so bad that I feel numb until another part of me disappears. It hurts so bad because of the feeling that I only ever made friends from pity and I cared about them more than myself. It hurts so bad that it puts me almost to tears, but then a dark part of me […]
Im a new member and I discovered this website a few days back and I was reading through some posts and I was able to relate.
and yes I’m a cutter. the first time I did that was when I was 15 and now I’m 18
I’ve stopped cutting after a year and recently got back into it really badly. I know its not a good thing and I’m aware of it but it’s frustrating when you have no one to actually support you and know how you feel ( I don’t trust school counselors) no one in the family knows I’ve started again (this time I […]
A few weeks back I was arrested for fraud and as I type this letter the Police are investigating me.
My life has collapse – I have lost my marriage, I will lose my house, no job and my dearest two boys particularly my youngest (14) does not want to know me but my oldest is autistic so he cannot comprehend the situation.
Our marriage has always been stressful – looking after our autistic son, my health problems and wife’s depression. Our youngest was always was protected – giving him a carefree life with a great education. With that protection he is now in a Royal Ballet […]
This is my first post. And I’m terrified. Terrified that I have to resort to something like this. Terrified that I’m finding myself sinking back into a hole I thought I had successfully climbed out of years ago.
I’ve had depression of varying degrees on and off since the age of 11. I remember clearly the burning desire to end my own life at age 12; a struggle that took me years to overcome. Don’t ask me how; I don’t remember. Most of that time period in my life has become hazy.
But now, here I am. 17 years old, a loving boyfriend, a promising future. And […]
I’ve reached the very end upon which I will endure this existence. Preparations all set…… Going to end it with a drink. I’m done with this shitty world, i’m done dealing with parasitic, materialistic, deceptive people. I’m done dealing with “family” that lies, steals, and treats me like shit. Love does not exist in this ugly, putrid, infected world of racists, murderers, politicians, corruption, prostitutes, and abominations.
I rather be dead then live with the likes of you…. You who see the light in this world are the real freaks, psychopaths, and ones who need help. “chill out, think about the positive” that’s a pitiful […]
I was having doubts about this, but now I’m ready. Do you know what finally set me off? My mom. It was a good day, my brother started teaching me how to drive, my dad was just in his room, and my mom was watching tv. And my dad came out to ask about what we should do about our insurance. I don’t know why, but my mom started yelling saying that that should be his responsibility and that other families have everything sorted out. My family isn’t the richest, and whenever my dad does something without my mom’s knowledge she rages and when my […]
My birthday is coming up, and it’s coming up fast. I’m so scared for it to become another sufferable day for me. Im doing my senior project on that day and let me tell you… It’s hellish days full of utter loneliness. I’m not even exaggerating it. Nobody talks to me, my old friends mooch all over my sister and never intend on talking to me. They will look at me and not even acknowledge my very existence. It rips my heart in two.. I would not go to it.. If my parents weren’t so strict about it.. I got all my hours everything done! […]
This last week has been a blur.. I dont know what to think, cant seem to identify how i feel. When i think about leaving i seem to think of my kids less lately. And more about the end of feeling. Telling myself shell find someone to step in and in a few months itll be asif i had never even been here. Mom wont care, shell still be focused on success and work after a few weeks again. Dad wants to kill himself to so whats the difference. Im glad my boys are young they wouldnt remember. But i wonder would i be free? […]
I believe I am apart of a minority of people. I suffer depression and anxiety, but I am far too caring to kill myself. I couldn’t do that to my family. I’ve tried antidepressants, they did nothing. Someone I know from school recently went into a Mental Hospital and I am angry. She is in there because 3 months ago, her friend killed himself. She knows the reason as to why she feels so bad. I have no idea why I feel like this. My life is good, better than many. I am not ungrateful nor am I selfish, but I hate being alive. I […]
I thought it was going to be Just another normal day in my life today. But No think again honey. I had the busiest and most stressful day of my year so far, it went from a pop-quiz, to a partner project with someone who never does anything and I was assigned them so I “could help them understand the topic and language because I understand it so well.” getting into a fight with a douche bag boy in the hallway, then went to a workout session, to a soccer game, to basketball practice, where I didn’t arrive home until 9:30 at night, I still […]
I wonder now and then whether I deserve this family or all the things that I have?
I was always a troubled kid. My parents never knew what was wrong with me. I tried to be like the other kids but I am always a failure. Teachers would tell my parents that they weren’t treating me right and by that they meant that they should put up restrictions. Like they shouldn’t let me waste my time in drawing or reading and force me to focus on studies. Or slap me once in a while over my bad grades. My parents did try that. But that made […]
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