For non-suicidal topics that are fun, entertaining or informative.
one year on the suicide project.
For non-suicidal topics that are fun, entertaining or informative.
Sorry it’s kinda random but music really helps me alot. I never used to listen to music but I finally started listening to music a couple years ago.
My top artists right now are Billie Eilish and Gnash, and I just love them because they aren’t afraid to talk about dark stuff sometimes and their music is so soothing to me. Like I can just sit back and close my eyes and it helps me feel just a little better. If you haven’t listened to them maybe try it, but don’t let one song end it for you try more than one.
What kind of music do you like? I’m interested to see if it all seems similar or all different.
I kinda realize recently how good it feels to bítch around letting off some steam, then a thought came up! people need to vent out more.
So i suggest you all to vent out all your frustration here, go crazy!
Write here all the shít you want to say, give me some juicy discussion.
Tell me how you suffer!
I came up with a story a long time ago about a morally ambiguous “protective” killer protagonist story. :p
Decided to make it like a “yandere”, if you could still use that term despite it not really being a romantic example, and involving a teenage girl, because of moe, idk. :p
From anywhere including killing a bully stop from being hurt as well as to protect a friend, to assistant suicide, to stealing from the “rich” or modern folk to give to the poor and homeless, making it all fit somehow, yet constantly being on the run and being considered evil despite all the good intentions…
How does morality work, when the black and white get blurred into gray? Do the ends ever justify the means? That’s what I’m always confused by…
And it’s not just fictional examples either, I… I actually get intrigued by stories of real criminals, like Elliot Rodger…
I actually read up on that story by randomly trying to find a blog on introversion and social anxiety and somehow found that, I have no idea where the website is, and had literally no idea who this person was and that they became a spree killer then killed themselves. o.O
Was Elliot pitiful? Idk… On one hand, they were extreme loner trying to fit in, almost too much to the point it was the meaning of their life, especially with not being a virgin, and on the other hand, even besides the killings, his manifesto made him both more and less sympathetic by giving more context than his youtube videos ever did which I actually discovered afterwards and not before… (My name on youtube is Shinji Itoi by the way, I have a profile pic of The Batter from Off. :p)
PHEW! Anyways, talking about Elliot and other stuff is a story for another time though.
I hope you enjoy my story ideas here. :3 It’s a work in progress. :p
(New Update: Yandere Story (March 9, 2018 (Friday)))
Sympathetic Murderer (Yandere) (December 28, 2017 (Thursday))
I came up with a disturbingly sweet and somewhat weird story. :p I guess it’s from stuff like Elfen Lied or End Roll and my own personal feelings…
Basically, a character tries to protect someome and maybe themselves from a bully or maybe something else maybe even worse,
but the friend doesnt accept it and think its wrong and they break down and try to escape somehow and become a darker person…
Then someone else discovers tjem and hangs out with them for a long time not knowing their secret until that ex friend pops up.
And, idk. 😕 Not sure about all the details right now but I thought it could make a cool story.
A killer who tries to kill other seemingly evil people and doesnt see any wrong in it…
ans on top of that they might wven be doing it for someone else… its strange..
I guess that would be a yandere thing eben if their relationship isnt romantic?
Seems almost sexy. :p Or not idk. XD I couls get into yanderes stories maybe though if its more like this…
Actually, this sounds kind of normal…
I mean, maybe the act of killing someone more on the level of seeing their blood spilt or dying from poison/drowning is kind of extreme,
but like… self-preservation or protecting someone even if the victim is just some asshole is like… yeah…
Like it’s a dark action but if their relatively normal outside of that,
it’s hard to tell if it should be that big of a deal or not. :p
Unless people consider them a threat outside of that,
Idk… it’s almost like people who actually gave a shit about the person should be the only one out to get them maybe. :p
Eeryone in the world out to get that person for one murder of a person who arguably deserved it… is that actually fucking crazier?
I don’t even know anymore man…
Edit 2 (December 31, 2017) (Sunday): Another thing to make this sound even more disturbingly sweet is that I want to give her the Japanese name for “Protect”.
I decided to go with Yasuko. It just seems to work really well… Yasuko…
Edit 3 (March 9, 2018) (Friday): I had a random daydream lately and figured I should add it to this story. :p
Other than simply being a sympathetic killer, I decided that I should give her more morally ambigous decisions.
I’m also wondering whether or not she should be conscious of her choices and be aware of what society would think of them,
but believe it’s the right thing to do, or that she actually doesn’t understand that her actions are wrong, trying to justify them…
Anyways, the next thing is going to be assistant suicide.
Rather than your typical life support plug pulling scenario, I was thinking about her seeing someone whose hurt and asking if their okay,
until it turns out they did it to themselves and their begging Yasuko to let them die…
Yasuko then replies that if that’s how they really feel, she’ll let them, but she also comforts them by hugging them until they pass away…
It’s sweet, right? 🙂 Sure she lets them die, but it’s their wish to do so, and she makes sure their not alone though, even if their strangers…
See, this is the kind of thing I’d really like to see more of…
Edit 4 (March 11, 2018) (Sunday): Oh yeah, I was also thinking about whether or not Yasuko’s friend should be the Student Council President,
or become one just to stop her, even if Yasuko herself wouldn’t be the type of person who cares for that thing,
not that she would be a delinquent probably. :p She might even work for the police…
Though if at all there’s a different villain or their conclusions seem different and/or worse than what really happened,
Yasuko’s friend might question if their correct in their deductions and if that really sounds like her…
Although her friend might seem to technically hate her and is trying really hard to stop her, she’s actually more worried and scared…
That’s the kind of person I want to right. :p
She’s a big conformist, but her heart is in the right place for traditional morality.
Yasuko on the other hand believes traditional morality is either false and doesn’t work, a corrupted lie, or that there’s other ways to be good.
Despite it all, I don’t want Yasuko to be considered a villain if she loses at all. I suppose you could actually call her own force of good,
but it might be better to call either side a gray area who thinks their doing the right thing, and that in the end,
morality is what you make of it…
Technically, I believe morality is a case of helping or hurting other people, but… what if you don’t see very many people in the world as good?
Or you’d have to hurt someone to help someone else, like stealing from the rich to give to the poor?
What does it mean to hurt or stop others that try to hurt other people?
What does it mean to let someone whose suicidal die instead of helping them find a way to live?
Is it not ambiguous at times?
Finally, if an afterlife is either vague or doesn’t seem to exist, then what about you as an individual?
I suppose you can try to think about future generations that will carry on after your death, but… I don’t know…
I personally, sadly, have no reason to give a shit about that. :p I don’t really have anyone in my life that cares about me to care about them back…
Anyways, about the stealing part, that was a third ambiguous situation I thought I should come up with,
that she finds someone a poor homeless person or even family whose hungry so she steals from a store to try and feed them.
On one hand, she believes that the store still has plenty left over and both the owner and their customers can afford more.
On the other hand, if people were to follow her example and everyone stole from that same store, their could be none left…
Of course, that wasn’t poor Yasuko’s intention. 🙁 This may be even brought up with her other two situations…
Should every bully be murdered depending on what they do? Should every suicidal person be left to die?
(I think that the suicide part could be more like, it’s an equally valid option…)
Finally, she might have a trial if she gets caught, and probably have to escape from it, regardless of the outcomes,
but she’d be in one of those situations where she tries to justify every action that she did…
If she escapes, she’d probably try to go to a remote island. :p She might be the only one there too…
Not sure if that’s really the best ending, but it’s all I can come up with right now. :p
So, I need some interludes that lead to these key moments, but the story structure is like this so far.
Best Friends are having a normal school day until some bully ruins it, which she’s been doing every now and then.
She even has a nasty reputation with other people at the school.
Come to think of it, being the ironically popular girl at the school, she might have other followers, who knows…
One day during after school hours, for like, help on tests or clubs or whatever the hell they do (I think that’s a thing),
she tries to find a way to get the bully alone (like a bathroom or outside if she’s a delinquent smoker, etc…
I was sort of thinking of a classroom though, who knows. :p That way she could lock it and/or block it with a desk.
Another thing could be that if their outside, the bully would have more room to escape…
I was also thinking she could backstab her assassin style, but that almost seems too sneaky for her. :p
It may seem unrealistic, but confronting the bully would be more dramatic and might work better…
Also, a teacher may also be involved with finding the bully’s dead body or that Yasuko seems suspicious.)
Yasuko’s friend then confronts her and Yasuko tries to defend herself. Her friend is stunned and tells her she can’t believe she did such a horrible thing.
Yasuko then cries angry tears of frustration, believing that she of all people would understand her as her best friend…
She then tries to run away, wherever she can go… I was sort of thinking of a woods/forest nearby at some point, but that might be strange. :p
But I mean, if she’s out in the open forever, she could be caught easily, maybe…
(Then again, if it’s a forest, it could typically lead to the Aokigahara (Suicide) Forest which could easily set up the next scene. :p
That being said, I’m not sure how she’d pop back up to seeing stores again for the third part…)
Yasuko then tries to help a suicidal person until said person tells them that they want to die, so she tries to comfort them in their final moments…
Meanwhile, things try to go back to normal as the police are still investigating her, or perhaps by Scene 3, and Yasuko’s friend says she wants to help.
(Come to think of it, being promoted to Student Council President might not make any sense, and she might not even need to be one, who knows. :p
As the police arive, it should already be late, and she might be told to go home, but if she gets accepted, part of it might be from some proof of merit…)
Yasuko then finds herself back into a city, or her own city, and finds a homeless person or more in need of food…
But she might not have much money on her so she has to steal…
This is followed by more police scenes. :p
Yasuko eventually gets caught and tries to justify herself in a court system.
Regardless of outcome, she’s arrested, whatever her sentence may be…
She then tries to escape and finds herself running away to a remote island, a place where she can be herself, alone…
A bittersweet ending, but at least she’s alive and relatively happy, even if society won’t accept her.
That’s my plan so far. :p
P.S. I feel like drawing a rather simplistic stick figure drawing (cuz I can’t draw. :() of a personification of suicide… I actually googled depression personification/anthropmorphism and found all sorts of crazy drawings of these monsters representing mental disorders that look almost like yokai, like heartless from Kingdom Hearts or Okami, or just… whatever. :p It’s really cool. :O
Anyways, the suicidal person would be like… on their knees with a gun to their head with a solemn expression on their face, as a darkly beautiful female angel wraps it’s arms around them… one that also wears a black robe, with wings stained with blood, if not chains to bind you down to signify “depression” that won’t go away. Basically an angel of death. :p Is she meant to help you, or hurt you? It’s hard to say…
(Come to think of it, if it ever looked more horrifying, it would probably be more like the rpg maker horror game crooked man during that one scene. :p)
But yeah, I hope you enjoy my ideas! <3
Phew! I’ve been waiting to post this ALL DAY! :O Had to save the script all in my head and everything. >_< Then I had to take two more hours to finish the 2nd and 3rd charts as I just discovered them today…
So like, maybe it’s a bit masochistic, but sometimes I really want to know who I am that I even took these chart things I found seriously, about how much a fictional character has suffered and how much they deserved it. :p
I found it from a Berserk page from Facebook. :p I think these come from 4chan… yeah. XD
Anyways, this may be kind of random, but I wanted to ramble a bit to buzzedloser. >_< I want to be able to find a way to talk to you in private. :3
I like that Edith Finch game! <3 I actually had a weird dream two nights ago when I could only watch about 24 minutes of the 1h 45m game…
I had a dream because of the big, magical house, I have a lot of dreams like it in my life, and these two girls lived there with a grandma, and it was like, this beautiful story… the house was big and fancy but run-down. Some kids knocked on their door just to bully them too about their house and stuff, but they didn’t care and tried to told them off, and were going to stay there forever, or something. :p
It was weird though, it all felt really melancholic and bittersweet, like they’d rather the world just pass by them and stay in their happy life forever…
Some elements of this, whether the context is a lot different or not, oddly enough seem to appear in the game. ._. Walter and Lewis, and maybe Gus, are probably the characters I relate to the most…
So like, I’m hoping you guys know what a lot of these characters are without me saying anything and can like… know which one you relate to the most and evaluate yourself a bit. :p
I’m not sure how much I agree with the charts, but their interesting. 😕
Anyways, with that said, enjoy! :3
(I hope this article isn’t too graphic heavy or anything and causes people’s stuff to lag. 🙁 Including myself, my own post, that would stink. T_T I hate lag. :p)
(Next up, I might talk about anything from stories I try to make but never finished because I got distracted, unmotivated, worried it will never get published, and so on. T_T I hope people like any of them. 😕 Also maybe some jokes and silly stuff. :3 And… stuff. :p)
Chart of Suffering (Anime)
(Max (75/45): 75 (Vash (25)-Kenshin (40)-Punpun (45)); 45 (Kirino (10)/Satou (35)/Nagito (55)/Shinji (65)/Pun Pun (75)/Homura (90))
(Current: Punpun (75/45))
(Suffering Range (45-100): 45 (Kayo (5) (Runaway Dreamer)-75 (Punpun) (45) (Earthly Despair)-90 (Okabe (20) (Cosmic/Destined Despair)
100 (Guts (15) (Universal/Supernatural Despair))
(Deserved Range (35-45): 35 (Zetsubou (45)/Yuki (80)/Grimmer (95)) (Anti-Villains)-40 (Koro-sensei (35)-Kenshin (75)-Ragna (90) (Atoners)-
-45 (Kirino (10)/Satou (35)/Nagito (55)/Shinji (65)/Pun Pun (75)/Homura (90))
(Suffering Extremists/Jerk Loners))
(I had to rush with these bottom two, so they may not be as well thought out. 🙁 I don’t really know. :?)
Chart of Suffering (Games)
(Current: Neku Sakuraba (50/45))
(Suffering Range (40-100): 40 (Kite) (Coma Savior)-
45 (Kyle Hyde) (20) (Neo Noir Detective)/Ryu (25) (Dragon Hero)/Yomiel (30) (Vengeful Ghost)/Skull Kid (35) (Possessed Prankster)-
50 (Neku Sakuraba) (45) (Necro Survivor)-55 (Klonoa) (5) (Nomadic Dreamer)/Junpei (1st Nonary Hero)-60 (Aigis) (20) (Anti-Shadow Android)-
70 (Madotsuki) (5) (Reclusive Dreamer)/Hanako (Burn Victim) (15)/Gary (Ib) (35) (Horror Survivor)/Sigma (30) (2nd Nonary Hero)-
75 (45) (June/Akane) (???)-80 (Marona) (10) (“Possessed” Child Hero)-85 (Hajime/Izuru) (5) (Human Experiment)/Tatsuya Suo (20) (Cosmic Plaything)-
90 (Heather Mason) (15) (Cult Victim)-95 (Chiaki) (5) (Lost Lover)-100 (Lucas) (Apocalyptic Child Hero))
(Deserved Range (35-45): 35 (Yomiel (45)/Sigma (70)/Zero (Mega Man) (90)-45 (Etna/Neku/June (Akane))
Chart of Suffering (Cartoons)
(Current: Dipper Pines (60/35))
(Suffering Range (60-100): 60 (Steven Universe) (20)/Dipper Pines (35)/Coraline (40)-70 (Sadness) (10)/2d (Gorillaz) (45)
-75 (Raven) (15) (Dark Sorceress)-80 (Quasimodo) (5) (Deformed “Monster”)-
85 (5) (Courage) (Horror Survivor)/(Iron Giant) (30) (Reformed Apocalyptic Robot)/Zuko (40) (Anti-Hero/Anti-Villain)-
95 (Samurai Jack) (10) (Cosmic/Destined Despair)/(Lapis Lazuli) (30) (Anti-Hero/Anti-Villain))
(Deserved Range (30-45): 30 (Jeremy) (Code Lyoko) (60)/Iron Giant (85)/Lapis Lazuli (95)/Squidward (100)/35 (Dipper Pines) (60)-
40 (Star Butterfly) (55)/Coraline (60)/Zuko (85)/Aelita (95)-
45 (Gru) (25)/Shrek (45)/2D (70))
(Note: I always believed that as long as I have enough power to change the world I live in and my life, I could literally live through any world…
and hopefully if I don’t have to be alone either, long as I’m not forced into anything and I’m free…
Sometimes I wonder if the lives of morally ambiguous characters that I like actually live better lives than I do or not…
Guts, Lucy, Russell, anyone… It’s not fair that the more anti-heroic can go through the depths of despair, clinging on to a flimsy hope,
and make it out okay, and it’s usually by love and/or friendship… but the more anti-villainous lose. 🙁
I want them to win… I don’t want them to hurt the genuinely innocent and good people, but I want them to win against the true evil and be happy…
It’s sad that anime/manga and game characters or whatnot, some of them at least, feel more real than people in the real world…
Everything seems so fake, stupid, evil, crazy, or whatever… more than anything though, everything just seems like a lie… it’s not real living…
People are dishonest, and never really tell me how they feel… I want to connect to other people and express myself all the time with people caring,
but they never do, and for that, I fucking hate them all and want them to die… Any life is better than this one, long as you have power…
Power, freedom, and wisdom are the most important things… Love and friendship come second only if you can find it and make it last…)
(The above is an old note I made in a computer document. :p)
(Note (1/8/18): Apparently, anyone from around 50 and lower on the deserved range, the left side, have a clear backstory and motivations,
with higher numbers showing that their actions and words might possibly outweigh them, while possibly still being sympathetic. :p
Their the anti-heroes/anti-villains of a story.
Their the type that might kill to save a loved one, or destroy the world if they feel it’s evil or it’s wronged them…
Any higher than that, and their just plain an unsympathetic asshole or a monster. :p
On the other scale, at high enough levels above 50 or so, the amount of suffering involves supernatural causes and are sort of impossible,
for a regular person. 😕 That’s basically the list anyway. :p)
P.S. Here’s a pic of, idk. :p It’s from when I was 24 in 2015-2016, 2-3 years ago, so I might look a bit different now, possibly. 😕 So um, yeah… meep. ._.
I think I’ve seen some people on here claim to have psychic powers ans be able to see ghosts or auras and stuff…
I want to be able to do that. 🙁
Maybe if I did that I could read my own aura and then see what color or whatever it is, and then maybe match it up with someone of similar auras and then life won’t be so unpredictable and scary…
But then again, I’m not sure if I’d know how to randomly strike up a conversation without sounding weird. 🙁 Or maybe I should just… try something? Idk. >_<
And maybe if I saw ghosts, they could be friendly and I wouldn’t have to worry about the other side…
It almost seems like powers that could be used just for fun but it might actually help me a lot. 😕
So, does anyone know? Do you guys have powers? :O
What would you be if you could reincarnate into anything?
For me, if it’s an animal, I would be a predator at least, so I’d be eating other animals instead of getting eaten, and I wouldn’t have to be fixed as a pet so I couldn’t have sex and have children. :p
I’d totally have a family and keep them safe…
Maybe I could be like an eagle or something and be able to fly…
If I was another human though, idk, I haven’t thought that far…
Well, sometimes I wonder what it would be like to live a much more humbler and ancient life with nature, like a native american. :p
Stuff like that…
By the way, bluebonnets in early spring are really pretty. :p They don’t last long though. 🙁
Blue is my favorite color. <3
Blue like the sea, blue like the sky… so beautiful…
I wish… I wish if I dreamt about a better life hard enough, I wouks get one…
Anyways, yeah, I’m kind of curious. 😕
Yume Nikki (Dream Diary)
Yume Nikki Wiki
A really popular freeware rpg maker horror game, Yume Nikki is a story about a socially reclusive girl who never leaves her home and instead sleeps to live in a lucid world of dreams and nightmares, from the serene to the disturbing…
The game has no plot or dialogue to speak of, but instead a big open world with a lot of creative interactivity with these effects that you collect.
Many people have tried to come up with their own explanations on this game’s imagery, whether or not any symbolism actually exists, and have even made their own fan games, which there are many.
I’m not sure what to say other than that, sorry. 🙁 I have a description of this game in my profile too. :p
Yume Nikki: In a silent world, a lone girl who refuses to leave her home does nothing but sleep and play games all day and night… In her dreams, there are a number of interesting things, from the disturbing to the serene. What does it all mean? That is up for you to decide.
(A total classic, this game has gotten an entire plethora of fan games made in it’s name. The open world nature and surrealism draw in people a lot, if not the introversion.)
How to Play
Download the game, an RTP file (Rpg Maker 2003 I think), and a file extractor such as Winrar, then when you download the game, right click and extract the files through your file extractor and it should have it’s own folder and an icon somewhere for you to play it when you open it up. :p
I can’t really explain this… if you still need help, you could probably google or youtube it. :p
Anyways, I hope you enjoy Yume Nikki and it’s fan games. <3
Phew! I’ve been wanting to do this and a Yume Nikki post for a long time, but I’ve been pretty lazy and tired, these kind of take a long time to make and stuff, and I wasn’t sure if anyone would notice and care, and I could come up with a good description for the stuff I wanted to talk about…
I should probably talk about liking these somewhere on my profile, but meh… I’m probably pushing myself too hard with these things, but whatever. >_< (Though to be honest, their almost sort of uncomfortable to remember at the moment, they hit a little too close to home, and it’s hard to tell if that’s a good thing or a bad thing with these kind of themes…)
Anyways, there’s a few rare but noticeable anime/manga that actually seem to deal with social anxiety, either as a major theme or a minor theme, or something…
The most noticeable examples are ones that put a label on said anxiety calling it “hikikomori” which means a social recluse, such as someone who never leaves their home, and another one is “NEET”, which means someone who has no education or employment status.
Some of these actually tend to be a mix of drama and comedy, perhaps even black comedy. :p
Some of these are Welcome to the NHK, Watamote, and arguably Kotoura-san. :p
With that said, enjoy! <3
A. Welcome to the NHK
(Anime (Episodes): 24/26)
This is the big one, an anime that was originally a fairly realistic light novel, a somewhat lighter anime, and a rather… dark and kind of disturbing manga. o.O
The main heroine Misaki is a big contender for the atmosphere of the adaption, as her personality varies between them. :p
Anyways, the story basically revolves around the real life misadventures of a college dropout loner named Satou, as he claims at some point to have supposedly heard people talking bad about him behind his back one day at college which gave him huge self-esteem issues, if not other things you see in his flashbacks.
Over time he runs into a high school girl named Misaki who for unusual reasons becomes his self-proclaimed therapist/counselor, and an old friend named Yamazaki who helps him design a game.
Come to think of it, they both pretty much seem to help with his hikikomori and NEET status respectively. :p
This anime will probably have you both laughing and crying fairly often, it’s pretty out there… Soundtrack is really good too.
It’s hard to explain, but on Facebook at least, I’ve had a pretty big falling out with it’s fandom though, and now that I might be a hikikomori but no longer a NEET, I was wondering how much this anime even means to me anymore…
(Anime (Episodes): 11/13)
Now this one is mostly black comedy, though I think there were some moments of being genuinely sad. 🙁
I could have sworn there’s a moment where she decides to start her own club and making friends who just mess around and don’t really do anything… until it turns out to be just her imagination. D:
Sometimes though, main character Tomoko sort of brings problems upon herself as her extreme paranoia also harbors a lot of jealousy and ill-will which kind of makes her a big jerk… but then sometimes you just feel really bad for her anyway and want to give her a big hug. :p
And yeah, she’s a rather oddly creepy yet adorable looking character, a rather tiny teenage girl. XD
(Anime (Episodes): 11/13)
It’s thanks to this anime that I knew or at least cared to learn about a mental illness called “Avoidant Personality Disorder”.
Anyways, I was expecting this to be a lot more dramatic and serious and feel more like Fruits Basket… but if I remember correctly, it’s humor actually has a lot of ecchi (perverted humor/fanservice) in it. ._. That was kind of weird… I mean, it’s nothing too explicit, but still. :p
Still, the few parts that got to me were pretty sad…
Basically, Kotoura-san uses a bit more of a fantastical approach on a reason for isolation but still manages to be pretty effective.
The story follows a teenage girl who has psychic powers. However, she can’t really control these powers, and often blurts out secrets another person may be hiding. People got so offended by this that everyone started to eventually reject her when she was initially a very cheerful child…
It even caused problems with her family, in which I think her parents are divorced and she lives with her wealthy grandpa instead, or like an apartment paid off by him or something. o.O Her mother is even considered to be the main antagonist hiding in the shadows of this manga…
After suffering from numerous traumatic events, Kotoura initially becomes withdrawn and isolates herself from the world with an empty stare… this lasts all but 1 or 2 episodes though. :p That being said, that doesn’t mean the anime still isn’t without some level of drama or conflict, but yeah…
Eventually though, in a gender flipped scenario similar to Watamote, she eventually runs into a boy that helps her open up a little.
And that’s basically all I got for these animes. :p
Hopefully you think their interesting too. ^_^
“I’m Here to Help”.
(Length: 3m 32s)
Now for something more lighthearted (sort of). :p
So like, there’s this weird youtuber named Jordan Underneath, or Jodran Under (now known as Jordan’s House…? Idk. :p), who used to do all these game reviews like for Yume Nikki (a weird Japanese PC freeware meaning “Dream Diary”, about a girl who never leaves her home and just sleeps all the time, having bizarre dreams), but like, now he does all these… weird videos he made himself. :p
A lot of it is black comedy, from a purple man-eating monster, a dinosaur therapist, to this “emo” song called “Dark Red”, and… this one about insects and how one day you’ll be buried and die, and get eaten and assimilated by them. o.O Yeahhhh… XD
Anyways, I wanted to show off the dinosaur one, Idk. :p Apparently he’s a therapist BECAUSE he has no emotions, rather than because he’s some kind of empath who has a lot of them or is really emotional, or a sociopathic monster… 😕 That being said, he can be “innocently insensitive” when it comes to the one patient he got to help out, since he’s rather oblivious to them. :p It’s arguably he’s partly a therapist more on a level of trying to observe how they work…
But yeah, his videos are something else. XD
“Do you ever wake up in the morning, and just feel so depressed, you feel you can’t get up out of bed? I don’t. But don’t worry, I’m here to help. I’m a reptilian creature from a faraway dimension, who feels virtually no emotions, and it’s because I feel no emotions, that I have decided to become a therapist, and dedicate my life to helping you feel better.”
“The thoughts you have are directly linked to your quality of life. They are also linked to your mood. I don’t have a mood.”
(Themes/Warnings: Child Abuse, Adoption)
“Do you remember being born?”
Channel (15 Videos)
(About 2-3 hours long)
Man, I’ve been waiting all week to talk about this all week… I’ve been kind of lazy about it though because of all the links and photos I wanted to share and thought the story behind this might be kind of big. :p Hopefully I remember what I wanted to say and can compile something pretty good and worthwhile…
So like, Petscop is this creepypasta-esque “game” web series with as much interactivity and fame as Ben Drowned and NES Godzilla Creepypasta, an ARG (Alternate Reality Game) about some obscure, old school looking PS1 game, but over time it gets creepy and depressing with… themes of adoption and child abuse. o.O (This one’s interactivity is kind of simulating a “let’s play” with game commentary, but moving on…)
While most of the game is it’s own thing, it actually has a few references to this one real life terrible case back in 2000 or so, about this 10 year old girl that died in this wacked up therapy session. D:
The girl’s name is Candace Newmaker…
Supposedly, I think she was adopted and considered a problem child, so they tried to “rebirth” her in this messed up and alien way where they wrapped her up in blankets to simulate a “womb” where she had to try and push her way out, held down by adults. o.O Like, it’s seriously crazy… and she died from that. 🙁
I mean, I’m not an atheist (for reasons that I guess can be explained here: http://www.thethinkingatheist.com/page/bible-contradictions), but this kind of made me question the possibility of an afterlife, or just like another life like being a ghost or getting reincarnated…
Imagine only living to be 10, you don’t even live with your real parents if they even mean anything, or if your adopted parents mean anything either, or something, and then you also die in a horrible way with no real future…
That’s way too depressing. 🙁 A child like that should be able to get another chance… and heck, even if she was a problem child, I’m not sure if I’d even wish this on my worst enemies even if I often find myself wanting them dead… I think, idk… I’m trying not to focus on that kind of thing right now…
I remember making a facebook saved post on May 8, I put it down in a computer document so I remember too, and saying I wish I could avenge her by killing the people (though that would probably traumatize her… use non-lethal force then take her? Let the police handle the rest? Find a way for her to not be afraid of me? o.O I just wish I could have protected her… or help her ghost if she’s a ghost, idk. :p)
Heh, I feel like one of those older people taking care of a kid type of person in fiction or what not…
Lee/Kenny and Clementine from Telltale’s Walking Dead games, maybe even Joel and that other girl (Ellie?) from The Last of Us, etc… (I just watched the series on youtube, don’t usually play these, meh. :p).
Phew, anyways, I wanted to quote some random things from the game, idk. :p
Petscop 3 (7:35 – 9:30)
(Care’s Room – Note)
“Your wife says “Care isn’t growing eyebrows”.
You say “That’s a puzzle.”
You’re secretly very excited to hear this news.
You’re in the bathtub thinking about her.
I have a guess at which child you’ll pick next.
When you find her room, the passage to my right will lead to her.
She’ll appear from the darkness, limping, and I’ll shoot her in the head.
(Paul (Let’s Player): “… What am I reading?”)
Tiara says young people can be psychologically damaged “beyond rebirthing”.
A young person walks into your school building.
They walk in with you. You’re holding their hands.
They come out crying into their hands, because nobody will love them, not ever again.
“Nobody loves me!”
They wander the Newmaker Plane.”
Attachment (Rebirthing) Therapy
Petscop Analysis (1-10) (Nightmare Expo)
(One of Many)
P.S. I just want to give Candace/Care NLM a big hug. 🙁
What would you do as a ghost? :p
I’d like to do all sorts of things…
I can visit my neighbors, see what their lives are like, whose nice and who isn’t, who’d be scared of me and who wouldn’t, travel around the world, maybe pull some pranks and haunt some haunted places or take part in ouija board sessions, etc…
I wonder if goths are really nice about this kind of thing… I don’t want any weirdos trying to exorcise me. 🙁
P.S. This part is kind of random but I didn’t know where to put it unless I make a post about ruling the world or sonething. ^^;
What if you werr an evil overlord like Voldemort and you casted Imperio on everyone so they were under your control… and then you made them all dance to thriller. XD
Then you record it, take the spell off, then broadcast it live and make everyonr go “WTF?”. :p That would be funny. XD
This place makes me feel better. I finally have found some sort of acceptance in the fact that I am going to die. It’s nice to be able to just accept. I still feel this urge to fight and scream and holler at the sky with my pleas of hope and change, but I suppose that is only natural. There really is little to no point in this post. I was simply feeling incredibly alone and needed somewhere to type my thoughts out. This probably will get my post banned or something, but if anyone is willing to take in a 21 year old dude that simply wants to make you happy let me know. It sucks, you know. I’m not even that bad looking a guy, I’m broke, yeah, but all I want to do is love and give foot massages after seeing what a long day you’ve had at work. This post truly is a jumble of words all crammed together. My mind is a myriad of mazes with a never ending emptiness to them as well. So contradictory yet so understandable in a way. Anyways, if this does get posted and are interested let me know. Try not to get banned in the comment section so I can see it, haha.
Erased (Isle of Solitude)
“I want to go to an island that has no pain or sadness.”
(Length: 1m, 5s)
Sorry for being one big otaku, talking a lot about anime and games and stuff. ^^; But it’s all still sort of relevant, as their pretty dark and sad… Plus one user (Agnostic Angel I think) was talking about Celeste and put the “Fun and Interesting” tag to it, so I thought I would to. :p
Who knows, maybe you’ll find all the things I share like a hurt/comfort fic, and I can help all of you find something nice to get into. ^^;
Anyways, I’ll probably do a lot more in the future… though I feel pretty anxious and numbed out right now, I’m kind of scared of said future and don’t really know what to do for fun anymore… I just wish I wasn’t lonely and had friends… but for those who are enemies, I also kind of feel like this, the girl in this scene…
Anyways, I was going to quote the whole thing too for the hell of it. :p
“”The Town Without Me”, by Kayo Hinazuki. When I get bigger, big enough to go somewhere by myself, I want to go to a land that’s far away. I want to go to a faraway island. I want to go to an island that has no people. I want to go to an island that has no pain or sadness. There are no adults, children, classmates, teachers or my mom on that island. On that island, I can climb a tree when I want to climb, swim in the sea when I want to swim, and sleep when I want to sleep. On the island, I think about the town that I left behind. Kids go to school, as if nothing has changed. Adults go to the office, as if nothing has changed. Mom eats, as if nothing has changed. When I think about the town without me, I feel a sense of relief. I want to go far, far away.”
Oyasumi (Goodnight) Punpun
(Manga by Inio Asano)
(Demographic: Seinen (18+))
So like, there’s this really good yet depressing and utterly nihilistic manga called Oysasumi Punpun… yet it’s BECAUSE it’s depressing that I also find it extremely relatable and can’t keep my mind off of it, no matter how soul crushing it can be at times…
In fact, the level of despair in this manga is so relatable at times, it’s actually kind of scary. o.O
I even got two physical copies of omnibuses even after reading the whole story last month, I think I finished on like June 10 or something…
I’d love to put down all sorts of stuff about this manga, but I don’t want to ramble or spoil too much…
You can find it on places like kissmanga or mangareader. :p
Anyways, here’s probably the most relevant part(s) I can think of right now.
(Murder Confession Tape)
“At this moment, I must make a very grave confession to you. I have just… killed my entire family. It’s not that I had any problems with my family life… In fact, I think you could say that I’m grateful to them…”
“My father devoted the majority of his life to work, and my mother to the education and upbringing of her children. My sister is marrying a public servant next month… But I want you to think hard. It looks like a perfect, happy household, but that’s just a front. Sickness, accidents, disasters, betrayal… Only God can tell you when you’ll pick a card of misfortune. In his retirement year, my father told me, “Now I’ll enjoy my second life.” It was afterward that he learned he had cancer. Fighting to hold on to a small kernel of hope and fortune that can buck you off at any moment – can you really call that happiness?”
“I couldn’t stand to see it anymore… Everything became so sad to me… so I killed them… It was the release of their souls. I want to say… that my actions were a form of love… But… But Still…”
“My father comes to me every night… In my dreams… staring at me with such sadness… Did I make a mistake? Is this just guilt? … I don’t understand… I must do something. I must express myself through dance… Three, Four!! I-Don’t-Un-der-STAND! I-Don’t-Un-der-STAND! I-Don’t-Under-Stand, HEY! I-Don’t-Un-Der-STAND!”
“(Music Note) I-Don’t-Un-Der-STAND! I-Don’t-Un-Der-STAND! (Music Note) (X2) … No, (dang) it! You’re not supposed to dance along with me!! Look, I can’t take it anymore… By exposing this crime to the world, I want to ask everyone just what happiness truly is.”
“I’ve hidden all three bodies in the old unused miso factory on the outskirts of the main K-Town Drive. There’s also an amount of cash equivalent to the courage to find it… So I want you to find their bodies and tell the media. By the time you’ve seen this video, I will have left a will behind and departed from this world… I’m expecting much of your courage and curiosity…”
(While doing homework at night and listening to a strange radio station.)
“(…) At this time, Punpun was studying very hard. There was no real reason why, it just seemed to help calm him down. Maybe he’ll study extra extra hard, enter Tokyo University, and then become a nuclear physicist of a secret underground organization…
“And then he’d destroy mankind… Hahaha! Just kidding! What a funny child!! Hi, I’m a 7th Grade male student. Due to domestic violence, my parents have divorced and my mom drinks all the time now. And at night, I hear my uncle have sex with his girlfriend in the room beside mine. I have no dreams and I have no girlfriend. How should I live on from now? From, a listener with the alias “Angel Pie”.”
“Even though it should be Spring soon, winds cold enough to freeze a town over, were still blowing throughout the night.”
“But Spring will still definitely come. There’s no such thing as a never-ending Winter. Punpun thought to himself that if today was a tough day, that a tomorrow filled with joy would be waiting. If not tomorrow, then next week. If not next week, then next month. If not next month, then next year. But happy times were sure to come again… that’s what he wanted to believe.”
“… But that was just his wish like fantasy… but so what? In any case, that was it for today. Goodnight, Punpun.”
“Humans are free. Although we can’t fly through the skies all alone, if we can think it, we can do almost anything. We can sleep when we’re sleepy. We are free to start or stop anything whenever we wish. Of course, it is a bit hindered by common sense, moralities, and the rules of society.”
“Walking nude out in the streets, stealing from the eldery, and even killing, we can do all of this as long as we throw out our morals. Which is why they drill these laws in our head when we are children. And yet people continue to fight, deceive, and steal from each other. And so, people suffer because they live. Even now, there are events of happiness and unhappiness going on all over the world… What can we do to make everyone happy?”
“Of course, that’s impossible for me to know. If the answer to that could be found in the shallow wisdoms of a kid, wars would have stopped long ago. After all, a great person is just one who follows the popular will of the people. In this world, the essence of a frank honest human is just an idealization. I’m sure that there’s nothing that can make everyone happy. Happiness is relative. And that’s how people want it. Evil is also relative. Mothers can become demons when they do anything to protect their child. Yet it’s usually seen as admirable. But when a person does anything for the country he loves, wars break out. Isn’t it all the same thing?”
“No matter how much a person pretends to be good and kind, he will still have negative aspects. But no one really tries to notice that fact. Why is that? They all try to place the blame on others, and never even consider the possibility that they themselves may have played part in the problem. (…)”
Punpun: “(…) I wonder when it was… that I realized talking with God was merely talking to my own self.”
I just hope tomorrow gets better even if it doesn’t I hope I will survive tomorrow
Heya, it’s been awhile since I posted on here.
So, a few weeks ago, I heard about this game that got released at the start of the year called Celeste. While it does have high difficulty, the relaxing music and encouraging words of the game help the player to persevere. But what really got to me was the way it handled dark subject matter such as anxiety and depression. Not just through the story and characters, but through the very MUSIC as well.
I’m not going to be reviewing the game in-depth here. Both because I don’t want to spoil anything for those who haven’t played it. What I will say is that you should at least watch a playthrough of it. I came out of the experience feeling like I got to explore more of myself, and come to terms with the parts of myself that I don’t like very much.
Who knows, maybe some of you will find Celeste as relatable and personal as I have.
I came to share a story, and ended up staying a few days longer than expected. I am proud to have encountered each and every person that I’ve spoken with; regardless of what may, or may not, have been said.
My goal in life is simply to leave things better than the way I found them, yet I can not say with any certainty that I achieved that; though, I can, in one last effort, leave you with a few songs that may do what I could not.