General

There’s so much regret and longing lodged in my brain. Nighttime is when it all starts leaking out into my consciousness, tormenting me. There’s so much I wish I’d done differently, been a completely different person. I feel like I’ve been set on this path for so long, but I can’t help wondering…what if? Could some twist of fate have saved me? But I didn’t believe in it then, as I don’t now. I was already too far gone. All that’s changed since then is age.

When I think back, I forget how fucked up and alienated I already was back then. Nobody could’ve saved […]

Either kill me or don’t but fucking pick one already. This building just to tear it down and rebuild again is fucking bullshit.

this is far from the first time, in fact it’s been happening for such a long time but i didn’t mention it: i keep telling myself to shut up but there is no voice. i know some people experience “voices” but its not that, it’s like someone is talking to me on mute, i don’t know what it is saying but i think maybe it’s me telling my thoughts to shut up, but i don’t know what i’m thinking either. feeling like something is foreign inside my head isn’t the first time either, the slight itch started yesterday, i don’t know, there’s something heavy and […]

Please write me your opinion in the comment section on what you would’ve done if you were me.
I am currently aged 34, depressed ever since the age of 16. In all my of lifetime I never had a job (I have no skills or talents whatsoever), nor did I ever had a love life (women never liked me). In these 34 on this earth I barely had any friends (currently I have none). I am currently living with my parents who are quite old and they will probably leave me soon due to their old age. When they are gone and when the savings […]

Waking up every single morning with thoughts of self hatred and continued depression from horrific dreams is something that anyone would surely want peace from.  I wake up thinking ‘I can’t honestly go through another day in my own head’? But the cycle continues and I continue to exist knowing that both myself and loved ones have had enough. The answer is as clear as day and it must be done in a way that doesn’t cause pain upon those that have only tried to help. I’m so fucking tired.

I could go into it but the general topic of hating myself is a lot.

What triggered this though is a pain in the ass.

“pay constant attention to me or else I’m going to think you hate me” it’s not my fault. I don’t exactly choose to feel hated and I’m fairly confident im not hated. But i still feel hated and disorders still and always have and always will suck.

I was looking into maid…… I should qualify….. The pull of “i don’t want this to be over but i can’t live like this either” fucking sucks……

Fall is here again. I’ve said it before, but this season along with winter always feels like everything is dead. It feels like everything around you is decaying and frozen over. I can’t say that I’m a fan of spring or summer either, but there’s something even worse about the fall. My senior project isn’t going well. It just started and I already feel like there’s no control. I’m the project manager and I have no idea why I agreed to that. This failure will be on me like always. I haven’t talked to my friend in […]

Hello everyone,

I never thought I’d be coming here again. It’s been a long few years after all. And yet, here I am. What’s going to be said is exactly what I put for the title. I’m so fucking stupid. Not only that, but I’m in deep shit too. And it’s all because I was stupid, gullible, and desperate. Have you ever heard of someone doing stupid shit while horny? Well this ranks pretty high up there. Now I’m sure a lot of you, if not all of you, know about and have visited or heard of a website called Omegle. Anonymous chatting site. Dangerous. Long […]

i think my favourite part of being high is going to sleep. i can finally lay in bed and not feel like my mind is suffocating me

A large part of me just wants to stop. To let go of being. A stronger part forces me on. I don’t know if it would be worth all the pain and despair it would cause to my loved ones, just to be free from being this. To not have to hate myself, or the world anymore. No more anger, or frustration.

Probably not. Probably the ruining of 3 other lives (and the ripples out to others beyond them) is not worth my escape from this being.

But I can’t stop thinking about it. I keep coming back to it, again and again. I want out. […]

My ptsd just wont fuck off this morning. And napping didnt help. While i dont recall any nightmares i didnt have a very comfortable nap either.

Hi, I haven’t been on here for years. I wondered if anyone knows any other usernames for anthropophobia and if anyone remembers him here?

Thank you

Noonoo12

I don’t know where to go from here. I’m comfortably miserable, yet I want to be better. Not entirely for myself but for others I suppose. I have always hated the one that people pity or something, so I always put on an act. But then that can get exhausting at times. I have the best and most supportive friends but then after a weekend of hanging out with them I want to distance myself from them. For what? To “recharge?” I know I shouldn’t but I’ll do it anyway. I’ll distance myself, disappear from texts, from parties, from hangouts, from visits until I am […]

i dont understand. am i missing something? you cant not care. your words say you dont believe me though…….

“If you want to ruin your life and keep going down till you kill yourself. you would of gotten rid of me a long time ago”

so i told him he was right. i told him i should go. have i blocked him many times before in the past, yes. but he even recently pointed out that i was acting weird. “ill be waiting”….. dont get me wrong its nice but i basically said i have to go kill myself and your answer is “ill be waiting”? are […]

My first kiss – he bugged me until i gave in. I remember most (a very high percentage) of any relationship kissing’s been weird, uncomfortable(?).

My first relationship – he and his friend bugged me until i gave in. And then he didnt even pay attention to me. Hes a nice guy though.

Bugged, bugged, not ready, bugged…… Oh wow my life’s been shit and people suck apparently. I cant recall any or many firsts that wasnt like that. I dont think ive ever done something because im ready too, because i want to.

Can i be dead now so the memories stop??

Looking back, i wasnt not bullied….. […]

I can’t believe I was tormented by suicidal thought for so long..

it feels so amazing to be free, to have healing and a renewed heart and mind.

Everyone deserves this.

I can share how I was set free from bondage of lies to freedom of truth.

You can have it today too ??

I’m writing this because it needs to be written. I have no illusions as to the interest of others in my process. If it was entirely up to me this won’t be published. Yet, why am I writing it here if I don’t want anyone to see it? Ego, friends, the driver of the careening death trap that is my life. It preserves me, but it will kill me by and by.

I had a bad night sleep last night. Trying to come off sleep medications is a hell of a thing. The interesting thing is that after one of the times I woke up, turned […]

My mother passed away in 2019 and I’m not sure how much longer I can do this anymore.  One day I feel invincible the next I want to end it all. The constant self-torment/sabotage and grief will be the end of me. I’m so socially awkward I cannot seem to keep a friendship going and have no friends as a result.  I find it hard to talk to people about how I feel out of fear. I can be in a room full of people and feel so alone.  I cannot understand the reason for my existence.