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I can’t cut like I use to, so I find other ways to feed my addiction. Tonight my dog head butted me and I used it to my advantage by being able to cause glorious pain to myself. This is peaceful beauty. 
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Here is my rant.. Best night of my life.. not.. you want to sit there and lie to me about who your with and what your doing? And you think i should of had respect for her? Uhmm no, what girl goes around with a guy who she KNOWS has a fucking girlfriend?.. I should of beat her ass. I don’t give a fuck anymore. Then we figure it all out and you turn back around and go to her house. HELL NO! I’m not playing anymore. I’m done.. I don’t want to be here.. I’m tired of the lieing of tonight..
I really don’t know what I’m doing. I’m extremely suicidal, I have no fear of death and I welcome it’s emptiness. However, I have this insane little happy part of myself that won’t shut up about all of my hopes and dreams and how they could still happen. I really feel like two people at once sometimes. I don’t know whether to feel good or bad that they both agree I’m ugly and look nothing like they do in my head. (I have a lot of self-hate.)
I think it might be worse because I don’t feel like I have the right to feel this way. […]
I would like to make myself as unattractive to the opposite (or same) sex as possible. Because it annoys me so goddamn much when people use appearance as a basis for liking someone. I want to gouge one eye out, file my teeth down into stubs, and grow a dreadlock-beard while allowing my hair to get all matted and nasty. #$%!#$%^!^
I’m going more crazy than normal and trying to avoid shoving my head in the oven or something.
i dont want to do this anymore. i want to call someone so maybe they could convince me not to do it, but i have no one. thinking about the future makes me feel so sick and i just dont want to be here for it.
My head is pounding i cant take the screams..i turned 18 today why aint i happy? Why does she keep banging on the door?? Cant she leave me already?? I dont even know why im writing here right now but i just need to talk without being yelled at or judged..why wont she understand im nlt crazy!! All i want is quiet..i want to rest..im in my bathroom sitting on the floor..my wrists are bleeding and it wont stop..im scared..i want to sleep..just sleep and stay like that..my hands are getting numb its getting hard to type..theres blood on my shirt and the […]
Do you know that moment when you don’t know what to do anymore. When your world is crashing down but you still have a stupid smile on your face. This is all happening to me,& I’m losing it. Yeah people out there have it worse than me & I shouldn’t be complaining but it’s just to much to handle. I just want to end it & leave it all behind. I have nothing to much to lose. The people who once gave a damn  about me just gave up on me. Now a couple days ago I lost the person I love thanks to my […]
How exactly does one commit suicide with a belt and a doorknob? Maybe this is a naive question but where does the other end go once you fasten the makeshift noose part?
I’m lonely. So much that I’m wondering if it’s possible to die of loneliness like starvation.
Why did you have to die, James? You were the only one who cared about me. I just want to be with you wherever you are.
Sure, I’d LOVE to talk to someone about my problems. Simply LOVE to.
by OddOneOut
written by OddOneOut
But who’s gonna listen? You? You, the one who comes up to me with a sickly sweet voice saying “What’s wrong?”, and when I tell you, all you have to say is “You need some help, go talk to someone!” before walking the fuck away. That’s the sort of shit that makes people like me NOT talk, you inconsiderate son of a *****.
Everyday, every night, I’m looking. Looking all around me, at my Facebook account, at my Skype, at my phone contacts book, at my god damn life. And always wondering, “Who’s ever gonna listen to me?”.
No-one, that’s who. And the ironic thing is […]
Depression and Anxiety http://youtu.be/F1Q7PWN1jE0 This video really helps for all that are suffering, it really does
What road did i turn down that lead to this?
i wonder what had truly happened
the years that past, that left us behind
if i had the hands of time i would rewind
i cant change who you are
i cant erase all those scars
but did you have to mark me to?
the past of pasts it runs through and through
to break the cycle, break who you are
before your sense have ran to far
there worn out and stretched thin
so where do we truly begin?
they say to help, help yourself
you dont want it, u like the hand thats dealt
one mans pain is another mans pleasure
you hold it close like its […]
Last year I had a bf for 4 months. Not exactly the longest relationship, but it was still pretty long. We had 4 classes together and lunch. His name was John. He was my everything and I was his. We were the couple that everyone thought was cute and would last forever you know? Of course it didn’t. We ended really bad. I tried to be friends with him but I miss him, and I think I still like him. He doesn’t want anything to do with me. He’s embarrassed to talk to me. Why does it hurt so much?
I’m a very sensitive person. I just don’t understand how people can be so mean to people they don’t even know. Or being mean in general. You all know the saying “sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me.” But they do hurt, they hurt more then sticks and stones. I don’t know how to stop the words from entering my mind even after pushing them out. Words like; annoying, *****, lazy, fat, ****, mean, slut, whore. I have been called every single one. I tried to stop cutting but I cant.
I don’t have anyone to talk to. My sister […]
Everybody lies, right? Like we all make mistakes and tell lies once in a while. But I seriously messed up. When I was really suicidal, my sister helped me threw it. She didn’t know how I wanted to die, but she became my bestfriend. The other day, we got into a huge fight, and I told my parents that she had sex and did drugs. and they confronted her and I lied and said that I didn’t tell them. But I did. And I think she knew I did too. She hasn’t talked to me for a while and without her I’m afraid that I […]
Can someone please explain to me why we go through these things?
All my parents do is make me feel like im not good enough. im sorry i cant be their perfect child. It’s hard trying to keep them happy.
My friends have all became distant. I sit alone on the bus and at lunch. None of them understand. I’ve tried telling them but they dont help. Only i can help myself, i understand that. but i dont know how. im lost.
I told my boyfriend my whole story once. the reason i started cutting. why im suicidal. why im always crying when he calls me late at night. I told him all of my secrets. He made me […]
She’s not senile; from what I’ve heard from my father and other family members she’s been unreasonable from the start.
With that said…she adopted me at 9 and has taken care of me since. I’m now 22 and finally moving out in a few months.I’m financially dependent on her which is what she uses to manipulate me. She knows that I’m too overwhelmed to go to school full time and keep a job to support myself so she knows that I must tolerate her unreasonableness or be homeless.
For example, my car is at the mechanic and will be for a few days. She doesn’t drive anymore […]
To be honest I don’t know why I put up an act and lie that I’m happy. I’m not. Maybe one day but I don’t know my future it’s not clear to me why my life is filled with so much hate regret and sorrow. I don’t know how to tell them that I’ve not been okay I hate to see the worry in my mom’s eyes and the guilt that my dad has. It’s just to much for them to take.. Sitting here in silence and not being able to talk or cry and hug my mom. I came to realize that they have […]