General

you are the main reason im so sad and depressed. i hate both of you with every fiber of my being. you raised me wrong… like completly wrong. you were to strick to much of a ***** and an asshole and you didnt trust me from day one. your the reason why i did everything that i did and why i continue to do everything that i do. one day when i cant find the strength to live any more and i do take my life…. i hope to fucking god you read this and know its your fault.

Life is hard. It doesn’t help that people these days aren’t particularly nice.  I get very good grades….and they still make me feel dumb. I look quite nice….they still make me feel ugly. I try my best to get good at something….they say my efforts will get me nowhere. This happens all the time. I think people don’t even know how much this hurts me for I often just cover up most of my depression with a smile. One day I wanted to just end this…I mean according to them I wasn’t going to amount to anything anyways. The only thing that stops me now is the […]

i feel so fucking angry!
i have been asking God to please kill me , multiple times a day now.
all i feel like now is hurting myself, but i have nothing good to do it with.
stupid piece of glas had no sharp edge at all.
all people treat it like its some stupid joke,
like wanting to hurt yourself and wanting to die is some sort of stupid joke
and all those assholes who tell me i am a loser, and its all my own fault, and i need to change something
at this time i just feel like dying. i really want […]

This may sound like im moaning about my life or just over exaggerating. But i need somebody to hear exactly what is going through my head and let me know (truthfully) if im making the right decision.

my life started perfect, i had a mum, dad older brother , a couple of dogs and a beautiful home. This was fine until i turned 7. My brother died of leukaemia when he was 10 and i was 7. A few months after this my parents went through hell of a break up which involved me being forced to video my dad ultimately hurting my mum. My dad […]

These past days at around 5 A.M. I’ve been waking up with horrible nightmares. All night I’m tossing and turning, feels like I haven’t slept at all. Sleep was the last place I had. It was the last six hours of just empty space,  no thoughts, no voices… nothing like that. Then last night, everything I was trying to hide, invaded the last place I had, the last safe place I had. They were constantly reminding me, mocking me, taunting me…

Maybe it’s because I’m running out of time and they are trying to get some last cheap shots before I ended it. When does this […]

Tried to finish myself off, half assed attempt though.

I tried to suffocate myself by inhaling CO2 for a long time, needless to say I’m still breathing. The last thing I remember is sweating profusely, feeling the desperate need to take a breath of fresh air, bundled up in 2 thick blankets with a pillow in my face. I was dizzy, hoping to just pass out and be done with it. Indeed I passed out (fell asleep) my bet is on the last one and woke up the following morning feeling miserable. I can’t understand how I got out of the blankets since they were wrapped […]

I know for a lot of you out there you’ve tried and failed.  Have you ever wondered why you’ve failed?  When I was in the hospital i walked around in a daze the first two days and cried a lot in my room.  My breaking point was my third day when I broke down crying in the hospital shower wondering why I was still here?  How did I fail?  I took a mixture of sleeping pills and anti-depressants and tried to overdose in my sleep.  It didn’t work.. I’ve tried to work through my feelings about trying and failing.  I wonder what the purpose of […]

As Christmas approaches i know this is a very hard time for a lot of you out there, myself as well.  Lately I’ve been trying to see the good in life and search within myself for the strength to get myself through the holidays.  My day’s seem long and hopeless i’m just hoping that christmas passes quickly this year and look forward to the new year and thing’s getting better.

I’ve screwed up a lot these past few years i’m really trying to rebuild what was broken.. I’ve always been a people pleaser and lately i’ve been trying to focus on just doing nice things for […]

Hello to all. Well, as I stated yesterday, my finances are a disaster. Case in point, I was woken this morning by an officer w/a summons. I am being sued for over $12,000 for a surgery I needed back in May. No, I did not make payments after the initial $1,500 that had to be paid in order to have the surgery. It is everything I can do to stay afloat. I am paying what I can on my back child support to keep them from garnishing my wages. (I bring home $226 a week) I also found out in August that I had my […]

I don’t mean when I’ve beaten the games, just when I’ve gotten to a point where I don’t feel like continuting.. same with grand theft auto.. you get to a point in the missions where you don’t feel like playing anymore and just start dicking around(run over pedestrians, try to kill all the town guards, roam dungeons for the fight of it etc etc). Doing what you want to who you want regardless of the consequences to the story or your final score because it doesn’t matter anymore. It’s time for me to destroy my life in that way. I could never hurt anyone because […]

of the pain. I have to go, no question about that. I have to kill myself soon. I can’t live anymore. It hurts so much to think about the future, the absolute emptiness of it all. I want so much but I can’t have any of it so I’ve been trying to live without, trying to live a minmal life. I’m just an animal afterall and everything we have today is just extra fluff on top of the gift that is existence. Nothing says I have to have lots of cash, fast cars, faster women. What hurts is that I can’t even obtain the basics, […]

I overdosed on painkillers again. I told myself i wouldn’t because it wouldn’t do anything. But i did. I keep telling myself i don’t deserve to live. Why does that make me feel better?

Mom thinks my despicable brother is the only one with mental problems. If it wasn’t so stupid, it’d be hilarious. She made me make him dinner, and then she gave me a hard time because i wasn’t feeling sorry enough for him. Said there was nothing wrong with “me”, now was there? I wonder how she’d describe my death wish.

I don’t think there’s anything mentally wrong with my brother, besides the […]

it’s amazing how a tub of ice cream can lift one’s spirit and crushes you later. the aftermath – i looked into the mirror and see a girl that has gone through too many tubs of ice cream and unhappiness.

everyone says im on the young side. i merely refused to grow up. not into this sickeningly world where everyone put on their false smiles and try to survive by pushing their pain on others. i don’t blame them. i want to disappear.

clothers worn, shoes torn

i walk with my head down

i’m not looking for money

im not looking at someone’s butt

shoulders slouch, sweat beading my forehead

fingers numb […]

i miss pills so fucking much, they made me feel so motivated, euphoric and i just loved them so much

and i also miss weed, no dealer available and no money, thing is though with weed, i’ve started feeling like it makes me think about things that make me nervous and shit, idk how to explain it but like, i was gonna take a piss test, a few times actually, never did them though, luckily, but it reminds me of that when i’m high and i can’t enjoy the high, but with the pills i just didn’t think of bad things that made me wanna die […]

Hello.

I’m not suicidal, folks–that much I’ll be honest about right now.

I’m a college student have my bad days, sure…

But from what I’ve read here, medical maladies notwithstanding, my worst days are likely better than some of yours.

So I’m not going to lie to you all and pretend I’m something and someone I’m not.

I ONLY JOINED THIS SITE TO LISTEN TO YOU, AND TO TALK TO WHOEVER WANTS SOMEONE TO TALK TO…

AND NOT BE JUDGED.

So I’ll be upfront about who I actually AM:

Like I said, .I’m college-aged..

I’m an English Major, with an AA Degree in that field…

I’d like to be a write someday…

My favorite authors are […]

Three to five times (times varying from weeks to months) I would have a firearm, and sit with it, sleep with it, cock the hammer put it to the side of my head and yet even in deep emotional crrisis could not pull the trigger ?

I know there are alot of younger people here and really haven’t had access to guns, so may not get any responses.

Guns leave alot of messy stuff that has to be cleaned up, what thee police leave at a suicide scene coulb possibly be cleaned up by family. No one would want a family member to do this.

I also think […]