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No one knows how I feel anymore.
No one cares.
I guess thats life, death is getting closer now and Im not scared.
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General
I can talk to the animals
walk with the animals
Been watching the most horrible videos ever recorded including pain Olympics. Why? Because I’m curious and mentally fucked up. I’ve seen a woman drowning while tied up, it happens for 5 suspenseful fucking minutes. Saw shootouts, a cop shit to death by what looks like a M1A1 Carbine, old World War II era weapon. There’s also the suicide of Ricardo Lopez and other shit. SP administrators, in case I have broken any rules of whom I haven’t read, well sorry just showing what a suicide looks like and imagine the look on your families faces when they see an eyeball strewn across the room along […]
Food
Water
Computer
Rope
Knife
Lighter
Plastic bags
Wikipedia
Dictionary
Anime
Manga
NEETS can GDIAF
More water
HD tv
…
nyan cat remixes
I feel like i missed my opportunity to do it. And i can honestly say im glad. I do have those days where i want to kill myself and ive had alot of those days this summer but, what this summer has taught me is that i am loved and that i can have a bright and wonderful future if I chose to. I have to realize that i can do anything that i want all i have to do is try. I know im not better but im trying. Because i want to make something of my life. I know im going to get […]
I’m ready to watch myself fall.I can’t care because I just don’t.I’ve become a midnight spy wearing light up shoes.Not gonna work.It hurts..To feel Neutral.The most emptiest feeling ever.I’d rather be depressed then numb.Medication is jacked.I want to turn back to my birth when I was a baby no pain just tears no remembrance of petty fears.I Am Ready.
I hate how easily everyone but me seems to find someone to love them. I try so hard but every relationship seems to go wrong. Might be best if I wasn’t here anymore.
I hate how freaking fat I am, I hate that i have to chose between being skinny and having an eating disorder. I hate what I look like. I hate how freaking shallow all this makes me sound, like no on e else has problems, and i want to kill myself over how big my thighs are? really, what a loser.
But then, I can’t kill myself now, because I don’t want anyone to see how fat I am when I’m naked, I’m disgusting. I hate my life.
Why can’t I just disappear and have it all be gone?
Holding this for years. Falling deeper and deeper, darker and darker. I have tried to climb out but with each attempt at finding the light I somehow manage to slide further away. Each attempt at survival brings the compounding weight of its failure. I wonder why I continue to push on; riding this roller coaster clinging tightly to its safety strap.
not sure where to start. my parents took me to sunday school when i was real little, but i never really understood anything i learned. i stopped going, and in middle school i stopped believing in christ. one of the biggest mistakes i ever made. in october 2009 i was going out with a girl named bella. she was, and is to this day, the most beautiful thing i have ever seen. what got me was her eyes. she had deep, intense green eyes. and such a sweet voice. no matter what i was feeling, she always made me feel happy. loved. i loved her […]
I feel so lonely. That’s all
I don’t believe in you; you know this. But I can; you know this as well. I know that you know that I’ve been rolling with the devil and in general, have just been a real suck. I know I can do though if you just give me something. Give me something to believe in. The devil tells me to look in the mirror and believe in myself but I can’t, I just can’t.
I can be better than all of the mungkhees in the world combined but I need help. I need something that’s just for me, to let me know I’m alive and breathing; […]
I spent my lunch hour sitting in the food court trying to write some stupid rhymes. By the end of my time, I’d scrawled some BS about terrorism and self loathing and it’s along the lines of what I usually write about but wtf man? What the hell am I doing with myself? Why am I wasting my time writing stupid rhymes that nobody but me cares about? I’m not the velvet underground; no one is going to love my shit after the fact. I’m so stupid; I focus on the wrong things, keep doing the wrong things. I want to scream and rage and destroy […]
As I am walking through failure and defeat
Unsure of the right path, soles on my feet
Lost the will to fight, sleep and eat
If life is a song, maybe I should just skip this beat…
What is it to be alive?
Is it just breathing?
Is it walking?
Is it eating?
How am I suppose to feel?
Am I suppose to feel happy?
Am I suppose to feel sad?
Am I suppose to feel lonly?
When am I suppose to do things?
While Im half asleep?
While Im sad?
While Im in pain?
Where am I suppose to be?
In my house?
In the ocean?
In a store?
Who has the answers?
Does God?
Do familys?
do friends?
they said that it will be better in the morning… 9 years have past and no, it was not better in the morning… for 9 years its only gotten worse!! each cut leaves a new scar, a new memory a new tear!! it is not fair!! night after night he came into my room… he took more then I could EVER give!! not once did he ask… not once… but hey cheer up it will get better right??? BULLSHIT!! Life does not get better!! nothing makes sense… EVER!!!! I wish I was not so afraid to die…
Sleep sleep sleep. It continues to elude me. Been laying here for a couple hours now but all I can think about is going back. Back to the time when things were right. I wish I had someone to talk to. I don’t want to bother anyone in my life and get them tangled up in my depression. That’s not fair to make them be all worried and watching out for me. I think only two, maybe three or four, depending how observant my family members are, know that I’m in this state. Well none of them know it’s this bad, but only those few […]
It’s been a while that I like involving in these stuffs. Watching news, searching on the internet, reading and seeing the interview. My friends told me not do that, but I just can’t help. I don’t wanna talk to them anymore cuz it’ll only scare them. I’m frustrated, sometimes I ask myself, why do we need to live? We will die sooner or later, why don’t we end this tragedy instead of continue suffering? Sound crazy right? But you will never know how I feel. I can only see the dark side of things, the failure and the useless life. I’m a fresh graduate with […]
Hi… I”m still here…
I have a twisted ankle and a broken finger(index) and I’m lying in bed…
It happened today, I was on the oval (rare sight) and these guys were playing football. I guy had kicked the football and it was about to go onto the road so I jumped up and caught it. Next thing you know they all came charging at me yelling “HE’S GOT THE BALL ARGGHHHH” and tackled me, forming a dog-pile. And I’m surprised my face isn’t broken because someone sat on it in the tumble. What the hell did they eat earlier on??!! After that they left me and […]
I’m not sure if I’ve ever wanted to die quite like I do right now. I can see exactly one star out my windshield and it looks like it’s flashing, as if it’s going to die soon. Maybe I will too.