General

I’ve posted some entries here before, under the name of sebastior (forgot my password so i made a new account)

anyway so yeah, i think i’m ready to go, gonna wait for mum to go take a nap, then i’ll leave the flat and yeah. i’ve finished the suicide note and the personal note to mum. gonna test the method again before i go, just to make sure i do it right

so errm i’ll be going pretty soon i’m guessing. i’ve said i’ma do this for over a month but i keep pussying out, but this time i don’t think i will, or at least i […]

i don’t feel as much as i used to. i certainly think more. more than i feel i should. it’s not that there isn’t beauty in this world. it’s just i don’t know how to feel anymore. it’s a strange feeling. the feeling of not feeling. of knowing that you’re supposed to worried, but you can’t bring yourself to anymore mental strain. after the death of my father and brother, both to suicide, my grandfather is ill again. he’s 89 this year. and it’s getting slow for him. i don’t know if i’ll cry when he dies. i don’t know if i can’t bring myself […]

I dont know what makes me feel like this, maybe its the drugs, maybe its the people… Or the situation. I’m done with life and I feel like I have no purpose. The only reason I am still alive today is because of my daddy and my boyfriend. Unfortunetly though I dont live with my dad. My parents got divorced when I was 2 and my mom took my brother and I to a different state to go and live with my grandparents. My dad is an alchoholic, it bothers me a lot, more then it should. I really want him to become sober, but […]

I feel like God left me to die. He let me suffer for a year and now he is just leaving me to die. I have no one, but an amazing friend who never talks to me about my problems.

I guess I’m just seriously lonely. I am more alone than ever right now, And just wish I had someone. Anyone.

Suicide

My ex partner left me my mum died a year ago my dad was the reason my mum died and my ex has disapeard with my daugther I have given up on life I just want to go into a deep sleep now no pain and wotch over my lil girl up in the sky

These past couple of months I have been having weird dreams… So weird that I litterally think I’m going insane. I keep dreaming about people who are important to me, dying. It got so bad last night that I started crying myself back to sleep. I told my boyfriend and he said I wasnt crazy, course he was probably only saying what I wanted to hear. I told my ex, David and he said “Have you thought about seeing a phsyciotrist?” I geuss I had it coming… They wont stop though, I’m afraid to go to sleep at night because of it.

Last night, I dreamed […]

I started cutting. I started cutting deep, I didnt want to stop, I had no intention of stopping. I started when I was in 4th grade, I stopped for a year and got right back into it. I was clean for about 8 months until last week. I started again. I dont know if its the people I’m with or what I’m going through, but I still dont want to stop, i cant. I’ve become addicted, cutting is like a drug to me. My mom and stepdad usually call me a whore, to my face. In January, I shoplifted with my friend Kassidie, we got […]

Outwardly, nothing would seem wrong in my life…I am a research scholar in a reputed university..have done really well in my studies up till now..have a proper family and a bunch of friends..but I have been single all my life…It was by choice up till now..I come from a society which gives a lot of emphasis on marriage and like everything else, the society itself has fixed norms..a certain age to get married, a certain age to have kids…I find al this absurd..but right now, I am under so much pressure from all sides I dont know what to do…Arranged marriage is a very common […]

Like the title said,”Why do i even try?” I try to get help. No fucking used. They just never replied back. I told my mom about the bullying. What do i get? Support. Is that a bad thing? Not really but all i feel is support no care. Why do i care about people? I dont know i just dont know. Do i get any care? Barely! I just cant feel it anymore. Why do i even try? Why do i try so hard? Since yesterday last night i barely can breath. I barely can breath right now? I just want some extension cord and […]

I don’t even know where to begin. I’v always had a good home life. Parents are still together.. they have never been abusive to me or eachother. They have always supported me no matter what.
I’m not rich, but i’m not poor. We’ve always been able to afford the necessities and a few luxuries.
I am intelligent and have I have high self esteem.
Up until i graduated high school i was always bullied for being fat.. although i lost weight and I have been skinny since 9th grade. Does that make sense? no, it doesn’t. I stopped caring and I have felt good about […]

I am 20 years of age I lost my mum a year ago my gf has left me and taken my faugther with her and I recently found out she is sleepug with somebody I used to be friendds with I have lost the will to live

the only fucking pepole who deserve to be bullied are the pepole who actually bully others i mena serioiusly this can significatley fuck up pepole i mean honestly columbine was probaly because a kid was picked on and it was his cry for help look at ed gein he was a pshychopath because he was rejectede and bullied and babyed by his fucking mother and he went fucking insane i mena what do you get from bullying pepole i truely fucking hate all bullys so if your a bully go fuck yourself and yes this is comeing from someone who has all been a reject […]

It’s my 19th birthday next Monday and most normal people at the age of 19, in Scotland, go out to work, go out drinking at night with friends and get in and out of relationships with loads of girls. Whereas me, I’ll be in the house playing call of duty trying to avoid reality until my 20th birthday watching my friends get girlfriends, get paid from their jobs, go on holidays and generally enjoy their lives, hanging out with me at my house purely out of pity. That has been the sequence for the 17th and 18th years of my life so why should my […]

I stumbled across this website while researching some “things” and wanted to say hello ~

This is the part where I have to fight on my own.

When He ripped out my heart, now I’m dying alone.

The pain is unbearable, it’s beyond my control.

But it’s what I deserve, what I have to pay, this toll.

I tried to climb out of this living Hell, but Satan pulled me back down.

I wish I could just die, anything. loss of blood, hanging, or drown.

I can’t breathe anymore, and I’ve given up hope.

I want to keep myself busy, but I just can’t cope.

My sorrow suffocates me, while my maladies bury me alive.

And I sit around all day, just waiting to die.

I cry all night long, wondering […]

She loves everyone
Her arms are always welcoming
Until they were cut off
Nobody Appears
Nobody speaks to her
She only sees what she used to have
She looks at the clock
And sees it’s her time to die
Grabs the pills
Swallows
Without even saying goodbye

*I’m not a good poet it was just a a whim

anyone from CA?