General

It’s all fun and games, its all secrets and lies;
they all just ignore it until somebody dies.

No one seems to notice, they don’t even care.
She is hating herself, thinking life isn’t fair.

She feels so much love, but it isn’t enough.
The pain that she feels makes her life much too tough.

She tries to seek help, in doctors and more.
But her words all escape her as she walks through the door.

Seen as drama queen, with problems in the past;
She wonders how much longer all this can last.

Her mind has outrun her; the sounds she hears are not there.
She tries to ignore […]

He’s like a walk in the sand, soft between my toes, warm on my skin, safe and serene. I see his footprints next to mine and think he’s never going to leave, that he’s going to stay right by my side for as long as I need him to be there.

There is something about him, something that makes me think that I can trust him. I’ve never been able to trust anyone before, especially a boy or a man. Not with anything.

But Grant…he’s different. He listens to me, gives me advice. He cares what happens to me, worries that I’m going to do something stupid. […]

I hate this so much. I haven’t eaten in 4 days, but hardly anything withing the past 2 weeks. I feel faint and gross but not hungry at all, thank gosh. I love how much more alcohol affects me now though, its great. I have thrown out more of my belongings now and erased most stuff from my computer, including passwords on to sites and photos. I think I am doing well with covering up that my depression is still around. My ‘family’ have no idea, I try to act fine when they are around so they don’t worry but the truth is I am […]

There is this guy Edward whom I have known for 7 years, we were in the Army together, and got deployed together so we know each other, but I got married to someone else then divorced, but Edward was always just a phone call away, we havn’t seen each other in the 7 years, but we were planning on me flying out to see him, in May, we live 1800 miles apart, right now, things were going good for the past couple of months, then he wouldn’t answer the phone, text me back or email me back, finally I texted him if he was seeing […]

Why is life so damn redundant? So repetative? Stuck with endless dailey routines and crazy schedules that were forced upon us at birth. I’m a 20 year old Female soldier, married, and  in the U.S Army, I work as an 31B which is an MP. I’ve seen shit most haven’t before I joined working for the Volunteer Fire Department in my hometown.  I’m just sick and tired of being sick and tired. I can’t wake up in the morning for myself anymore, I now wake up for other people becuase it’s too damn depressing to do shit for myself anymore. I’m sorry for who I […]

Any new thoughts on what might happen after death? I’m just curious on what you think after reading other’s views on it.

But this ones more personal.

I feel sane inside, but I’m guessing I’ll look insane from the outside. I see things more…deep. Different.

I stood in my room, spinning with my arms stretched out, watching the LED lights on my ceiling fly in circles, feeling the air run through my fingers. it was nice.

I feel so different now, sane, like I put it. I feel rejuvenated.

today i was at the edge. everything within my reach but instead i went for a walk with a friend. i vented we sat at a park swing for about 2 hours and he just let me talk. and ive realized that even when people treat me like im worthless hes there and wont judge me for my actions. it was a windy day and he just let me talk and for a fleeting moment i was content with my life. of course reality has set in now and the boy who treated me wrong has entered my thoughts but i keep thinking that within […]

A poem I wrote about the night I shot myself. My suicide attempt and recovery

I’m wondering if you went through with it. If u did, I hope you found your peace. If you didnt, let me know your alright.

That’s all I want to know.

why DOES this place always have to be depressing? why is it always ‘I want to die, I wish I was dead’? can’t we also put in some happy things, make some friends through our humor, not just our depression. admit it, helping each other isn’t enough, it doesn’t quite do it. I know I’d rather have an hour long conversation about random crap than an hour long depressing conversation anyday :3 so here’s my first ‘randomcrap’ blog.

my cat’s stareing at me. I think he’s trying to use the force to get my pasta to fly into his mouth. xD

That’s what I need. I’ve tried to be positive openly so many times only to find that anyone i open myself up to will take advantage and abuse my goodness, well ok that’s the nature of the biological mind – predatory. I don’t blaim anyone.

The problem was that I resolved to hating them all as a way of defense and to escape their lures but it doesn’t really work well and is more like a boomerang really. Hate returns in the form of dread, it seems. Even though it doesn’t affect the anxiety, depression and emptiness attacks, i atleast don’t have to deal with this […]