General

Why not try stronger drugs? I can get them if i want. Why not sell them? A few bucks would be nice. Why not sleep with a bunch of people? It could be fun. Why not…? We’re all gonna die anyway. Every single human. Either by our own hand, naturally, an accident or by another human (i put animal under naturally becuase its a hunger thing where human is because they hate you or an accident). Why not? Why does it all matter? Who cares what others think? On day we’re all going to be gone. And no ones going to care.

(I know i typically […]

I wanted to be happy, so I wasted money…. The thing was lost before I could even enjoy the thing…. It was a consumable thing, but it fell and that’s $10 gone, with no value to be gained…. I now feel worse than I was feeling earlier today, which wouldn’t even let me sleep, this could have helped instead it hurt. I cut again because of it, I can’t have sharp things, but I need these hobby knives because they are another thing that I’ve tried to help me feel better…. and I guess they did help me just not in the intended way. It’s […]

If people got along there would be heaven on earth

I feel like every day is the same. Every task feels the same. Whether it’s work or friends or gaming it all feels… well, the same. Except the self destructive things. Because wallowing in my despair is better than what I normally feel (I don’t even know how that is possible), and over eating distracts me from the sameness. I haven’t self harmed in years but it’s been on my mind a lot recently, and I feel like I might break that promise to myself again. I just want the sameness to end, the emptyness to end. The pain to end. I don’t […]

I always take walks at like 12 at night because I’m just sorta, looking for my death. I’m too much of a ***** to kill myself so I want someone else to do it for me. I don’t care what happens to me anymore. I just want to not exist anymore. Hey, at least I’m working out most nights. Oh and by the way, if you like funny things (who doesn’t?) you should totally watch Elvis’ the Alien’s commentary on the movie “Swamp Ape”: It’s the funniest shit ever.

Why cling to this grim slimy reality? Ha! Why force the prison on up out of bed and to some series of unremarkable, unrewarding tasks just in order to afford something moderately less bleak than homelessness? I don’t know. I know the answer is supposed to be in the connections with others. It’s so bleary though, at times. Keep going, I guess. But my god..Sobering up, is just, awful.

why do I always get fucking moodswings

whatever, I’m just here to complain like always. I felt great like two hours ago but now I just feel melancholy. I don’t feel happy, even if there’s something I like, I don’t feel sad, I don’t feel mad, I just feel distant; I feel like I’m on autopilot, watching my body move around and do things while I just feel like a shell.

There is a war between my mind and my body

As I’ve gotten older, I’ve started to see this side of my dad that I fucking hate. He goes on these political rants when he sees something that pisses him off and just spews off at the mouth about how marriage is meant for a man and a woman. But he makes homophobic comments and I’m a lesbian (he doesn’t know, for obvious reasons). Whenever I see him or I’m around him, I just get sick. He comments on the way I dress (men’s clothes, joggers, t-shirts, sneakers), he comments on me having short hair (it’s down to my shoulders for Christ’s sake). My mom […]

i just wish i could fucking comprehend at least a LITTLE how there are people out there who don’t think about ending their lives

the way will show the wrongs.

I made a post here some weeks ago, and I remember that there was someone who has commented something, but I did not reply. It may be late to say that, but I wouldn’t like to say thanks for that comment, it did help me. So thanks.

I also remember that even earlier I had made a post here about many issues that I was dealing with, and these issues hadnt disappear, some of then even got worser. I remember I even received some advice, and I didnt followed the advice, because I am stubborn, and today I think I should have paid more attention to […]

I’m sick of the people around me, family, neighbours. My body wants to keep living but my spirit is sick of everything.

I’m going to make a mural in my room and I’m lacking ideas; anyone have ideas?

My dad, as I’ve always mentioned, was a good father but the worst husband.  I literally mean those adjectives in their respectively word forms – “Good” and “Worse”! He had created raucous in the house; I have terrible memories of him cursing, abusing mom and even getting physically violent on her. I remember every detail of those incidents right from my childhood. It angers me – literally boils my blood like right now and I can’t even imagine how mom has tolerated his torture all these years until his death and post that, she’s so heartbroken and mourns for him every day – even after […]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ogsp38nXvqk
The words some girls need to hear from their dads, but like me, the words were never voiced. I never got to hear the words “I’m proud of you” and he wasn’t there for me. He put me in a bubble. And so did she. Although I do mean it figuratively I also mean literally.
We were playing new super mario bros on the wii and i kept dying. He told me to stay in the bubble because i would just die again. So i put the remote down and just watched. Whenever we watched tv he would only pause it for himself.
He […]

We updated a plugin and it did not go well with the site. Sorry it took us a day to get things back online.