General

is there any person in this blog spot who is anorexic. I need some insights and companions. thank u?

i am trying to kill myself every month

we are always thinking about how awful it is but never take a second to see the good. so im going to take a minute and do just that.
thank you depression, because of you i know what it’s like to struggle and therefore i feel compassion for others.
thank you for not putting me in a rich family, for that i feel humble for what i do have.
we see the bad, day in and day out, but we forget that with evil there is good. we forget to look at the lessons the situations we are put into have taught us, therefore not […]

I seriously don’t know how anyone lives.
I have dreams, I have hope, I have friends, but still sometimes, there is that emptiness deep inside me. No. It’s always there, but sometimes I feel it more. Now is one of that times. It’s not that I am not grateful for what I have, but I just can’t stand myself. I can’t stand living my life as myself and I try to change, but it’s so hard.
I failed all my hospital therapies and now i want to ditch therapy to become an actress and I am like actually proper good. But I can’t get to […]

What the hell is wrong with me? I was so depressed yesterday night and now I feel like I’m on top of the world, or at least I feel good. I was ready to kill myself and now I’m like “oh, no thanks,” to that idea. That just shows you how easily your mind can change and how I shouldn’t act on impulse.

No suicide for the time being, so gotta focus on making things less painful. Except the pain is leaking out of me, consuming me. I did this to myself. I chose this. I didn’t think it would be like this, but no one ever does. I desperately want to make it stop, but I don’t know how.

Got to focus on making things better. Even though I feel dead inside. Got to figure out a way to stop torturing myself like this. I’m utterly alone, and always will be. No one could ever accept me as I really am. I made myself into this. No way […]

I relapsed and have pushed my best friend further away from me. She would be better off without me in her life. I have no place here.

People die. It happens.

I almost got fired for a very stupid reason, but managed to dodge it somehow and am now hinging my hopes on getting a car that’s not mine fixed by Monday, so I can drive to work in a car that’s not leaking oil like an incontinent bladder.  Because I could get fired for that, apparently.

And in securing that vehicle, I learned my sister was in the hospital for a septic infection, and they’re moving her to a hospice. She’s got no insurance, and I think the big cahones at the place don’t want no freeloaders taking up valuable beds that rich […]

I usually have something going on that makes me not want to die. Well, I want to die every night but I have something stopping me. Not now. Nobody’s home, I went to sleep at seven in the morning and woke up at 8 at night. I feel pathetic. My brothers are asleep. My mom isn’t home and she’s probably going to drunk when she gets home. There’s nobody stopping me, my mom would come home to my dead corpse. I find myself fantasizing every night about all the ways I could kill myself. See you tomorrow.

i just cant do it. i lost my life before it even started. i refuse to have a child even though i want one. i cant have my dream. i dont work well with people. friends. relationships. forget it. i have no reason to be here. this world is better off with one less me.

Does anyone have an account for that? I’m searching for 2 missing SP members and I can’t spend 100 dollars just to look up information that may not exist.. email me if you do please? devinbelver@yahoo

Started cutting again I don’t care I’m tired I’m tired I’m tired

The one person I thought I could trust the most hurt me yesterday I don’t know what to do anymore fuck this

There is something that i need but im afraid that i wont be able to if they know. If someone can help just leave your email because i know no one can talk avout it in here thanks

I’m so weak. But I don’t care. I don’t care about anything anymore because I want to die again. I thought I was getting better, but guess who slapped me in the face? Reality.

I’m so scared too. I’ve never had a “person”, or been anyone’s “person”. But I want to. I really want to. I want someone to love me, I want someone to put me first, I want someone to think about me all the time, I want someone to care. I want someone to be honest. That is what I want most. I didn’t sleep at all last night… All I do is […]

I received more responses than I expected but either from atheists or ex-christians. Though I wasn’t looking for debates just a word of encouragement. I appreciate all of you sharing your stories with me, especially the encouragements from my brothers/sisters in Christ. What I’m looking for is somewhere to find hope or someone who’s going through what I mentioned to help me understand how they are still striving in faith. I’m not readily able to debate with anyone on whether God is real, because I believe He is and my opinion will never change. Thank  you again.

If anything I’ll just start posting verses here to […]

I diagnosed myself with borderline personality disorder
I’ve never sought treatment nor do I intend to
I enjoy harming myself and fucking with people’s emotions
I accepted the fact that I will never be happy
No matter how good life gets, I will always make it bad
I realized that I will always rather be dead
I’m disgusted with who I am and I cannot stand the sight of my own face
I don’t know why I was born like this
And now I’m stuck being a case manager for the mentally ill
I’m pretty fucked up, wouldn’t you agree?

I really do wonder every single day why my life is so pointless compared to the lives of others around me.  They have a purpose and see a future.  I have no purpose and I just live in the moment to just get to the next moment because the future is simply nonexistent for me.

It is so damned depressing to be working at my age and realize that I will never have enough money to stop working.  Every time I make a bit extra, an expense happens (hot water heater, for example), and it is gone.  I used to have a bit of money saved […]

It’s so absurd, the position I’ve got myself to. To despise myself so much, to feel so utterly worthless, yet still be so attached to being. To the memory of who I used to think I was, before I learned better. To the fantasy of who I could’ve been.

I have no idea how to reconcile those conflicting emotions. I should be dead. I shouldn’t exist. I’m a stain on this earth. But I don’t think I can wipe myself away. I’m still so attached to this world. Or to an idea of it. To being. To thinking. To conceptualising. Addicted to the contents of my […]

Well, I watched Cannibal Holocaust and I feel like shit. I mean, I expected this. I read reviews, watched videos about it, and I’m not sensitive to graphic content. But, this was so… gross. I’ve seen Saw and that movie didn’t come close to how immoral I felt. It wasn’t the gore, it was all the rape and just, sexual torture. It was horrible. Don’t fucking watch Cannibal Holocaust.

I don’t know why the title, but it isn’t what it’s not. Heh. I may be a little loopy.

Everything is exhausting.  I think I might be autistic. Or rather, further along the spectrum than just ADHD. I can’t people. People make distracting mouth-sounds. I can cat. Cats make soothing purr sounds. Everything is too complicated, and there’s too much of it. I’m an irritable mess and it only gets worse as the days drag on.