General

For general topics related to the site.

22

Living Alone

  February 28th, 2019 by thehusk

Day after day, I return to the recognition that I don’t know how to live with myself. With my reality. With the awareness of what I’ve done, and what I am. There is no honorable life for me. The closest I could get seems unbearable, and I lack the conviction for it (I cannot explain). I think I would rather die than follow that intolerable path – it seems easier.

There would be little honor in my death either. But it’s still probably what I should do. And yet I don’t. I ask myself why, and what comes back is fear. Why fear? Because I lack …

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0

edge of thee ocean

  February 28th, 2019 by Gary

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2

Cut & Stab

  February 28th, 2019 by Itscolourlife

When I hold cutter / knife in my sleep
Or at least put it near me
I feel more relax
It helps me a lot to sleep

I really want to cut myself
I really want to stab myself
To the death

I still cant find my reason to live
They said
When you try not doing something you want
You will expect / do something bigger than that

I really want to end my world
I dont care about anyone anything
Nothing is precious
Nothing to keep
Nothing to love
Nothing to do

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1

Wasted

  February 28th, 2019 by PatheticMale

Im fked up. I got super wasted. Was doing Alcohol nicotine caffein and weed in excesive ammounts all night and day. Im on this trip with my friends from my class and for some reason I just need to get fked up.

I hate group settings. Like everyone is so nice to you when talking one on one but then in front of other people they happily riddicule you to boost their own social status. And then my social anxiety just kicks in. Even tho I know its basic human behavior drived by evolution it just makes me so sad.

I have set up a date not …

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1

I hate myself

  February 28th, 2019 by Hoody

A woman sitting across me in the library just gave a very nasty look, because she was taking a nap and i made a sound to disturb her. The mance behind that look won’t leave me alone, i was not a human being to her at that moment, i was something much inferior and she wouldn’t hesitate to despise me.

I think one of the reason i hate being in the crowds is that on the one hand i unconsciously want to please everyone, on the other hand i know that is not possible and hate myself and everyone else for that.

I hate myself so much. …

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1

  February 27th, 2019 by Stable as Uranium

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2

When will all my efforts be rewarded?

  February 27th, 2019 by T3R3Z1

Why do I need to fucking work so much and get nothing back? People around me do absolutely nothing and they are fucking congratulated for what they did. Why am I not? Simply because I FAIL! Doesn’t work lead to success? Every, EVERYTIME I work for something (exams and such) I fail. “Yes, you work a lot” people say. But I DONT FUCKING CARE! I want to have good grades in high school. I want to not fail. I tr y as much as I can but I fail. It’s annoying. Am I just dumb or something? I tried all the stupid advice evry fucking …

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9

No. I’m not playing. Nooo.

  February 27th, 2019 by Once

When “life” is clearly on display, why do we (I) fight so hard to see around it, through it, to what I want it to be, as opposed to clearly seeing it for what it is?

Here it is. It’s the gray sky and freezing air of today’s snowfall. It’s the pain in my lower back. It’s the sadnesses of years, the happiness of decades. It’s the hope for tomorrow. It’s the reality of death, the certainty of now, the doubt of a tomorrow, the loss of then. It’s ladybugs humping on a leaf.

It just is. This is it. …

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3

i’m back (and no one cares)

  February 27th, 2019 by keepdreamingforsoonyoullawake

i only ever use this site when i’m on the verge of a breakdown (or the day after I have one). I guess it’s a coping mechanism.

today, i skipped school because my best friend decided she’d cut again yesterday and i couldn’t take it. i don’t know why i’m just sitting here and typing. no one even really cares anyway.

i’m sorry i failed you, dad.

he threatened to leave all of us today if i didn’t get my shit together.

i can’t do this anymore.

i’m breaking my family.

i’m the sole reason everything is going to shit.

please, someone help me stop it.

i don’t want to lose the only …

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1

Suicidal selfishness

  February 26th, 2019 by Rainwatch

Suicidal thoughts have turned me into the most selfish guy on the planet. My brother’s wife just had a baby and I keep broaching the topic of suicide. I’m going round to see him tonight with the express intention of asking for permission to end my life. That’s how deranged I’ve become. I don’t want my suicide to come as a bolt out of the blue so I want to prepare my family for it. How fucking low is that. Myself and rational thought have become strangers. I just can’t control suicidal ideation. It’s too strong.

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1

hurtin myself again

  February 26th, 2019 by heartlessviking

not like it matters…. really. does anything?!

Pain is real, much more real than this whole stupid thing. I’m so sick of it, of what I do. Living in my head….. I just want to feel something other than this crushing reality, makes it hard to breath, hard to hold back the depression.

So I march myself forward, hurting and torturing myself, because sometimes pain is the only thing I can understand…..

Screw…. no one understands anything, that’s the only wonderful truth there is.

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I’m too ugly

  February 25th, 2019 by Eyedontmatter

I’ll never have a girlfriend, a wife or a family. There are no wives left. Even if there were I’m the ugliest man of all time. Quantifiably so. I can never be loved because of it I have to shoot myself so I don’t keep trying and perpetually break my own heart in permanent loneliness.

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4

  February 25th, 2019 by vaporwave_

I’m really upset right now and I haven’t felt like this in a long time. I thought I was getting better. I stopped making suicide jokes and I was starting to feel like I was worth more than nothing. I know I don’t have a very good reason to kill myself but I want to so I can shove it in my mom’s face. She always yells at me when I know I’m in the wrong and she says things like there must be something wrong with me and that I’m messed up in the head. And it hurts me. It hurts me a lot. …

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2

Im a horrible person

  February 25th, 2019 by Hope Dream Love

I want my friend to stay single. I feel i would lose him if he didnt and thats because i would. My heart would break and id just leave. He wouldnt need me anymore. Im a b**** he probably wouldnt even want me around. Id be nothing more then a nuseance. His new gf would probably hate my guts. And i wouldnt blame her. “Oh youre still talking to that lost cause” im sure she’ll say. I guess she wouldnt because i wouldnt be around at all. Hed message me saying he got a new girl id say im happy for you then probably never …

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4

Just when you thought….

  February 25th, 2019 by NekkidJoe

Driving home from my psych doc last Friday my car broke down on the interstate. It cost $300.00 to get it towed to my mechanic (my doc is a 2-hour drive). That same day I received a bill for $3,500 for my last stay in a psych unit. This morning I found out the engine is toast. I tried to buy another used car and guess what, I’m $300.00 short for a down payment. I don’t know how much more of this I can take…

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9

What was/is the most disappointing thing in (your) life for you?

  February 25th, 2019 by peach

For me was when I got the message that I didn’t get in the uni I wanted to…I don’t know why that, like its not a huge thing or anything, but it crashed me that i’m not good enough and never will be..so what is yours?

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8

This website gives me hope

  February 25th, 2019 by hope432

So, I have managed to improve my life a lot this last year.The last 3 years I have not been suicidal at all. When I joined in september 2015 I had lots of problems. I was in a very bad situation. I won’t describe here my problems right now but it’s enough to say they were worse than the problems of some people here.

I just want to say: Changing your life is possible. Hope exists.

But I don’t want to talk about me. I want to talk about you. As I read your posts, I just had a feeling of hope for many people and I …

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1

How we’re remembered

  February 25th, 2019 by MarinM

So my dad is dying. Fitting with his life, it is in a way that manages to inconvenience and grieve those around him, while wasting the most amount of money possible.

He was so terrible today to the nurse and me. To the nurse so clearly trying her best to help him. To me, the only one who is visiting him every day, who flew thousands of miles and spent so much money to visit a father who quite honestly was a very shitty parent.

I cried afterward, and wondered what exactly we (his family) are getting so worked up over. I mean, when he’s gone, what …

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2

Nothing

  February 25th, 2019 by TheRoadSoFar

It’s a small world indeed.
Nowhere to run.
No matter how hard you try, you can’t change. People don’t change. They just show their true colors.
No matter where you go, you can’t start from zero. Someone else will inevitably recognize you. This life is just an endless cycle. A social circle that keeps getting bigger, but seems to be closing in.
The older you get, the more people you know, the less friends you have. More expectations to be met, more people to disappoint. All the pressure in my chest, the buzzing sound in my head. Wanting to cry, yet nothing comes out.
Achieving nothing, while everyone else …

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6

Shotgun to head

  February 24th, 2019 by Cause of Death: Suicide

Anyone else? I’ve been trying to commit this way for 13 years…

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