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Summer is awesome, but I’m tired of doing the same thing everyday and doing the same thing every night to pass the time. I want to pass the time because I don’t want to sleep. I’ve played this game too much and I’m tired because I know next summer will be just as boring. But, I still complain during school. There’s no winning with me, I guess.
is there any person in this blog spot who is anorexic. I need some insights and companions. thank u?
I always find myself looking for something to fill up the silence I feel …
It’s complex … it’s a void, a feeling of loneliness that doesn’t fill up with people … but somehow its soothed by sound, not music … random conversations
i am trying to kill myself every month
we are always thinking about how awful it is but never take a second to see the good. so im going to take a minute and do just that.
thank you depression, because of you i know what it’s like to struggle and therefore i feel compassion for others.
thank you for not putting me in a rich family, for that i feel humble for what i do have.
we see the bad, day in and day out, but we forget that with evil there is good. we forget to look at the lessons the situations we are put into have taught us, therefore not learning from them and just repeating history. i hope with this post you can see that there is good in the bad and maybe the next time you are in a bad place you will take a second to look. ask yourself “why am i here” “is it something i did” “can i fix it” “stop it from happening again” even when you think there isnt a way, there always is. sure you might have to deal with anxiety to do it but in the long run you will feel so much better to have your life back in your own hands.
I seriously don’t know how anyone lives.
I have dreams, I have hope, I have friends, but still sometimes, there is that emptiness deep inside me. No. It’s always there, but sometimes I feel it more. Now is one of that times. It’s not that I am not grateful for what I have, but I just can’t stand myself. I can’t stand living my life as myself and I try to change, but it’s so hard.
I failed all my hospital therapies and now i want to ditch therapy to become an actress and I am like actually proper good. But I can’t get to the next level, if I am so depressed, if I am feeling so wrong and bad inside my body. I don’t know how to handle all those feelings kept inside. I don’t know how to handle my sadness. I tried to kill myself about 4 times, but it just wasn’t the right moment.
Maybe after my career failed.
Please let me die today. I dont want to do this anymore.
What the hell is wrong with me? I was so depressed yesterday night and now I feel like I’m on top of the world, or at least I feel good. I was ready to kill myself and now I’m like “oh, no thanks,” to that idea. That just shows you how easily your mind can change and how I shouldn’t act on impulse.
No suicide for the time being, so gotta focus on making things less painful. Except the pain is leaking out of me, consuming me. I did this to myself. I chose this. I didn’t think it would be like this, but no one ever does. I desperately want to make it stop, but I don’t know how.
Got to focus on making things better. Even though I feel dead inside. Got to figure out a way to stop torturing myself like this. I’m utterly alone, and always will be. No one could ever accept me as I really am. I made myself into this. No way back. Got to find a way to accept it. Take pleasure in the small things. Dismiss the longing deep inside.
Pull yourself out of your bed, with the energy you don’t have. Ignore the dead feeling, the numbing ache, the despair. Focus on making things marginally less bad.
I’d love to post this just so in a few years it will be hidden in a burrow of other posts where it will never be seen again.
I’d say that I am pretty mature. I’d also say there is nothing worth living for. I’ve never enjoyed my life and I’ve always only had myself. It seems to be getting a bit worse because I’ve been quite the victim of predator’s attacks which has made me fearful, but not only that it has made me wonder why I am even still alive and has made me doubt myself, therefore leading me towards hating myself.
I always don’t know why they chose me to attack or even know of me or pay attention to me, but no matter what I do, I am attacked in one way or another. I’ve had quite my share of bad experiences and the best experience I have had is to be alone. It seems every time I start to enjoy my alone-time, I find myself getting attacked again. I’ve planned to commit suicide since 2006 due to how empty my life has always been and how unhappy I am down to the basis of life and living in a pretty crappy circumstance.
I don’t see my desire to commit suicide ever changing. I have nothing to stop me because I have no friends and I care about no one in the world. My only problem is I cannot find the strength anymore (after all of these attacks) to go out and collect the tools that I would need to commit. So, I am left here, practically bed-ridden by a nasty violent rape who threatened murder as he was raping me, working just to pay the company of the one that raped me. They have taken 12,000$ from me since 2016.
I was a girl once. Now I would say I am just a victim. But, I’ve never desired marriage and God forbid I ever ever give birth. Frankly, I feel all I will ever experience are negative things and I feel like the only resulting thing from me to commit suicide is I would lose my predator(s) forever.. But that also means I would lose what I once loved before the predators started attacking me, my life and myself.
Talking about it will never change anything. I could talk about it forever. Oh, I’ve been raped 150 times in the last 3 years. Oh, I am a lesbian woman. Oh, I get followed whenever I go outside. I have to pay strangers ridiculous amounts of money for god knows what.
I was all set and ready to commit in 2012 when random folks stepped in solely to not let me. People I’d maybe spent ten minutes with in 2005. Do you think they have the right to stop someone from committing suicide when the committer has never cared about the party that is stopping them? And the party stopping the committer did it for religious believes that the committer does not share?
I live out of what is like the groundhogs day movie, I live the same day every single day and nothing is good about it. Mostly all I live on now are the memories of my 150 rapes that flash through my head all throughout the day while I struggle to reach for the knife to slit my throat while being followed by ugly sh*ts.
I relapsed and have pushed my best friend further away from me. She would be better off without me in her life. I have no place here.
People die. It happens.
I almost got fired for a very stupid reason, but managed to dodge it somehow and am now hinging my hopes on getting a car that’s not mine fixed by Monday, so I can drive to work in a car that’s not leaking oil like an incontinent bladder. Because I could get fired for that, apparently.
And in securing that vehicle, I learned my sister was in the hospital for a septic infection, and they’re moving her to a hospice. She’s got no insurance, and I think the big cahones at the place don’t want no freeloaders taking up valuable beds that rich hemorrhoidal asses could be laying on. I’m conflicted between apathy and seething rage. I’d like to scream obscenities in their faces, or watch some TV and drink a beer. I’m not sure which is in the lead at this point.
I’m too tired for this shit. Tired of this shit? Tired from this shit? Tired old shit. Can the world quit shitting on everything, please? And by the world, I mean people – can people quit shitting on everything, please? Quit all the damned elitist garbage and come down to our level? Sorry, my life’s not perfect. Sorry, other people are in the same cesspool as I am. Sorry, we don’t fit into your perfect little highly organized world. Golly, sorry, we don’t meet your expectations, can’t pay your bills, can’t make our circumstances magically different. Can these elitist pricks apologize to us for once? It wouldn’t change a damned thing, but at least it’d be on the right side of the equation.
I usually have something going on that makes me not want to die. Well, I want to die every night but I have something stopping me. Not now. Nobody’s home, I went to sleep at seven in the morning and woke up at 8 at night. I feel pathetic. My brothers are asleep. My mom isn’t home and she’s probably going to drunk when she gets home. There’s nobody stopping me, my mom would come home to my dead corpse. I find myself fantasizing every night about all the ways I could kill myself. See you tomorrow.
i just cant do it. i lost my life before it even started. i refuse to have a child even though i want one. i cant have my dream. i dont work well with people. friends. relationships. forget it. i have no reason to be here. this world is better off with one less me.
Does anyone have an account for that? I’m searching for 2 missing SP members and I can’t spend 100 dollars just to look up information that may not exist.. email me if you do please? devinbelver@yahoo
I had a private account because I’ve always cared too much about what people thought about me.
I thought it was a fantastic idea when I created it as I could share my true feelings to the people I called my friends; I wouldn’t have to put a brave front for them, I could vent without restraining myself. I felt safe, for once, from my parents abusive behavior.
I didn’t see it coming.
All of my fears, thoughts, struggles, complied in screenshots and scattered away in one of my “friends” account.
What hurt me the most wasn’t the harsh blow to my trust issues; it was the passive attitude of my “other friends”.
I am old enough to know that no one is going to solve my problems and rescue me from my suicide thoughts; but a text message would have been nice.
Something to let me know that they care, that I am not alone, that they wouldn’t do the same shit this “friend” did, that even if they can’t be always there for me, that they would try their best to make me feel better.
Isn’t that a normal reaction? Am I expecting too much white from this grey world?
Shit, they didn’t even bat an eyelash when I told them my sister was being admitted into the hospital and I wanted to reschedule our meeting as I wouldn’t be able to see them the rest of the summer.
I should have realized sooner that very few people in this world care, that the only person who is going to pick you up when you hit the asphalt face front is yourself, that people enjoy seeing you suffer, even your “own friends”.
I even believed them when they say they would miss me if I was gone.
I should try another shot at happiness, the one I’ve been looking for 20 years.
I should try to keep my alive, even if it feels scary knowing that I have no one to grab my arm when I cross the street.
I should try to forget it all, but can I?
Can I stop caring?
Why does it pain me so much? Why can’t I understand that I am unimportant and live for myself?
Was I looking for happiness where it wasn’t supposed to be?
Will I be able to get through all of my mental health problems all alone?
I don’t want to die, but I don’t want to live this way forever either.
Started cutting again I don’t care I’m tired I’m tired I’m tired
The one person I thought I could trust the most hurt me yesterday I don’t know what to do anymore fuck this
There is something that i need but im afraid that i wont be able to if they know. If someone can help just leave your email because i know no one can talk avout it in here thanks
I’m so weak. But I don’t care. I don’t care about anything anymore because I want to die again. I thought I was getting better, but guess who slapped me in the face? Reality.
I’m so scared too. I’ve never had a “person”, or been anyone’s “person”. But I want to. I really want to. I want someone to love me, I want someone to put me first, I want someone to think about me all the time, I want someone to care. I want someone to be honest. That is what I want most. I didn’t sleep at all last night… All I do is think about Her. But this isn’t about her. This is about me, and the fact I thought I was okay, but I am definitely not. I have to keep my feelings down to keep Her happy, but she’s the only one I want to talk to… and she used to feel the same way, but it just changed? How do you go from being in love with someone one day to completely losing feelings the next? It just doesn’t make sense to me.
I feel like I’m going crazy every time I think about it. I feel like I’m sinking.
It’s so dumb that most of these feelings were triggered by a girl, but they were. She’s also the reason I thought I was better in the first place. I have nowhere to run, I have no one anymore. So, I’ve turned to the internet.
I’m not okay anymore.