I did this, you can too.
What if Life has no meaning without being meaningless?
What if Life is the meaning?
What if we are meant to be alive?
It may sound obvious but are we really alive?
And if we are not, isn’t it time to become?
Category:
I Will Survive
Why am i so fucking weak!!! I swear i almost crued today bc my mom said something slightly mean. I just want to fucking end it. I rewatched the end of 13 reasons why so i could watch her kill herself. It seems so easy. I upset the onky person who seems to care about me the other day and i thought she hated me and im like 90% sure she actually does. I just want to die. I absolutely feel worthless to everyone. I keep razors in the back of my phone and I cut at school bc it makes me very slightly happier. […]
When death is so near, sometimes it walks on padded feet, strumming the ground like a guitarist, rhythmically – louder – softer, then with fingers on the wood, tap, tap… tap, tap. The sound is everywhere, no one can hear it but the poor fuck. It builds and then suddenly subsides, then as each pebble of doubt and every dark word is cast into the waters of his mind, the song builds again on each ripple. Inside his head each wave combines with the last, getting larger and larger. With the sound of the pebbles dropping into the water, cast by each tap, tap… tap, […]
When I’m happy, I often worry and get anxious that it wouldn’t last long.
Depriving myself of the pleasure of that moment. But I can’t seem to help it, past experience has always proved to me that my short moments of happiness swiftly follow with long painful experiences. It happens so often I have run out of fingers and toes to count.
Perhaps there are just people in the world whose jobs it is to absorb all the pain and suffering. Perhaps I am just one of those people who will never truly experience long periods of happiness.
Voice within my head : “Be positive, be optimistic. That’s […]
Last Friday I nearly killed myself. I have been spiralling worse and worse over the last couple of years. 2 years ago my best friend killed himself, and it has amplified and set my pre-existing depressive feelings out of control. I have been cracking down the last couple of weeks, drinking heavily and doing drugs. On Friday I got really drunk and split off from my friends. A few hours later, at around 3a.m I walked toward the local river. I stood on a the bridge over the slight drop into the water, just looking at first. It was very pretty. Then I started thinking […]
Reality is boring ! Real life is boring ! Real world is boring ! Humanity/Mankind must move beyond money & politics for real progress !
by niki
written by niki
Reality is boring, Humanity/Mankind must move beyond money & politics for real progress.
Although technology have been progressing rapidly nowadays, yet sadly in many aspects, Humanity/Mankind/Society still have slow progress; Everyday is still the same day & problems over and over again repeatedly.
I believe that in order to make a real progress for Humanity / Mankind, we must quickly focus & do the followings:
1) We must move beyond money & politics. It is outdated. A lot of problems in this world today basically stems from these two root causes (& also superstitions especially in religion, as well as in Ignorance & Stupidity due to failure in […]
My heart is on the floor around, and the sickness that has haunted me all my life, is taking a human form.
She [the sickness/disease ] is crawling to my knees to keep it’s weight on me, she doesn’t want me to move forward. At this time all I can make, is thoughts.
At times like these I like to gather my self into a greater form. I like to heal the wounds by giving them reasons and justifications – I’m walking alone, but I’m the one who is paving the path. Healing the woulds is something to be done with mind only.
But….
but the wounds keep coming […]
Last night was the most goddamn frightening experience I had ever lived through. I had an older man approach me at a gas station late at night near my friends house.
Before he approached me he was looking at me through my car front windshield which I thought was weird but I dismissed it because sometimes I’m guilty of doing that too on accident. At first I thought he was walking around to the other side of his car and at this time I was looking down at my phone trying to find my mothers contact to ask her a question. I glanced up for a […]
It’s been a while since I’ve last been on here. As a matter of fact, it has been a while since I’ve confronted myself about what is going on around me. For the most part, I blame it on school. I have loads of work to do and having to balance it while also dealing with my parent’s bullshit takes up all my time. I guess part of the reason I have not been putting anything on here is also because I fear someone finding out that this account belongs to me. Anyways, things have been all over the place. I have relapsed twice last […]
I was 14 when I transferred to a high school. My life took a 360 turn when I went there because it brought me a whole lot of pressure. A new kind of pressure. I was an honor student. I had friends. But inside the classroom was different. It was a competition–a heavy one.
When I was a kid, I was an overachiever. My parents always encouraged me to be one of the honors. But when I went to this particular high school, everything seemed different. The learning environment of our school is unhealthy. It was too difficult for me. My parents have big expectations and […]
Do you ever have a really intense thought that u desperately want to let out, but the one person you trust the most is the person that the thought will personally effect, so you have no choice but to hold it in and let it eat away your mentality until you’re stuck sitting there at ridiculously late hours wondering the point of anything? I’m so exhausted of living a lie that I’m forced to live instead of letting out the truth. I want so much from life but who am I kidding? I’m never going have anything, I’m never going to amount to […]
The world is silent; my heavy breathing is the only noise in the world… it feels weird. Almost like death is watching me, or like there’s something awful going on. Although there’s literally no noise, and no person in sight… I feel really alone and endangered. Maybe I’m just uneased, maybe I’m psycho, or maybe I’m lonely. I feel like god has abandoned us, because miracles and humanity no longer exist. All that’s left is pain, death, shattered attempts at love and the dried soil beneath our feet to remind us of the past we’ve lived; the history we’ve created. Whats happened to the […]
I feel like every inhale I take is just steady preparation for the depression and anxiety and psychosis that’s coming when its time to exhale. I feel like every inhale I take is the last, like it’s the final breath before someone breaks in and kills me, before the whole world collapses around me and everything fades to black, and I become paralysed with numbness, slowly loosing sanity as I fall into deep delusion that everyone’s coming for me. I try to handle it, or hide from it if I’m being perfectly honest, but what happens when I stop hiding? When I finally […]
It’s about to happen. I can feel it within me. The next phase is about to commence. I feel a great ache for growth. All the things i couldn’t do. All the things i didn’t do right in the past put me into a paralysis as soon as high school ended. And for 3 years time has just kinda went on its own. I feel like I’ve watched myself go through these past years in 3rd person view….almost as if i was in auto-pilot. Emptiness from realizing that things could have been better had i just not been so depressed. If i could have just […]
Its weird to say I’m 24 and a virgin have not had a actually serious boyfriend and only got 2 kisses in my life. maybe because I have falling in love with people who never loved me. or maybe it when I started to feel I liked girls or maybe when I realize that I was never happen in my life why I don’t know I ask that myself and a thousand times to God but mmm well as a said before sometimes you don’t get all the answer you live until you die and ask GOD why
This is my first time writing here and also writing about this so openly. I don’t know where do I start, but I do know when will all of this ends, very soon actually. I’m on the edge now which isn’t so very surprising considering there are about millions who are like me too, some, worse than me. It saddens me that I’m just one of those millions who suffer like this, that I’m only a part of some statistics scientists conduct every year. That I’ll never be someone, I’ll just be a part of something bigger. And soon, no one will remember that I […]
I am here. Simply as it is that. For few months, I was thinking that nothing is truly last. I lost someone, a good friend who I care and love very much. The last person, I would expect to lose. It takes me a while for me to recover from that loss. I didn’t want to believe it is my loss. Now I accept it happens to me and it does not matter if I deserve it or not. I simply lost someone and it affects my life in good and bad ways. I still have hard time to look at something I love such […]
I haven’t posted in a while but… things are getting better less crying, less sadness. I hung out with my friends which made me feel like I’m worth something, needed, wanted, which makes me feel actually no a worthless piece of shit. But I know something always makes go downhill, I hope it doesn’t go wrong this time.
I want it to shut up I want it to leave my head I want it to let me be happy i want it to go away but it fucking won’t
it wont leave me alone
i just want to spend one entire day without hearing it
i want to happpy
I can’t take this anymore I need to be free from it but I don’t know how to get away from it if it’s in my head
The only way to make it stop before it starts up again is if I’m asleep but I can’t sleep my life away not anymore