Category:

I Will Survive

I did this, you can too.

Afterlife

by SamLight 6/21/2021

written by SamLight

What happens after we die ? I wonder. Am I gonna find myself in a beautiful village with habitants full of love attention who would care for me when I’m sick, be happy for me when I succeed, accompany me in the worst times. We would laugh together about silly jokes, eat every meal together, play outside and take care of Farm animals. The view from our house would be breathtaking and everyone would get along. But most importantly, I would have forgotten everything,, every little bit of abuse, self hatred and abomination from this current life. I really hope this heaven awaits me for […]

6/21/2021 2 comments

I’m glad I didn’t

by Grimhild 6/19/2021

written by Grimhild

I’ve been more suicidal than I have in a long time. It’s how I found this website. Earlier, I got close, but I saw my rock collection out of the corner of my eye. I hadn’t looked at it in a long time, and I don’t know what compelled me, but I distracted myself by picking up my rock collection, telling myself things I already knew about some of the rocks. Which ones were sea rocks, which ones probably came from a river, etc.

Somehow this distraction led to me absentmindedly cleaning (a tiny bit of) my huge depression mess, and I found some tiny things. […]

6/19/2021 2 comments

Back In 2013

by madetofade2 6/11/2021

written by madetofade2

I used to come to this site a lot as a 13 year old. My username was MadeToFade.
Im Jamie. I’ll be 24 in late July of 2021. Before suicideproject was a .org, I came to type out my feelings. I expressed my frustrations and sadness, but I also conversated with a male 22 years older than myself on that website, underneath the old username Ive given above.
Due to observation by members of the site, it was pointed out that “Nolen” was in fact an adult, and “MadeToFade” was in fact a minor.
I am thankful that someone noticed and felt alarmed enough to […]

6/11/2021 3 comments

Each and Every Passing Day: A Deeper Look at Life

by SadG 5/30/2021

written by SadG

Each and every passing day I get closer and closer to being able to fully commit to killing myself and throughout my life its caused me to take a deeper look at life including my own as a whole.

Life is rife with issues and has begun to feel like its not even worth living for, even with all that I have in this life. Family, friends, acquaintances, and activities are the only things that really keep me in this life living through it all. But even now I find myself giving into these horrid thoughts, even with the kind of blessings I have had. I […]

5/30/2021 5 comments

hello everyone.

by whydidifail 5/24/2021

written by whydidifail

So i just found this website today. I think its message is kind of… amazing. It’s sad to see all those people around here, struggling so hard just to stay alive, but… I believe in everyone.

You made it here.

You are able to keep going.

I’m here to share my story. Actually, I’m pretty good for now. Really. It’s just that I’ve been through some stuff happening in my mind and well, I don’t know when I will get worse again. That’s what always happened since a few years. It got worse, then better for a few days, maybe weeks or months, and then things get bad […]

5/24/2021 4 comments

I feel like I’m gonna die soon

by SamLight 5/15/2021

written by SamLight

I don’t know how to fully explain this feeling.I’m certain that I’m going to die soon. Actually I’ve been taking antidepressants on and off (SSRI) and I would take 5 mg for days then switch to ten, then not take it for some days really depending on my moods. Honestly, I got very paranoid I felt like taking them would change me completely and make me an idiot for the rest of my life. I also had some very troubling thoughts about burning myself it was almost as if I was obsessing over the idea of doing it . I wanted to burn myself to […]

5/15/2021 3 comments

Die or disappear?

by cris99 5/15/2021

written by cris99

I dont know how I feel, it´s not that I want to die I just want to disppear without hurting anyone. The thing is, you can just get help, but i feel that I don´t have any reason to be sad and I dont want to talk to a psycologist when some people have real problems, my life is good so why do I feel this way. I just can´t take it anymore, I want to leave this world and my mind, i want to finally relax.

5/15/2021 2 comments

by BlackRoze 5/14/2021

written by BlackRoze

I just registered here because I read that this place is sort of “mystical” and I guess a part of me is trying to cling on to any hope that keeps me from wanting to actually act on my suicidal thoughts.

Then I realized that suicide isn’t “mystical” and the people who are/were suicidal know that isn’t the best word to describe it. Suicide isn’t beautiful or interesting; its destructive /repulsive and deserves no respect whatsoever. Feeling like ending your life isn’t poetic .

I don’t know why I actually signed up here; I don’t know if it’ll help, but I do know that I need saving […]

5/14/2021 2 comments

Someone help me please

by SamLight 4/29/2021

written by SamLight

I’ve fought so hard for this. My whole life, I’ve never been able to feel positive emotions . I can remember some memories from when I truly felt joy, when I used to hang out with some friends but nothing more than that. I’ve spent hours days trying to dig up some happy memories but nothing. I’m nothing more than an abused child, nothing more than my past. I wanna be able to feel something, anything. All I can think about nonstop is how to hurt myself. I’ve thought about burning myself to death, cutting a finger, breaking a leg. Some very violent ideas are […]

4/29/2021 6 comments

Almost one month now.

by LeaveMeAlone. 4/22/2021

written by LeaveMeAlone.

This Sunday, it will be one whole month since the day that I thought would be my last. I got prescribed a drug by my therapist this Monday. Olanzapine, I’m supposed to take it every night. It feels weird. I thought that taking medicine would make me feel even worse but now I don’t really care, I just swallow the pill.

If anything, I miss having a normal life. I miss being able to call someone and have fun whenever I wanted to. I miss studying. I miss having something to do, and people to care about. I know my limits, though… I won’t try to […]

4/22/2021 1 comment

How are you doing

by SamLight 4/21/2021

written by SamLight

Hey my friends ! I really wanna know how everybody’s doing. What’s something that made you laugh this past week? Did you run into an old acquaintance? How is life right now ?

4/21/2021 2 comments

My dad

by SamLight 4/20/2021

written by SamLight

I think i might suffer from ptsd And my relationship with my father is pretty bad. We’ve never been really close especially after some events that happened in my childhood. Long story short, verbal and physical abuse. He even used to beat my cat. At best, he would totally ignore my existence, greeting everyone on the table except me, at worst call me a dog in front of guests, whispering that i was digusting. I was pretty badly beaten by my sibling n he n my mum would make me apologize everytime that happened. It was pretty rough man. Sometimes i wonder how i made […]

4/20/2021 2 comments

Antidepressants

by SamLight 4/13/2021

written by SamLight

I’m really losing my mind and i don’t know what to do. i just can’t get used to this feeling, the sadness, the hopelessness. I feel nothing. The only two emotions that exist in my mind are anger and sadness. I don’t wanna die but Im extremely tired. My psychiatrist prescribed antidepressants , but i don’t know i’ve read so many bad things abt them. I’m afraid that they would change me or make me « dumber ». If someone has already tried em, please help me out.

4/13/2021 18 comments

What is real and what is not.

by LeaveMeAlone. 4/6/2021

written by LeaveMeAlone.

The onky thing I have that confirms that I’m still alive is physical pain. Honestly… didn’t I already die? Why can I still move

Everyone just laughs at me. Any attempt I make at anything is just laughable. Why should I even try? I’m tired of trying. I’ll never be enough. Not for me. Not for anyone else.

My mother tells me I need to help her out more. I can’t even get out of bed and she expects me to take out the trash and walk the dog. I think my mother hates me. I think everyone hates me. The only person that I’ve ever met […]

4/6/2021 1 comment

Actual State – and Development

by Yikrens 4/3/2021

written by Yikrens

It had been a Time since I wrote here. The Last Year been really challenging, I had the need in Emergency Ketamine due Suicidality, Sucidal Thoughts.

I got it not quite Legal and I am over it.

I recover from an Viral Infection, from an Encelopathy, from an Psychosis as an Post-Amnestic Syndrom, Polytoxicomania. Not quite little.

But, I am still not feeling like having any Integrity. And I can not make up my Mind. I have no clue where this is going to Lead, but I convinced myself to go a bit astray this Year and rechoice the next Year about Legal Dying Assistance as Legislation must […]

4/3/2021 0 comment

The Mystery Behind the Culprit

by Mauve 3/27/2021

written by Mauve

To The Person That I Mirrored Myself
Despite the fact that I am fully aware of what is going on in your life, your inspirational and motivational messages captivated me. I admire your ways of dealing with life because I don’t. Four years ago, I was in your shoes. I am a goal-oriented person who is concerned with the future and success. I was a “church girl” who read scriptures always and prayed three times a day, […]

3/27/2021 5 comments

poem – “Birthdays”

by Charlotte Westbrook 3/23/2021

written by Charlotte Westbrook

3/23/2021 4 comments

the anger that i didn’t know was there

by system 2/11/2021

written by system

i spoke to my therapist today. i read to her my recent journals to help me evoke emotions so i could actually talk about something. i spoke about how bad the nightmares have been getting, how the paranoia is affecting me, et cetera… and i don’t quite remember how, but we ended up on the topic of the recent violently abusive situation i was in (in august). there was something there that i hadn’t unearthed before? the anger towards my parents. allow me to provide some context: in the situation i was in, i was being blackmailed. my abuser was forcing me to do horrible […]

2/11/2021 4 comments

Pain Exceeding One’s Ability to Cope, aka my daily life

by ca-rifka 2/8/2021

written by ca-rifka

The definition of overwhelming pain is when pain exceeds one’s ability to cope, aka my daily life.

I’m talking just the physical pain, too…there is almost always an accompanying existential crises about self-worth and chronic illness.

As someone living with multiple chronic illnesses, including endometriosis and chronic nerve entrapment, the story of my daily life resembles both that of a heroine in a gothic horror novel and that of a golem girl made of glass. And to me this makes sense, the mood of my body oscillating regularly between two worlds – stuck in the middle just like everything else in my life.

And so goes the story […]

2/8/2021 0 comment

intrusive thoughts [among other things]

by system 2/7/2021

written by system

last night I had another nightmare. i don’t know why I say this as if I don’t have them every single night. when i wake up, i have to spend a while laying awake in bed, trying to process what i had experienced during my rest. it’s horrifying. these people that i try to push from my mind reappear as if my dream is their real estate. i’ve tried medication, meditation to induce lucid dreams, i’ve done everything within my power. it’s like some twisted possession, my thoughts are no longer in my control and the images of disturbing, horrifying things sit in front of […]

2/7/2021 0 comment

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